Stop Punishing Yourself

Self love is confronting. It holds up a mirror to the prison we tend to put ourselves in. Self love is not to be confused with arrogance or vanity. It is neither of those things. It's safety, respect, and space for our full humanity. It's accountable and aware. It's disciplined but gentle and slow. It's a paradox--an alien in our social norms of self abdication. Self love is the potent medicine we are seeking in all the wrong places. It can't be found outside of you. Listen to learn more. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to book a consult. 

You guys. It feels like summer started yesterday for me. My husband and I had a picnic by the lake. I got to read in the sun, visit a brewery rooftop, play in the sprinkler with my pup. We had a fire in the backyard in the evening. I was fascinated by all the bugs and blossoms and sunburns. It feels like my very first summer after an 800 year winter. (I know it’s not the first sunny day, but it’s the first sunny day I haven’t had to work or been ravaged by an existential crises)And yes. That sounds dramatic. But I’m just so pleased summer finally arrived for me. I played all day long. I didn’t want to schedule my podcast or write this email. But I did, because the podcast I recorded this week is awesome. So instead of trying to summarize what I said and read you off the highlights, I’m just going to tell you I’m so happy summer came. And if you want to listen to this week’s episode, then by all means, check it out. I hope summer has come for you, too. I hope this big full moon on the first of August brought you great joy and wonder and spiritual cleansing like it brought me.I hope you remember today that your existence here is so vitally important to the entire fabric of this universe and you are loved beyond all measure. Visit my website here. 

Emotional Childhood is just a fancy term for chronic blame. Emotional Adulthood is a just a fancy term for habituated responsibility. In emotional childhood we blame all of our problems, emotions, life circumstances, and limits on the external world (including other humans). In emotional adulthood we take full responsibility for everything in our life—yes—even the things that our toddler brain would consider “not fair.” We are willing to venture into the discomfort. To face all of our dirty laundry. To own up to the hardest truths we wish we could avoid. Because we know that having ownership over our life (OUR WHOLE LIFE—not just the “nice” parts) feels so much better than being helpless to it—and we always have the choice. Emotional adults choose not to give their power away to anyone, they hold it close to their hearts and use it wisely with intention and love. Emotional children HAVE to give their power away, because they chronically believe they have NO power—even though this isn’t true. They do this in messy, destructive ways because they are so angry at the world while they feel stuck in a state of blame. To go from BEING an emotional child to BEING an emotional adult is kinda like going from driving on a freshly paved, asphalt, straight road with no inclines or sharp turns. TO driving on a dirt road riddled with potholes, mud splashing everywhere, and constant twisty turnys. It don’t feel great to switch from one to the other. So why am I suggesting you switch from the smooth to the rougher path today? Am I just a meany head? no. It’s cuz I love you. That smooth road may appear to be the less problematic and more comfortable to go down, but in order to travel it you have to trade in all of your agency and emotional autonomy. You pay the ultimate price in order to avoid some temporary discomfort. When you THINK you’re riding down a smooth, cherry lane… You are INTERNALLY agitated, frustrated, resentful, angry, confused, stuck, bored, and anxious! You hurt yourself. You beat yourself up. You metaphorically punch yourself repeatedly in the face. AND… there’s nothing you can do about changing ANY PART of that experience on the “easy” road. You have to decide to finally take a sharp left turn and exit off into the wild.You have to be willing to let the newfound roughness under your tires JAR you a little bit at first. There is a PRICE to becoming an emotional adult. And it is temporary discomfort. But it is SAFE to travel and worth the trip. Here are all the amazing tradeoffs:Once you exit emotional childhood, you receive 100% emotional autonomy and agency over your life. You experience more empowerment, calmness, and certainty—yes— even though the road it rougher. You feel deeper connections and intimacy in your relationships (especially the one with yourself).You have less arguments (internal or external), less frustration and stress, less INTERNAL chaos. Yes, your physical being will experience some rowdy sensations—you will hit some deep metaphorical potholes that may send your brain down into your butt—but you will be free. Your freedom from chronic blame and stuckness is priceless. You were designed to navigate the deep wilderness of your heart, my love. Not to stay in this painful illusion of easy street. Don’t venture in the wild for the first time without a guide—we are meant to travel together my friend! Reach out to book a free consult call by simply replying to this email to officially get started on the path of emotional adulthood. Go to

