Who Am I Really?

I’m devoting this program dedicated to helping people placed into adoption to explore their own emotions, desires, and questions about reuniting with their biological family by asking others like us to tell their own true stories. I’m so thankful for the life that my adopted parents gave me, but I also had the incredibly good fortune to be reunited with my biological mother in 2009. Our story is amazing to me because our reunification unfolded in a way that I never could have predicted. However everyone’s search and discovery journey is different and we’ll share an array of stories in this podcast.Read Full TranscriptDamon:                       00:09               Hi, I’m Damon Davis and I’m launching a new podcast series called, Who Am I Really? I’m devoting this program to helping people placed into adoption to explore their own emotions, desires, and questions about reuniting with their biological family by asking others like us to tell their own true stories. You’re probably asking yourself who I am and why I launched this podcast. First, let me say, I grew up in a very loving home with my adoptive mother, Veronica, supported by my adoptive father, Willy they’re just mom and dad to me, and I love them dearly for everything they did, large and small. That gave me the opportunities to be the man that I am today, but I also had the incredibly good fortune to be reunited with my biological mother in 2009. Our story is amazing to me because our reunification unfolded in a way that I never could have predicted.Damon:                       01:04               A few things happened to me that really sparked my desire to search. One of the first influences happened during a visit with my inlaws in Baltimore, Maryland. My wife’s distant aunt welcomed us into her home one day. This lovely elderly woman opened the door, greeted us, toting her small wheeled oxygen tank behind her. As we sat in her living room, she spread pictures, newspaper clippings and letters on the coffee table. She told stories about the family’s history in a way that only she could recount them as what I viewed as the unofficial family historian, but that experience made me realize that one day she would no longer be with us and if another person tried to spread the same family historical facts in the same way they could not tell the family story the way that she had. It dawned on me that when she passed away, the ability to weave the family history that she knew would be lost and I should act quickly if I didn’t want the same to happen in my biological family.Damon:                       02:07               When I decided to launch the search, my social worker in Baltimore shared something from her experience that I hadn’t thought about before. She said that women tend to search for their family of origin sooner than men do and that men search most often after they’ve had their own children. That was me. A short time after my wife gave birth to our son, I was at home alone with him, gazing on him with sheer amazement at this little dude we had created. He laid there on his back, kicked his legs, and waved his arms and stared up at me. In that moment by ourselves, I whispered to Seth with tears in my eyes, you’re the first blood relative I have ever known. As I talked to more people about their stories of searching and discovery, I’ve learned so much about each individual and about the commonalities between of us as adoptees.Damon:                       03:00               We have basic questions about how we came to be, what happened with my biological mother and father when I was conceived? Why couldn’t they take care of me themselves when I was born? What was the story of my adoption? We tried to figure it out for ourselves by imagining all kinds of scenarios for why our parents made the choice to place us into adoption. We tried to figure it out for ourselves by imagining all kinds of scenarios for why our biological parents made the choice to place us into adoption, but it’s almost impossible to form a complete picture about yourself if you don’t know your own personal history. The puzzle has too many missing pieces. I’ve learned that some adoptees live with significant doubt about how much they were truly accepted by their adoptive parents. Some question, their place in their family among biological siblings, multiple adoptees, interracial families, or a mix of religious beliefs.Damon:                       03:56               Others live well adjusted lives of doting parental love, but still feel a longing to understand their biological past like I did. Whether a child grows up well adjusted in a loving family or was reared in a less favorable home, they will likely have questions about their biological origin and those questions can vary widely. Who Do I look like? What health condition should I be aware of? Do I have siblings I don’t know about? Many times that curiosity is too much to contain. The desire for deeper understanding is too strong and we think we really should look for some answers. More often than you might think fear sets in and the questions turn to doubt that might delay a person’s search for their family of origin for years. Those doubts are expressed in concerns that might sound like I’ve had a great life, why would I expose myself to a potentially painful truth?Damon:                       04:53               What if they still don’t want me or what if whomever I find didn’t even know I exist? All of those emotions can be difficult to overcome, but in some definitive moment we decide we have the strength to face whatever the truth may be and we begin the search for answers and hope for the best. We feel like knowing a little something must be better than knowing nothing at all. The journey to find just one person with a biological relation can take many forms, take a very long time and have varying results. Adoptees go online and type the facts that they know about themselves into search engines, Scour social media for clues, Add our names to reunification registries and hope for evidence of links to biological relatives through DNA tests. News of a potential clue is incredibly exciting. We ask ourselves, could this really be someone that I’m related to? Examining the evidence from different perspectives repeatedly in order to affirm or dismiss its potential to bring us one step closer.Damon:                       06:00               Why would you try to dismiss a clue that seems to be leading to your truth? You ask. Because we are trying to protect ourselves from heartbreak if it’s a false lead, but eventually many people who search make some kind of connection with varying success. Some adoptees are welcomed home to their family of origin with open arms by relatives that have longed for the day their child would return. Other biological family members may feel that the chapter of their life where adoption plans were made for the child’s future is closed and they aren’t receptive to adoptees stepping forward to identify themselves and others begin their search or reach success just a little too...

At 16 years old, Ron decided to satisfy his curiosity about his first family. But his search was challenging. He was born on a South Carolina Air Force Base that had closed, the internet didn’t have the reach that it has now, and AncestryDNA’s connections didn’t help. He recruited the help of a search angel who recognized important information in the search that Ron hadn’t seen before. In the end, his mother was glad to be found, and he got some answers about himself and his family. Check out Ron’s site FindingTrueFamily.comThe post 026 – I’ve Got A Second Mom And I Can Love Them Both appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Ron (00:03):I pick up my phone, I start dialing the number and my hands are shaking. I'm bawling like a baby, you know, 42 year old bawling like a baby. I just, I, there was no way I could make it go and I'm not even sure what I was afraid of or why I couldn't do it, but I just could not do it.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Ron from South Carolina. He says his reunion journey started in his teens but didn't yield any results until he was in his forties. During that time, he tried a variety of tactics to try to locate someone that he was related to who might have some helpful information about his birth family. In the end, the amazing work of his search angel led him to his birth mother and his relatives in Missouri and North Carolina. Ron was born in 1974 and placed for adoption immediately. His family expanded in 1980 when his parents adopted Ron's sister, whom you'll meet in a later episode. Ron shared that he grew up with the knowledge that he was adopted and had a good life with his family, but he always had that natural curiosity to search for his original family. It was about 16 years old when he began his search. I asked why that age was the time he began the journey.Ron (01:51):Well, I was, uh, you know, of course, born in 1974, um, placed for adoption pretty much immediately. Was actually adopted by one family and for whatever reason it didn't work out, so they had to send me back. Um, but I was only eight or nine months old when my adoptive parents and got me. So, you know, obviously I have no memory of the first one. Um, I've known since day one since before I could understand that I was adopted and that, uh, you know, the story I was always told and heard that is relatively true, that my birth mom was a young girl. Uh, 16 years old, couldn't take care of me. So she wanted to place me for adoption. So that a family that could take better care of me could uh, raise me. So like I've always known I was adopted. My parents adopted another child, my sister and I about the same time I reconnected with my birth mom, she found her birth mom.Damon (02:46):I asked Ron what kinds of thoughts or expectations he had about his search before it began. He says he knew it could unfold many different ways. So he steeled himself for what things might happen. Ron went his search with no real expectations. He really just wanted to satisfy his curiosities. He had no hard feelings about being placed in adoption and he was thankful for the life he had led. Still, Ron braced himself for the possibilities that his mother might not want anything to do with him. And there was a specific physical trait about himself that he wanted to know the origins of.Ron (03:20):Well, I, you know, like I said, it had always been a curiosity of mine just to know, you know, who my, who, my birth family was. I think more my birth mother. That's really the only, only one I was ever concerned about. And I guess that's because department of social services in South Carolina would not release non identifying information to a child until they were 16 so my parents always told me that, you know, if, if you want to search for her, we'll help you every step of the way, you know when you turn 16 you can order that information and you know, we'll see where it leads. Of course at the time, and it's been what, 27 years ago or so, there was no Ancestry DNA. Internet was in its infancy. I was already active on the internet, but it still wasn't a, it didn't have near the reach it does today. So, you know, it really wasn't, it wasn't a need to know, you know, just, just the curiosity that I had to satisfy.Damon (04:10):So you, you reached out at 16 at the very age that you were legally able to do so. What kinds of thoughts did you have prior to 16 years old about your search and what you might find and what you hoped for?Ron (04:21):You know, it's funny because from day one, I don't think I had any real expectations, but I knew that, you know, that was a very good possibility that my birth mother, you know, might want absolutely nothing to do with me. You know, I didn't really set up high expectations. It was just, just that curiosity and I wanted to satisfy, you know, it, I had no hard feelings about being adopted, about being placed for adoption. You know, it was, I had a relatively normal life, you know, it just, uh, now I, I do have a, uh, what's always been called a birthmark that kind of my left ear is a bit deformed and I always kinda wondered if that could run in the family.Damon (05:02):You're 16, you've reached out to social services and they've given you what I believe you said was non identifying information. So what did you do next?Ron (05:10):Well, I had that information and I learned that, you know, my birth mother was 16, which I already knew. I learned that she lived on Myrtle Beach Air Force base so she could be from anywhere in the country. Uh, so that, that was a little bit disheartening in the search. But I went to Myrtle Beach and just poured through the, you know, microfiche um, newspapers and tried to contact several people that had been stationed at Myrtle Beach Air Force base before it closed. Um, because I also find out from their information at my birth mom had worked for the, uh, officer's club at Myrtle Beach Air Force base and it was just kind of my feeling that you know, perhaps there weren't that many 16 year olds working in there at the time cause I didn't have a clue. Um, but it was just a lot of dead ends. There was, you know, I had no direction. It was just basically, you know, looking for a needle in a haystack with...

