The Most Important Thing: Exploring Family Culture and Leadership at Home

We are in a massive season of transition right now. After shifting our family structure and taking on new responsibilities, we are realizing that our old ways of making decisions just don’t work anymore.We used to strive for "Symmetry"—where everything felt equal and every vote was 50/50. But we’re learning that Equality ≠ Symmetry.In this episode, we wrestle with a hard question: When we disagree, who actually gets to decide?We explore the idea that Authority must live where Responsibility lives. If one partner is the "Manager on the Field"—tracking the variables, managing the logistics, and absorbing the consequences—they often need to hold the final call.But how do you do that without steamrolling your partner? How do you maintain the "emotional integrity" of the marriage so that even when you overrule each other, you still feel like a team?In this episode, we discuss:​The "Social Calendar" Conflict: Why Danielle holds the veto power on parties (and why Greg holds it on Finance).​The "Manager on the Field": Why the person tracking the variables needs the authority to make the call.​Accepting Influence: How to ensure your partner feels heard, even if they don't get the final vote.​The "Invisible Role" Test: A question we asked our kids at dinner that blew us away (try this tonight).​Ancient Rome & "Role Locking": Why getting stuck in rigid roles (the "fun one," the "responsible one") is dangerous for the family system.This isn't a rulebook. It's a messy, honest look at how we are navigating power, influence, and partnership in a new season.Resources & Links:​Subscribe to our YouTube Channel: youtube.com/@themostimpthing​Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/themostimpthing​Join our Newsletter: tmit.cc/newsletter

Independence sounds great until it isn’t.A few weeks ago, our kids walked to a neighbor's house alone for the first time. It felt like a triumph. An hour later, Greg was pulling our 4-year-old out of a stranger’s car.In this episode, we unpack the post-mortem of that day. We realized the breakdown wasn't about “safety”, it was about decision clarity. Our eldest didn't ask for help because she didn't know she was allowed to be rude in a crisis.We discuss the failure of “Use Good Judgment”, the OODA Loop framework for families, and the two questions we are now teaching our kids to ask themselves when things go wrong.In this episode, we cover:[06:27] The Story: From the pride of letting them go to the panic of a missing child.[10:45] The Insight: Why Hunter tried to solve the crisis alone (Safety vs. Politeness).[13:19] The Framework: The 2 Questions every child needs to ask before making a decision.[14:27] The Dinosaur Test: A simple way to test if your child prioritizes Safety or The Plan.[22:17] The Police: What the officer actually said to us after we found Maverick.Key Takeaways:Stop telling kids to “Use Good Judgment”, it’s too vague.Teach invariant priorities: Safety > Politeness. Always.The 2 Questions for Independence:1) What matters most here?2) Is this mine to decide?Links & Resources:Tin Can Phone: The “landline for kids” we mention in this episode.Follow us on Instagram: instagram.com/themostimpthingWatch on YouTube: youtube.com/@themostimpthing

Happy 2026! We are back from New York and settling into a new reality in Delray Beach. For the first time in four years, our home is "Neufeld Only".We are currently in what we call the "Storming" phase. The routines aren't set yet, and everything feels like an experiment. But rather than looking at the friction as a problem, we are viewing it as a necessary part of the upgrade.In this episode, we share the roadmap we are using to navigate this transformation. Whether you are changing jobs, moving, or just resetting for the new year, these are the three commitments we are making to keep the system sound even when the days are messy.In this episode, we cover:[01:07] The Transformation: Why we decided to transition to a "Neufeld Only" household and treat it as a promotion for the kids (and us).[03:00] The "Storming" Phase: Why turbulence isn't a sign that things are breaking, but a sign that things are changing.[07:09] Commitment 1: Aligning the Leaders: The importance of "Head and Heart" alignment between parents before rolling out changes to the kids.[14:50] Commitment 2: Name and Embrace the Chaos: Why we are over-communicating that "this is just an experiment" so the kids don't panic about new routines.[16:00] New Skills: From can openers to alarm codes—giving kids the tools to step into their new roles.[21:23] Commitment 3: Defining Expectations: Danielle shares a childhood story about dinner party anxiety and why we can't expect our kids to execute tasks we haven't explicitly taught.Resources & Links:Concept: Tuckman's Stages of Group Development (Storming, Forming, Norming, Performing).Quote: "Every change of circumstance is an opportunity to learn, grow, and create value." — Arthur Brooks.Freebie: Want the "Neufeld Family Recipe Book" (our un-Christmas card)? Text or email us and we’ll send it to you.Quote of the Week:"It's not a sign that things are breaking, it's a sign that things are changing. We need to lean into the turbulence. If you walk into our house right now, you might catch us in the middle of a storm, but you won't see us panicking. Because we know the process is sound."