Ever notice how respect is oftentimes confused with fear? We weren’t really taught to respect adults growing up… We were taught to fear them.To obey blindly, to conform swiftly, to fall in line or be punished! Subtly but surely over time, kids learn that giving and receiving respect looks and feels a lot like being afraid. This creates adults who are partly afraid of their intimate connections with others (vulnerability, openness, safety), but mostly afraid of their connection to themself. Why? Because when fear (“respect”) is used for any type of behavior modification when kids are young (so all of us?), that child’s brain is learning to override their innate emotional immune system. In clinical terms, this is big no, no, bad, bad. That child is learning to ignore and suppress what’s valid and true for them in order to avoid punishment—by means of survival. Our emotional needs when we are little humans is no fucking joke. And unfortunately, all this incredible information about emotional needs just wasn’t available for us millennials (or any prior generation in the western world for that matter). Not only do we have to turn our own emotional immune systems BACK ON and get them functioning again, some of us are already parents and have to make sure our children’s never turn OFF. (there are literal studies about how crucial this is, look some up!)We must first exchange our confusing, backwards and upside down understanding of fearful respect and REPLACE it with true respect. True respect looks, feels, and sounds different. It creates vastly different results. It fosters connectivity, communication, and calmness. Learn more about how common it is to confuse respect with fear on today’s newest Stop Punishing Yourself podcast episode. I definitely get heated up and have my brain firing on all cylinders in this one. Teaching and embodying conscious parenting is one of my highest priorities in my work—even if the only person I am currently parenting is MYSELF. (and my dog of course.)Ok love you have a great day or else. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to book a free consult with me. 

Here’s a wild concept I want you to consider. The universe, God, whatever life force you believe to be in charge of things.. is not out here dividing and distributing some portions to the deserving folk, while withholding other portions from the undeserving folk. Portions could mean anything. Portions of money, portions of joy, portions of success, appreciation, love—you name it.That’s not how this loving, natural, magical world works, ya’ll.That may be how you were unconsciously TAUGHT to think life works, but IT’S NOT. (that IS how supremacy ideals work doh) (and they are working-working cuz they ARE the foundation of our western society) (and that alone is enough to make my tender heart ache) If you wake up feeling stressed, frustrated, behind, worthless, resentful but then at the end of the day you aren’t doing ANYTHING tangible to help yourself feel more calm, present, worthy, and empowered— then YOU’RE PROBABLY A REDNECK. Just kidding. What I meant to say is you’re probably a victim to this “deserving mentality.”I, too, am a victim of this category. (And I can promise you, it shows up AND JUMPS RIGHT OUT AT YOU the minute you try to make transformative changes in your life.) You see, this deserving mentality is only sometimes conscious. And that’s usually when we think we DON’T deserve something GOOD. ”I can’t just quit my job and follow my real passions, that’s insane.””I don’t have time to take a walk outside everyday and meditate.””I wish I could travel there/buy that/receive this amazing/transformative thing my whole ass soul really wants, but I can’t afford it right now.”You want the magic truth telling translation of all that BOOHOCKEY?Here it is. ”I DON’T THINK I DESERVE THAT.”What the fuck does that even mean?????S?SFDSDCLAKSDSays who?! (cough, patriarchy, capitalism, puritanism, toxic supremacy culture, sneeze, sniffle, snort) We are so absorbed with this idea of needing to “deserve” something before we can have it or become it. We haven’t even stopped to question the origins or legitimacy of this concept. ”YOU’RE A BASTARD, I SAY!”— me talking to this concept.What’s even worse is, the majority of this mentality is unconscious and actually more focused on how you DO deserve the BAD things that happen to you. It’s never been a matter of what you deserve. Hog wash. It’s always been a matter of what you’re willing to commit to. You have to learn to replace all your old ideas of deservingness with NEW ideas of powerful, personal commitment. Commitment that inspires rapid internal & external transformation. And guess what’s required in order to actually have the skill of following through on commitment?YOU GUESSED IT BISH!Unshaming yourself and creating a solid, self-loving relationship to you. (warning: this takes time) (not an overnight make over like the tvs do)(I can teach you how to create that in 24 weeks of awesome sauce work together)Listen to today’s FULL episode of Stop Punishing Yourself below to learn more about the art of COMMITTING, in this land full of psychotic notions of deservingness. I LOVE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY OR ELSE. Ellicia Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to book a free consult. 