Angie lived a split life as a child in small-town Mississippi. During the week her mother had her in all kinds of activities and her stepfather was her rock. On the weekends her dad exposed her to alcohol, drugs, and abuse. Through it all, she suspected that she was adopted but her mother lied about it for 19 years. In reunion, Angie learned that her birth mother had seen her several times as a little girl on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. She got healing from her birth mother who said she always loved Angie and developed a cherished bond with her paternal grandmother who helped her navigate her emotions over her biological father.The post 044 – She Never Met Me, But She Saw Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Angie (00:04):When we got to our house, you know, we were getting ready for bed late and she says, you know, I just have to tell you something and I don't want it to scare you. And I don't want it to, you know, make you think I'm crazy. And I said, what? And she said, when I hugged you, she said, I felt like 42 years just went away. And she said, I felt my baby girl again. And I thought, I said, I did too,Damon (00:32):who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Angie. She called from Panama city, Florida where she and her husband live on the Bay. But Angie grew up in Mississippi with a tragic story in her childhood, but it was her normal. She didn't know she was adopted as a child, but she suspected it. And she asked about it. She was shooed away from the topic as a teenager. Her first son's medical needs meant she had to have a conversation with her adopted mother about the truth. That didn't go very well. When Angie's second son was born, her search began in earnest, but was boxed in by the small town community where everyone knew one another. So news of someone's adoption search traveled fast.Damon (01:33):After years of waiting. She finally did a DNA test in 2017 and was in touch with her family that same day when she met her birth mother, the healing was an unreal experience where her mother admitted she had definitely seen Angie as a child. This is Angie's journey. Angie thinks of her story as a bit of a fairy tale, starting off very harshly, but ending in a beautiful way. She grew up in central Mississippi in a very small town that only has two traffic lights and is still paved with bricks from the old days. It's the kind of place where literally everyone knows everyone else. When Angie was five years old, her parents divorced her adopted mother remarried and amazing man whom Angie adores.Angie (02:20):My adopted father was abusive. He was an alcoholic and an addict. So that was, you know, my horror story because I still had to go visit him on the weekends. So I grew up in a situation where I had to grow up very quickly. I mean, I saw things most people don't see until they are in their adulthood. And you know, even then they don't choose to see it. But my adopted mom remarried when I was six and she married an amazing man. And if I get a little choked up it's because he was my hero. He was everything. He was my daddy. He is who I call daddy, my adopted father. I call him by his first name. We've actually been estranged for 15 years now. And for good reason, you know, my mom, my mom had me in dance and gymnastics and every I started playing softball when I was five. To me, it was a normal childhood. And then on the weekends, you know, I had the horse show. So I kind of grew up like a split personality almost. I didn't know what bipolar was then, but you know, you get older and you learn what things are. But I almost felt like my life was either a double life or I was, you know, in a whole other realm or it was just, it was crazy to look back on.Damon (03:45):Did you catch what Angie said? She had to grow up very quickly seeing things that even adults sometimes choose not to see. She's about to explain some of the things she witnessed in her youth, the things she should not have been exposed to.Angie (03:59):I was eight years old when I learned how to drive. He taught me how to drive because he needed somebody to pick him up from the bars. Cause he was too drunk to drive home. So my first time driving a vehicle by myself, I think I was actually nine years old. And it was about one in the morning.Damon (04:18):WhatAngie (04:19):I've been. Yeah. I would spend Friday nights asleep in the front seat of his truck at the local brothel and it's a nice word to use for it. And then as I got older, I actually was brought into it. Um, and the lady who ran it would actually stick me in a back room for the night and I've actually had them call my mom to come pick me up from there. Uh, yeah. You know, I grew up with him having poker parties every weekend and alcohol and drugs, you know, being served like hors d'oeuvres and it was the local attorneys and judges and sheriff deputies. And you know, I, I, my best friend and I, um, she's kind of the only one that I can talk to. And you know, who knows all my secrets, you know, her and I have discussed, I could write a book and completely annihilate the entire existence and the salts of everyone in that city, because of all the dark secrets that I have. It, it was a very, uh, it was a tough childhood at the time. It was normal to me. But now that I look back on it, it's, it's horrific. It's stuff that children shouldn't see.Damon (05:25):She was driving a motor vehicle on the road with adults at nine years old because of his substance abuse for a kid, if that's your normal, you don't realize that an adult trusting you to be the responsible driver is abnormal at best not to mention completely irresponsible and illegal. Angie told me her adopted father was married seven times with countless girlfriends moving into and out of his home along the way. Thankfully, she had a much better and more appropriate lifestyle in her mother's home during the workweek counter balancing abominable behavior of her adoptive father on the weekends, she admits she loves her adopted mother, but it was her daddy, her mother's second husband, who was her rock,Angie (06:07):my mom and I never connected. We never had that mother daughter bond. We loved each other. Um, I loved that woman immensely and I know she loved me, but, um, you know, when she married my stepdad, he was everything that her and my adopted father never worked. He was nurturing and caring and supportive and he encouraged me and he gave me all of that, that I was missing. So, you know, he was, he was my, everything. I talked to him about all my problems. You know, I asked him about boys. It was, it was kind of like he was the mom and the dad in the family, you know, Monday through Friday, it was great. I mean, I, I loved my life at that house. And then, you know, Friday through Sunday, seven miles away, it was, you know, the horror show. SoDamon (07:05):did you, did you get a sense that your mom knew what he was doing? And at any point when you were older, did you resist going into that horror show?Angie (a...

Megan says she put her adopted mother through the ringer emotionally when she was a teenager. She thinks that’s partially because of her anger with her birth mother over her relinquishment. Most adoptees have no clue whom they’re setting out to find when searching for biological relatives, but Megan knew precisely who her birth mother was and what she looked like. In reunion, she found her half-brother who knew Megan’s birth father’s identity, because they were friends.The post 051 – The Black Sheep Rocks The Boat appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Megan (00:04):He was basically robbed. You know, I felt so terrible for him. He was robbed of a child. He was only 23 when I was born and he didn't have any other children after me. So I was only titled and I felt really bad that he was robbed as having, you know, a childDamon (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Megan. She called me from Los Angeles. One of my favorite places. Megan says she put her adopted mother through the ringer emotionally when she was a teenager. And she thinks that's partially because of her anger with her birth mother over her relinquishment. Most adoptees have no clue whom they're setting out to find when searching for biological relatives. But Megan knew precisely who her birth mother was and what she looked like. In reunion she found her half brother who knew exactly who Megan's birth father was because they were friends. This is Megan's journey. Megan was born in Pomona, California. She's in her twenties and her parents are in their sixties. So they were closer in age to being her grandparents than parents, she says she has a loving family and she had a really great childhood despite feeling different from them. She calls herself a black sheep in the familyMegan (01:46):I was adopted in like a great family. I was a little bit of a black sheep, or I thought I was, I still kind of feel that way, but my childhood was awesome. You know, like my family is so loving. My grandparents were so amazing. I almost like going back to being a kid. I almost didn't really feel adopted until I got into my teen years. And you know, every, every teenager goes through, you know, the hard times and the hormones go crazy. And, but my childhood was amazing. I wouldn't change anything for the world. It definitely got harder when I hit teenage years. For sure. That's when I noticed, okay, I'm adopted.Damon (02:24):Yeah. Tell me, tell me a little bit about that feeling of being a black sheep.Megan (02:28):It's weird because my younger sister, who's almost 16. She's also adopted from another family. And, um, that's actually where I noticed that the most, you know, she is so different than me and she doesn't want to know anything, not curious. And I've always screamed at the rooftops how much I need to know and how much I want to know. And my mom always had a really difficult time with me wanting to know and me talking about my birth mother and, um, you know, she never admitted it, but I think she was very threatened my birth mother, even though, obviously I didn't know her. So when I started hitting my teenage years, I started noticing like, okay, I'm so different from everyone in my family. It was, it was an alone feeling. It was very alone. It's very depressing because I just wanted to fit in and be like my family, even though, you know, I knew I never would be because I'm so different.Damon (03:19):Megan said, one way she's different from her family is her desire to openly explore feelings and emotions while her family is more quiet about some harder conversations, of course, getting non adoptees to understand your feelings. Even if they're your family can be really tough.Megan (03:36):Everyone's so quiet and they don't want to talk about anything. And I'm going to talk about everything. I want to dive deep and get into the real nitty gritty, ugly parts of everything of licensing adopted. And it seemed that it was not, it was almost like they didn't want me to talk about it. And it was kind of like hushed. My dad was a little different. He always kind of, I was felt like he understood. And it was nice to kind of have that confidant there, but it was mostly just, they don't talk about feelings and it it's hard for me because all I wanted to do. And when I did, it was like, I was shut down so much and it was hard for me. I kept a lot of that inside of me. And it really affected my mental health for a long time. It still does.Damon (04:19):mmhm] how do you mean effect? what do you mean by it affected your mental health? In what way?Megan (04:22):No, I censored myself a lot and I made myself small and I made myself as quiet as I can because I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to argue anymore. I didn't want to do any of those things. So I just kept myself quiet and small and I'm not quiet, not small for anyone that knows the I'm very loud and very passionate about everything I talk about, especially being an adoptee and adoption. And it's hard to kind of having to keep myself so quiet. It ate me up inside completely and really made me kind of act out and rebel.Damon (04:56):Megan said she invested 12 years in therapy to work through her emotions. I asked her about some of the ways she acted out.Megan (05:04):Oh gosh, I snuck out of the house. I lit up cigarettes and I was like 15. And I just did everything. My mom said, no, you can't do it. No, you can't really do it. you can't go to the movies with your friends, I throw a temper tantrum and eventually I just go, you know, go anyway. Um, just anything she told me, Megan, you cannot do it. I said, yes, I can. And I did it school awful for me. I was very bad in school. I mean, I have a learning disability as well, which made it much more difficult. It was hard. It was really hard growing up and realizing that a lot of my issues were stems from my abandonment and how I felt inside. I felt I didn't feel worthy of love because I just felt, you know, if my birth mother couldn't love me and didn't want me, then why would anyone else? And I really pushed everyone away and especially my mom and my parents, and I just did anything, anything I could to piss them off and make it difficult for them. You know, I'm in my thirties and my mother has grey hair.Damon (06:06):Was there a while there where your rebellion was unconscious. And then as you started to really begin to identify with your own adoption, that it became more conscious or vice versa. Do you know what I mean?Megan (a...