Why go through the massive effort of building a custom family culture from scratch? Why not just lean into religion or tradition instead of reinventing the wheel?In our final episode of 2025, we open up the mailbag to answer your questions. We discuss the tension between inheriting a system vs. building one, and why we are trying to raise the "PayPal Mafia" of families rather than just comfortable employees.We also break down the specific business frameworks we use to resolve parenting arguments without resentment, and how to handle the inevitable "But my friend gets to do it!" conversation.In this episode, we cover:[01:14] The "Startup vs. Google" Analogy: Why we chose to build our values from first principles rather than adopting a pre-packaged playbook (like religion).[05:50] The PayPal Mafia Strategy: Why we want our kids to eventually leave and build their own pods, rather than staying comfortable in ours forever.[07:49] Family is a Team, Not a Democracy: How to balance giving kids a voice while maintaining parental leadership.[11:46] The "Friend's House" Dilemma: A script for explaining family values to your kids without judging other families.[20:18] The Disagreement Protocol: How we use Ray Dalio’s "Believability" and Amazon’s "Disagree and Commit" to solve parenting deadlocks (featuring the "Granola Business" story).[26:48] The 3 Types of Connection: Why every couple needs time Face-to-Face, Side-by-Side, and Belly-Button-to-Belly-Button.[36:00] The Anti-Martyr Mindset: Why checking all the boxes doesn't guarantee a tantrum-free life (and why that’s okay).Resources & Episodes Mentioned:TMIT 28: How We Divide, Conquer, and Connect – The Shared Operating System Behind Our MarriageTMIT 37: Disagree & CommitConcept: Ray Dalio’s "Weighted Believability"Concept: The "PayPal Mafia" (Peter Thiel, Elon Musk, Reid Hoffman, David Sacks, Max Levchin, etc.)

We often blame the phone for stealing childhood. But what if the issue isn't just the presence of the smartphone, but the absence of the landline?When the landline died, we lost a major opportunity for growth. We lost the environment where kids learned to organize their own social lives and navigate awkward conversations with intermediaries (“Hi Mrs. Neufeld, is Greg home?”). Perhaps most importantly, we lost the practice of "cognitive patience": the ability to just sit and listen to a voice, with zero notifications, games, or screens to distract us.To explore this, we sat down with Chet Kittleson, founder of Tin Can, to discuss a radical, growing trend: Bringing back the landline.We discuss why giving children a dedicated, voice-only device like Tin Can is a master move in building family culture—not because we want to live in the past, but because we want to give our kids agency in the present.And, along the way, we explore what it’s like for Chet as a husband, father, and son to be the founder of a fast-growing company that is deeply connected to his family values.In This Episode, We Cover:The "Family Line" vs. The Personal Device: Why giving every family member a personal device killed the shared experience of the home phone, and how bringing it back helps kids learn to navigate the world.What is Tin Can? A look at the hardware that uses WiFi to work like a landline, but with a "whitelist" feature so kids can only call (and receive calls from) numbers parents approve.Cognitive Patience: The profound difference between a chaotic FaceTime call and the focus required to sit, listen, and hold an audio-only conversation.Founder & Father: Chet opens up about the challenges of building a high-growth startup. He shares his specific rituals for transitioning from "CEO mode" to "Dad mode"—including an e-bike commute that helps him shed the stress of the day.Teaching Through Struggle: How Chet uses his work to teach his kids that they too can do anything they set their minds to.Favorite Family Tradition: Don’t miss Chet’s unique family tradition at the end! (Hint: it involves Brussels sprouts and a baseball bat)Resources Mentioned:Get your own Tin Can: www.tincan.comFollow Tin Can on Instagram: @tincan.kids