I could have been the poster child for neurodivergence if it was researched as equally in girls as it was in boys back in the 90s. Alas, it was missed, I was masked, and I wouldn’t fully discover the nooks and crannies of my brain’s MO until 30 years old. The statistics on neurodivergence diagnosis TODAY (1 in 36 people) versus 10, 20 years ago (1 in 150 people) is staggering. And those numbers are probably even MORE extreme for diagnoses in girls and adult women. Are there more neurodivergent people now than there were 20 years ago? No, probably not. Research has simply developed and expanded to include far more diagnostic criteria in both men AND FINALLY… women, too. Picture this. Little Ellicia at the grocery store with her mother. Mother runs into a neighbor friend and starts chatting. Ellicia goes from somewhat activated to full send terror in her nervous system (stranger fuckin danger, bro). She hides behind her mom, goes silent (non verbal as the docs say), avoids eye contact with tall human, and feels wildly uncertain and unsafe. Mother, not fully grasping the experience Ellicia is having says, “ELLICIA!! SAY HI. DON’T BE RUDE!!!” Turns to neighbor friend and APOLOGIZES for disrespect from her child. That is case study 1. Now. Picture THIS. Little Ellicia. In elementary school. Ultimate FREEZE nervous system response. (For entire scholastic, career). Not absorbing information, not chillin out maxin, relaxin all cool. NO!!!Terrified. First day of kindergarten. She doesn’t know how to “make friends” or “socialize” (she knows how to escape into her mind palace and mind her own fucking peaceful business). Recess. The most terrifying part of the day. It’s not structured. It’s not teacher led. You just….do whatever you want surrounded by SEVERAL humans. Little Ellicia spends her recess walking the perimeter of the playground alone. Putting one foot in front of the other. Passing the time in sheer terror. This my friends, is neurodivergence in a little girl. Since girls have such a different social conditioning than boys, these atypical traits just show up and SCREAM at you. They are subtle. They are internalized. And then, because girls are taught to conform, be quiet and obedient, we also become masters at masking.Masking is essentially observing carefully what is expected of us and then “role playing” what we are “supposed to say and do.”Down to, when we smile, how we respond, what we do with our body language, what we wear, the tone of our voice. Not only do we need the language and help supporting our unique, diverse brain/body systems, WE ALSO need to decondition and unlearn all the ways we have been taught to PERFORM and REPRESS our truest selves. On today’s podcast episode I talk about how likely it is that more people are neurodivergent than we realize. I share how my self diagnosis of neurodivergence came about AND how self diagnosis IS a valid method if you trust your research abilities, sources, and can simply use discernment in your lived experience compared with the available data that’s out there. It’s been liberating and has also ignited a deep grieving process. No cap. Ok. I love you. Give it a listen. Tell me YOUR thoughts and if you suspect you might be neurodiverse as well. I can send you some resources on where to start. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to book a consult. 

The most powerful exercise? No not physical exercise! You’ll have to ask someone else for that information. I mean, the most powerful LIFE COACHING exercise. If you haven’t already guessed, it’s an EMOTIONAL exercise.On today’s newest episode, that’s what I’m delivering. So grab a pen and paper (or let’s be real, your notes app) and get ready to jot down the 2 questions I give you on the podcast today. My brain loves to find answers to problems. And today’s emotional exercise is one of my most FAVORITE answers I have discovered to date. Don’t be deceived by the simplicity in it. It is profound. And so are you! Happy Wednesday, Ellicia To learn more about working together 1 on 1 click here. 

On today’s podcast episode I am inviting ALL of my listeners to join me on zoom tonight for the Compare & Despair Cycle Workshop! There will be massive revelations happening about this ol’ pattern we humans like to call compare and despair. Some homework WILL be assigned at the end of the call. If you come live, you will have the opportunity to get coached ON THE CALL. FOR FREE. So join me!! It will be recorded, if you can’t make it, the replay will be sent out to my email list. If you're not on my email list, it's time to join!You can do so by clicking here. Cheers mates!See you in 9 and a half hours!Ellicia 

You are not wrong. Your existence is not wrong. Nothing has gone wrong. You are not wrong. Your existence has never been wrong. Nothing about you is wrong.You are not wrong. Nothing has gone wrong here. You are exactly where you are meant to be. You are not wrong. You are worthy in your own right. You deserve to take up the space you do. You are not wrong. You belong exactly where you are. Nothing has gone wrong here. It might take some time before you fully believe you are right. But for now, please walk through  today knowing... you are not wrong. I love you. Ellicia. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to learn more. 