Jenny journaled about her birth mother from an early age. She grew up in a loving family, but the urge to find her birth family was always there. When Ohio opened it birth records, she obtained some vital information that led her to her birth mother on Facebook and later to her birth father. But she never expected to learn she had a full sister!The post 033 – My Sister Reunited Too, But Didn’t Know About Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jenny (00:02):I called them and I told them who I was and I said, you know her name and he's like, Oh yeah, yeah, that's who I am. And I mean, he didn't try to act like that wasn't him. And um, he just told me a whole bunch of stuff and that, that was one of the things he told me was, Oh, we had another kid together. He didn't say how old or even if it was boy or a girl, but he was like, yeah. And I was like, Oh. But I didn't tell him I knew.Voices (00:30):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:41):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jenny. In Ohio where Jenny lives, the law changed to recently allowing her to access her original birth certificate. That meant after years of research with no information, she was able to finally track down her family. She connected with them on Facebook and just introduced herself out of the blue. But it turned out she wasn't the only one to return to the family. In the end, Jenny made family connections she's excited about and she's looking forward to getting to know them all more. Here's Jenny's story.Damon (01:27):Jenny says she has a great family referring to her adoptive family. Interestingly, her parents didn't think they could have children, so they adopted. Her parents conceived her younger sister naturally thereafter. I asked Jenny about her feelings as an older adopted sibling growing up.Damon (01:43):Did you guys, you and your sister talk about your adoption at all, maybe when you got older or anything like that when you could sort of have more logical conversation about it?Jenny (01:55):Um, yeah. I mean, I, she knew that she always knew I wanted to search. Um, in Ohio, they just changed the law where I could get my original birth certificate. So growing up I knew I wasn't going to get it. Um, and cause that just changed like two years ago. So, um, I knew I'd have to like hire someone or do something or you know, to be able to find them unless, unless they would join a mutual consent, which they never did. So like a registry.Damon (02:23):A registry or some other online resource. I gotcha.Jenny (02:26):Right. Yeah.Damon (02:28):So did I hear you say you, you always wanted to search?Jenny (02:32):Oh yeah. It's all through... I've re-read my journals from when I was a kid. It's all in there. I wanted to find her. I thought about her all the time.Damon (02:39):Really. What kinds of things did you write in your journal from when you were a kid? When and why? Well, first of all, when did you start journaling and, and what kinds of things did you write in your journal as a kid?Jenny (02:49):I was probably 10 when I started writing it like every day and I probably did it for 10 years every day. I would just think about it. Um think about her. I didn't really think about my birth father, but I was just thinking about her like what's her life like? What's she like? Is she okay? Is she going to find me? Those were the, those are the themes.Damon (03:13):It's interesting you were concerned about her as much as, um, she was probably concerned about you, huh?Jenny (03:19):Yeah.Damon (03:20):Did you, did you explicitly write any fantasies? I mean, 10 years old is a pretty young age. You're still fairly imaginative at that time. Did you, as you read back through your journals, did you find any like real fantasies about meeting her or who she might be or anything like that in your own writing?Jenny (03:39):I think I just pictured her like my mom, except younger and with more kids. I don't know why, but I always thought she would have them.Damon (03:47):Oh really? You thought you had a bunch of siblings,...

Brenda was born in California, grew up on the east coast and lives in Texas. She’s the child of a military family that has lived all over. When a school project required her to ask her adoptive mother about her family tree at eight years old, she was shown her non-identifying information for the first time. While the offer was open to review her information anytime, Brenda felt like the topic of her adoption was stressful for her mother, so she never asked. After the birth of her first son, Brenda sought her birth parents, definitively identifying her birth father first. He was emotionally ready to welcome her in. Finding her birth mother, she saw the mirror image of her self. Unfortunately, the woman was so traumatized following her pregnancy and the adoption process, she wasn’t as open to Brenda’s return. But the door isn’t completely closed.Read Full TranscriptBrenda:         She just started crying and she just said, you know it, It took so long to forget and such a short time to bring it all backBrenda: What did you think in that moment.Brenda:    Well, I mean I understand. I understand. She had to forget about me to move on. She had to because she just couldn’t live there and beat herself up for the rest of her life.Intro voices: Who am I? Who am I?..Who am I? Who am I?… Who Am I? Who am I?Damon: This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I’m Damon Davis and today you’re going to hear from Brenda who called me from Texas. Brenda was raised as an only child in a military family and her parents always gave her what she needed to have a healthy, happy upbringing. After a school project, she was shown her non-identifying information and her curiosity about her birth mother opened up and her imagination kicked in, but it was her biological father whom she definitively identified first and who was mentally ready to receive her unscarred by the burdens, her biological mother bore after Brenda’s birth. This is Brenda’s journey.Damon: Brenda was born in California and grew up an only child of a military couple. They moved around a lot, living in different parts of the United States and overseas. At one point her parents intended to adopt a boy, but her father’s military orders transferred him. Before that adoption was completed.Brenda: I was the only one in the family that was adopted, you know, in the entire, either one of their families. So I didn’t really have anybody to talk to about it. They were always very open about it even though they were a little nervous about talking about that kind of thing. They’re just kinda little uptight about a lot of things. And um, so they had, I remember as a kid, I mean I’ve always known I was adopted and as a kid my mother would give me this little book to read about how special I was because I was adopted. I was selected, I was chosen and um, you know, that was kind of how it was approached. And uh, you know, most of the family, the extended family didn’t really treat me any differently than anybody else. We didn’t because again, with the military life, we didn’t live near anybody in the family either. My parents, they lived, their parents lived in different places and in the United States and we’d go visit occasionally about once a year, but that was about it and so it was just kind of the three of us growing up.Brenda:  Brenda says she looks different from her family, but over the years people have said she looks like her father, which always made her laugh and oddly Brenda and her mother’s voice is sound almost identical. A bizarre coincidence for Brenda who worked in broadcasting. She speaks reverently of her mother and honestly about her father.Brenda:  I’ve always gotten along great with her. I mean she really, she was a stay at home mom and even though, you know, we certainly weren’t wealthy by any stretch. I mean we always had kind of what we needed and you know, I was very fortunate, you know, Christmas time and that they would make sure that I got some things that I really wanted, but they didn’t want me to be spoiled because of being an only child. So my mother and I have always been very, very close, I mean very close. My Dad and I had a little bit of a stormy relationship. We just butted heads a lot and I think we just approach things differently, we think differently and we’re both pretty stubborn and so that’s been difficult. That was always difficult growing up. I mean once I got past about five or so things kind of changed with our relationship, you know, we’ve had a lot of difficult times know where we wouldn’t speak with each other and you know, even the living in the same house and we just wouldn’t speak with each other for like a month.Brenda:    Yeah. Which is really bizarre and you know, you don’t know any different at the time, but getting out of that, I realized that’s not the way that most families are, you know, it was, it was stressful. That part was really stressful and you know, I don’t know. I think deep down I always wanted to make sure that I didn’t cause too many problems because this is totally unreasonable and irrational, but I think in the back of my mind was always, well they could send me back, you know, they could, they could have me go back to foster care or the orphanage or wherever, you know, and you know, so I think it was always kind of one of those things like I don’t want to get too far out of line.Damon:    So Brenda’s parents try to make her feel comfortable with her adoption, with the books and the messages that she was special because she was chosen, but adoption wasn’t a comfortable topic and she could sense the tension. So she basically never raised the issue. Of course that made it tough as a kid when she had to complete one of those dreaded family tree projects. But it was that project that opened Pandora’s metal box for her.Brenda:  I think I was in elementary school and I came home with homework one day and you were supposed to trace your family tree. And I remember I went up to my teacher privately, you know, in elementary school and I said, Hey, I’m adopted. And she said, well then just do your parents. And it was like, okay, so yeah, and you know, so it’s like, well that’s not.Brenda:   Yeah, yeah. So it was really awkward and I still remember going home and I talked to my mother and I said, hey, you know, this is the assignment. And she brought out this metal box that I’d never seen before and open it up and inside where my adoption papers and it did have one type written sheet of non ID information. And in that it gave. And I saw for the first time my background in terms of my ethnic background and I found out that my mother was an immigrant to the United States. And uh, I had no idea.Damon:   I was glad Brenda came around to her biological mother being an immigrant because she alluded to looking different from her parents. She says her mother is tall and thin, fair skinned with reddish brown hair. Her father is shorter and she just doesn’t look like them.Brenda:  I have almost black eyes, you know, I have dark hair and all that. And so I just didn’t look like that.Damon:   What did you think you ethnicity might be?Brenda:   Well, I just didn’t know back then. I didn’t know. I mean, you know, you’re a kid, you don’t really, unless that’s part of your culture. I mean, you know, I was in an urban area at that time and so, you know, it was like, well people are, you know, African American or they’re Puerto Rican or their native America, you will really, really neat mix of different types of people. And so, you know, we had somebody from Portugal and and so those kinds of things. But I didn’t think about myself being like that and to find out that, you know, my mother had come to the United States from another country was like wow. And it was even a country I really didn’t know too much about.Damon:    Seeing the physical description of her biological parents and other non identifying information was really interesting because it painted a picture of traits about her biological mother, like athleticism and being good at crafts. She also learned thatBrenda:   when she had me, she was a junior in high school and that when she came to the United States, she didn’t speak the language in. So even though she was older, you know, they didn’t do bilingual education back then, so she had to go back to elementary school, you know, and sit is a big kid with little kids to learn the language and it was kind of humiliating for her.Damon:     Brenda, read about her birth parents, family structures on both sides. She learned their birth years and that her biological father was in the armed forces.Brenda:  So then your imagination starts really taking off as a kid and you know, Gosh, who could my parents be? And that’s, that’s where it gets kind of interesting because you know, you start looking for familiarity in the face of strangers and you look at people and think do… do they look like me? Could that be my family? You know, and you just don’t know. And that’s the hard part.Damon:   Yeah, that’s right. So who did you think they could be?Brenda:   Oh, you know, when you’re a kid, I mean I used to think, oh my dad’s going to be Johnny Carson.Brenda:  (laughter)Brenda:   you know, and my mom is probably like, Cher.Damon:   It’s not uncommon for adoptees