We did something that sounds crazy: We gave our 8-year-old an iPhone 15 Pro. But there is a strategy behind the screen.In this episode, we are exploring a new frontier: Family AI. We believe this is a pivotal moment where parents can either fear the technology or learn to lead with it. Our goal? To shift from being a "consumer family" (passive scrolling) to a "creator family" (active building).We break down our personal framework for using AI at home—The 3 C’s: Clarify, Coach, and Create.In this episode, we cover:The iPhone Decision: Why we gave Hunter a "device" (not a phone) and how we locked it down using Apple's native settings.Clarify: Using tools like the Limitless Pendant to capture the "ground truth" during disagreements and using voice-to-text to save brainpower during brainstorming.Coach: How we use AI as a neutral third party to mediate sibling arguments (like Maverick vs. Hunter) and navigate health scares in real-time.Create: Moving from consumption to creation—from designing our Thanksgiving gratitude tables to making explainer videos for school using NotebookLM.Mentioned in this episode:🔗 Limitless AI: limitless.ai (Recently acquired by Meta!)🔗 NotebookLM: notebooklm.google.com🔗 OpenAI Whisper: openai.com/index/whisperWatch the full video version of this episode on Spotify.Join us as we figure this out in real-time. It’s messy, it’s new, but it’s the most important addition to our family workflows ever.

This week on The Most Important Thing, we start with a new family favorite game (Sardines 🐟) and end up somewhere much deeper: authority — what it means to claim it as adults and how to submit to it without losing ourselves.In this episode, we explore: Claiming authority (“adulting”) Moving out of “please the group” mode into values-aligned choices for our family Boundaries 2.0: revisiting decisions we made in survival mode Trusting our intuition and setting boundaries without emotional leakage The messy reality of changing roles and expectations with people who’ve helped us in earlier seasons Submitting to legitimate authority (staying teachable) Staying humble, curious, and open to wisdom beyond ourselves Greg’s story about why it’s hard to trust guidance from people he knows deeply Letting books, mentors, and lived experience shape us — without outsourcing our judgment Connecting to something larger than ourselves so we’re neither too arrogant nor too small Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies and how we relate to expectations Danielle as an Upholder (meets inner + outer expectations) and Greg as a Rebel (resists both) How those styles shape the way we set boundaries, take advice, and hold authority in our home Take the Four Tendencies Quiz: https://gretchenrubin.com/quiz/the-four-tendencies-quiz/ A mantra for this season: “Choose guilt over resentment.” Why saying no may come with guilt — but saying yes when we shouldn’t often breeds long-term resentment How we’re trying to model this for our kids in how we protect our time, energy, and family culture

In this episode of The Most Important Thing, we dive into why mastering “the art of disagreeing” is essential for building a resilient family culture and why the phrase “agree to disagree” is officially off-limits in the Neufeld household.Using insights from psychological safety research, Amazon’s “disagree and commit” philosophy, and our own experiences navigating our kids’ contrasting approaches to conflict, we explore how families can embrace disagreement without sacrificing connection or harmony.Here’s what we break down: The real meaning of psychological safety is not about avoiding tension, it is about welcoming disagreement. Tips for keeping conflict focused on ideas rather than identity (plus better alternatives to common phrases like “you’re not listening” or “that doesn’t make sense”). The risks of raising overly “agreeable” kids who equate compliance with kindness, and how that can leave them vulnerable. A family-friendly take on Amazon’s famous “disagree and commit.”By the end of this episode, you’ll walk away with a new understanding of disagreement and some ideas of how to help your whole family navigate disagreement with confidence while staying deeply connected.

This week, we’re exploring an unexpected (but so necessary!) aspect of family dynamics: trickster energy—a playful, inventive, and boundary-testing spirit that helps us stay adaptable when life feels too rigid.The episode kicks off with a relatable parenting challenge:Maverick dreams of riding the roller coasters at Legoland for his 4th birthday, but he’s an inch too short to meet the height requirements. Do you stick to the rules? Cross your fingers for leniency? Or come up with a creative workaround?In this episode, we dive into: What trickster energy means (and how it’s different from dishonesty or sneakiness) Ways to help kids distinguish between safety rules and “rules of convenience” Why innovation and growth often require stepping outside the lines How trickster energy is most effective when guided by a moral compass The balance between cleverness and mischief—and how to help kids find it Why trickster energy works best as a family effort, not an individual pursuitIf you’re someone who’s always played by the rules (hello, D 👋) or you’re raising a child who loves testing limits, this episode offers research, stories, and tools to help your family channel rule-bending in a way that fosters growth, not chaos.