I'm going to make an audacious claim here. You are more afraid of your feelings than you even realize. I'm not saying that to try to judge or shame you. I'm saying that to bring awareness to something that is impacting your life in a monumental (& probably catastrophic) way. Our feelings are NOT some collection of soft, unimportant, remedial inconveniences. They impact every facet of our lives. They are so, so powerful, wise, intelligent, sacred. They are the reason we want or don't want anything. They drive all of our behaviors-- EVERYTHING we do or don't do. They determine our lived experience in the now. They determine what our FUTURE experiences will be. They dictate how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, how we raise our children, how we contribute to our community. A feeling is the worst thing that could ever happen to you. A feeling is also the best thing that could ever happen to you. And yet, when you are spending the bulk of your life subconsciously afraid of your feelings and attempting to avoid a fat chunk of them, you are having a fragmented, disempowered experience. What if you could be empowered by ALL of your feelings? What if every feeling that floated through your skin suit wasn't a jump scare that you wanted to escape from but was remarkable access to wisdom and intelligence that words aren't sufficient to describe? What if you shifted your perspective away from only wanted to happy, to wanting to have the FULL, juicy human experience? Welcoming all possible emotions with open arms just for the brilliant contrast of it all? Ah, what if indeed. The quantum internal shift from fearing our feelings to being willing to feel any emotion, is one you don't want to miss. Listen to today's episode to learn more. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to learn more. 

This episode should probably be titled: "Trying to Hide From Shame" but I didn't think of that until after it was recorded.Last night at work I was met face to face with what I had been THINKING was the worst that could happen. The experience brought me into tons of powerful awareness and offered me some perspective shifts and it's just too juicy to keep to myself. I have to start from the top, though. Last year I lied to myself about something big: why I wanted to quit my restaurant job. I told myself I wanted to devote all my spare time to creating more value in my coaching business, but this wasn't 100% true. What was MORE true was I wanted to run away from feeling the shame I had about being a life coach who still served tables at a restaurant. This shame was ancient, it really had nothing to do with life coaching or my business.  It existed LONG before I ever got certified as a coach or signed my first client. It's a common shame that many people share. It's the kind of shame that comes from insidiously and subconsciously attaching our worthiness to our job title or our level of measurable productivity. It's a combination of emotional insecurity (seeking/needing approval from "society") while also living under the stressors of capitalism (profit > human life). It's something I had done some work on... but by no means have I conquered this mountain top yet (I do intend to). The main message of this story I share on today's podcast is this: When shame is present in our subconscious, we will go to great lengths to avoid ever having to face it. This is very human of us, and normal. However, in the avoiding of the shame--in the midst of that losing race--the worst that we can ever imagine happening is not only already HAPPENING in the abandoning of ourselves, but it's also being PROLONGED and unnecessarily extended in a way that adds more suffering to the 50/50 of life. Did you hear me? When we do crazy things in an attempt to outrun or outsmart our shame and somehow "escape" it, we abandon ourselves, our values, our soul in that process. We are afraid that facing the shame means that we'll discover we are shameful. When facing the shame ACTUALLY means we begin to live freer from it. Trying to hide from or avoid our shame is like a murderer breaking into the house and going to cuddle up next to him to try to stay safe. It's literally the most dangerous place you could be. I promise, the worst that can happen is already happening. Because the worst that can happen is you avoiding facing the shame you feel and never freeing yourself from it. Listen to today's episode to learn from my attempt at hiding from shame and how you can avoid some pitfalls in the process. For more details about how to work one on one with me, book a free call here. Follow me on Instagram here. 

