The Stay or Go Podcast for Women Considering Divorce

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 94: In this episode, I start by inviting us to slow down together. I recorded this on February 8, 2026, and I could feel how loud life has been lately. Instead of showing up with a tidy bow and a perfect lesson, I let this be a real conversation between me and you. A place to breathe, to soften, and to tell the truth about what it feels like when your inner world is rearranging itself.Because today we are talking about falling apart, and why it might be the most honest thing your soul has ever done.I’m introducing you to a concept I just found this week and immediately knew I needed to bring to you: positive disintegration. The kind of breakdown that isn’t a failure, but a signal. A sign that the strategies you used to survive, the roles you learned to play, and the fantasies you clung to are no longer able to hold back what you already know in your bones. In other words, it’s not that you are breaking. It’s that your denial is breaking. And something truer is trying to come through.We talk about why our culture fears endings, grief, and death, and how that fear shows up psychologically when we’re in the crucible of change, especially when you’re considering divorce. I connect this to the life-death-life cycle, to the way nature does this without apologizing, and to the brutal tenderness of becoming. If you’ve been feeling heavy, depressed, anxious, or stuck, I want you to hear this clearly: those feelings do not automatically mean you’re doing it wrong. Sometimes they mean you’re finally doing it right.I also share one of my favorite images for this process: the butterfly becoming the goo. That disorienting, humiliating, sacred middle. The place where you cannot go back to who you were, but you cannot yet see who you’re becoming. If you’re there right now, you are not behind. You are not broken. You are in the chrysalis.And I bring in two powerful texts that help us name what we’re living: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and Women Who Run with the Wolves. We talk about Skeleton Woman, Lady Death, and what it means to stop throwing the parts of ourselves we fear off the cliff. We talk about building a foundation that can hold you through the unraveling, not by rushing to fix the feelings, but by staying with yourself inside them.If you’re in that tender, terrifying season where everything you built your life on feels shaky, this episode is for you. It’s a reminder that the breakdown might not be the end of your story. It might be the beginning of your true self returning. 🤍Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackLive interview with Chandra Zas - Tuesday Feb 17th • 2pm PT, 4 pm CST, 5 pm EST(Use this link if the one above doesn’t work- https://youtube.com/live/2DiSl3ZyV3M)What happens when you stop overriding your body… and start listening instead?In this live conversation, Britta interviews Chandra on Chapter 0 of Handbook for Human Potential — a chapter that opens the doorway to body wisdom, emotional truth, and coming home to yourself.Join our book newsletter to stay in the loop: https://handbookforhumanpotential.comAnd buy the book if you haven’t yet! Handbook for Human Potential by Chandra Zas, Britta Jo and othershttps://Chandrazas.comSuggested prep for next episode: Read Chandra’s chapter 0 - “Come Home to Your Body Wisdom”Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. GibsonWomen Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola EstésFrom Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin DoughtyConsidering Divorce? Understand the Life-Death-Life Cycle FirstText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

Episode 93: In this episode, I sit down with Demetria Graves, a certified family law specialist and founder of the Graves Law Firm, for a conversation I have wanted to have for a long time. Demetria has spent over two decades guiding families through divorce with clarity, integrity, and a deep respect for what this moment costs people emotionally and financially. Together, we pull back the curtain on what the legal system actually cares about and what it does not, and why so many women unknowingly pay a steep price for staying stuck in indecision.We talk candidly about the myths that keep women frozen. The belief that staying is safer. The hope that being patient or accommodating will somehow protect you. The assumption that the court will reward sacrifice or take emotional context into account. Demetria explains why none of that is true, and how time, lack of information, and emotional overwhelm can quietly work against women, especially high earners, stay at home mothers, and those who have stepped away from the workforce. This is a grounded, no nonsense look at how money, custody, support, and preparation really function behind the scenes.This episode is not about pushing anyone toward divorce. It is about telling the truth. The truth that divorce is a business process layered on top of one of the most emotional experiences of your life. The truth that clarity is power. And the truth that the longer you avoid looking at the facts, the more agency you often lose. If you are in the space of “I am not ready yet” or “I just need more time,” this conversation is an invitation to ask yourself what that time is truly costing you. 