If we’re serious about building resilient family culture, we have to talk about the emotions that actually show up in real homes — and anger is a big one.For both of us, anger has been tricky. We’ve tried to calm it, redirect it, send it to its room… but we hadn’t really named its purpose. So we started asking: What can anger teach us? And how can we work with it instead of against it?In this episode, we explore: Why anger shows up so fast — especially in families with young kids Brené Brown’s idea of anger as an indicator emotion The difference between containing anger and suppressing it Why “go calm down” and “count to 10” don’t work when someone is activated Greg’s take on men, covert depression, and how “flatness” turns into irritability Danielle’s take on mom rage — and how many girls were never taught safe ways to express anger How anger can be used to fuel change (hello, Rosa Parks and Taylor’s Version 👋)Two goals for working with anger in family culture: Learn to contain anger — without suppressing it or letting it take over Learn to translate anger into insightWhy this matters: When we normalize anger as part of being human, we turn it from something to fear into something to understand — and that understanding can become a family superpower.

Envy isn’t a character flaw—it’s human. Shrewdness isn’t cynicism—it’s discernment. In this episode, we explore how to normalize envy and develop the important skill of “reading the room,” so both kids and adults can stay kind while staying protected in real-world situations.Here’s What We Dive Into Why it’s important to explore the more complex parts of family culture While joy, connection, and kindness are essential, building resilience and wisdom means being willing to take a closer look at the murkier, less comfortable emotions too. What shrewdness really means It’s the sweet spot between being overly trusting and overly skeptical—recognizing reality for what it is and responding in a way that’s both protective and constructive. The difference between envy and jealousy Envy: “I want what they have” (two people are involved). Jealousy: “I’m afraid of losing what I have to someone else” (a dynamic involving three people). The power of naming envy When we acknowledge envy, we take away its power. Helping kids label it—“I feel envious of ___”—invites understanding and support instead of secrecy or shame. Real-world examples to learn from Danielle’s experience of being blindsided by a committee member—and how shrewdness could have protected her. Hunter’s win in class that went uncelebrated—and how to interpret others’ reactions without dimming your own success. Greg’s upbringing with older kids and hazing moments—and how that led to practical lessons in emotional smarts and situational awareness.We encourage you to bring these topics into the light in your own home this week.Ask your kids: “When have you felt envious?” and “How did you read the room?”These small, intentional conversations can help grow emotional understanding and equip us all with tools for navigating the world with kindness and wisdom.

For the past six months we’ve been deeply studying family culture, and we’re more convicted than ever that it’s The Most Important Thing.Top 4 Takeaways Start from strength, not scarcity Most parenting content starts from a place of deficit. We’re choosing a competence-first lens: you’re already doing a lot right—lean into those moments. Parenting is management; family culture is leadership Scripts fix moments. Culture shapes momentum. Make values explicit and lead the team, not just each child 1:1. Rituals = culture in action Two kinds matter: Alignment rituals (aka “necessary and trust building”): quarterly financial check-ins, weekly standups, and problem-solving within family meetings. Connection rituals (aka “fun on purpose”): special meals, family games. Presence is the reward If you’d asked us when we started this journey we would have told you it was about planning for some future state. But we’ve learned the magic is happening in real time.If you take one thing from this episode, let it be this:Don’t wait for the right time to start shaping your family culture — this is the right time. Pick one ritual, start small, and build from there.