Jennifer is a reunited adoptee from Pittsburgh. She’s a petite, white blonde of European descent whose adoptive parents are a Spanish man and a Mexican woman. Through her search, she found both of her natural parents are deceased, and she had half brothers on both sides, both named Tom. Unbeknownst to Jen, her maternal half-brother attended the same high school she did and bullied her! On her maternal side, she experienced secondary rejection which will never be resolved because her grandmother developed dementia and passed away.The post 046 – I Am Adopted, It Is Who I Am appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jennifer (00:04):She literally told me, she goes, you know, you focus too much on being adopted and you ask too many questions and I'm like, but I get them adopted. It is who I am. I had no information about myself for 30 years. And you think I'm not going to ask questions.Damon (00:25):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jennifer. She called me from Wellsburg West Virginia, where she's a caregiver for the elderly. Jennifer is transracially adopted, but I have to admit not in the way I usually think of that kind of adoption. She stood out in her family and her family stood out in their community. Jen shared that she was completely close to looking for her birth relatives until she got some stark examples of the importance of knowing your family's medical history. When she found her birth family, one of her gut feelings about her birth mother during her search was confirmed, but she also learned a crazy cruel irony about her high school past. In the end, Jen experienced a secondary rejection from her birth family. After she made a mistake at a huge family function. As you listen, decide for yourself, what you think the factors were in that rejection was that misstep as major as her family made it seem or where the history of guilt about hiding the truth or even the early onset of mental illness also factors. This is Jen's journey.Damon (01:52):Jennifer's adopted father's relatives are from Spain and he grew up in Pittsburgh. He got a PhD in chemistry, then took a job with a pharmaceutical company working for a while in Mexico city. Her adopted mom was her father's secretary there. They fell in love and her mother got pregnant immediately giving birth to Jen's older sister. Then her father took a job back in Pittsburgh. So he moved his young family back to Pennsylvania. Jennifer's mother wanted a big family, but after several miscarriages and her husband's health problems, they were starting to settle into the notion that it would just be the three of them,Jennifer (02:29):Our neighbor, who was a nurse. She, I don't know the connection here, exact details. And she has since passed away. So I can't ask her, but she somehow knew the doctor who delivered me, who was my birth mother's doctor. He worked at Allegheny general hospital in Pittsburgh, and his name was dr. Bell. And he was known for, and I'll say in the air quotes, helping girls in trouble. So she had mentioned this, my parents, you know, that there's these babies up for adoption eventually. And would you be interested in my parents thought about it.Damon (03:04):Jennifer's parents didn't hear anything back for a while. Then they received a phone call. They were informed that there were a couple of different babies available for adoption and her parents should go have a look. Jennifer told me the viewing of babies, like their puppies has always been a sore spot with her. When her parents arrived, the recently born babies had families already. So they went home.Jennifer (03:27):I only know this story because I heard my mom tell it so often. My mom says her and my dad were in the dining room painting. She was up on a ladder and the phone rings and she heard my dad, all of a sudden, he goes, well, you better tell her my mom and our neighbor, who was the nurse, said there was a baby girl born this morning and she's yours if you want her. And my mom said immediately, yes. And her hands were shaking. And they went and dropped everything and went to the hospital and she was able to hold me that first day.Damon (04:00):Her mom dressed her at the hospital that very first day, but Jennifer had to stay in the hospital for a week among other issues. Her mother tried to hide her pregnancy, but her methods caused problems for Jennifer's development in her wombJennifer (04:15):because she, she worked hurdle while she was pregnant. My right foot was bent in such a way that my shoulders were touching my shin. So they had to do X rays and put a cast on my foot, that kind of stuff to correct it. So, yeah, my parents brought me home a week later and my sister, their biological daughter is nine years older than me. And you know, so it was like all of a sudden they had to prepare for a baby. As far as I know, everybody in the neighborhood knew I was adopted and I am of European descent. I am born, as pale as you get. Obviously I'm not Latino. He was Spanish. And he had black hair and dark skin and Brown eyes. And my mom had Brown hair and Brown eyes.Damon (05:02):Jen says that there was such an age gap with her and her sister that there was no sibling rivalry. They just weren't the same age to be in contention with one another. When Jen was starting school, her mother pulled her aside to have a conversation about adoption.Jennifer (05:17):So when I started kindergarten, um, I think my mom was worried that I didn't know I was adopted, even though it was never a secret. So she kind of, um, like had to, I guess in her way, she was like, reminding me, you know, I have a very vivid memory of this. I was about six years old, five or six. She was like, well, honey, you know that, you know, you're adopted. And then I must have asked her, what does that mean? And she said, well, I'm not your real mom. You know, your mom couldn't keep you. And the only information we had all my life was that they were teenagers from the North Hills of Pittsburgh. That's, that's all we knew. I had a tantrum like, and I wasn't one of those kids that would do that, but I can remember kicking and screaming and saying, where's my mom. Why didn't she want me? I want my real mom and all this. And I can't even imagine how painful that must have been for my adoptive mom, you know, to see me going through that. But I did. And it was hard. It was a really emotional time.Damon (06:27):Bet. I mean, it's, uh, it's great that she told you it's in, you did grow up with the knowledge, but you know, that's a volatile time there where a child is starting school. They're already sort of going to be in a place of comparing themselves to other children. And then they get this huge piece of news dropped on them. Jen's mom was afraid. One of the children in her school was going to spring. The news that she was adopted on her, Jen says her neighborhood was an upper class white collar enclave. So their family was the minority because there were nearly no families of color. And her adoption was well...

Renee searched for her mother literally her whole life. But her search predated the internet so she frequented the library and scoured local high school year books. with hopes of finding someone she felt she was related to. When she located her biological mother she refused to share any information about Renee’s biological father and forbade Renee for searching for her biological brother. The more you tell a person not to do something, the more they want to do that very thing and Renee swore to definitely search for her brother. Ultimately DNA testing unraveled the mystery. She takes a lot of comfort in knowing that her father was a pretty cool guy and someone she would’ve admired. Even after a tumultuous childhood, and severed ties to her biological mother, Renée said she has no regrets about searching for her biological family and she would do it again.The post 017 – He Is My Brother And I Will Find Him appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Renee (00:03):I started running away from home when I was four and when they would find me, I would have my little suitcase, my little flower power suitcase, and they would say, where are you going? And I would say, I'm going to go sign my mother. So I started searching for my mother before I even knew what it meant.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members.Damon (00:53):Hey, it's Damon and my guest on the show today is Renee. She was born in the 60s where her adoptive mother felt there were high expectations for what a family should look like and for her to be a mother. Renee shared that her upbringing wasn't a warm family environment at all. In her house, all of the caregiving things that parents do for their children, she had to do for herself. She was abused by her father and that abusive behavior was passed down to their biological son. When Renee had reached her limit, she ran away from home to start a new life and to try to find her biological family. Renee's journey begins in Houston, Texas.Damon (01:37):She says her mother felt pressure to make her family meet societal norms, but she wasn't a very good mother at all. And her adoptive father was abusive. Her childhood had no love, no friends. And the children basically raised themselves.Renee (01:51):My adoptive parents tried to have a child of their own for about 10 years and they weren't able to so they adopted my older brother who's not related. And then three years later adopted me because you have to have the boy and the girl and the boy has to be older and girl, you know, um, my adoptive mother was extremely rigid and rule bound and she, I don't think she actually wanted to be a mother, but society dictated that she had to be. So that was in order to appear successful, that's what she needed to do.Damon (02:28):what makes you say that you didn't think she actually wanted to be a mother?Renee (02:31):She was a horrible mother. I mean she, she just could not deal with the fact that there were people in that house who needed her care.Damon (02:41):Wow. Can you give me an example of what you mean?Renee (02:45):Well, we fed ourselves out of jars and cans and we ate cereal. We fed each other. No one cooked. We learned how to wash our own clothes before we started school. We had a step stool up to the washing machine because it was top loading at the time. And we learned how to wash our own clothes. We bathed ourselves, everything. We did everything ourselves. We didn't really have a mother and she didn't work. She was a stay at home person.Damon (03:17):Oh. So there was no reason for her not to have the energy to be the nurturing mom.Renee (03:23):Absolutely didn't want to. She didn't, she didn't cuddle us. She didn't hug us. She didn't, there was no, I mean, we just didn't, didn't interact with her. She was just kind of just presence in the house that you didn't really bother.Damon (03:38):And how were you with your father then? Your adoptive father?Renee (03:43):Well, he was a pedophile and an abuser and uh, my older brother, he beat half to death a couple of times a week. And me, he beat it up a couple of times, half to death a couple of times a week. And um, he abused me sexually. He didn't abuse boys sexually. When I was 10, they finally did conceive and have a child of their own. He's a pedophile as well. He's a convicted pedophile as well.Damon (04:11):Is that right? My gosh, I'm so sorry for how you grew up. That sounds incredibly horrible.Renee (a...

Adoptees have the ultimate voice about the adoption experience. Adoptee podcasters are offering fellow adoptees outlets for sharing their inner thoughts and deepest emotions about their adoption journeys -- the happy and sad, incredible experiences and the awful outcomes. On Wednesday, November 4, 2020 @ 7pm ET the hosts of some of the leading adoptee hosted podcasts: "Adoptees On" with Haley Radke, "Born In June Raised In April" with April Dinwoodie and "Who Am I Really?" with Damon Davis shared some of their insights from several years and hundreds of episodes podcasting about adoption. This was an open event for everyone to attend, ask questions, and hopefully leave with useful insights.* At 1:20:32 April and Haley very graciously supported the group through a Zoom bomb (a rude interruption in our online forum by uninvited participants). Just wanted to explain the odd transition in the content at that moment. 