🤍Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackLegally Uncensored Podcast - Find Part 1 hereWhen Women Run The Firm: How to successfully launch and manage your law practice with confidence - Demetria GravesDemetria’s InstagramLegally Uncensored InstagramText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 92: This week, I’m inviting you into a quieter, more intimate conversation. After a month filled with heavier topics—ADHD, misogyny, and partner violence—I found myself needing to pause. This episode emerged from that space. There’s no outline, no script—just me, speaking from the heart.In it, I explore what it means to stay grounded as a deeply sensitive person in an increasingly fractured world. I reflect on a local production of Hadestown that unexpectedly cracked something open in me, illuminating the profound choice we face between fear and trust. We follow the tragic story of Orpheus and Eurydice, and what it reveals about how easily doubt can derail us—even when we are on the cusp of something beautiful.If you are navigating the unknown, especially in the realm of divorce or deep personal change, I believe you’ll resonate with this idea: that trusting your soul’s call, even when you can’t yet see where it leads, is itself the act of creating a new world. And that turning back, out of fear or uncertainty, is something we all understand—and still, we get to begin again.This episode is both a personal check-in and a wider call to all of us doing the brave work of building something new. Whether you’re in a place of exhaustion, reflection, or decision, I hope this conversation offers you a quiet companion on the path forward.Show NotesSubscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackQ&A with Anaïs Mitchell (writer & composer of Hadestown) and Rachel Chavkin (director of Hadestown)Hades TownJourney of Souls - Dr. Michael NewtonText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 91: This is one of the most important—and most difficult—episodes I’ve ever recorded.In it, I speak openly and directly about intimate partner violence, including heartbreaking local and national examples of the very real dangers women face when they decide to leave. This is not a conversation many of us were raised to have. I wasn’t. But after years of coaching women who are considering divorce, I know we cannot afford to keep looking away.Together, we unpack critical statistics that are too often hidden behind passive headlines. I share a deeply personal story of a woman in my community whose life was taken after she left a partner—and how her death, and others like it, must wake us up to what is truly at stake.I also walk you through warning signs, risk factors, and the psychological patterns that too many women have been taught to minimize. And most of all, I offer you something I wish every woman had: a third way. Not the false binary of stay and survive or leave and risk everything—but a path built on information, preparation, and connection.This episode is about reclaiming our safety. About standing shoulder to shoulder in the face of rising misogyny and systemic silence. About refusing to shrink or isolate, and instead learning how to call out the realities we live in—with clarity, courage, and love.If you’re not ready for this episode today, that’s okay. But I want you to know it’s here, whenever you are. And if you listen and this lands close to home, please know: you do not have to walk this alone.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫National Domestic Violence Hotline (U.S.)24/7 free and confidential support* Call: 800-799-SAFE (7233)* Text: START to 88788* Chat online: thehotline.orgThey can help you build a personalized safety plan — whether you’re still in the relationship, planning to leave, or already out and still feeling unsafe.DomesticShelters.org – Safety Planning GuideA detailed, step-by-step guide to help you prepare in a way that fits your unique situation.https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/comprehensive-guides/a-guide-to-domestic-violence-safety-planning?utm_sourceWomensLaw.org – Legal Safety PlanningIncludes emotional safety planning plus legal tips around custody, protection orders, and more.https://www.womenslaw.org/safety-planning?utm_sourceSafe Horizon – Understanding What Goes Into a Safety PlanLearn what to prepare and how to communicate your plan to trusted people.https://www.safehorizon.org/safety-plan/?utm_sourcehttps://www.southdenvertherapy.com/blog/domestic-violence-statistics?utm_source=chatgpt.comhttps://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/statistics/when-abuse-turns-deadly?utm_source=chatgpt.comYouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 90: In this second part of the series, I take you inside what has been one of the most tender, clarifying, and ultimately empowering chapters of my life: navigating an adult ADHD diagnosis, beginning medication, and reclaiming parts of myself