Queering Internal Family Systems (IFS)

In this episode, Jude and Alessio explore the concept of access fatigue, the exhaustion that comes from repeatedly having to ask for, explain, or negotiate your needs in spaces that were not designed with you in mind.They discuss how access fatigue shows up across many lived experiences, including being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world, queer in heteronormative spaces, or disabled in ableist systems. Even when accommodations exist, the ongoing effort of requesting them, organising them, and navigating how those requests are received can still be deeply draining.Drawing on their work as Internal Family Systems (IFS) psychotherapists, Jude and Alessio reflect on how access fatigue appears in therapy spaces, professional training, and everyday life. They explore the emotional risk involved in asking for support, the invisible labour carried by protective parts, and how therapy is never fully separate from the social systems we live within.The conversation also highlights the small but meaningful ways access fatigue can be reduced. When someone remembers your needs, asks about access in advance, or actively considers inclusion and accessibility, it can significantly reduce the burden many people carry just to participate.Rather than placing blame, this episode invites a shift toward shared responsibility and greater awareness of the often unseen labour marginalised people do to navigate everyday environments.Key moments00:05 Introduction03:25 What is access fatigue?05:50 Origin of the term12:40 Access fatigue in therapy training15:00 The “access tightrope” of asking or staying silent20:45 Access in the therapy room24:00 When the outside world has not changed27:40 Closing reflections and looking aheadDisclaimerThis podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.ContactsJude Carn (She/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute – ⁠www.anchoredinself.co.uk⁠Alessio Rizzo (He/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Trainer with the IFS Institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) – www.therapywithalessio.comSound editing by Forbes Coleman

Queering IFS - Episode 12 - Bringing Compassion to the Complexity around Pronouns for Everybody with Phil de la HayeIn the first episode of 2026, Jude and Alessio are joined by Phil for a thoughtful conversation about pronouns, privilege, and complexity.Rather than treating pronouns as a simple checkbox, this episode explores how they operate across different layers: inside our systems, in relationship, and within wider cultural and organisational contexts. The conversation stays with the reality that pronouns can be affirming, exposing, political, tender, and sometimes activating, often all at once.Together, they reflect on choice and privilege in pronoun disclosure, the impact of misgendering, the limits of language, and why responsibility for inclusion can’t sit only with individuals.This is a grounded, compassionate conversation for anyone navigating gender, identity, therapy spaces, or leadership and training environments.In this episodePronouns as internal, relational, and contextualDifferent parts having different feelings about pronounsChoice, safety, and the privilege of being gendered “correctly” by defaultThe impact of misgendering, even after disclosurePronouns as labels, and why being asked to declare them can feel jarringLanguage, erasure, and gendered languagesOrganisational responsibility vs individual labourPronoun invitations as harm prevention in training spacesKey timestamps00:00 to 06:00 Introductions and setting the theme06:00 to 11:30 Context, choice, privilege, and internal layers11:30 to 18:00 Pronouns as labels, culture, and legacy20:30 to 24:30 Language, gender, and erasure24:30 to 32:30 Training spaces, access fatigue, and responsibility35:00 to end Power, privilege, and closing reflectionsQuotes“Compassion for the complexity around pronouns for everyone. We’re doing this for all systems.”“If there is no label, then you don’t exist. It’s the double edge.”“Privilege is silent. People don’t know they have it, because it’s a non-problem for them.”Links:Open letter: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ileIj-50K40fimPyCrPjWW4n5S2GTtDLBnbcO5Z22rM/edit?usp=sharingWebsite: www.phildelahaye.comInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/phildelahayeifs/FB page: https://www.facebook.com/phildelahayeifsSIRPA (Stress Illness Recovery Practitioners Association): https://www.sirpa.orgDisclaimerThis podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.ContactsAlessio Rizzo (He/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Trainer with the IFS institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) - ⁠⁠www.therapywithalessio.com⁠⁠⁠Jude Carn (She/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute - ⁠⁠www.anchoredinself.co.uk⁠⁠Sound editing by Forbes Coleman

This week, Alessio and Jude explore the intersection of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and neurodivergence, as they ponder intriguing questions about the Self and neurodivergence. This is the third episode in their exploration of Self-energy, queerness and neurodivergence. With reference to Nick Walker's pioneering work on Neuroqueering, they navigate the shifting cultural and historical contexts of neurodiversity, offering listeners an understanding of what it means to embrace cognitive differences within societal norms.As we draw on the hardware-software analogy, where the body serves as hardware and the self and its parts as software, we delve into the nuanced relationship between neurocognitive functioning and personal identity. Referencing the perspectives of several different thinkers in the field, they challenge the scientific community's attempts to measure the intangible aspects of The Self. This conversation highlights the complexities of Self-energy as it weaves through gender identity, culture, ethnicity, and neurodivergence, raising questions about advocacy for neurodivergent selfhood. Connect with us as we continue to foster a community engaging with neuroqueer themes through workshops and projects. Our shared journey is one of curiosity and openness, encouraging listeners to appreciate diverse perspectives and question binary paradigms.DisclaimerThis podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.ContactsAlessio Rizzo (He/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Trainer with the IFS institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) - ⁠www.therapywithalessio.com⁠⁠Jude Carn (She/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and an Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute - ⁠www.anchoredinself.co.uk⁠Sound editing by Forbes Coleman

