Monday Morning Ketchup

We're back this week with another puddle of viscous, fabulous, and all around ridiculous ketchup to wade through!  Catholic semantics, Shaq/gorilla free throw battles, boldly improving modern art, and a knock at the door from the Gazpacho all await you in this, somehow our 17th episode! Fun Fact: In researching the Russian museum story, we found several highly misleading thumbnails that suggested Ben Stiller and Christopher Walken were the perpetrators... for the simple fact that they were in movies about museums? What fresh SEO hell is this?! Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Pods! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! First mouse with bitcoin in its body Phoenix priest who botched baptisms for decades apologizes, seeks to make amends  Shaquille O'Neal says gorillas freak out when he comes near, and Zoo Miami executive confirms they are intimidated by his large size £740,000 painting is ruined after 'bored' security guard draws eyes on faceless figures on his first day in the job at Russian gallery Hudson mayor suggests ice fishing could lead to prostitution in ice shanties ‘Gazpacho police’: Nazi gaffe lands Republican congresswoman in the soup NYC Mayor Eric Adams says it's hard to tell the difference between a person 'hooked on cheese' and someone 'hooked on heroin' Florida man claims he’s Mick Jagger, picks fights at restaurants  Port St. Lucie man arrested after train hits stolen car, car flies into nearby home

YOU THOUGHT WE WERE DEAD, DIDN'T YOU?! THINK AGAIN! Monday Morning Ketchup is BACK, for EPOCH 2, VIDEO BUGGALOO.  In this episode, we catch up on what's going on with fart jar NFTs, monthly taco subscriptions, Deep State moon base conspiracies, crystal meth flavored cereal, and three classic Florida Man stories to make you fortunate you live anywhere but here. Fun Fact: The statue behind the Pope's throne is called The Resurrection, created by Pericle Fazzini in 1977. It apparently depicts Jesus erupting from a bomb crater surrounded by death, olive branches and just pure chaos. It's pretty goshdarn metal. Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878 --- Reality star selling her farts in Mason as NFTs https://www.insider.com/reality-star-made-200k-fart-jars-selling-them-as-nfts-2022-1 UK Woman Finds Lots of Crystal Meth in Cereal Box https://indianexpress.com/article/trending/trending-globally/uk-mom-finds-crystal-meth-in-cereal-7701027/ Pope Jams to Megalovania Circus https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oKcdP7_WOU&t=3878s Chinese Rover Cube Coverup https://www.nytimes.com/2022/01/07/science/moon-cube-china-rover.html $10 a Month Taco Pass https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/06/business/taco-bell-subscription/index.html North Korea Claims Kim Jong-Il Invented Burritos https://www.the-sun.com/news/4393040/kim-jong-un-dad-invented-burritos-north-korea/ Peruvian statue’s giant penis thrills tourists but vandals are turned off https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/jan/07/peru-statue-penis-phallic-symbol-tourists Eric Clapton Sues German Woman for Selling Bootleg CD https://www.guitarworld.com/news/eric-clapton-widow-bootleg-lawsuit Man Arrested For Hanging From Traffic Lights and Pooping on Cars, Stuck the Landing https://tinyurl.com/2p8t535a Florida Man Booted From United Flight For Sporting Woman’s Thong For A Mask https://www.tampafp.com/florida-man-booted-from-united-flight-for-sporting-womans-thong-for-a-mask/ Florida Man Arrested, Pleasuring With A Pickle In The Most Peculiar Place https://tinyurl.com/2p84tep3

Welcome to Ketchup Packets, a new Monday Morning Ketchup series where Mike and PJ take a deep dive into a singular bizarre topic. To kick things off we're covering the ancient and insane practice of animal trials -- the history, the philosophy, and best of all, all the absurd cases of animals being subject to the cold gavel of justice!  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com  Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup   Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews!