I didn’t know I had lost.We start with a kind of radical idea—what if knowing yourself deeply, even when it’s painful, is the path to peace? In a time when there’s growing pushback against diagnosis and therapy language, I share a different perspective. One rooted in lived experience. One that says language doesn’t confine us, it frees us. Naming what lives inside us doesn’t shrink our potential, it releases shame.I talk openly about the emotional process of receiving an ADHD diagnosis and how it allowed me to trace patterns I had never been able to name—patterns that shaped my childhood, my relationship with my mother, my marriage, my nervous system. I share honestly about the grief that surfaced, the beliefs I had to examine, and why, at first, even with a prescription in hand, I couldn’t take the medication.But then life intervened. A mental and emotional breaking point became the catalyst for finally saying yes to deeper support. I walk you through the realities of what that looked like: the side effects, the scheduling, the slow and steady shifts that began to change everything. This episode holds nothing back. I talk about what has improved and what I miss. What has steadied and what has softened.And I name the truth that felt like a revelation—this diagnosis didn’t make me feel broken. It made me feel seen. It gave me a new story to tell about myself. One filled with compassion, understanding, and even awe.I also share the ten “superpowers” I now see in myself—traits I once judged that I now hold with reverence. Empathy. Intuition. Creativity. Justice sensitivity. Risk-taking. Drive. These parts of me didn’t begin with the diagnosis, but they have deepened in how I understand and honor them.This episode is for every woman who has ever feared that the real problem is her. Who has worried that even if she leaves, the same pain will follow. Who has wondered if she is just too much, too chaotic, too emotional, too different to be fully loved.I want you to know: there is nothing wrong with you. There are just things you may not yet understand. And when you find the language, the support, and the people who see you as whole and valuable exactly as you are—everything can change.Whether or not you have ADHD, whether or not you are considering medication, this conversation is about something much bigger. It is about returning to yourself with clarity, with curiosity, and with love. It is about finally naming the truth: that the answers were never out there. They have always been within you.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackAndrea Andes - Therapist A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD - Sari Solden and Michelle FrankADHD for Smart Ass Women - Tracy OtsukaComplex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete WalkerText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

Episode 89: Welcome to 2026, my loves. I’m starting this year with one of the most personal and tender episodes I’ve ever shared. In Part One of this two-part series, I’m opening the door to my recent ADHD diagnosis—how it reframed not just the last few years, but the landscape of my entire life.This isn’t just an episode about ADHD. It’s about the slow unraveling of shame. About finally understanding why therapy, coaching, somatic work—even with all the growth they gave me—could never quite reach the black box of suffering I carried. It’s about the enormous relief that comes when you realize: the problem was never that you weren’t trying hard enough. The problem was that no one ever gave you the right map.I walk through the traits of adult ADHD that have shifted how I parent, how I relate, and how I see the intense emotional terrain I’ve spent a lifetime navigating. We’ll talk about rejection-sensitive dysphoria, overstimulation, emotional dysregulation, and the unseen labor of masking that so many women carry silently. I share how medication has begun to create space where there was none—allowing me to show up in my life with more steadiness, more self-compassion, and far less self-judgment.Whether ADHD is something you’ve long suspected in yourself or something that’s never crossed your mind, I encourage you to listen. Especially if you’re a woman navigating huge decisions like divorce. Undiagnosed ADHD can shape our self-worth, our relationships, and our emotional bandwidth in ways we don’t always see. And when we don’t know it’s there, we so often internalize the pain as personal failure.But you’re not failing. You’re just finally being seen.This episode is my offering to anyone who’s ever looked around at their life and thought, “Why is this so hard?” May it give you language, permission, and a starting point for something softer, truer, and more whole.So take a breath. Let’s begin this year not with resolutions, but with revelation.