To our ego, being naive is equivalent to being the sacrificial lamb about to be tossed into the flames. It’s dangerous, frightening, and intolerable. Our ego would much prefer that we already know everything—and be good at it—simply to create a sense of certainty, because that feels like safety to our primitive brain. I want to offer that the ego has this completely backwards.When we are unwilling to be naive, unwilling to admit that we DON’T know everything, all while refusing to be a beginner at something NEW, we cut ourselves off from growth and expansion in a detrimental way. We live in a mental prison of limitation and frustration. We create a massive amount of insecurity, judgment, and comparison… leading to a disconnect within ourselves and within our connections outside of us. This is far more dangerous in reality. Because feeling constantly cut off from “home,” from YOURSELF is the scariest place to be. It has us acting out of FEAR instead of calmness. It has reacting with irrational impulses instead of responding with clarity and self awareness. I dug myself into some pretty deep HOLES (cough--jail) from this place. It wasn’t safe at all. You know what is safe? Allowing myself to be naive. Often. Frequently. Allowing myself the discomfort of not knowing everything about everything and choosing to be a beginner anyway. It’s much safer to let myself feel uncertain occasionally so I can open myself up to more growth and awareness as opposed to pretending I already know all and do not need “help.” The ego gets humbled and bruised, but my soul replaces it in the drivers seat. I think that’s what most people want. They want their soul in charge of their lives--not fear and suffering. They want to live out of a safe, deep connection to themselves so they can truly connect to others. But an unwillingness to be naive and admit that we are always beginners in progress, we are always learning more about how to be human, can keep us from the very thing we want. Listen to today’s episode for my simple 4 step process on how to be naive so you can put your soul back in the drivers seat of your life. Click here to book a free consult with me. 

Say it with me! "Just because you have a thought, doesn't mean it's true!!"Here's what we all need to do. We all need to get a divorce from our thoughts. Right now, our toxic marriage to our thoughts is creating so much unnecessary suffering it makes my brain go OUCH. We believe every last thing our brain thinks, even when it's extremely abusive to ourselves. Even when these thoughts have us making decisions that go against our values. Even when these painful stories have us withholding love from ourselves and the people we want to love the most. Enmeshment and codependency with our thinking creates confusion, overwhelm, and emotional exhaustion. We need a break! We need a much different relationship with the sentences that flit across our mind. We need a little space between what our brain offers us to think at any given moment and what WE choose to do with those thoughts. When we are in marriage with our thoughts, we feel tied to them, trapped in them, held down by them in the worst way, and like we have no other relationship options out there. Good news! You can decide to get a divorce from your thinking!You can choose to explore your relationship with reality instead! Marrying our thoughts is like marrying the narcissistic, lazy, blameful, abusive guy. Always lying to you, always shaming you, always telling you you're NOTHING without them. Marrying reality is like marrying the supportive, empowered, safe guy. Always encouraging you to think bigger, always betting on your worthiness, always telling you you can achieve ANYTHING. Listen to today's podcast to hear what it takes to finally divorce your thoughts. Good luck.Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to book a free consult right now. 

Have you ever gone to a doctors or a dentist appointment and expected to receive horrifying news about your body or your gums or your boobs? I have. Many times. Every time I go into a medical setting my body tenses up incredibly tight and braces for a destructive impact. (Thanks survival brain)However, what actually ends up happening is the practitioner in front of me remains calm, certain, and confident and usually tells me my health (or my teeth) are totally healthy and normal. This is incredibly relieving in the moment, of course. But it always ends up happening all over AGAIN the next time I go. That’s because this visceral fear is caused by my ego thinking I’m a super special different snowflake unicorn with problems that will confound, stagger and shock all the PhD holders all over the globe. It’s because my ego wants to be stroked in some sadistic, miserable way.It wants confirmation that all my fears and anxieties are rooted in sound, brilliant logic (they are not, my friends). It wants me to be distinctly SET APART from everyone else, in a special, helpless way. NOT in a useful, helpful, empowering way. In a way that excuses me from taking responsibility for how I think and feel and show up for myself. It’s an interesting survival/trauma/coping mechanism that I am NOT here to judge or shame. I am here to become aware of it so I can have much more power over my fears and anxieties, and so I can experience them LESS. It took me a while to learn this. It took me a while to even realize I was DOING this. Thinking I’m special.And it doesn’t just show up in my physical health. It also shows up for my mental health.Now. When I was really depressed and helpless, I needed to hear that I had something unique to contribute, I needed to hear that I had value to offer this world. But once I was well and out of that hole… It no longer served me to continue separating myself off from the rest of the world in this “special” way that was once useful.Here’s what happens when we imagine ourselves as special beyond the inherent value of our existence: I remember getting on my first 1 on 1 coaching call expecting the coach to go: “Wow. I can’t help you. No one can. You are too far gone. Your problems are for life. Good luck, bitch.” I was subconsciously thinking my problems were so special and so different and I was so uniquely flawed that real change or healing would never, ever happen for me.It could happen for everyone else! Just not ME. Because I was thinking I’m special. That was, of course, a big fat lie. But the ego hates to hear it. It hates to let go of the idea that our experiences aren’t so different, our problems aren’t new or rare, and in the most loving way, we AREN’T more special or different from others. This is next level growth. Depending on where you are right now, take what serves you and leave the rest. If you need to hear you are unique and valuable because you feel really low right now, then take it! And feel better soon. But if you are hiding from taking responsibility for your fears because you’re afraid a life coach is going to look at you and say you’re fucked, be brave and use this idea that your problems just aren’t that different from everyone else’s and your life isn’t more special than the next persons. THAT is lasting relief and freedom. THAT is an equal and fair playing field in life. THAT is the power of being witnessed by an expert.  go ahead and book your free consult now here. 