You ever think about that phrase? "Comin' up the rear." Huh. After a long and well-deserved bout of almost-seasickness, the boys are back together and taking a trip down to the ketchup mines for that classic bout of weird business you know and love. More deep dives are on the way, but this week exploding VR headsets, 40 rotisseries chickens, excrement-covered British gimps, and racist horses will have to tide you over! Fun Fact: Napoleon Bonaparte was reportedly a huge fan of rotisserie chickens, ensuring his servants would be able to prepare and them to him 24/7. He's still got nothing on our Philadelphian hero! Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! Palmer Luckey Develops Lethal VR Headset Inspired By Sword Art Online Hundreds cheer the red carpet eating of 40th rotisserie chicken, 'a part of Philly history' Possible Native American burial ground exposed at Florida beach after Hurricane Nicole CREEPY BRITISH GIMP METH DONUT Likened to KKK: Ghost costumes on Ohio police horses cause controversy Woman Accused of Drugging Men Using Her Nipples JUST A FLORIDA MAN EATING CHEESECAKE IN THE EVERGLADES Florida traveler stuffed gun into a raw chicken and tried to bring it on the plane, TSA says

To begin this week's Ketchup, a ball-dropping of epic proportions. Only we could go several weeks ignoring the biggest two bizarre news stories in the world: the left and the right one. With that podcasting crime rectified, we then move on to furry litter boxes, hot (and strong) youth pastors, Spanish bishops-turned-pig-masturbators, a HORRIFYING layering of contact lenses, emotional support alligators, and so much more! Fun Fact: "Interior Crocodile Alligator" has an actual place of origin, and it's this song. It's a FREESTYLE. The line came from A GOD DANG FREESTYLE! My life has CHANGED FOREVER.  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! HOW DID WE MISS THE BIG TIDDY SHOP TEACHER SCOTTISH DOG SUICIDE BRIDGE Do you <3 hot youth pastors? THE FAT BEAR CONTEST WAS RIGGED LITTER BOXES FOR THE FURRIES Personal lubricant made from cow mucus may protect against HIV Spanish bishop who quit clergy to be with sexologist lover finds new job exporting pig semen Man plays his saxophone through 9-hour, "very, very complex" brain surgery to remove tumor Oil protesters arrested after throwing tomato soup at Van Gogh painting Doctor removes 23 contact lenses from eye of patient who 'forgot to take them out for almost a month' Calls to feed contraceptive pills to aggressive seagulls are flawed, says BirdWatch Ireland Pennsylvania man's alligator becomes emotional support animal Man, high on magic mushrooms, causes chaos on flight from Miami

The Ketchup Gods are not always so gracious in their bounty. Weeks go by filled not with the thick, viscous and rich ketchup we take for granted, but the watered-down, swished around dregs that we must cling to in times of utter desperation. Sometimes, you gotta find the fun. And Mike and PJ sure found a lot of fun in this week's on-their-face-kinda-not-so-bizarre roundup of stories. Ready to sling some wein? Fun Fact: The federal government lowered the limit of fluoride levels in public water utilities in 2015, from a range of 0.7 to 0.12 milligrams per liter to a maximum of 0.7 milligrams. Admission of guilt? Or a subtle proof point that maybe fluoride isn't making everyone dumber? I don't know, but these chompers be sparklin'! Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! Mace Attack at Manhattan Subway Station Causes Mass Coughing, Vomiting 6 Women In Neon Green Leotards Attack 2 New York Subway Riders New York Man Charged With Putting Several Reptiles In His Pants Bruce Willis denies selling rights to his face Disgruntled Tourist Smashed Two 2,000-Year-Old Statues in the Vatican Because He Was Denied a Meeting With Pope Francis Town employee quietly lowered fluoride in water for years A Small Canadian Town Is Now the Home of a 17-foot-tall Cheeto Statue Climate protesters arrested after gluing themselves to Picasso painting at Melbourne gallery Vladimir Putin’s Two Birthday Gifts Jair Bolsonaro Would Totally Eat an Indian Woman pays for "Russian astronaut" to return to Earth in alleged no scam NASA Crashes Into Asteroid to Test Defense System Florida Man Rides out Hurricane Ian on Sailboat