In this episode, Jude Carn and Alessio Rizzo explore the keys to neurodivergent-affirming practices in IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy, and psychotherapy and counselling more broadly, exploring how therapists can better accommodate clients’ diverse needs. Jude and Alessio share their experiences and offer practical advice on creating inclusive and supportive therapeutic spaces for neurodivergent individuals, emphasising adaptability and client-centred approaches. Key discussion points include sensory considerations, flexible scheduling, and the importance of open communication.Get in touch with us if this sparks interest in you, and please consider subscribing to help us get the word out there.DisclaimerThis podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.ContactsAlessio Rizzo (He/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Trainer with the IFS Institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) - ⁠www.therapywithalessio.com⁠⁠Jude Carn (She/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and an Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute - ⁠www.anchoredinself.co.uk⁠Sound editing by Forbes Coleman

Ever wondered about the difference between the medical and social models of disability? 🤔 This episode dives deep! Join Jude, Alessio, and Isabelle, as they explore how society creates barriers, the impact of cultural backgrounds, and practical applications within IFS therapy.This is a fascinating conversation, uncovering the real-world challenges faced by those who are disabled in, and by society, and how to support their journeys.Social Model of Disability, IFS Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Disability, Medical Model, Neurodivergence, Therapy, Accessibility, Client Experiences00:00 Welcome and Introductions03:56 Diving into the Social Model of Disability06:43 Contrasting Models: Social vs. Medical10:03 Cultural Perspectives on Disability15:02 The Intersection of Medical and Social Models23:00 Access Fatigue and Self-Advocacy30:02 Finding Community Among Neurodivergent Folks31:03 The Impact of Support on Disability32:40 Navigating Neurotypical Expectations36:12 Privilege and Adaptation in Workspaces39:03 Invisible Burdens of Neurodivergence42:01 Breaking the Cycle of Internalized Expectations45:12 Reflections and Future ConversationsGet in touch with us if this sparks interest in you, and please consider subscribing to help us get the word out there.DisclaimerThis podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.ContactsIsabelle Vrod, LMSW (she/her) is the Director of OCD | ​Care Coordinator |​ Therapist - spectrumservicesnyc.comAlessio Rizzo (He/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Trainer with the IFS institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) - www.therapywithalessio.com⁠Jude Carn (She/They) is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and an Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute - www.anchoredinself.co.ukSound editing by Forbes Coleman

In this podcast, Alessio Rizzo and Jude Carn discuss the complex process of shame, which we all have experienced. Queering how we might understand and see this through and IFS lens. Many books have been written about shame, but, perhaps, there is something that we have missed out about the various layers of shame. Listen up to find out what it is!DisclaimerThis podcast is hosted by qualified IFS psychotherapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.Find out more about Alessio at www.therapywithalessio.comAnd Jude at www.anchoredinself.co.uk

In this podcast Jude (She / They) and Alessio (He / They) discuss with their guest Anna Thomas (They / Them) about the importance of bringing awareness to the impact of "gender binary" on all our lives.Anna Thomas and Alessio present some of the ideas that have inspired them to offer an online retreat called "IFS Gender Journeys", which is an affinity space for queer and queer-adjacent IFS trained professionals, who want to honour the disenfranchised grief associated with the discovery and acceptance of not being cisgender.To know more about IFS Gender Journeys and book, if places are available, please click https://www.therapywithalessio.com/ifs-gender-journeysContactsDr Anna Thomas Tijsseling can be contacted on https://authentiekepraktijken.nl/en/home-enAlessio is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Assistant Trainer (AT) with the IFS institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) - www.therapywithalessio.com⁠Jude is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and an Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute - www.anchoredinself.co.ukSound editing by Forbes ColemanDisclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.

In this episode Jude (She/They) and Alessio (He/They) continue their conversation on the Self, which is such a central concept in IFS Therapy. Jude and Alessio dive further into questions of Self or Self-Energy in IFS through a queering lens. They ask, is the Self queer? Where is queerness in the system? And where does the question of the qualities of Self even come from?As Alessio and Jude grapple with this question, they start to think in terms of neurology, parts, Self and physiology to understand where sexuality and gender “come from”, but they end up wondering why there is so much interest in knowing whether the Self is queer or not… is this a legacy burden after all?ContactsJude Carn - https://www.anchoredinself.co.uk/Alessio Rizzo - https://www.therapywithalessio.com/Disclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.