If you were sharing something personal and then someone said, "so what?" in response to it, would you be offended? If you asked me this question pre 2017, (and if I had answered honestly) I would have said absolutely YES! My sensitive self was so tender to even the slightest hint of disapproval from ANYONE. And I 100% would have interpreted this neutral question as the cause of some deep wound of shame ripping open completely outside of my control.  You know why? Because pre 2017 I suffered so severely from disempowerment and a LACK of self awareness. From my now empowered and aware self, I ask MYSELF this question several times a week. I welcome this question from others. And I use it regularly  with my clients who have successfully unshamed themselves in my 1 on 1 coaching program. It is the most powerful and liberating question that always leads you right back to yourself and everything you've been looking for. BUT ONLY when it is wielded with compassion and curiosity. Listen to today's newest episode of Stop Punishing Yourself to learn how to wield  "so what?" with more compassion and how to find the SOURCE of your disempowerment with this one question, forevermore. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to book a free 60 minute sales consultation. Check out my instagram here. 

What is really standing in the way of you and everything you want? It's not an uphill-100 year battle filled with sacrifice and blood oaths. It's not all the circumstances and people outside of you finally bending to your will. It's not hardship or stress or less time with your loved ones. It's one thing. Thought errors. That is ALL that's in between YOU and everything you want. A thought error is a sentence in your mind that is creating the opposite of what you want. Your thoughts are always creating your results. But when you are unaware of what you are thinking and why, you continuously create results you don't want and aren't seeing how you are CHOOSING that unwanted outcome.You try to solve for that unwanted outcome OUTSIDE of you, that's where the uphill battle, stress, and sacrifice comes in. That's where the frustration and defeat comes in. Because you'll never solve for your thought errors in places outside of you.  The only place you can solve for them, is inside of you. Listen to today's new podcast episode to learn more. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to learn more about working with me. Follow me on instagram @elliciaturner. 

How often are you told to be UNrealistic? Not often. Most advisors/mentors/parents will say: “Be reasonable! Be practical! Don’t ask for too much! Play it safe!”This is what we’re taught. This is what we’re told is “right.”But I think it’s terribly wrong. BECAUSE it’s always a lose-lose situation. We think the trade off to being practical and realistic is eternal safety and comfort. It’s time to read the fine print of this bull shit contract you didn’t even know you signed at age 11. The fine print says: you still experience discomfort and uncertainty AND you are way more dissatisfied and unfulfilled when you choose to stay small and follow the “realistic” rules you were told to abide by. What’s a win-win? Learning how to be unrealistic.Listen to today’s new podcast episode to learn what I mean.Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com for more details. 