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackMiss. Diagnosis: A Systematic Review of ADHD in Adult Women - Emma A. Climie10 Things I Wish Everyone Knew About ADHD - I Have ADHD PodcastA Radical Guide for Women with ADHD - Sari Solden and Michelle FrankADHD for Smart Ass Women - Tracy OtsukaComplex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving - Pete WalkerStrong Ground - Brené BrownText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 88: Two days before Christmas can feel especially heavy when you are quietly considering divorce. The holidays have a way of magnifying everything: the grief, the pressure to perform, the old family dynamics, and the fear of being asked questions you are not ready to answer.In this episode, I pull you in close with warmth and honesty. I share a story I had forgotten until I found it in my journals: a Christmas with my in-laws when something deeply personal about my faith journey was shared before I was ready. What followed was a long, well intentioned but deeply dysregulating family conversation that left me feeling exposed, overwhelmed, and pushed into the familiar role so many of us know well: explaining, caretaking, and managing everyone else’s emotions.That experience brings us to the core message of this episode: you do not owe anyone answers.Not about your marriage. Not about your timeline. Not about the parts of you that are still tender and unfolding. It is not your job to make your life make sense to other people, especially during the holidays when old patterns of people pleasing and codependency are at their loudest.We talk about how these patterns tend to show up this time of year: staying with family even when it makes you feel trapped, overcommitting to keep the peace, avoiding alone time, overexplaining, staying quiet to avoid conflict, and prioritizing everyone else’s comfort while your own nervous system is stretched thin.I offer language you can use when conversations turn invasive, along with permission to let others feel uncomfortable without rushing to fix it. We also spend time on nervous system support and practical ways to protect your peace, from creating small pockets of solitude to rethinking logistics like where you stay, how you travel, and how long you remain at gatherings.Most of all, this episode is a reminder that you matter during the holidays. Your peace matters. You are allowed to choose yourself, even imperfectly, even quietly, even when it disappoints others. You do not have to explain your way into being understood. You are allowed to protect what is sacred while you are still becoming.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackThe Live Awake Podcast - Sarah BlondinText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 87: In this conversation with my dear friend Quinn, we finally do what I wish someone had done for me all those years ago. We open the black box of divorce and lay the process out in a way that is human, honest, and actually useful. Not theory, not legal jargon, but the lived reality of two women who walked very different paths through the same fire.Quinn’s journey into divorce was long and chronic, shaped by decades of Mormon conditioning and a lifetime of being told not to trust herself. Mine was sharper and more sudden, driven by depression, suicidal ideation, and the painful awakening that I wasn’t broken, the systems around me were. Together we unravel how religious, cultural, and patriarchal messaging keeps women trapped in self‑blame and confusion long past the point where something in their soul knows the truth.From there we walk step‑by‑step through the process itself. Trial separations, the moment you know, the strategy required before you tell him, the emotional whiplash of filing, and in my case, the shock of living under the same roof after the divorce was underway. We talk temporary orders, discovery, mediation, attorneys who fight for you, and the strange mix of grief and relief that comes as the legal structure finally begins to take shape.And then Quinn offers what most people never get to hear. What happens after the decree is signed. What happens when an ex refuses to follow orders. What happens when you need legal protection. What it is like to work with the courts, child protective services, school counselors, and low‑cost legal aid. What it looks like to slowly build a self so solid that you no longer bend to chaos but meet it with clarity and consequence.This episode is not about telling you whether to stay or go. It is about turning on the lights so you can stop imagining monsters and start seeing the terrain for what it truly is. If divorce has felt like a void you are terrified to step into, I want this conversation to feel like a hand on your back saying, You can do this. You can learn. You can prepare. You can choose the life that calls to you.Your life, your story, and your safety matter. And you do not have to walk this part alone.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 86: Ohhhh my loves — this one’s a biggie. 