What happens when you stuff two week's worth of ketchup into one show?  Bad things. Horrifying, emergent, potentially multidimensionally evil things... But also good things! Giant African land snail escargot... Robotrippin chicken... Clown wigs at Dairy Queen... and even COO cannibalism! All this, and somehow so much more, on this week's Monday Morning Ketchup! Get into it! Disclaimer: Not EVERY Latin family contains a Maria (at least one of us believes). Fun Fact: Pica is the term for a broad array of mental disorders associated with eating non-food objects. There are many "flavors" of pica disorder, such as Trichophagia (hair, wool, and other fibers), Cautopyreiophagia (burnt matches), Acuphagia (sharp objects), and Geomelophagia (raw potatoes) -- this last one just a general symptom of being Irish. Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! DELUGE OF DILDOS Chess grandmaster accused of using anal beads and artificial intelligence to cheat The 9/11 Menu LOAB Irish Woman Swallows a Disturbing Number of Batteries  THE SNAIL EXPORT INDUSTRY IS ALIVE AND WELL Armed PA man in wig trying to ‘restore Trump as President’ arrested at Dairy Queen IGUANA BOUNTIES IN MIAMI FDA warns of chicken ‘marinated’ in NyQuil TikTok challenge Beyond Meat COO arrested for biting man’s nose near Razorback Stadium Popular Food Truck Owner Accused of Luring Women Into a ‘Cult’ A patient couldn’t pass gas or poop after a Florida doctor’s colon mistake, state says

Do you like... public service announcements? USB cords? Ceiling pickles? Polish vampires? Donkey genitals? Then boy howdy are you somehow in the right place! This week's ketchup is a return to its long, thicc, juicy red roots! Dive in and learn what happened in the last of week of our ever-bizarre world! Fun Fact: Donkey skins are used in the Chinese folk medicine as "eijao" -- the extracted gelatin from the donkey's hide. It's sold and used as a remedy for bleeding (?), insomnia, dry cough, and dizziness. It's so popular, China needs to import the skins (and genitals) from Africa! Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! The Queen’s Bees Have Been Notified Speeding Woman on Cocaine Kills Drunk Driver High on Meth in North Las Vegas Chinese Man Trapped Aloft in Hydrogen Balloon for 2 Days, Traveling 200 Miles LEAVE THE VAMPIRE SKELETON ALONE Mysterious Vermont Poop Dumper $6k Ceiling Pickle or Way-Too-Expensive McDonald's Hamburger  DONKEY PENISES SEIZED BEFORE EXPORT FROM NIGERIA TO HONG KONG North Carolina Co-Pilot “Exits” Skydiving Airplane That’s Not Where the USB Cable Goes World’s Most Expensive Trash Bag Like Elon Musk, Trump Tried to Pay His Lawyer With a Horse Florida Man Scooter Rampage

This week's Ketchup was literally brought to you by PJ, whose editing skillz should provide a more pleasant soundscape for your earholes. After a short break, the boys are back at it again for a zippy Ketchup covering the mother of all viral hat tricks, Schrodinger's McAfee, an opportunity for Italian goodness on America's roadways, Ketchup drip, monkey boyfriends, and so much more! Fun Fact: John McAfee ran for president in 2016 and 2020 under the Libertarian ticket, and somewhere around the 2020 campaign announcement he released this video detailing how to uninstall McAfee Antivirus, the software he created but now longer has anything to do with. Just watch it, it's a great explanation of the man in a nutshell. Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! Man tests positive for monkeypox, COVID and HIV at the same time John McAfee faked his death and is ‘still alive’ in Texas, ex-girlfriend claims in Netflix doc Russian Taxi App Hack Underage Pokemon Card Hijinks MAMA  MIA  Ketchup-Stained DripLine Abused monkey who was flushed down toilet and fed cocaine now thriving in rescue centre with help from boyfriend  Florida Man Caught Smoking Meth Told Cops, “It’s Legal Now”