When I was in kindergarten I got in trouble for telling a non-christian girl she would go to hell if she didn't accept Jesus into her heart. If I had gone to a christian school I probably would have been praised and gotten extra credit for evangelizing the fuck out of my classroom.  Alas, I did not. Public school it was. So this behavior wasn't "in line" or acceptable. (which is actually good, thank you Jesus, lol) That was my first experience with the school systems authority/punishment paradigm.I felt extreme shame afterward. I promised myself I would never get in trouble again because it felt so terrible and life threatening in that moment. I didn't want to get kicked out of the tribe.  Right then and there I planted the first seeds of perfectionism and people pleasing. I vowed to never, ever, ever disappoint an authority figure again because it was quite simply TOO DANGEROUS. I became hyper vigilant about suppressing what I REALLY thought and what I REALLY felt and started playing by the rules I had been given.I started punishing MYSELF, shaming MYSELF, ahead of time, so the "authorities" would never have to do it again.So I could stay safe.So I could survive. Aww, little leesha. That was fucking terrifying. And that experience didn't really end until after life crises number 4, around the time I graduated college and realized I had no semblance of an inner authority and no ability to feel ANYTHING other than intense panic/anxiety/depression/overwhelm. Because of this sneaky subconscious decision, that it was safer to fall in line and obey authority to prevent punishment, it was safer to just punish myself ahead of time, I had become completely disconnected from ME. My real thoughts. My real instincts. My real desires. My real feelings. ALL OF IT WAS CHOPPED OFF. Of course I felt overwhelmed, confused and completely lost. I had left my real self in that kindergarten room all those years ago. :( I had to go find her. Rescue her. Set some shit straight. (especially on the topic of hell and God). And rescue her I did. Do you know where you left yourself? Do you remember the moment when obeying authorities became more important than honoring yourself and speaking your truth? Do you want to bring your inner authority and self mastery/inner knowing BACK ONLINE? Then my friend, the place to start... is to STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF. Listen to today's full episode below. Cheers, ElliciaP.S.  Can I just point out the meta really quick? I was punished for sharing my (very indoctrinated) thoughts about going to hell, and I was trying to USE the threat of future punishment on this girl as a way to manipulate and convince her to join my punishing/oppressive/sexist/racist cult.  I WAS PUNISHING THE GIRL, and that's why I myself got punished that day. The projection is reaaaal ya'll.  Fun stuff!Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com to work with me. Check out my instagram here. 

Welcome to a special episode of the podcast. You are officially invited to join me for Identity Week!Identity Week is a FREE 5 day intensive training on locating and eliminating the limiting identities that have been holding you back. I walk you through a simple and value packed process that will help you transform the way you see yourself, reconnect you with your power and awareness, and shatter those limiting identities, like shame and anxiety, once and for all. Identity Week is happening over on instagram live everyday at 5pm Alaska time this week. If you don't already, go follow me @elliciaturner. We are on Day 3, but it's not too late to catch up! You can watch the replays right now by going to my page and watching the recording of Day 1 and Day 2. (I post A LOT, so these replays will be the only 50+ minute videos, on the top of my grid). In the 5 Day Identity Week Training we will be covering:Day 1: Discover WHY it's a problem when you believe you ARE your identity. Learn what an identity is actually made up of, how it is separate from YOU, how you have the power to change ANY identity you want, and how important it is to shatter limiting identities that are detrimental to your overall wellbeing. Day 2: The most simple process to shatter ANY identity you have chosen to focus on and how to use that process so you are set up for the most success. Day 3: Plan and prepare for the brain's resistance and drama about shattering an identity and welcoming in a new, more expansive and enjoyable one. Day 4: Learn what a commitment is and why it is required to successfully complete this deep and rewarding work. Day 5: Q&A, live coaching, and exclusive details about my program that helps you cement this identity into place so you NEVER have to worry about what once held you back again! Do NOT miss out on this free training, it will be worth your while, I promise. In today's podcast episode I am giving you a sneak preview of what is covered on Day 1, but if you are ready to get straight to work and free yourself from identities like shame and anxiety, I invite you to head over to instagram and start watching that replay NOW! Everyone's invited. See you there!For more details about how to work with me, go to elliciaturnercoaching.com 

Most of us have no problem envisioning our own demise. We can picture horrifying images in our head of everything that could go wrong, all day long. All the fears, stress, and doubts are easily accessible. This type of envisioning is natural to our primitive brains.It’s what helped us survive some dodgy ass times. BUT…if we really took a step back….we would SEEit’s NOT helping us survive now.It’s killing us slowly.It’s gradually making our nightmares a walking reality. (the fear and stress that is)The solution here is to SHIFT your vision and to be more intentional with it. It’s to start practicing connecting to a NEW, more empowering and exciting vision that is no one else’s but your own. It’s to recognize your ABILITY to envision (you’ve been doing it all along) and reconnect with it in a NEW way where you have control over what it’s pointed at. (think of large machinery that shoots laser into existence…basically your brain)But vision alone won’t change the world.We also need commitment and action. Listen to today’s podcast episode to learn more about the next steps. Go to elliciaturnercoaching.com for information on how to work 1 on 1 with me and to book a free consult.