I’ve shared an adoptee bond with my dear high school friend Andre for years. In this episode, Andre shares the story of his loving adopted family, being the older sibling to his adopted parent’s biological son, and the truth about how he came into this world. His biological mother never forgot him and honored his life every year.Andre:                         00:02               You go up to the judge, she has my case. She opens this Manila folder and I was like, there it is, like I'm this close. So then she proceeds to go through and she says that, you know, I have information here but you can't have it.Voices:                        00:23               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on today's show I was lucky to be joined by my old friend Andre. We've known one another for more than 25 years, going back to high school and at that time as young men, we both discovered that the other was adopted too and we were instantly connected. In our conversation, you'll hear some of that old school brotherly love, but you'll also hear some really poignant moments when the fact that he's an adoptee was revealed to his brother and the difficult news he learned about how he came into the world.Damon:                       01:21               First, Andre, I want to welcome you to the show. Thanks for coming.Andre:                         01:23               Thank you for having me, Damon.Damon:                       01:24               So glad you could do it. So tell me a little bit about your family growing up. Just start from the beginning as a young guy, tell me a little bit about you.Andre:                         01:34               I grew up in Framingham, Massachusetts. Great parents, father was retired military. Um, mom was an HR salesman for digital equipment corporation. I have a younger brother, three years younger.Damon:                       01:47               What's his name?Andre:                         01:47               Jason. Jason is his name. We had a great life. I had no idea that my story would unfold the way it did growing up with such great parents.Damon:                       01:59               Yeah. You and Jason were close?Andre:                         02:01               Very close.Damon:                       02:02               And is Jason adopted also?Andre:                         02:04               He is not, he's my parents' biological child.Damon:                       02:06               So he's biological and you're adopted. And how was that?Andre:                         

Kathleen grew up with five siblings, and they were all biologically related to her parents–she was the only adoptee! As a child she was told that she was adopted, but it didn’t quite sink in until the topic of adoption came up in conversation and her mother reminded her, “you’re adopted too.” But what blew my mind was how the search for her first family wasn’t originated by her, her family found her and knew exactly where to lookThe post 003 – When the Search Finds You appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Kathleen:                     00:00               You meet people your whole life. You meet friends, you meet new family members, people are born, people die, but meeting someone who is your actual biological parent after you're already, you know, at this point I was 18 years old is a very, very strange thing.Voices:                        00:19               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:30               This is "Who Am I, Really" a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon on today's show. I'm joined by Kathleen. Her journey as an adoptee is amazing because while she wanted to search for her family of origin, the search actually came to her at a very young age. You're not going to believe how Kathleen's story unfolded and you'll hear just how fortunate she feels for how things turned out.Damon:                       01:09               I appreciate you taking time to do the show. Take me back to the beginning. I know you and I talked a little bit before, but take me back to the beginning. Tell me a little bit about your background, about growing up, where you were and what your community was like, what your family was like and your, your family structure.Kathleen:                     01:26               Okay. So I was raised mostly in Racine, Wisconsin, and I was the youngest of six children. Uh, it was a big Irish Catholic family and I was the only of the six to be adopted actually.Damon:                       01:40               Wow. So you had five biologicals and you were the sole adoptee.Kathleen:                     01:45               Right, exactly.Damon:                       01:47               So how was it?Kathleen:                     01:47               I was raised in a very, you know, culturally Irish family I would say. And what I always thought, looking back, what was so interesting about is the fact that I never, until I really knew that I was adopted, recognized the difference in our appearance, which to me today is very obvious. I mean, I, I have darker skin and darker complexion and they all look very, very Irish and have the, you know, the reddish hair and the freckles and green eyes. And I didn't have that at all. And when I was growing up, I just didn't notice it, which really says a lot about what children do and do not see as they're, as they're young.Damon:                       02:21               Absolutely. Yeah, I totally understand that. We just are kind of blinded to the differences between us because we're all kids and it's only when we get to be adults and we're taught what our differences might be that we really start to recognize them. So true. So now tell me a little bit about when you discovered you were adopted or when you were told, how did that go down in your family?Kathleen:                     02:41               So I talked to my mom about this not long ago and I asked her when she told me I was adopted because I remember her telling me when I was nine years old. And she very, very much remembers telling me earlier. But I think the way that she told me was not very direct, it was sort of in a story type way, not the, you know, Kathleen, I'm sitting you down today to tell you you're adopted, but you know, making references to adoption or making references to things that I guess as a kid I just didn't pick up on. And so when I, when I was nine years old, I remember having a conversation with my older brother and we were talking about someone else who was adopted and my mom threw out, you're adopted. And I was absolutely stunned.Damon:                       

Terry shared the story of his biological parents’ wartime extra marital affair that brought him to life.  He said his adopted parents felt he was “the sun the moon and the stars”, and spoiled him that way. As a teen, Terry wanted to apply for a job and needed his birth certificate from his parents. But that simple request worried his mother deeply about her place in his heart because she thought he was beginning a search for his biological family. He didn’t connect with his biological mother until his own parents were in failing health, but what an emotional day it was when he did finally meet his first mom!The post 005 – Part of Her Memory That She Lost Was Me appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Terry:                          00:02               My Mom, her dad are dying and I'm going to beat my birth mother for the first time and my two half sisters that I've never met before. So I pulled up and Mary came out and we hug, but she was very, I don't want to say distant, but she certainly wasn't real warm.Voices:                        00:27               Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon:                       00:34               Who am I? Who am I? This is who am I really a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon on the show today is Terry who located his biological family at a time before the Internet allowed easy searches for facts and information. He was born in the 1940s a time of war for our country, but it's also when his story begins and his journey, you'll hear about his path to learning who he is in so many ways and a very emotional day that he met his biological mother for the first time. I've been really excited to talk to you since Carmen may the introduction, so thanks for making time. Tell me a little bit about your childhood and your community, a little bit about your family and just generally how you grew up as an adoptee.Terry:                          01:26               Well, um, my parents had tried to, uh, have a child for like nine years and they were unsuccessful. They had a good friend. My mom's best friend, um, had a boarder in her house who's husband had gone to war and, uh, she was having an affair and I was the result of that affair. So when her husband came home, uh, he was pretty upset about the fact that she was pregnant and my moms friend knew that they'd been trying to have a kid, so they worked it out that I could be adopted by..Damon:                       02:06               Wow.Terry:                          02:06               Anyhow, Clarence and Charlotte were the only parents that I ever knew. They were wonderful parents in one respect, except that they were over over protective. I mean, they did not go anywhere without me for the first six years of my life, I was never outside of my mom or dads vision, you know. But I adapted to it and it was, it was okay, but you know, one o the classic examples I give is that Christmas really doesn't mean all that much to me anymore because when I was, I don't know, five or six, I came out of my bedroom and the entire living room floor was covered with packages and they only have my name on it and I just thought life was supposed to be, you know, and uh, my cousins always remark about the fact of how spoiled I was and how, you know, my mom just doted on me and all of that stuff. I didn't know anything different. I didn't know the world was any different than that. I didn't know that there were, I didn't know there was evil in the world. I didn't know there was, you know, I mean, I was so incredibly protected because I was the sun and the moon and the stars for them.Terry:                          03:16               Now they told me from when I was a young child that I was adopted. I mean, there was a period of time, till I was 18 that we really didn't discuss that at all. My mom, when I was going through puberty, my mom was going through menopause. Oh, that was just a horrible time. It was just a horrible time. But we were, yeah, we were always fairly close, except she couldn't, accept.. Really she wanted me to be a doctor. She wanted me to be an MD and nothing else would work. And I went away to college. And so I flunked out of Denison University after a semester and a half, and she was just devastated. And then I went to Kent State and I was there for the massacres, unfortunately on May 4th.Damon:                       04:01               Oh no.Terry:                          04:01               Um, yeah, yeah, it was, uh, probably one of the things that changed my life more than anything.Terry:                          04:08               And I was a Hippie and she hated that. She just, she thought that was awful. And, uh, I was living with a woman at the time. Uh, she was real unhappy about all that stuff, so I wasn't turning out the way she wanted...

In adoption, Julie grew up in the Midwest with a family of trans racial adoptees. Her brothers are adopted from Vietnam, and her sister is white. Each of them has a different perspective on searching for their biological families. Julie has always been curious. She told me that in the moments after her son was born and he was placed in her arms, she could forgive her biological mother, and release the anger she previously felt about her rejection. In that moment, she clearly understood the everlasting bond of a mother to her child.The post 006 – I Forgave Her When My Son Was Born appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Julie (00:00):Yeah. When I had my son, like the moment I gave birth to him, I will say like the second he was placed in my arm and my first thought was at my birth mom and I just, I, I let go of all the anger.Voices (00:21):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:32):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and in this show. I had the great pleasure of catching up with my old friend Julie. We met over 10 years ago and as it often happens with me, we bonded over being adoptees, but she was already seeking her biological family and had been at it for a long time when we met. When we first knew one another, she had located her family of origin and her social worker had been in touch with them, but for some reason they had not actually made the connection. Julie moved away so I never got to hear what happened next for her. I've wondered about Julie for years. So today she finally satisfied my curiosity.Damon (01:17):Thank you so much for taking time to join me for this. I have been so excited to talk to you for like years. Honestly. I mean, you'll recall you and I first met back. What was that?Julie (01:29):2003. Yep.Damon (01:29):We bonded over being adoptees. I recall one of the conversations that we had around the fact that you had begun to search for your biological family. So I'm really excited to hear the update because I, I've honestly, I've thought about you off and on for years wondering how your story unfolded. So I, I can't wait to get to the end, but for right now, what I'd love for you to do is just take me back to the beginning. Tell me a little bit about, you know, how you grew up, where you grew up, what your family structure was like, and just generally how it was being an adoptee in your family.Julie (02:07):Sure. So I was born in Chicago and, and immediately placed into foster care because my birth mom knew that she wasn't going to keep me. And I'll give you some backstory and a little bit of on that side of the family. But in my, um, in my adoptive family, which I typically just refer to as my family, um, I'm the fourth, I'm the youngest, I'm the baby and I'm the fourth child and all four of the kids in my family are adopted. And so my oldest sister is white. And then my brother, my next oldest brother is, uh, black and Vietnamese. And then I have a brother who's Vietnamese and probably something else. Um, we're not entirely sure. Both of them were, uh, both of them were, were they, I mean the Vietnamese war orphans and so we don't have accurate records on them and that includes like their age, their accurate birthdays. Um, so they were given records most likely as kids who already passed, which is typical. And so thenDamon (03:12):Thy were transferred records, they basically have someone else's records, you think?Julie (03:15):Yes.Damon (03:16):Wow.Julie (03:16):Yeah, because so because, um, so this is a story that's like, you know, part of our family folklore. But, um, when my older brother came over and was finally having like, you know, immediately had his first doctor visit, the doctor was very clear with my parents that this child was at least six to nine months older than the age that they had reported to him, that they had been told.Damon (03:37):wow.Julie (03:38):Um, malnourished. Certainly him, both of my brothers were a malnourished when they came, um, and, and uh, and sick and so probably older than their actual years and maybe not a full year older, but definitely not that birthday that we have for them. Um, and so then, so they had those, those three, and they're kind of, they're stairstep and they're, I think between like five and eight years older than me. And then it came time and my parents decided that they wanted to adopt again and again, like family folklore, there was a little girl in Dallas, Texas, and then there was me in Chicago.Julie (04:12):And, um, my brother, my oldest brother, Jeff, is the one who decided that we should adopt me because we needed more brown skin in the family.Damon (04:21):Ah, that's so cute!Julie (04:21):Um, yeah. Yeah. And so actually my first picture, um, that I keep on my fridge is that my brother Jeff holding me.Damon (04:29):Oh, that's really awesome.Julie (04:29):On the day that the, yeah, on the day I was placed. And uh, and so yeah. So they went with me. And I also think because the other little girl had a lot of health issues too, and I was a healthy baby, so I think that that was worked in my favor certainly. Yup.Damon (04:44):I see. Wow.Julie (a...