The boys are back in town. They're in your yard, here for your milkshake. They're crying wolf, being sent to do a man's job, and just wrapped Season 3. Wait, no, not any of those boys! I'm talking about the Ketchup Boys Mi-kul and Pol-jon! Yes indeedy, the Ketchup flows freely again this week with stories of our anusless ancestors, suspiciously focused "historical" wine, baby fetish zoning codes, a whole plate of dog penis, FOOT, and baseless accusations about armless stabbings.  All that in more in this, the latest Monday Morning Ketchup!  Fun Fact: The term PJ was trying to think of is "The Cambrian Explosion," which was a period of rapid biological diversity that occurred just over half a billion years ago -- and is also a sick band name.  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Pods! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! Mystery of half-billion year old creature with no anus solved Italian winemaker to stop selling Hitler wine Adult baby store to file appeal after board affirms city’s decision Texas congressman swears off 'eating a whole plate of dog penis' again Foot found in Yellowstone hot spring linked to July death Miami advances plan to move homeless onto island The woman accused of stealing Pelosi's laptop gets to attend Renaissance Faire Armless Florida man accused of stabbing tourist

There's no time for jokes -- this week's Ketchup contains a CRITICAL message about monkey pox and what YOU can do to stop the spread of monkey-violence. It also contains only slightly less important messages about vabbing, hyena testicles, mysterious Mexican space orbs, barbeque cum drinking parties, the rumored STD capital of the United States right here in the Sunshine State, and last but certainly not least, a heroic Florida woman who has had enough of the pigs and their supposed "protecting and serving". Fun Fact: Mad honey is sold on the black market for as much as $80 a pound, making it one of the most expensive honeys in the world. In some parts of the world, it's sold as a miracle cure for hypertension, fatigue, and even as an alternative to Viagra.  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Pods! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! WHO Says Don’t Attack Monkeys Over Monkeypox  TikTokers are Vabbing and It’s Not Great Bear Gets Super High on “Mad Honey”, Rescued by Turkish Park Officials Kenyan Presidential Candidate Loves Weed, Wants to Export Hyena Testicles Hong Kong Cum Problem Car Thief Brutally Stuffs Himself in Innocent Teddy Bear The Case of the Weatherman and the Mysterious Mexican Orb  Zukerberg “creepy and manipulative,” per Meta chatbot AI Is This Florida Retirement Community Really the STD Capital of the U.S.? Florida Woman Hates Cops, Informs Them 11,000 Times in One Year Image credit to knowyourmeme.com

Nobody would've guessed it, but Mike and PJ are back on that old ketchup-stained nag for another down-home roundup of the craziest stories of the past week! The Ketchup Gods adorned us all this week with tales of dead robot spiders, embarrassing Italian wiener incidents, the ongoing, completely insane saga of Ezra Miller, a suspiciously familiar COVID "cure," intergalactic wars between aliens and Chinese myth dragons, and somehow so much more !   Fun Fact: SpotemGottem's hit "BeatBox" is not exactly Mike or PJ's jam, but it does have 35 million YouTube views, which must mean something... Can't wait for his next single, "SeadooSwerve"!  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Pods! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! Scientists turned dead spiders into robots Humans could breathe out of their buttholes like pigs, and trials will begin this year Embryos can be listed as dependents on tax returns, Georgia rules Pearson plans to sell its textbooks as NFTs Massachusetts grants absolution to its last remaining witch Athlete Loses Race in Colombia After His Penis Came Out in The Middle of The Run Paranoid Ezra Miller Wears Body Armor, Gun Everywhere as Alleged Victims Compare Him to Cult Leader: Report Cracker Barrel sparks uproar for plant-based sausage critics say is ‘woke’ Florida rapper 'SpotemGottem' arrested after Miami jet ski chase Florida Man Who Sold Toxic Bleach As “Miracle Cure” For COVID, Extradited From Columbia To U.S. Florida Man Arrested Trying to Warn Space Force Base of Alien-Dragon War Image credit: Pig butt!!!! by ArtBrom on Openverse

