Words with @iamkendracox

Could your attachment style be ruining your relationships? Someone could have the best intentions, solid values and wants, and truly care about someone but ruin their relationships because they do not understand their own attachment style and how their actions as a result of their style hinder the success of their relationships. After listening to this episode, you will likely resonate with one of the 4 attachments styles as long as you allow yourself to self reflect and take accountability, but it doesn't stop there. Unless you find yourself with a secure attachment style, chances are you are going to have to start digging into your past and work on healing trauma. Trauma is different for everyone, so when you read or hear the word trauma, try not to only correlate it with physical abuse and neglect or you will get in your own way from healing. Be mindful that not everything listed in each category is present for everyone. Let's go into this with a growth mindset and not defensively. You are already on the right path if you are listening to this podcast. You got this!  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

This episode focuses on the different types of abuse. Abuse is a series of words or actions displayed to gain power and control over someone. Remember that we are human and are emotional beings. We may at times display some behaviors that hurt others, and then regret and feel awful about. Mistakes happen. However, abuse is when the behaviors continue to happen over time with the intention of gaining control. I mention that hurt people, hurt people, and so if someone is being abusive but not with the intention to gain power and control, it is very likely that they have experienced trauma and could benefit from therapy. If you recognize these behaviors with yourself (lets make sure we self reflect) or your partner, I strongly suggest therapy. If you cannot safely suggest this to your partner, I recommend calling the REACH hotline to discuss your concerns at 1-800-899-4000.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

When you work on yourself, your healing, your traumas, and truly learn and accept you for YOU, you will start to appreciate your alone time. Spending time in solitude with our own thoughts without distractions has major benefits for not only our mental and physical health, but also for our spiritual and healing journey. We are human and we do need human interaction, but we also need our alone time with our own thoughts. If you find yourself feeling lonely, even when you are around others especially your significant other, then this episode is for you. This whole podcast is for you, but this one specifically because feelings of loneliness can be so harmful to our overall well-being. I have been there, and it was crippling at times. But you can work on it, and do things to counteract it. You deserve it.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

We all feel loved in different ways. Even if we have the same love language, it can still look, sound, or feel different. You can learn a lot about someones love language, just by paying attention to them and what they do, what makes them smile, and what they talk about. We all deserve to be understood and loved in a way that confirms for us that we are loved, valued, and appreciated. This episode is a bit longer than my others, but I tried to condense it as much as possible without having to break down each love language in different episodes. I added some personal situations and opinions, so some may not be agreed by others but it was my experience and thoughts. If anyone wants me to go deeper on any of the 5 love languages, I am happy to do so.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

It is easy to recognize when something doesn't feel good, but sometimes when we are so used to toxic partners, those green flags might feel weird. This is why it is important to work through your trauma and do that inner work. However, whether you have a healthy connection with someone during your healing phase or after, you want to make sure you recognize it. This episode will highlight some key things that will help to identify if you are in a healthy or are building a healthy relationship. Keep in mind that these can go for friendships and romantic partners. Healthy is healthy.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

Inner work is more than just looking back at your childhood and figuring out what you need to heal from. It is about focusing on how your childhood and the experiences you had, effect your adulthood, and putting work into undoing the molding and wiring of unhealthy attachments, thought processes, and anything else that is blocking your happiness. This episode will focus on detachment and the negative influence of the ego. It will provide tips on how to address it while also highlighting the reality that you may lose people along the way. Keep in mind that losing is sometimes winning, especially when working on inner healing.   --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

We all experience trauma at some point in our lives. Whether we lose someone, have a car accident, house fire, abusive relationship, etc. We all experience some type of trauma. How it impacts us will differ, some aren't affected while some take the same situation very hard. However, as humans, we have feelings, memories, thoughts, biases, etc. and so inner work isn't just for those who have experienced significant trauma, but it is for everyone to constantly reflect and take accountability for ourselves. It is also for use to learn how to love and forgive ourselves but also heal so it doesn't carry over into other areas of our lives. Next episode we will dive more into how to do this work.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

Trauma bonds are difficult to break for many reasons. Sometimes we get in our own way because of our emotions taking the lead. Journaling is one of the best ways to help with being reflective. I strongly suggest therapy, but when that is out of reach, areas I discussed in this episode can be extremely helpful when working on breaking a trauma bond. If you have any questions or want me to speak more on anything, you can message me. I am happy to revisit anything and elaborate more if needed. Stay tuned for more on coping and how to do inner work. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

The type of abuse or attachment within a trauma bond can look different for every relationship, but the cycle is the same. They all still cause damage to the area of the brain that is responsible for executive functioning, but specifically emotional regulation. Last episode I mentioned the sympathetic limbic system. When the amygdala sends a signal to this system, it pushes you into the fight or flight response which triggers the panicking, worrying, fixating, craving etc. You aren't stupid or weak, you are being affected by trauma. You are in survival mode at this point. But you don't have to stay stuck there. When you hit your rock bottom of toxic relationships, you develop this internal motivation to really work through your trauma, heal, and begin setting healthy boundaries so you never end up in a situation like that again.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

We are human and every relationship will have ups and downs because we are unique and should bring something different to the relationship. However, it is important to make sure that you both are allowed to be yourselves, that you don't lose your identity, and that you recognize when someone is emotionally or psychologically abusive because it is not always as obvious as physical abuse. Toxic relationships are so normalized and people often make comments like "but you're married; work it out for the kids; but y'all been together so long" and those are some of the most unsupportive comments to make to someone who is in an unhealthy relationship and looking to get out. This episode will help to explain what a trauma bond is, how it is developed, and what to look for to help identify if your relationship is a trauma bond. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

A follower asked: “what is the best way to be honest without hurting feelings?” So many people struggle with being unapologetically true to themselves because they struggle with self love, self worth, and self esteem. They focus on how others will think, feel, respond, or if they’ll walk out of their life, before they think about their own feelings. They become what others want while not truly loving who they are becoming. Find that self love and self worth, and internal happiness. You can be as sweet as pie with your delivery and honesty, but some people only want to hear what they want to hear. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

Often times people dismiss boundaries because when they set them, express them, or try to address them being violated, they are either called crazy, controlling, extra, or even lose people. So instead of having that type of outcome, they forgive and allow cycles to repeat. I mentioned co-dependency and attachment issues in here, but this is also how trauma bonds can develop. It is very important to take boundaries seriously. This will be an ongoing discussion.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support

Words with @iamkendracox was inspired by the amazing feedback and support I have received from my followers on TikTok. For months I have been going live and sharing about my story and my journey. I try to follow up with those topics on my instagram, but captions have a limit. I talk about how I went from an angry, broken, and insecure woman to being a happy, grounded, self loving inspirational influencer. My followers look forward to my lives and receiving insight and guidance, but so many expressed their sadness with missing the lives due to busy day to day tasks. So I decided to start a podcast so anyone at anytime can have access to the information, and I can continue to reach and help as many people as possible without the restrictions of time or amount of characters I can use I a post.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/iamkendracox/support