When you meet Cliff Weitzman, founder and CEO of Speechify, his magnetism is immediate. He knows exactly where he’s headed, and he’s willing to think harder and work smarter to get there. It’s the same energy that’s made Speechify the #1 text-to-speech app used by over 55 million people.But this episode isn’t about Speechify. It’s about the family that built him.Cliff grew up one of five siblings in a home fueled by ambition and unconditional love. His parents pushed the couches back on weekends for dance parties, spent time explaining how the world works, and invited the whole family into big decisions.When the Weitzmans decided to move from Israel to the U.S., his parents didn’t make it about sacrifice. They used story to set the vision and framed it as an adventure: “If you write a book in Hebrew, seven million people can read it. In English, seven billion can.”It’s also why Cliff describes his upbringing as maximizing the surface area for serendipity.If something sparked your curiosity, you were encouraged to chase it — to muck out stables for a free horseback ride, to learn gymnastics from YouTube, to code, to build, to explore.And when one sibling applied to college, the whole family pulled up chairs around the dining table, red pens in hand, turning Thanksgiving week into a group edit session. In the Weitzman family, nobody goes at it alone.The message we are taking away is clear: High standards + High support + Shared purpose.In Cliff’s words: “You can’t fail unless you quit.” With a family like he has behind him, quitting seems very unlikely.Follow Cliff on Instagram

We’re kicking off a side quest called Extraordinary Families — stories of real families whose everyday cultural habits added up to something remarkable. This week, we’re diving into the upbringing of Patrick and John Collison, the Irish brothers who went on to found Stripe, one of the most successful fintech companies in the world. But this isn’t a story about money, luck, or talent; it’s a story about culture. Here’s what we explore: 1️⃣ The Paradox of Environment How the Collison boys grew up in rural isolation without the internet but were surrounded by books, curiosity, and the freedom to explore. 2️⃣ High Standards + High Support The parenting balance that gave them both autonomy and accountability (including the month they were left home alone at ages 10 and 12!). 3️⃣ A Bigger Picture Perspective How parents modeling their own ambitions and exposing their kids to the wider world shaped the boys’ mindset for lifelong learning. Along the way, we connect lessons from Carl Jung, Daniel Coyle, and David Yeager to family culture — from how we normalize boredom to how we help our kids earn status through contribution. Maybe raising extraordinary kids isn’t about doing more. Maybe it’s about creating the space for ordinary moments to grow into something extraordinary.

In the first part of our Mindset Reset series, we broke down common misconceptions about growth mindset and explored how it plays out in the everyday dynamics of family life.Now in Part 2, we’re taking things further by shifting the focus from the individual to the cultural level.Inspired by Mary Murphy’s Cultures of Growth, we dive into: How comparison, competition, and results-focused thinking lead to risk aversion and hiding mistakes A different approach: fostering an environment that normalizes mistakes, supports effort, and celebrates the process of learning Redefining competition: it’s not about who’s the best, but how everyone contributes to the family’s progress How we can talk about achievements in a way that motivates everyone, instead of stoking competitionThis isn’t just about mindset. It’s about rethinking leadership within our homes. If the most successful organizations thrive in a culture of growth, why can’t our families too?

Mindset isn’t just “fixed” or “growth.” It’s a spectrum—and once you see that, you’ll understand yourself, your kids, and your family in a whole new way.In this episode of The Most Important Thing, we translate insights from Mary C. Murphy’s Cultures of Growth into family life. What starts as a book about organizations becomes a practical guide for leading your home with clarity and calm.What you’ll learn in this episode: Why everyone flips between fixed and growth mindsets depending on context The four predictable triggers that shape mindset: evaluation, high effort, critical feedback, and the success of others How to recognize a performative state—and why it’s the worst time for feedback Reframing high effort as progress, not failure How to weigh critical feedback with discernment Turning others’ success from a jealousy trigger into an inspiration sparkTakeaway:Mindset isn’t static—it’s a spectrum we all move along. Seeing it this way unlocks compassion, resilience, and a culture of growth at home.Resource:Book: Cultures of Growth: How the New Science of Mindset Can Transform Individuals, Teams, and Organizations by Mary C. Murphy.Get the book here.