We know, we know. It has been a MINUTE! And for somewhat good reason! Mike has had what can only be described deeply cursed 2022, so he and PJ are back to make their now-highly-irregular sacrifice to the Ketchup Gods. Hopefully, this will free him from such continuous misfortune. Cheating Russian robots, rebellious penguins, "Trump's girth," and crab-enriched whiskey await you in this week's episode... But also: bankrupt crypto lenders, exploding appendices, and attempted hit-and-runs!  (Can you guess which group of nonsense is from this week's stories and which afflicted Mike this year? Only one way to find out!)   Fun Fact: The vertically challenged assassin from Twin Peaks: The Return is named Ike "The Spike" Stadtler. He's portrayed by Christophe Zajac-Denek, whose breakthrough role was as a physical stand-in for an animated alien in the utterly forgotten Simon Pegg/Nick Frost romp Paul.  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Pods! Nothing helps us more than great reviews! Man farts for 5 years after eating ham roll, sues food stall Oregon distillery turning crabs into whiskey Russian chess robot cheats, breaks child’s finger Trump’s epic girth muddies story of assault on secret service agent Woman sues man for $10k for standing her up on date Zoomers in suits cause movie theater chaos during Minions movie Drake’s defense for 18-minute private jet flights – they’re empty Japanese penguins are not standing for shrinkflation Hideo Kojima misidentified as assassin of Shinzo Abe Florida man has car keyed by ex, who left gnome as a “way of knowing it was her”

After some truly heartbreaking technical issues, the Ketchup is back with a brand-new slew of absolute nonsense that went down in the world the past few weeks! De-sexifying M&Ms, lab monkey breakouts, Golden Corral Melees, the blight of McDonalds' new Crunchy Double, and a questionable new ending to an old classic await you! Fun Fact: The first instance of an anthropomorphic M&M occurred in a 1954 ad, in which a peanut dives into a pool of chocolate and sort of... becomes a peanut M&M? This commercial also features "melts in your mouth, not your hand" which, uh, yeah, all you mind-gutter folks just had a silent chuckle to yourself over that.  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Spotify and Apple Pods! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! Tucker Carlson Thirsting on M&Ms Scranton, PA Monkey Disease Breakout, Shots Fired Golden Corral Super-Brawl China’s Antithetical New Fight Club Ending Mike’s Crunchy Double Foibles Adult… Teddy… Bears? Texas Walmart Child Purchase Proposal  James Blunt Gets Cheeky on Joe Rogan Controversy  Florida Man Has Perfectly Normal Olive Garden Experience Sanic Robs a Florida Credit Union, Goes Fast to Escape

Mind Goblins have invaded the brainmeat of your intrepid hosts this week. But the nuggets of delicious, festering ketchup are able to usher those goblins into the laughmines where they belong! We got otter attacks, derriere deviants, suicide salesmen, marmoset abuse, and a whole lot more weirdness awaiting you in this, our latest and greatest Monday Morning Ketchup! Fun Fact: The man behind the Swedish suicide pod, Dr Philip Nitschke, has been nicknamed Doctor Death for his efforts. Far from a used car salesman, he aims to make the pods 3d-printable for anyone with an interest in firing up the nitrous boost in Need For Speed Underground 2 for the last time.  Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878 --- Police think they've nabbed 'butt bandit' https://www.nbcnews.com/i d/wbna27848361 Man in Singapore attacked by “gang” of otters https://nypost.com/2021/12/10/man-attacked-by-gang-of-otters-i-thought up-i-was-going-to-die/?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_medium=SocialFlow&utm_source=NYPTwitter Controversial ‘suicide pod’ that ‘kills peacefully’ gets go-ahead in Switzerland https://nypost.com/2021/12/07/controversial-suicide-pod-that-kills-peacefully-gets-go-ahead-in-switzerland/?utm_source=NYPTwitter&utm_medium=SocialFlow&utm_campaign=SocialFlow China's Yutu 2 rover spots cube-shaped 'mystery hut' on far side of the moon https://www.space.com/china-yutu-2-moon-rover-cube-shaped-object-photos?utm_campaign=socialflow Mother tried to flush pet monkey down lavatory after offering it cocaine https://www.usahowto.xyz/2021/12/mother-tried-to-flush-pet-monkey-down.html Employee ‘blew up’ oil warehouse in Thailand because she was angry at her boss https://www.wionews.com/trending/thailand-fed-up-with-boss-employee-reportedly-blew-up-oil-warehouse-because-she-was-angry-at-boss-435983 Woman, 48, lives — and dates — as her 22-year-old daughter at university https://ottawacitizen.com/news/woman-48-lives-and-dates-for-two-years-as-her-22-year-old-daughter-at-university/ Police: Florida man used flamethrower to settle parking dispute https://www.mysuncoast.com/2021/12/10/police-florida-man-used-flamethrower-settle-parking-dispute/