Steve was raised in Baltimore, MD in a predominantly Jewish suburban neighborhood. But as he looked around at his friends and other families, he truly questioned his own identity, especially as an adoptee. In an era before electronic record keeping, Steve used his street savvy to buy the information he needed about himself in order to advance his search for his biological family. More crafty thinking led Steve right to his biological mother’s front door. He wanted to meet her, but not necessarily reveal that he was her son. He knocked on her door with a story that should have gotten him sent on his way. Instead she invited him in! Just wait until you hear his crafty approach to introducing himself to his biological mother, and the truth about his European heritage.The post 010 – How Can I Meet Her Without Telling Her Who I Am? appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Steve (00:04):My biggest question to my parents who raised me was always, are you sure? Are you 100% sure that I'm Jewish? And I'm looking in the mirror, I'm thinking, I don't look like anybody in this neighborhood. Yeah, I knew I wasn't Jewish and I wanted to know what my background was.Voices (00:27):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:38):This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members? Hey, it's Damon and today you're going to hear Steve's journey. He has family history in Baltimore, Maryland, but his biological roots go back to Chicago, Illinois. Steve says that he was a bit of a juvenile delinquent when he was a teen and quite the opposite of his siblings, one who was a jock, the other who was a scholar, but it turned out those street skills and crafty thinking were just the tools he needed to locate and connect with his biological mother. I can't wait until you hear just how he did it.Damon (01:18):Steve, I'm super glad to be connected to you, man. I appreciate you accepting the invitation to chat a little bit. You've got quite an amazing story, but I'd love for you to take me back to your early childhood. Tell me about what it was like in your family as an adoptee, what your structure was like and your family and what your community was like and how you fit into the community as an adoptee.Steve (01:42):Perfect. Yeah, I'll start off was saying, you know, my adoptive parents, I'll start off with them, uh, to give you a little idea why they even went the adoption routes, but they, they were a Jewish couple. Uh, they were married in the late forties. They decided to start a family probably somewhere around 1950, 51, and they obviously could not conceive. So, um, they decided to go the adoption route. Okay. Then what makes this whole story interesting is that my parents were Jewish and they wanted to adopt a Jewish baby. So I'm thinking to myself, what are the odds on them finding a bunch of Jewish babies out there in this world? How do you even go about that? That's what they wanted because they wanted to stick with it, you know, their religious tradition and raise a child Jewish and things like that. So I was actually born in Chicago.Steve (02:36):My parents were from Baltimore, so that's where the thing gets kind of weird. Uh, what they did was they got an attorney up in Baltimore who knew of a rabbi who knew of a rabbi in Chicago who knew an attorney over there that had access to people that were Jewish and looking to put babies up for adoption into a Jewish family, if you can follow that. So about six years later, around 1977 they get a phone call, there's a baby girl available, which is my older sister. Year and a half later, they get a phone call that there was a baby available in Chicago, fly out to Chicago, and there was me coming home three days later.Damon (03:20):So the Jewish community gets together and through connections establishes a network by which to presumably Jewish babies can arrive in a Jewish family in Baltimore.Steve (03:33):Environment. Correct.Damon (03:33):Gotcha. Okay.Steve (03:34):Correct. So fast forward a little bit. A couple years later in 1962 my parents were able to have a biological son, which is pretty normal. They say sometimes parents that cannot conceive then all of a sudden they can. But basically in the 60s growing up in the rambles town area of Baltimore County was like, our environment was like the show leave at the Beaver. It was really, it was just, you know, a brand new suburban area. I grew up in a, in a 100% Jewish neighborhood. There must have been 115 homes in my neighborhood and every single one of them was Jewish.Damon (04:13):Mhmm an enclave. The community. Yeah.Steve (04:17):Well it was pretty much just like any other family in the neighborhood. I quite frankly, I didn't realize I was adopted until I was the age of six. Um, there's only a couple of things I can really remember, uh, before the year 1964 and that was John F. Kennedy getting shot and the day my mother told me I was adopted.Damon (04:40):Huge moments in your life, huh?Steve (04:42):Yeah. Yeah. And I, and I tell people that my adoptions no big deal. But that moment when my mother told me I must've been a big deal cause it's still in my brain to this day cause I could remember exactly where I was sitting when my mother told me that news.Damon (04:56):Do you remember how you felt? What did it, what did it feel like? Or what did she say? What else do you remember?Steve (05:01):Yeah, well I remember sitting down on the steps on my 6th birthday. It might've been like a day or two before I was to start first grade. So I'm thinking maybe my parents thought we might as well tell him today before he goes to school and finds out in school from somebody else because maybe one of the parents in the neighborhood told some kid who knows. So it was a good time to tell me.Damon (05:23):Yeah, the community talks. Yeah.Steve (a...

Tom advocates for adoptee rights and shares his personal experiences about being adopted. He was adopted as an infant and things went so well his parents decided to adopt two older boys when Tom was two years old. Their adoption is where his trouble started. Life became chaotic in their home because the older boys were difficult for his parents to control. Tom was feeling sidelined. Sadly, one of the older boys sexually abused him resulting in issues he’s dealt with most of his life. Searching to repair his past he sought counseling, connected with his biological mother, and tracked down his biological father. But Tom was never quite able to gain the sense of belonging he was searching for.The post 012 – I Need This For My Sanity appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Tom (00:03):You know, I knew more and more it was him. Wrote a third letter and basically said, look, I'm not after your money. I'm not looking to disturb your family, but I, I need this for my own sanity. I need to, I need to know and, and I'd like to meet you if I can.Voices (00:25):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:36):This is Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on the show today, I'm joined by Tom. Tom advocates for adoptee rights and shares his personal experiences about being adopted online. He shared with me that he was adopted as an infant and things went so well that his parents decided to adopt two older boys when he was two, but that's when the trouble started. He says, life became chaotic in their home because the other boys were difficult for his parents to control leaving Tom feeling sidelined, resulting in issues he dealt with his entire life ever since. Searching to repair his past, he sought counseling, connected with his biological mother and tracked down his biological father, but Tom was never quite able to gain the sense of belonging he was searching for.Damon (01:29):Tom, thanks for taking time to talk to me this morning. I appreciate it.Tom (01:33):Absolutely.Damon (01:34):Now I've been seeing some of the thought leaders that are out there and your name continues to come up as somebody who's advocating for a lot of adoptee rights and you're a prolific writer about your own feelings and your own story.Tom (01:48):Oh, not a problem at all. I do the writing to try to help others and we'll see how that goes.Damon (01:54):Yeah, yeah, it's helpful for me to read some of your thoughts and some of your experiences. I appreciate the fact that you sort of consistently write about different themes from forgiveness to consideration of the father and a biological family and you know, so many other topics. So thank you for your leadership in this space as well.Tom (02:13):I appreciate that.Damon (02:14):Sure. So I would love for you to take me back to the beginning. Tell me a little bit about your life as an adoptee. As a young child, what it was like in your family, your community and uh, and how things were growing up for you.Tom (02:28):Sure. Well, to start, I think it started out well and was well intended. I was adopted at the age of three months back in 1971. I guess I was my parents pride and joy. Things went well for them. In fact, so well that they decided that they were going to adopt two older boys, uh, when I was two years old. So those boys came in, they were two and four years older than, than me. And immediately the house became chaotic. It wasn't really clear what was happening with them and their foster home, they were actually in the same foster home. They were not biological brothers, but they came as a package to us.Damon (03:15):Interesting. So just for clarity real quick, you were the sole child in your family until these new adoptees came in. So you went from being number one and the, the sole focus to like being number three, you're now the youngest, is that right?Tom (03:33):Exactly. Which was very, very odd. It really kind of turned my world upside down.Damon (03:40):I can imagine.Tom (03:41):So, you know, life became chaotic. I do remember, as a matter of fact, I think I remember on the first day that uh, my middle brother complaining about the food and you know, wanting to go back to where he was and things were just very, became very uncertain almost overnight. Time went on a little bit and as we got a little older, it became more and more chaotic.Damon (04:10):What...