In this episode, Jude (she/they) and Alessio (he/they) with their guest speaker, Ali Bushell (he/him), talk about sexuality and reflect on how we speak about sexuality within the IFS and therapeutic communities.Ali Bushell, IFS Therapist, supervisor and author of the book "The Sex Party Handbook", shares with us his views and perspective on the impact of norms, and in particular heteronormativity, on the discourse about sex and sexuality. What lenses are we seeing sex through, and how does it impact our work with clients? Perhaps the "P of Passion" should be added to the qualities of Self.ContactsJude Carn - https://www.anchoredinself.co.uk/Alessio Rizzo - https://www.therapywithalessio.com/Ali Bushell - https://www.alibushell.com/Ali's book - https://www.alibushell.com/the-sex-party-handbookSound editing by Forbes ColemanDisclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.

Join Alessio Rizzo and Jude Carn as they kick off a multi-part journey into Queering the Self in Internal Family Systems (IFS).In this episode, they unpack the challenges of defining Self and Self-Energy in IFS, wrestling with the limits of language and why clear definitions matter to some parts of us. They explore self-energy within parts, the Self as energy, and its role as the system’s anchor, leader, or central organiser.This is the first of a series of episodes in which exploring the intersection between the Self, queerness and neurodivergenceJude is an Approved Clinical Consultant and Psychotherapist and can be found at can be found at ⁠www.anchoredinself.co.uk⁠Alessio is an Assistant Trainer with IFSI, an Approved Clinical Consultant and a Psychotherapist, and can be found at www.therapywithalessio.comDisclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.

Join Alessio and Jude this week as they talk about pronouns. Something they are both passionate about in supporting clients to have an inclusive and affirmative experience in their therapy. Not just the importance of checking out and using the client's pronouns, but also doing this with their parts. Jude (she/they) and Alessio (he/they) talk about their pronoun journeys, and that of their parts as well as their work with clients and consultees/supervisees. Alessio and Jude talk about the importance of asking, and not assuming gender or pronouns in a system, regardless of the client's gender and pronouns. Alessio is a Certified IFS psychotherapist, IFS Assistant Trainer (AT) with the IFS institute, and Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC). www.therapywithalessio.comJude is a Certified IFS psychotherapist and an Approved Clinical Consultant (ACC) with the IFS Institute. www.anchoredinself.co.ukSound editing by Forbes Coleman Disclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.

Today, Jude Carn and Alessio Rizzo discuss neurodiversity. Join them in conversation. Neurodiversity does not originate in parts, through the IFS lens. It is natural and innate to humans and includes the mind and the body. We talk about some of the main neurodivergences under the umbrella and do a deeper dive into why we have to see neurodivergence as the hardware of the system, not a 'part' that needs to be fixed in IFS terms. Alessio and Jude distinguish between parts and the system, talking about their experiences and how we can support our parts to understand and accept neurodivergence, and how important is it to have a therapist that understands this too. Alessio Rizzo - www.therapywithalessio.comJude Carn - www.anchoredinself.co.ukReferenced in today's episode: Christiansen, C., & Martinez-Dettamanti, M. (2023). Embodying IFS with neurodivergent clients: A neuro-inclusive approach for therapists. In Riemersma, J (Ed),Altogether US: Integrating the IFS model with key modalities, communities, and trendsMiddleton, E (2023) UNMASKED: The Ultimate Guide to ADHD, Autism, and Neurodivergence.Nick Walker - Neuroqueer Heresies Autonomous PressDisclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.

In today's episode, we have an introduction to Jude and Alessio and why they wanted to start this IFS (internal family systems) podcast for the queer and neurodivergent IFS community. Alessio and Jude talk about why they are here, how they met, sharing pronouns. Why it matters that therapists understand their client's queerness, neurodivergence, gender sexual and relationship diversities. How we understand parts and self and trauma. They talk about queering, queerness, neuroqueering and how IFS can allow us to queer the mind. Alessio Rizzo - www.therapywithalessio.comJude Carn - www.anchoredinself.co.ukBooks referenced: No Bad Parts - Richard SchwartzNeuroqueer Heresies - Nick WalkerDisclaimer This podcast is hosted by qualified therapists who share personal reflections and professional insights into therapy and mental health. The views expressed are those of the individual speakers or guests and are personal to them.While we talk about therapy, this podcast is not therapy. It’s for information, reflection, and conversation only, and should never be considered a substitute for professional mental health support, diagnosis, or treatment. Listening to this podcast does not create a therapist-client relationship.Some episodes may touch on sensitive topics, so please take care while listening. If you're struggling, we encourage you to reach out to a qualified therapist or mental health professional in your area.Guest opinions are their own and don’t necessarily reflect those of the hosts.