Every couple has to navigate how to divide responsibilities, whether it’s managing groceries, handling finances, or aligning on long-term goals. For us, the breakthrough happened when we shifted away from addressing everything on the fly and instead put a shared system in place to prioritize what matters most. What we’ve realized is that the specific system you use isn’t as important as simply having one. A system creates intentional spaces for conversations, moving them out of the daily chaos and into a structure that lets you focus less on managing tasks and more on truly enjoying time together. This week, we’re breaking down the framework we’ve built to divide responsibilities, stay connected, and work as a team. From long-term planning discussions to weekly check-ins and daily task management, we’re sharing how these rhythms have helped us replace frustration with trust and a sense of partnership. What We Cover in This Episode: How resentment showed up in our relationship and what changes helped us move past it. The four parts of our shared “operating system”: Vision discussions (planning for 3–5 years ahead) Quarterly planning (Greg’s 12-week structure vs. Danielle’s vibe-focused goals) Financial check-ins (facts over feelings) Weekly reviews (logistics, chores, and family schedules) Why writing down next steps is essential for reducing mental load and staying on the same page. The psychology behind these practices—like cognitive load theory and the Zeigarnik effect. Why the ultimate goal isn’t just productivity—it’s creating space for connection, fun, and presence. Resources Mentioned: The 12 Week Year by Brian Moran & Michael Lennington Getting Things Done by David Allen

🎙️ TMIT 27: This week, we explore a topic that hits close to home and raises some big questions: the booming industry of parenting advice — and how it’s built on the back of your anxiety.But it doesn’t have to be this way. Parenting challenges don’t reflect failure; they reflect purpose. The hard stuff? It’s what builds strong families.Here’s What We’re Breaking Down: Why so much of today’s parenting advice feels rooted in fear How post-pandemic influencer culture plays on guilt cycles and moments of vulnerability The psychology behind pain-point marketing (think negativity bias, availability heuristics, and identity triggers) The business strategies driving influencers like Dr. Becky (Good Inside) and Big Little Feelings Why phrases like “you weren’t set up for success” might do more harm than goodThis episode is your reminder that: You don’t need a script to be a good parent. You don’t need a subscription to know your kids. And you definitely don’t need to believe the story that says you’re unequipped.Parenting is hard because it matters — not because you’re failing. The strength, intuition, and joy you’re looking for? It’s already inside your home. You just have to know where to look.Instead of focusing on tantrums and meltdowns, we created a list of 100 family culture moments — proof that joy, connection, and belonging are already happening in your home.This isn’t a to-do list. It’s an already doing list. A reminder that you’re not “underequipped”… you’re already doing great.

🎙️ TMIT 26: Sometimes kids run into conflict with other kids. But sometimes kids run into conflict with grownups—teachers, coaches, camp counselors, even random adults in the community. And when that happens, most of us as parents want to swoop in and handle it ourselves.In this episode, we share a different path. One where we don’t jump in to solve the problem, but instead equip our kids to handle it directly. We call this leading from the bench, and it’s one of the best ways to help our kids grow their leadership skills and build family culture.We walk through:Why “sometimes adults suck” is a simple fact our kids will face.The sweet spot where saying something is necessary—but it’s more effective coming from our kid.How research shows that giving stretch assignments—challenges just outside their comfort zone, with scaffolds for success—is the #1 driver of leadership growth.Why the trusted ally in the situation shouldn’t always be you, and how to support your kid in finding that person.How to equip your kid with language that aligns with your family values.We also share a real story from tennis camp that left our kids feeling unsafe. And for the first time ever, our daughters are on the pod! You’ll hear directly from Hunter how she handled it and how (in her view) it changed the outcome—for her, for her sister Jade, and even for the adult involved.By the end of this episode, you’ll have a new way of thinking about what to do the next time your child comes home saying: “An adult misunderstood me… and it didn’t feel okay.”Because as much as we want to protect them, the real gift we can give our kids is the confidence, language, and resilience to navigate conflict on their own.

TMIT 25 🎙: This week we’re talking about the difference between parenting and building family culture, using a framework from Scaling People by Claire Hughes Johnson. Parenting is a lot like management—it creates stability through routines and logistics. But building family culture is leadership. It’s about shaping values, vision, and identity.We share how this shift in language helped us better understand what we’re doing at home—and why it matters now more than ever.In this episode: Parenting = management: routines, schedules, discipline, logistics Culture = leadership: vision, values, identity, belonging Where this idea comes from: leadership drives change, management creates stability What it looks like at home: family meetings, shared rituals, catchphrases Why now: we’re not in survival mode—we’re ready to build What it’s really about: not achievement, not optimization—just enjoying life together and giving our kids something solid to stand onWe’d love to hear how you’re thinking about culture at home. If you’re trying something—rituals, values, systems, whatever—send it our way. We’ll try it and share what we learn.