Michael grew up in Coney Island, Brooklyn, NY. He led a comfortable life in the Williams loving home when he accidentally discovered, at 12 years old, that he was adopted. The discovery that he actually had another identity created conflict in him, especially during his teen aged years.With spontaneity, tenacity, and a fair bit of luck Michael was able to track down the phone number for a long lost cousin in NY. She sounded the alarm to the family that Michael had found her, and a series of holiday season reunions ensued. But his reunification was not without its resentment. Over the course of two decades he satisfied his curiosity to uncover every detail he could about who he really is. It was an emotional journey of discovery that led him all they way to his family’s roots in the South.The post 019 – Adoption Was Chapter Two Of My Life, I Had To Learn About Chapter One appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Michael (00:02):The only thing I can think of was like going to the motherland. America is a nation of still with immigrants, but there is a mother country, ancestrally speaking, so whether you are going to come from Poland, Ireland, Africa or wherever. When you go back to those things, there's something grounding, something that anchors you and it did for me because I'm looking at this woman. I'm like my life story begin with this woman. It all started in her womb.Voices (00:38):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:49):This is Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, I'm Damon Davis on today's show. I'm joined by Michael who grew up in Coney Island, Brooklyn, New York. Michael was living a comfortable life in the Williams loving home when he accidentally discovered that he was adopted at 12 years old. The discovery that he actually had, another identity created conflict in him during his teenage years. With spontaneity, tenacity, and a fair bit of luck, Michael was able to track down the phone number for a long lost cousin in New York. Over the course of two decades, he satisfied his curiosity to uncover every detail he could about who he really is. It was an emotional journey of discovery all the way to his family's roots in the South. We pick up Michael's journey at the beginning, as a child. Michael was raised with six siblings, some biological to each other and many foster children who moved in and out of their home over the years. His parents cultivated a family environment for everyone, including him.Michael (02:05):In my world, I, I always, you know, thought that I was born in Brooklyn. That was my starting point and of course later on, I discovered that I had adopted into the family, but I was, I started as before as the Williams foster child and my adoption, wasn't made final until I was six years old. Even at that point, there was never any differentiation between, Oh these are the biological children, oh these are the adopted children, oh these are the foster children. Cause, I mean, growing up in a household, dad was still with foster kids coming in and out, not ever realizing that I had was in their shoes.Damon (02:47):Interesting.Michael (02:49):My parents did a really good job. It was an environment of openness and there was this sense of a family cohesion is that even though with the foster kids that were coming in and out, it was just a part of everyday life for us. That whole family environment was cultivated by both my father and my mother simply because that was the only child, his name, and yet I say this to honor my father because he's deceased freedom and black Williams, he was the only child and he never knew his father and there was an incredible burden in his heart to be a father to the fatherless. What I later discovered was that he actually had fostered nearly 65 inner city children.Damon (03:37):Wow. That's, that's a open-heart man. That's really incredible. So you were, you were made to feel so comfortable that it took you a while to figure out that at one point you had been a foster child who was in transition to another place. That's interesting. What did you think when you realized that?Michael (03:58):When I, well, the day that I realized that I had been adopted, I was about 12 or 13 years old and it turned everything on its head because it was confusing. It was confusing to me because I didn't understand why that information was withheld. Everything just kind of came out in an unexpected way. I'm mean, I was, I had, I was looking through the family photo albums and I discovered the summer day camp certificate of completion and it said Michael Harth and I was like somebody made a huge mistake and mom never caught, how could she not have caught this very noticeable mistake? I'm not Michael Harth, who is Michael Harth? I'm Michael Williams. I've always been Michael Williams. So then when I brought upstairs to go find my mother about it, she said, where did you find that certificate? I said, well mom, it was in the family photo album and she knew I had this habit of looking through the photo albums and just trying to make sense of who are these folks who are in these black and white photos.Michael (05:05):So then it turns out that was the day of discovery. But it was also the day of discovery of my two younger siblings because all the way up until that time well I thought I was born into the family and the foster kids that I knew, they were the ones who were foster kids and then now I'm confronted with the realities. Had no idea, I was once in their shoes and, but I was the one that they, and one of the few that they ended up keeping. So cause there was a whole other history that I was connected to that I just had to know about and that was very traumatic and confusing.Damon (05:43):How did your mom make you feel? How did she address your confusion?Michael (05:48):I assumed that she was ill prepared for that day.Damon (a...

Marcie finally felt plugged into her biological family after years of divisive behavior from her adopted mother. Her mother never nurtured a bond between Marcie and her adopted siblings and had a hard time overcoming some of her own childhood issues. In reunion, Marcie connected with her biological father who amazingly helped solidify a deeper connection to Marcie’s aunt, his sister. Marcie and her aunt both share an innate connection to their own spirituality. Even though her biological mother was not in a place to be part of Marcie’s reunion with her father, she was able to make a really good connection with another aunt on her maternal side of the family.In hindsight Marcie wishes she had been true to herself throughout her journey, reaching out sooner and making sure to meet her relatives when the opportunities presented themselves. She admits that sometimes it’s okay for each us to be selfish along our journey as long as it is done with kindness and compassion for others.The post 021- With Every Heart Break, My Heart Gets Bigger appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Marcy (00:06):I think it was painful as a woman, having a child, knowing that somewhere my biological mother went through a pregnancy with me and pushed life out of her, into me and then had to leave me. And the whole experience is esteem now of what my body went through for those nine months and the trauma that your body goes through in order to create the healthy beautiful environment for this beautiful thing, growing inside of you. I had real mixed emotions about it.Voices (00:50):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:57):This is Who Am I Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis. And on the show today, you're going to hear from Marcy. Marcy grew up with two older adopted brothers in a home she says, was filled with parental narcissism. That environment made her struggles with her own identity, even worse as a teenager, her upbringing exacerbated deep unrest within her. In reunion, she found her father who laid a path for Marcy to find a kindred spirit in his family. Her story begins in Michigan when she was a child.Damon (01:52):Marcy has always known she was adopted, but she doesn't really remember actually talking about adoption. Marcy says she had a little trouble navigating her mother's emotions and she couldn't really figure out if things would've been different if Marcy had been her biological daughter.Marcy (02:06):I really know if we did talk about it. I don't really remember. I know, you know, I grew up in a home where my mother, for whatever reason, couldn't have children. Um, and we constantly heard about all her failed pregnancies and her female problems. And, um, you know, I think sometimes those are really big shoes for someone like me to fill. You know, I think that she, as much as she enjoyed having children, I don't know really how much she enjoyed having children. Does that make sense?Damon (02:44):Interesting. Why do you say that?Marcy (02:46):She, in my experience, um, is, or I should have say has since I'm not a doctor, but she has extreme narcissistic, um, personality traits.Damon (03:00):Yeah.Marcy (03:01):And you know, like my older brother, he was adopted first and my dad had gotten shipped off to Vietnam and you know, her and my brother were really bonded and, you know, he was like the golden child. And then trying to fill in those shoes of him was always very difficult. I was also a girl. And I think that she had some slight jealousy issues with my father and my relationship. And so I think, I don't know if it's normal, if I was adopted or if I was from her, you know what I mean? Like I don't, I see it from being adopted. I can't see it being from her flesh and blood. If I was her own natural child, if the treatment would be the same or if it would be different or indifferent, I only know it being adopted and more times than none, it didn't feel so great.Damon (04:00):Yeah. That's the only lens that you can see it through is the lens of an adoptee and, and the way you are treated in narcissism. That's fascinating. Were you, uh, an only child?Marcy (04:13):No. I had two brothers and all three of us were adopted. We were adopted into a Jewish professional home that was always told to us. I came with a piece of paper where I am Catholic blood and my biological mother wanted me adopted into a Jewish professional family, which is where I was placed.Damon (04:35):Gotcha. So you've kind of stated that the home is full of narcissism. How did that impact you as an adoptee? You know, you're growing up as a teen, you understand fully and clearly that you're adopted, but the, the perceived, um, sort of the narcissism and the focus on one's self would be impactful on the teen who is trying to understand her own identity. What do you remember about how that was impactful to you?Marcy (05:01):I truthfully had a very difficult time with it and tried taking my life a couple of times to be very frank and honest. I had always this inclination of watching and looking at people because I really believed in the threads of my being that I was brought here out of love. I always believed that and that I deserved that love. And so I was the type of child, very happy go lucky, always very spiritual. You know, I didn't feel like this Jewish environment was a,...

