Tom advocates for adoptee rights and shares his personal experiences about being adopted. He was adopted as an infant and things went so well his parents decided to adopt two older boys when Tom was two years old. Their adoption is where his trouble started. Life became chaotic in their home because the older boys were difficult for his parents to control. Tom was feeling sidelined. Sadly, one of the older boys sexually abused him resulting in issues he’s dealt with most of his life. Searching to repair his past he sought counseling, connected with his biological mother, and tracked down his biological father. But Tom was never quite able to gain the sense of belonging he was searching for.

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Tom (00:03 ):

You know, I knew more and more it was him. Wrote a third letter and basically said, look, I'm not after your money. I'm not looking to disturb your family, but I, I need this for my own sanity. I need to, I need to know and, and I'd like to meet you if I can.

Voices (00:25 ):

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

Damon (00:36 ):

This is Who Am I, Really? A podcast about adoptees that have located and connected with their biological family members. Hey, it's Damon and on the show today, I'm joined by Tom. Tom advocates for adoptee rights and shares his personal experiences about being adopted online. He shared with me that he was adopted as an infant and things went so well that his parents decided to adopt two older boys when he was two, but that's when the trouble started. He says, life became chaotic in their home because the other boys were difficult for his parents to control leaving Tom feeling sidelined, resulting in issues he dealt with his entire life ever since. Searching to repair his past, he sought counseling, connected with his biological mother and tracked down his biological father, but Tom was never quite able to gain the sense of belonging he was searching for.

Damon (01:29 ):

Tom, thanks for taking time to talk to me this morning. I appreciate it.

Tom (01:33 ):

Absolutely.

Damon (01:34 ):

Now I've been seeing some of the thought leaders that are out there and your name continues to come up as somebody who's advocating for a lot of adoptee rights and you're a prolific writer about your own feelings and your own story.

Tom (01:48 ):

Oh, not a problem at all. I do the writing to try to help others and we'll see how that goes.

Damon (01:54 ):

Yeah, yeah, it's helpful for me to read some of your thoughts and some of your experiences. I appreciate the fact that you sort of consistently write about different themes from forgiveness to consideration of the father and a biological family and you know, so many other topics. So thank you for your leadership in this space as well.

Tom (02:13 ):

I appreciate that.

Damon (02:14 ):

Sure. So I would love for you to take me back to the beginning. Tell me a little bit about your life as an adoptee. As a young child, what it was like in your family, your community and uh, and how things were growing up for you.

Tom (02:28 ):

Sure. Well, to start, I think it started out well and was well intended. I was adopted at the age of three months back in 1971. I guess I was my parents pride and joy. Things went well for them. In fact, so well that they decided that they were going to adopt two older boys, uh, when I was two years old. So those boys came in, they were two and four years older than, than me. And immediately the house became chaotic. It wasn't really clear what was happening with them and their foster home, they were actually in the same foster home. They were not biological brothers, but they came as a package to us.

Damon (03:15 ):

Interesting. So just for clarity real quick, you were the sole child in your family until these new adoptees came in. So you went from being number one and the, the sole focus to like being number three, you're now the youngest, is that right?

Tom (03:33 ):

Exactly. Which was very, very odd. It really kind of turned my world upside down.

Damon (03:40 ):

I can imagine.

Tom (03:41 ):

So, you know, life became chaotic. I do remember, as a matter of fact, I think I remember on the first day that uh, my middle brother complaining about the food and you know, wanting to go back to where he was and things were just very, became very uncertain almost overnight. Time went on a little bit and as we got a little older, it became more and more chaotic.

Damon (04:10 ):

What does that mean for you?

Tom (</spa