Your Spouse Wants Out. Now What?
Digest
This episode of the Focus on the Family Marriage Podcast explores the challenges and triumphs of couples facing marital difficulties. Greg Smalley shares his personal experience of a difficult season in his marriage and how a couple's unwavering support helped them through. Carrie Newhoff, a pastor's wife, recounts her shock when her husband Tony expressed his desire to end their marriage. She emphasizes the importance of seeking counseling and recognizing personal flaws. Tony, in a previous episode, revealed his frustration and the act of throwing his wedding ring down as a cry for help. Both Tony and Carrie highlight the significance of individual and couples counseling, as well as the transformative power of humility and prayer. The episode concludes with Aaron Smalley emphasizing the importance of perseverance in marriage, drawing on the scripture Romans 5:3-5, and highlighting the benefits of developing grit, patience, forgiveness, and resilience. The podcast also promotes Focus on the Family's resources, including the Hope Restored marriage intensive program and Tony Newhoff's book "Before You Split."
Outlines
The Shocking Truth
This Chapter begins with John Fuller introducing the topic of marital difficulties, specifically the shock of hearing a spouse say "I want out of this marriage." He emphasizes Focus on the Family's commitment to helping couples navigate such challenges. Greg Smalley shares his personal experience of a difficult season in his marriage, where he wasn't sure if his wife Aaron wanted to stay married. He describes the confusion and hurt they felt, and how they were struggling in silence.
A Cry for Help
This Chapter focuses on the story of Carrie and Tony Newhoff, a couple who faced a marital crisis. Carrie recounts her shock when Tony, in a moment of frustration, threw his wedding ring down and said, "I don't want this anymore." She describes her initial reaction and how she sought counseling, despite initially believing she was fine. She shares her experience of a counseling session where she initially focused on Tony's shortcomings, but was challenged to examine her own issues. This marked the beginning of a 20-year journey of self-discovery and growth.
Keywords
Focus on the Family
Focus on the Family is a Christian non-profit organization founded in 1977 by Dr. James Dobson. It is dedicated to strengthening families through various programs, resources, and media. The organization provides counseling, educational materials, and advocacy on issues related to marriage, parenting, and family life. It is known for its radio broadcasts, television programs, and online resources.
Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling is a form of therapy that helps couples address relationship issues and improve communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy. It involves working with a trained therapist to identify patterns, develop coping mechanisms, and build a stronger foundation for the relationship.
Humility
Humility is a virtue characterized by a modest or low view of oneself. It involves recognizing one's limitations, acknowledging the contributions of others, and being open to learning and growth. Humility is often associated with self-awareness, empathy, and a willingness to serve others.
Perseverance
Perseverance is the quality of continuing in a course of action despite difficulties or setbacks. It involves determination, resilience, and a belief in the value of the goal. Perseverance is essential for achieving success in any endeavor, especially in the face of challenges and obstacles.
Hope Restored
Hope Restored is a marriage intensive program offered by Focus on the Family. It provides couples with a comprehensive approach to strengthening their relationship through counseling, workshops, and support groups. The program aims to help couples identify and address issues, improve communication, and rebuild trust and intimacy.
Tony Newhoff
Tony Newhoff is a Christian author and speaker who has written extensively on marriage and family issues. He is known for his book "Before You Split," which offers practical advice and insights for couples facing challenges in their relationship. Tony and his wife Carrie have shared their personal story of overcoming marital difficulties, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and working through issues together.
Carrie Newhoff
Carrie Newhoff is a Christian author and speaker who has worked alongside her husband Tony in ministry and family counseling. She is known for her insights on marriage, communication, and the importance of seeking help when facing relationship challenges. Carrie and Tony have shared their personal story of overcoming marital difficulties, emphasizing the importance of seeking help and working through issues together.
Romans 5:3-5
Romans 5:3-5 is a passage in the New Testament that speaks to the transformative power of suffering. It states, "Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." This passage encourages Christians to find hope and strength in the midst of trials, knowing that God is working through them for their good.
Q&A
What is the main message of this episode of the Focus on the Family Marriage Podcast?
The episode highlights the challenges and triumphs of couples facing marital difficulties, emphasizing the importance of seeking help, recognizing personal flaws, and persevering through difficult seasons. It also promotes Focus on the Family's resources for couples in need.
What personal experience does Greg Smalley share in this episode?
Greg shares his experience of a difficult season in his marriage where he wasn't sure if his wife Aaron wanted to stay married. He describes the confusion and hurt they felt, and how a couple's unwavering support helped them through.
What was Carrie Newhoff's initial reaction when her husband Tony expressed his desire to end their marriage?
Carrie was shocked and initially felt stuck. She relied on her training as a pastor's wife to try and address the situation, but her attempts to talk through it weren't successful.
What significant turning point did Carrie experience in her journey of marital healing?
Carrie's turning point came during a counseling session where she initially focused on Tony's shortcomings. The counselor challenged her to examine her own issues, leading her to a 20-year journey of self-discovery and growth.
What are some key takeaways from Tony and Carrie's story?
Tony and Carrie's story highlights the importance of individual and couples counseling, the transformative power of humility and prayer, and the need to recognize and address personal flaws in order to heal a relationship.
What does Aaron Smalley emphasize about couples who persevere through difficult seasons in their marriage?
Aaron emphasizes the importance of perseverance, drawing on the scripture Romans 5:3-5. He highlights the benefits of developing grit, patience, forgiveness, and resilience as a result of overcoming challenges.
What resources does Focus on the Family promote in this episode?
Focus on the Family promotes the Hope Restored marriage intensive program and Tony Newhoff's book "Before You Split." These resources offer support and guidance for couples facing challenges in their relationship.
Show Notes
What can you do when your spouse says, "I want out of this marriage?" Greg tells John the story of how he and Erin reached a difficult time in their marriage. Also Toni and Carey Nieuwhof talk with Jim Daly about how they went to counseling after Toni confessed she wanted to leave.
Find us online at focusonthefamily.com/marriagepodcast or call 1-800-A-FAMILY
Receive the book Before You Split for your donation of any amount!
Contact our Counseling Department
If you've listened to any of our podcasts, please give us your feedback.
Table of contents
United States