💥 What started as a simple question from one of my beautiful Substack subscribers turned into something so much deeper. In this episode, I finally give the practice of journaling the spotlight it deserves. Not the surface-level, “dear diary” kind of journaling. I’m talking about the real thing. The gritty, raw, healing kind. The kind that has quietly become one of the most sacred tools in my own self-resourcing practice — and one of the top ways I’ve built secure attachment with myself over the past eight years.This episode is both a personal excavation and a love letter. I talk about what’s been stirring in me lately — the speed of change in our world, the collective instability so many of us are feeling, and why now, more than ever, we need to be able to trust ourselves. Not in some performative, “I’ve got this” kind of way — but in a deep, anchored, soul-level way.And that’s what journaling can offer when we use it intentionally.You’ll hear me break down the four journaling styles I’ve organically developed: Growth Documentation, Pep Talks, Brain Dump Dialogues (y’all… this one 👀), and Higher Self Channeling. Each one serves a different purpose depending on where I am emotionally or energetically — and each has played a massive role in helping me show up for myself, especially when the outside world feels anything but steady.And for my paid Substack crew, I’ve included a gorgeous PDF (because we know we love a tangible tool 💌) that walks you through each style with starter prompts, tips, and even real-life photos from my journals.Whether you’re in the depths of the considering process or simply craving a deeper connection with yourself, this episode is my holiday gift to you. May it help you remember that no matter what’s unfolding around you, you are your own safe place.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackHandbook for Human Potential LinksEmail listWhatsApp ChannelFacebook PageNo Bad Parts - Richard SchwartzText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

Episode 85: Okay, y’all. This episode has been building all month. After revisiting my journals, hosting powerful conversations in the community, listening to Olivia’s story, and sitting with a few seriously paradigm-shifting insights, I knew I needed to pull it all together and share where I’ve landed.We’re talking narcissism, but not in the black-and-white, overused “therapy speak” way you’re seeing all over the internet. I’m breaking down the difference between actual narcissistic abuse and emotionally immature behavior that might be just subtle enough to keep you spinning. I introduce the continuum I developed this month—a framework that’s already shifting so much for the women in the community—and talk about how it’s helping us see both ourselves and our partners more clearly.We also dig into the truth that many of you need most: sometimes someone’s “best” is just not enough for you. Period. And you don’t need a diagnosis to walk away.So if you’ve ever caught yourself wondering, Is he a narcissist… or am I just overthinking everything? or if you’ve felt the weight of needing a “reason” to leave—this episode is for you 💥You’ll leave with more clarity, a whole lot more compassion for yourself, and a deeper sense of what it really means to take your power back 🔥Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackSix Keys To Unlock Your Understanding of Narcissism - Substack ArticleAre They Really a Narcissist? Do They Really Have Borderline? Are They Truly Gaslighting You? - Podcast EpisodeThey’re Not Gaslighting You - Isabelle MorleyThe Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family - Eleanor PaysonText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 84: In today’s episode, I sit down with “Olivia,” a woman I worked with one-on-one during the early days of her unraveling a 21-year marriage marked by deep narcissistic abuse. What unfolds in this conversation is one of the most raw, courageous, and unflinching portraits we’ve ever had on the podcast of what it means to wake up inside a marriage and realize: this isn’t love. Not the kind that sees you. Not the kind that holds you.Together, we trace Olivia’s journey from the exhaustion and confusion of her lowest point—when the gaslighting and emotional manipulation were so constant, she barely recognized herself anymore—to the firestorm of her divorce and, ultimately, to the quiet, grounded peace she’s found on the other side.She shares what it cost her to stay: the subtle erasure of her identity, her joy, her voice. She shares the moment she realized she was no longer standing up for her kids. And perhaps most importantly, she shares how she clawed her way back—learning to borrow hope, hold boundaries, and honor the wild, beautiful pulse of her own truth.This episode is an offering for any woman who has doubted what she feels. For those who know something isn’t right but can’t yet name it. For those who are starting to see the cost of staying too long. If you’ve ever whispered to yourself, “I can’t do this anymore,” let Olivia’s story be a companion in the dark and a reminder: your freedom is real, and it is possible.