With the Thanksgiving stuffing behind them, Mike and PJ turn to the deep, dank lake of ketchup that has formed in their absence. Squid Game crimes, sperm plastic saving the world, Padre Pio exposed on Italian reality TV, WWII munitions shoved where the sun don't shine, expert-level OnlyFans content, and much more... oh dear god, why is there so much more... Fun Fact: According to ~3 minutes of research, the 57mm round that just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time was fired from a weapon called the Ordnance QF 6-pounder. It was in service until 1951.  And then 70 years later, a man in Gloucester used its ammo as a sex object. Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878 --- Squid Game Crimes in North Korea  https://www.businessinsider.com/north-korea-execution-life-sentence-hard-labor-squid-game-2021-11 Swearing Polish Cocaine-Addled Walmart Toy  https://toronto.ctvnews.ca/walmart-pulls-children-s-toy-that-swears-and-sings-in-polish-about-doing-cocaine-1.5678364  Sperm Plastic Is a Thing  https://tinyurl.com/2p89zztp  World’s Worst Crotch Shot  https://tinyurl.com/29prp4fr  Airborne Naked Cat Breastfeeding  https://nypost.com/2021/12/02/woman-caught-breastfeeding-her-hairless-cat-on-a-delta-flight/amp/  Italian Gynecologist Lies About Curing HPV With His “Padre Pio”  https://www.insider.com/italy-gynecologist-claimed-sex-could-cure-hpv-cancer-2021-12  Anally Inserted WWII Artillery Munition  https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16923295/bomb-squad-hospital-bottom-shell/  Turkish Dog Poop Politics  https://www.duvarenglish.com/dog-poop-politicized-in-turkey-man-tries-to-frame-popular-stray-dog-by-placing-feces-on-tramway-news-59602  Influencers Sent Directly to Gulag Over Taxi Theft “Prank”  https://www.mmorpg.news/2021/11/influencers-sent-to-gulag-for-35-years.html  Florida Couple Films OnlyFans Content in Back of Squad Car  https://www.fox5ny.com/news/couple-has-sex-in-cop-car-records-video-for-onlyfans-cops-say