Louise was one of four a dual heritage children raised by white parents in England. She had a fantastic childhood. So much so that she has adopted twice. But along her impulsive journey into reunification, Louise was exposed to uncomfortable situations including her biological grandfather’s impending death, overt racism in her mother’s family, and total rejection by her biological father. Unfortunately, Louise’s mother’s withholding of facts also prevented her from knowing her sister, who once was interested in reunification.The post 024 – I’m Deeply Hurt, But I Hope You’re Happy appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Louise (00:02):If you rush these things, you can really damage any sense of long term relationship with people and I think you need to think more widely of the implications of your actions to other people, I didn't even consider how my birth mother would feel.Voices (00:16):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:34):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show you'll hear the journey of Louise. She called me from London, England, so at times you may have to listen closely to hear her voice through the connection, but what you'll hear is the story of a woman who's youthful curiosity about her biological mother led her courageously and impulsively straight to her mother's door. Louise's poorly thought out approach in her twenties may have cost her the deep relationships that a more cautious and measured approach could have yielded and put her in some very uncomfortable situations. Her journey has repetitive rejections on three fronts. After locating her biological mother, father and uncovering the news that she also had a sister. However, Louise now has some sage wisdom for other adoptees and her own adopted children about their own possible journeys through reunification.Damon (01:37):Louise's heritage is a racial mix of white English descent on her birth mother's side and Jamaican English descent on her birth father's side. Louise's parents had already adopted an older brother, then her, followed by two more multiracial children. They were very open about adoption partially because they all looked very different from one another. Each child's individual adoption situation was their business to discuss with their parents if they chose to. Louise was able to grow up with the comforting information about her biological mother.Louise (02:10):Well, I was born in 1978 and I was relinquished for adoption by my birth mother. Um, at birth, really, um, she did change her mind and she went back and forth, but I never left the hospital until I went to live with foster carers and I was then adopted by two wonderful people. Um, it's worth noting that my birth mother's, uh, of white English descent and my birth father is a Jamaican and English descent. And the people that I was adopted by, um, who I refer to as mom and dad, uh, are actually Black English. And, um, I believe about six months after, um, I was born, I was placed with my parents. They already had adopted an older brother who's just under 18 months older than me and we have the same heritage. And um, they obviously went on to adopt two more dual heritage, mixed race, to put it in quick terminology.Louise (03:14):As children, we grew up always knowing we were adopted. They really, I mean it was hard for them to hide it cause people look so different. But they were always incredibly open about, you know, being adopted, about our birth mothers. I don't know so much about my brother's birth mothers. I mean quite selfishly and quite rightly, I think my parents didn't necessarily share that information with us because it was for the individual child. It wasn't, you know, everybody else's business. But, uh, for me, my mom always spoke about my birth mom, but she actually met her, which I think really helped me growing up knowing that my mom had an opportunity to meet her so I mean, growing up we were no different from any other family as far as we could tell because for us that was the norm. We went on adoption days out with other children that happened to be adopted, but my mom's still friends with, you know, that's your DA's later.Louise (04:15):So we were very much, we were, at the time, there weren't many mixed race or dual heritage children around where we lived, but as time grew on, there was, you know, more and more, you know, were present. So we had a happy childhood. I mean, all the angst of being a young lady was there. I think being adopted did play a little bit of a role in me being a little bit more uncertain of myself or emotions that my mom had always and my dad had always spoken highly of my birth mother and answered any questions I had, you know, very, very honestly.Damon (04:50):Tell me a little bit about your, your teen angst as it applied to being an adoptee. How do you think that it played in, in terms of your identity and sort of coming of age?Louise (05:02):Well, I think everyone could agree, who doesn't know where they come from, wants to know, do they look like somebody. Have they got the same resemblance to somebody else. And I think for me that was quite important because, you know, my friends grew up knowing that they look like, you know, their mom or their dad or their aunt or their uncle. Whereas I had, I really did have nobody, that looked, you know, that much like me, apart from my brothers, but we were all non blood related brothers and sisters. So that was quite tricky. Um, I know it affected one of my brothers, more so than it did myself. But I remember I do, you know, really remember thinking, who do I look like? Because people used to comment and say to my parents, to my mom, you know, she looks like, you know, I used to think, Oh but I'm sure I don't.Louise (05:53):I mean it just made me more self conscious I suppose. And you do wonder. But then I remember it's really strange, but I remember going somewhere with my dad when I was in the front of the car with my dad and he does this thing where he clicks his fore finger and his thumb together and I just know, I think I do that. So that was kind of, I know that sounds really silly, but that was kind of a really big reassurance for me because it was, I was similar to somebody else, but they just happened to not being biologically related, but I was just inquisitive about my birth mother as much as I could. But I wanted to

Jen had a very nice childhood with her parents and never really wanted to search for her birth parents until her friends started having kids. But the ultimate spark that ignited her desire to search came from a family tragedy.In the aftermath Jen located her birth mother and they connected over social media, but Jen could never get her mother on the phone and that gave her a bad feeling. While she’s thankful for the few answers she did get about her past, Jen wishes she had not been deceived and has a warning for other adoptees seeking reunion. On her reunion trip her birth mother bitterly showed her true colors.Thankfully,contacting her birth mother did allow her to connect with other really cool relatives, and find her paternal half-brother who is ecstatic to know her.The post 030 – Don’t Fall For “I Can’t Talk To You On The Phone” appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jen (00:03):I never got a please. Thank you. A nicety. Nothing. I got nothing decent or nice or kind from this woman, so that's the reason why when I look back at whatever communications we had prior to, I deleted everything because I don't think any of it's true.Voices (00:23):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:35):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jen who lives in the often sweltering heat of Phoenix, Arizona. She told me she had a very nice childhood with her parents and never really wanted to search for her birth parents until her friends started having kids. But the ultimate spark that ignited her desire to search came from a family tragedy. In the aftermath, Jen located her birth mother and they connected over social media, but Jen could never get her mother on the phone and that gave her a bad feeling. When they finally met face to face, their reunion was short lived. While she's thankful for the few answers she did get about her past, Jen wishes she had not been deceived and has a warning for other adoptees seeking reunion.Damon (01:28):For Jen, everything was normal. Growing up. Her parents read her a special book every night, the chosen baby, about a couple who elected to adopt an infant and raise the child as their own. Jen still has that book to this day. She never thought about her adoption growing up, even as a young adult. Then her peers started having kids. Of course, the children look like their parents, and Jen began to wonder whom she looked like. It wasn't quite enough of a spark to launch a search, but then something tragic happened.Jen (02:00):What changed for me and what made me search for biological family was my mom was killed in a car accident, um, October, 2012. So that was number one, a shock. And number two, a lot of things changed after that. Like I said, it never seemed to be an issue of me being adopted. It never was part of my day. It was never part of my thought. But after my mom was killed, my dad and the remaining family, cause we don't have a big family, I guess you could say, they sort of turned on me. I got written out of the will. Things were totally changed. I mean it was, it was so incredibly hurtful and incredibly blindsided that, I mean I just, then I start wondering my, cause my whole life been a lie.Damon (02:53):Wow.Jen (02:55):It was pretty big wow moment. Yeah.Damon (02:57):Did you experience any animosity, any contentiousness? Was there any, so for a minute, let's just go backwards for a second. Do you have siblings?Jen (03:10):No, they only adopted me.Damon (03:11):Did you feel any of that from your father growing up?Jen (03:15):No. No. Absolutely. No. That's why it was so blindsided. So my mom was killed October 2012. Things already were in play and changing like kind of almost within the first six months. It was pretty immediate.Damon (03:33):What kinds of things did you detect were that were already in play that were starting to get worse?Jen (03:38):I have two cousins that live in Chicago and they, my mom had a brother who was also deceased and I was really close to my uncle. Those two boys belonged to my uncle who's deceased. My mom is deceased. Those two boys live in Chicago and I mean, I hate to stereotype, but they are very wealthy, so I guess apparently if you're a multimillionaire, I guess you feel you could control the world. Well, they stepped in and it's like they sort of took over my dad, but at the end of the day, my dad is responsible for letting go of the wheel and letting those boys take control.Damon (04:15):Around that time, her father had hip replacement surgery and he was in the hospital. Jen went to his bedside daily and it was at that time she found out he had agreed to change his wife's will eliminating Jen. They're only heir and creating a trust that diverted her inheritance, but more importantly, the process drove a wedge between her and her father that was deeply hurtful. Unfortunately, Jen's not the only adoptee to be treated that way.Jen (a...

Jamie grew up an only child with her wonderful adoptive parents in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA. She was happy to hear in reunion that her birth parents had already talked about her existence with their families. Living in Tennessee, she found her birth mother right back in Atlanta, in the same county where she lived as a girl. Jamie shares some truly special moments she was blessed to share with her birth father including a special dance, and an epic celestial event.The post 031 – Finding Hope appeared first on Who Am I...Really? Podcast.Jamie (00:03):I choose to know both of them today. You know from the time that I found them and not you know, anything in the past that's just, we all have paths and I choose to know them today and for who they are today, no matter what the situation was, you know, 38 years ago.Voices (00:24):Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?Damon (00:35):This is Who Am I Really, a podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. I'm Damon Davis and on today's show is Jamie. She lives in Tennessee, but she grew up as an only child with her wonderful adoptive parents in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia. She started her search when she was 18 years old, finding her birth mother first in 2010 and her birth father recently in 2017 she was happy to hear in reunion that her birth parents had already talked about her existence with their families. Jamie tells the story of her blessings in reunification and some truly special moments she was able to share with her birth father when they first met. Here's Jamie's journey.Damon (01:24):Jamie was adopted as an infant and her parents were super loving when she was a child and their lives revolved around her and her activities. They got her involved in everything from dance and music lessons to church and choir. Jamie shared how her parents were doting parents and she was proud of being an adoptee, but her parents weren't comfortable with her openly discussing her adoption.Jamie (01:46):Well, I had basically always known that I was adopted, but according to my mom, I was told by the son of a family friend when I was very young, maybe four or five-ish. I don't remember being told though. So for me it was just always my reality. It didn't change my world or make me question why or anything of that nature. They always told me I was special and um, made me feel very special. But yet they discouraged me from talking about adoption or sharing that I was adopted. They very much wanted me to just be theirs, you know? So it was not encouraged that we talked about it much. It was talked about very, very little between us. Now, I was very proud of it because I thought it was special and so I would tell anybody and everybody, as long as I didn't think they would tell my parents that I was talking about it.Damon (02:40):Oh, that's so interesting. So you feel comfortable with it, but they kind of wanted to push it down and allow you to just be you in their family, not an adoptee in their family.Jamie (02:53):I never felt adopted. I mean I knew it was adopted, you know? Like I said, I thought it was special, but I never felt different than any other kids that I knew of. I mean, honestly I don't think, if I hadn't been told, I don't think I would have ever questioned or wondered if I was adopted or anything of that nature.Damon (03:16):Really?Jamie (03:16):No, I, I would have totally thought I was part of my family.Damon (03:19):That's kind of nice. Do you look like them? Do you, are you similar to them in different aspects of your life, your characteristics, personality traits and things?Jamie (03:29):Um, I definitely do not look like my mom's side of the family. My dad's side of the family, I probably would have just thought that I look like them because they're have more blonde hair. So I would've just thought I got looks from my dad, you know, even though I didn't particularly facial wise look, look like any of them I could have fit in fine I suppose.Damon (03:52):Yeah.Jamie (03:53):Um, as far as personality goes, I am very outgoing, never meet a stranger. And my parents both were fairly shy and pretty opposite of that, but I really wouldn't have thought anything about it. I would've just thought it was from them encouraging me to be different than them, you know, they wanted me to be that way. So they encouraged me by, like I said, putting me in dance lessons and having me at church and you know, being out in the public arena and things like that.Damon (04:22):I wondered why if Jamie was so comfortable at home, she decided to launch a search for her birth parents. She said she had many of the classic questions adoptees have about their circumstances of their adoption, wondering who she looked like and wondering if they thought about her on her birthday. Having learned and studied music, you'll hear Jamie talk about the song lyrics that resonate with her. Of course, what lyrics would resonate more than the words sung by a young orphan girl who wondered about her own parents too. Jamie also has a physical marker on her body that always reminds her about her own birthday.Jamie...