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackAwake - Jen HatmakerThe Let Them Theory - Mel RobbinsText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 83: This week’s episode feels like opening a sealed box from a past lifetime and discovering not only who I was, but the quiet, determined woman I was becoming long before I could see her clearly. These final journal entries are some of the rawest I have ever shared. They move through the full terrain of my inner world during the months surrounding my separation and divorce, including the parts I still feel in my body when I read them.Before we dive into those pages, I share a personal update that has been nothing short of life altering. Receiving an ADHD diagnosis as an adult, and recognizing its generational threads, has reorganized so much of my story. It has rewritten the way I see my mother, my own emotional landscape, and the compassion I now hold for the woman I was for so many years without a framework to understand herself. I speak about the transformative impact of discovering medication that finally supports my brain and the grief that comes with wondering what might have been possible for the women who came before me if they had been given the same tools.From there, we return to the journals. These entries illuminate the beautiful, brutal truth that becoming the woman capable of changing her life is not a single choice but a thousand small ones. In one moment, I am standing in my closet realizing there is no one coming to save me and feeling the terror and power of that truth. In the next moment, I am coaching myself toward a different reality with nothing more than self compassion, deliberate awareness, and the willingness to choose again.You will hear me navigate the shock of betrayal during my separation, the frightening escalation that often accompanies disentangling from a narcissistic dynamic, and the experience of sitting at a kitchen table telling my children our family was changing. These pages were written by a woman who was terrified, grieving, hopeful, and determined all at once. A woman who had no evidence that her future would turn out the way she dreamed, yet continued to write her way forward anyway.And then, in the final entry, you will hear a voice that stunned even me when I found it again. A voice that knew without hesitation the life she was creating. A voice that listed out the future I am now living, long before I had the courage, stability, or clarity to imagine any of it realistically. Reading that list feels like witnessing my past self bless my present self, reminding me that soul calls never arrive empty. They carry the architecture of what is possible.This episode is an invitation to honor your own unfolding in the same way. To see the patterns you are outgrowing, the chapters you are grieving, and the expansions you are already stepping into. To remember that every becoming is patterned with both collapse and creation. And that the you who is writing today’s entry may be the woman your future self thanks for changing everything.If you are in the thick of it, please know you are not behind and you are not failing. You are mid‑chapter. You are in the woods. You are becoming.And you are not alone. 💗Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackADHD for Smart Ass Women - Tracy OtsukaText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 82: In this deeply personal episode, I take you back to the earliest days of my own journey—before I made the decision to divorce. Through sharing two intimate journal entries from 2017, you’ll step inside my inner world at a time when my future felt uncertain, and yet a quiet, insistent voice inside me whispered, “You can change your stars.”These entries are raw and unfiltered. One captures the first flickers of awakening, a moment when I glimpsed what real love, real home, and real alignment could feel like. The other reflects the doubt, confusion, and self-questioning that followed soon after. Together, they reveal how nonlinear, layered, and sacred this process of transformation truly is.This episode is for any woman who finds herself in the “before”—the place where hope feels distant and clarity feels just out of reach. It’s a reminder that you’re not alone, that your feelings are valid, and that even in the darkness, there is power in trusting your own soul’s knowing.My hope is that these reflections illuminate your path as you navigate your own questions and challenges. I want you to see what’s possible when you follow those soul calls—when you allow yourself to believe, even if only faintly at first, that a different life might be available to you.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackA Knight’s TaleText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

Episode 81: If you’re anything like I was, you’re holding it together on the outside, while silently unraveling on the inside. You’ve tried therapy. You’ve tried harder. You’ve read the books and done the journaling. But something still feels off in your marriage—and you can’t quite name what it is.In this episode, I sit down with the woman who first helped me name it. My former counselor, Paré Underwood, was the person who gently—without ever pushing—began to walk me back to myself. At the time, I didn’t realize I was in a narcissistically abusive relationship. I just thought I was failing. As a wife. As a mother. As a human being.We talk about what narcissistic abuse actually looks and feels like from the inside, and why it so often goes unrecognized—especially by professionals. If you’ve been in therapy for years and no one has helped you put the pieces