Mike and PJ are back this week with a gross smattering of weird business to live up that grosser Monday of yours! Illegal masturbation, cartoon banishments, sad horses, the cancellation of Key West, and dog-wielding knife-humpers all await you in this, our latest and greatest Monday Morning Ketchup! Fun Fact: Remember when you could shorten links for free? Now every link-shortening tool and their DOG has a PREMIUM SUBSCRIPTION that's full of NONSENSE. STOP OVERCOMMODITIZING THE INTERNET PLZ Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup And Facebook! | https://www.facebook.com/Monday-Morning-Ketchup-104336195364453 Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878 Republicans Ban Elmo From Attending Conservative Conference https://bit.ly/3r5BYYq 'It's A Free Country': Man Threatens TSA Agent's Life, Throws Checkpoint Stanchion, Strips Naked & Masturbates, Charges State https://cbsloc.al/3cz3V2r Grandmother issued with restraining order to stop feeding carrots to “sad” horse https://bit.ly/3cEosm8 Stolen Street Sweeper Leads Police On A Slow Speed Chase In Indiana https://bit.ly/3CKytcs Man charged in scam missed court because he’s dead, lawyer says https://bit.ly/3x5Yt0A Abolish Key West? Southernmost City Mayor Taking Threat Seriously https://bit.ly/3kZiml1 Teen accidentally invited to stranger’s Thanksgiving continues tradition six years later https://on.thegrio.com/3nCThOv Cops Thought Sand From Her Stress Ball Was Cocaine. She Spent Nearly 6 Months in Jail. https://bit.ly/3FCfOkE California-made fake chicken has ‘skin’ and ‘bones’ — and Nestle is investing https://bit.ly/3oHJBS4 Florida man caught ‘humping’ dog attacked owner when confronted, officials say https://bit.ly/3cymjsa

The Ketchup is back this week with a deep and perilous grab-bag of nonsense! Stage urinators, the unluckiest (or luckiest?) pilot in America, exploding toilets, elves on shelves, and threatening Coldplay lyrics are just the beginning of this week's strange business. Also, a PSA: Monday Morning Ketchup will henceforth be a vaping podcast. If you liked the classic Ketchup, trust us, you're gonna love this even more.  Fun Fact: The top 6 airplane models with the highest rate of fatal crashes per million flights are all Airbus A3 series wide-body jets. Make sure to look out for that on your next vacation! Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup And Facebook! | https://www.facebook.com/Monday-Morning-Ketchup-104336195364453 Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878 COP26: Carbon footprint of COP26 in Glasgow more than double that of COP25 https://www.scotsman.com/news/environment/cop26-carbon-footprint-of-cop26-in-glasgow-more-than-double-that-of-cop25-3453546 --- 7 Plane Crashes in 7 Days for This Pilot Ends at the Bottom of Lake Michigan https://wkfr.com/7-plane-crashes-in-7-days/ --- Brass Against Apologize For Singer Urinating On Fan’s Face During Festival Set: “Sophia Got Carried Away” https://www.stereogum.com/2167367/brass-against-welcome-to-rockville ko-pee-apology/news/ --- Corbin school district maintenance worker sues district, coworkers after exploding toilet seat prank https://www.thetimestribune.com/news/corbin-school-district-maintenance-worker-sues-district-coworkers-after-exploding-toilet-seat-prank/article_5b9d19f4-3cbf-11ec-82bc-9f6eaf15cfda.html --- Woman climbs Bronx Zoo barrier, tells lion she loves him while throwing $100 bills https://thehill.com/changing-america/resilience/smart-cities/581327-woman-climbs-bronx-zoo-barrier-tells-lion-she-loves --- Brothel Offers Vaccines With Benefits in Free Sex for the Vaxxed Campaign https://www.thedailybeast.com/brothel-offers-vaccines-with-benefits-in-free-sex-for-the-vaxxed-campaign --- With a wink, judge fights ‘tyranny’ of Elf on the Shelf https://apnews.com/article/oddities-lifestyle-georgia-marietta-holidays-727702326d719c6cca2e5a3249a07b24?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_medium=AP_Oddities&utm_source=Twitter --- Frustrated doctor diagnoses woman with ‘climate change’ in world first https://www.euronews.com/green/2021/11/10/frustrated-doctor-diagnoses-woman-with-climate-change-in-world-first --- Police: Florida man ends standoff after promise of pizza https://www.wdrb.com/wdrb-in-the-morning/police-florida-man-ends-standoff-after-promise-of-pizza/article_779a3006-3c3b-11e9-b158-271bf734203a.html