together, this conversation will hit home. We explore the small, subtle signs: the self-doubt, the second-guessing, the way you slowly lose access to your own inner voice.We also dive into what makes women more vulnerable to repeating these dynamics in future relationships, and how to protect yourself without having to shut down your softness or your empathy. Paré shares how she gently helps clients begin to reclaim their thoughts, their preferences, and their reality—even in marriages where there’s no visible “incident” to point to.This one is deeply personal. It’s for those of you who feel exhausted and confused but still unsure. For those who are wondering, “Is it me?” and quietly suspecting the answer might be no. If you’re starting to consider divorce but feel like your own instincts have been turned against you, this conversation will bring clarity—and hopefully, some relief.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackThe Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family - Eleanor PaysonParé’s Information:WebsiteParé’s Resource for Examples of Verbal, Emotional, and Physical AbuseText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 80: This week, I’m bringing you into something that’s been sitting heavy on my heart. It’s a conversation I’ve touched on before, but never like this. I want to talk about what it really costs to follow your soul calls. Not the pretty version, but the actual lived experience. The kind that feels like your life is unraveling and you’re not sure w…

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 79: There are moments in life when the future feels like a wide-open wilderness—unmapped, uncertain, and at times, terrifying. In this episode, I speak from that raw, unfiltered place. This is a deeply personal and present-time transmission, recorded just after attending a No Kings protest that left me both cracked open and powerfully emboldened.What poured through was more than just reflection on current events. It became a call to reimagine the stories we’re telling ourselves about our lives, our choices, and the future of our world. I share why I believe, now more than ever, that our futures, both individually and collectively, are unwritten. That no matter how much fear or resignation may surround us, we still hold the pen.Whether you’re watching global systems shake or standing at the edge of your own unknown in a marriage that no longer feels like home, this episode is an invitation to stop outsourcing your certainty to history, to others, or to fear. Instead, I offer a path toward presence, toward living the questions, and toward trusting in the slow, often sacred, unfolding of your own becoming.This is for you if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the weight of everything, or if you’ve been waiting for a sign that it’s okay not to have all the answers. It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to trust the mystery.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackZachary Helton ReelNo Kings Rally ReelJen Hatmaker ReelNo Kings Rally ReelDownload the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 78: After hosting our first Stay or Go retreat, I sat down with my best friend and behind-the-scenes soul-sister, Quinn, to unpack what we experienced and what it revealed about the kind of connection women are craving, now more than ever.This episode is not just a reflection on one powerful weekend. It’s an invitation to consider what becomes possible when we stop trying to do life alone. We talk about the difference between performative connection and the kind that regulates your nervous system, that lets you exhale, that reminds you you’re not too much and never have been. It’s the kind of connection that arises when women come together in spaces where there’s no power-over, no fixing, and no pressure to perform.We explore the grief that often comes with disconnection—even the disconnections we choose, like divorce or estrangement and how the pain isn’t always about getting it wrong, but about being wired for attachment in a world that has taught us to suppress it. We speak to the cultural systems—patriarchy, capitalism, hyper-individualism—that have stripped women of the community they’re built for, and what it means to reclaim that.Whether you’re still in your marriage, already out, or just beginning to whisper the question—this conversation is for the woman who’s tired of white-knuckling her way through life. It’s for the woman who’s ready to be witnessed, to be held, to be reminded that connection isn’t a bonus. It’s essential. And it’s waiting for you.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackStrong Ground - Brene BrownThe Rise & Fall of Capitalism - Diabolical LiesInstagram ReelOur Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community. - Surgeon General’s AdvisoryDoing Almost Anything is Better With Friends, Research Finds - Washington PostDavis AJ, Crittenden B, Cohen E. Effects of social support on performance outputs and perceived difficulty during physical exercise. Physiol Behav. 2021 Oct 1;239:113490. doi: 10.1016/j.physbeh.2021.113490. Epub 2021 Jun 15. PMID: 34139269.The role of social support and social identification in challenge and threat, perceived stress, and life satisfaction. Jamie C. Gillman, Martin J. Turner, Matthew J. SlaterFirst published: 11 July 2024 https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12982Download the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