In this first-of-89-more double-digit pod-sodes, Mike and PJ have stumbled onto a story so mind-breakingly appropriate for this particular show, it may never be bested. We won't even perform the normal ritual of teasing it here. You just have to hear it for yourself. But what we WILL tease is the unfortunate yet cartoonish fate of a Brazilian fisherman, the stars aligning for a double-whammy of marathon running pants incidents, the apparently long-heralded return of an absolutely dead politician, and a harrowing heist involving the deadliest of weapons: imagination. Fun Fact: Underwire bras have caused a degree of consternation in the post-Patriot Act era, as they tend to set off metal detectors at airports and other high-security areas. Some prisons won't even allow visitors to wear them, for fear of the wiring being used in escape attempts. However, as the Ketchup has shown this week, Florida jails are a bit behind the curve! (I'm so sorry.) Email us! | mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com  Follow us on Twitter! | twitter.com/MondayKetchup And Facebook! | https://www.facebook.com/Monday-Morning-Ketchup-104336195364453 Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! | https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878 Sources: Pizza Hut hits back after diner’s complaint about its ‘sexualised’ tomato sauce bottle  https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/food/eat/pizza-hut-hits-back-after-diner,s-complaint-about-its-sexualised-tomato-sauce-bottle/news-story/eacce53beb2ef0118572a61f35ad015a  ---  A woman who pooped her pants halfway through a marathon and ran with it in her shorts until she crossed the finish line achieved a personal record  https://www.insider.com/woman-pooped-pants-during-marathon-ran-with-it-in-shorts-2021-11?utm_campaign=sf-insider-main&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&fbclid=IwAR3mmVXCFdcgGIBkLYj65AxfRgyVPcT0EWwQzy5AhMNeuJY9SEzBKVyRE5A  --- A woman had to make 9 port-a-potty stops while running a marathon — and still achieved a personal record  https://www.insider.com/woman-stopped-9-porta-potties-during-marathon-got-personal-record-2021-11  --- Man eaten by piranhas after jumping into lake to escape bees  https://www.9news.com.au/national/brazil-news-man-eaten-by-piranhas-after-jumping-into-lake-to-escape-bees/be2c4793-b194-450f-9958-75bbd49e26fe  --- Firefighters rescue naked man stuck in Landmark Theatre bathroom wall for several days  https://www.syracuse.com/crime/2021/11/firefighters-rescue-naked-man-stuck-in-landmark-theatre-bathroom-wall-for-several-days.html  --- No toilet for returning SpaceX crew, stuck using diapers  https://ksltv.com/476091/no-toilet-for-returning-spacex-crew-stuck-using-diapers/  --- Japan death row inmates sue over same-day executions  https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-59173259  --- QAnon Believers Gather In Dallas Awaiting Return Of Long-Dead JFK Jr.  https://www.forbes.com/sites/teakvetenadze/2021/11/02/qanon-believers-gather-in-dallas-awaiting-return-of-long-dead-jfk-jr/?sh=473f1505668f ---  Snowbird DUI suspect uses underwire bra to try to escape from jail  https://www.villages-news.com/2021/11/01/snowbird-dui-suspect-uses-underwire-bra-to-try-to-escape-from-jail/  --- Florida man uses finger guns to steal Waffle House napkins, deputies say  https://www.wctv.tv/2021/10/19/florida-man-uses-finger-guns-steal-waffle-house-napkins-deputies-say/

In this spooooooky scary Halloween edition of the Monday Morning Ketchup, Mike and PJ uncover a vast and treacherous vat of strange business for your listening pleasure!  The new era of social media hellscape, tilted and twisted coverage of jellyfish "attacks," Satanism saving the day, billionaire piss leakage in space, baby viper revenge attacks, taco identification, and so, so much more!  Fun Fact: Mike wrongly assumed the Church of Satan was not a tax-exempt organization in this episode. Turns out, they also exploit this extremely dated classification! Bad Satan! Email us! mondaymorningketchup@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter! twitter.com/MondayKetchup And Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/Monday-Morning-Ketchup-104336195364453 Review us on Apple Podcasts! Nothing helps the show grow more than great reviews! https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/monday-morning-ketchup/id1592592878