Episode 77: This episode is the culmination of a three-part exploration into one of the most emotionally tangled questions I see women face: Should I stay, or is it okay to leave... even if he’s a good man?If you haven’t read the two preceding articles on Substack, I urge you to begin there. Those pieces lay the emotional and historical groundwork for what we’re unraveling here.In today’s conversation, I shift into a different energy—one of empathy, nuance, and quiet truth-telling. This is the softer side of the good guy dilemma. Less fire, more warmth. Because I know what it’s like to be caught in that mental and emotional spin. I lived it. And I know how isolating and confusing it can be when the relationship looks enviable from the outside, but on the inside, something in you feels like it’s slowly dying.Together, we dive into the subtle, and not-so-subtle, ways that codependency, patriarchal programming, and inherited narratives shape how we think about partnership, sacrifice, and what we’re allowed to want. I walk you through four major thought patterns that keep women stuck in indecision, and I gently challenge the beliefs that whisper, “You’re selfish,” or “You’re asking for too much.”But most of all, this episode is an offering of grounding. Of helping you see your thoughts for what they are—just thoughts—and giving you tools to start rewriting your story from a place of self-love and personal truth.We talk about grief. We talk about discomfort. We talk about how to hold the reality that he might be a “good guy” and not the right fit for the life you feel called toward. And I share what ultimately helped me untangle my own knot of guilt, fear, and hope years ago.This is not about telling you what to do. It’s about helping you get clear enough to choose—truly choose—for yourself.So if you’re in the middle of this dilemma, come sit with me. Let’s sift through the noise together.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackWhy I Wish Every Woman Getting a Divorce was Divorcing “The Good Guy”The Paradox (and Privilege) of Divorcing “The Good Guy”Untamed - Glennon Doyle“Descansos” Chapter 12 - Marking Territory: The Boundaries of Rage & Forgiveness - Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype - Clarissa Pinkola Estés Inside OutDownload the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit stayorgo.substack.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comEpisode 76: It’s been six years since I made one of the hardest decision of my life and walked away from my marriage. I didn’t have a roadmap. I didn’t know what the future would hold. I only knew that the life I was living no longer reflected who I truly was.This week, I’m honoring what I now call my Divorceversary by sharing the seven most unexpected truths that have unfolded since that day. Some of them are painful. Some are quietly miraculous. All of them have shaped me in ways I couldn’t have imagined.I open up about the raw financial realities of rebuilding after divorce and the crazy turn of events that led to me keeping my home when I was sure I wouldn’t. I speak honestly about the moment I lost myself in an abusive relationship again—even after leaving. And I celebrate the parts of my life that have bloomed in ways I didn’t know were possible, including the healing of my relationship with my body, my sexuality, and the kind of love I never thought I’d get to live with each and every day now.This episode is for every woman who is wondering what might happen if she chooses herself. It is a reflection on what it means to lose the life you thought you were supposed to have and discover the life that was waiting for you all along.It’s not a perfect journey. But it’s real. And more than anything, it’s yours to write.Show Notes:Subscribe to Stay or Go on SubstackDownload the Substack AppText 90MIN to 33777 to book a 90-Minute Session with me. ✨Text STAYORGOCOMMUNITY to 33777 to join the community. ⚡️Text EMAILME to 33777 for the free tarot guide using ChatGPT. 💫YouTube ChannelThe Deep Dive - 3 Month One-on-One Coaching IntensiveStay or Go CommunityInstagramFacebook

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit stayorgo.substack.comBONUS Episode 1: In this unedited bonus episode, I share the dissonance of being dropped into an old mental and emotional room I once lived in every day, and the profound relief of realizing: I don’t live there anymore.I’ll talk about what real love looks like when it’s rooted in autonomy, not control. I share the journal entry that grounded me back in the life I’ve built—one full of peace, connection, and agency. And I offer this episode as a mirror for those of you who still find yourselves living in rooms that don’t feel safe, hoping it helps you catch the vision of what's possible.This is a clarion call from the other side: your reality can change.