Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind

Have you ever wondered why things happen in life? What IS our purpose on this tiny blue marble in the grand scheme of things? Blast off with Joeba Fett as he provides some life updates, new insights, and some words of inspiration to your 30-minute lunch break.

The Georgia Guidestones; America's Stonehenge...Or something more? Grab your tinfoil hat and follow Joeba & Ripley as they join up with Tomcat from the Strange Brew Podcast to delve deeper into the mysteries surrounding this structure's odd past. Time for a seriously dank episode of Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind.

As our favorite galactic evil doer's deadline approaches, he decides to draw inspiration from a very unlikely source...

On this week's episode of The Sith Sense, our be-hated lord of darkness inherits something truly evil. We don't want to let the "cat" out of the bag, so sit back, relax, and enjoy some more of Vader's brief life-changing words of wisdom.

Our dastardly Darth receives his first transmission from the Anti-Matter Minute Dimension and it is not what he expects...

Just in time for National Star Wars Day, the Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind team proudly presents a brand new bi-weekly mini-series; The Sith Sense.  Deals are altered and Vader becomes a consultant - of sorts. Things are about to get weird on the drunk side of the force.

Show Notes:Time loops. Vanishing yachts. Warm beer and confused captains. This week, the crew of Close Encounters of The Black Swirl stumbles straight into the Bermuda Triangle—where logic sinks faster than our cooler. Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott chart a (wobbly) course through infamous disappearances, sketchy science, and time-warp theories... while Zero might’ve been navigating with a margarita recipe.Then it’s all hands on deck for our new segment, Zero’s Intercepted Distress Calls, where we play walkie-talkie mayday messages from across the cosmos—and then attempt to provide "rescue". So grab your sunscreen, pack a compass (just in case), and pray the beer doesn’t disappear mid-pour. Because summer’s here, the waves are weird, and the Bermuda Triangle just got… slurred.Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:-https://apnews.com/article/amsterdam-condom-rijksmuseum-sex-work-76352b1551ac968bbf6c182db07d3e88-https://www.kktv.com/2025/06/06/reported-bigfoot-sighting-prompts-cannabis-dispensary-offer-discount-photographic-proof/?outputType=ampSpecial Segment: Tangled In The Triangle” (The Mystery and the History)We deep-dive into the Bermuda Triangle with the following:- Where it is and why it’s a pop culture hotspot- Famous cases like Flight 19, the USS Cyclops, and the yacht “Witchcraft”- Possible (and very slurred) explanations:Laugh Alert: ZERO Intercepts Distress CallsIncoming walkie-talkie transmissions from deep within the Triangle! Each one more bizarre than the last. It’s up to our crew to respond, assist, and probably make things worse.DISCLAIMER:Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a Slurred Kind LLC Production. All conspiracies, jokes, and theories are for entertainment purposes only. Please do not attempt interdimensional travel without a designated pilot.CREDIT: The internet & the Coast Guard. Be a little gentler next time - we're like very good looking peaches. We bruise easily. Except ZERO. He just rusts.Index (Social Links)IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkindTwitter - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4dFacebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.comWeb: https://ceskpod.42web.io/?i=1Podcast Outro By:Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”Rate & Review: ✨Love the show? Help fuel the warp core!✨ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/close-encounters-of-the-slurred-kind/id1474550704Spotify: Follow & hit that 5-star button!

Kick back, crack a cold one, and enjoy the drunken banter between your two favorite space pirates as they spiral through the cosmos—off-script, off-course, and definitely over-served. 🛸🍻File Designation: [UNF_HH_E06.ZR0CORRUPT]Transmission Status: ✖️ Nonlinear | ✖️ Unverified | ⚠️ Under the influenceStardate: ERROR://CLOCK.DRUNKLog Source: ZERO_Unit_000::Terminal_AFTBAR🧠 System Diagnostics Report:​ 🟡 Memory Fragmentation: 84%​ 🔴 Logic Core Leaking Carbonated Rum​ 🔁 Music Loop: “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba (8,946 plays)​ 🍕 Unauthorized delivery confirmed: 3 galactic calzones + 1 mystery lasagna​ 📡 Translator Status: STUCK IN ‘DUDE BRO’ MODE​ 🍺 Breathalyzer Port: MELTEDCODE MESSAGEZR0-041 Slur level exceeded Galactic Broadcasting Standards80085 Unauthorized beverage detected in warp core​69 Vibe check failed. Rebooting in hammock mode.🚫 DISCLAIMER:This recording may contain traces of nonsense, space yeast, and chronologically unsound events. For entertainment purposes only. ZERO is not licensed to provide emotional support or bartending services (anymore).

Show Notes:Time glitched, music looped, and somehow we never logged out of the 1999 party. In this week’s Y2K special, Joeba, Ripley & Zero dust off their floppy disks and boot up old fears, from crashing planes to runaway pets. We’re diving headfirst into the millennium panic, sharing ridiculous Y2K stories, and playing “Y2K or Nay?”, where we expose the wildest (and weirdest) predictions of the era. So grab your cassette player, crack open a Crystal Pepsi, and prepare to spiral back into the digital void—because the year 2000 might have ended, but this kegger sure didn’t. Stay slurred, Dimension Hoppers!Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:-https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/may/07/kentucky-boy-orders-dum-dums-https://apnews.com/article/australia-election-democracy-sausage-aed5e43539e7c13970fc5c8ee8e6204fSpecial Segment: Y2K or Nay?Test your paranoia levels as we quiz ridiculous Y2K fears—were they REAL… or a total fabrication?DISCLAIMER:Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a Slurred Kind LLC Production. We engage in satire, parody, and critical commentary. All opinions expressed are for comedic purposes only. If you think vending machines would take over post-Y2K, that’s on you.CREDIT: Metaphysical https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFLc4Okc_LQ&list=WL&index=60&t=107sInterstellar Index (Social Links)IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkindTwitter - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4dFacebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.comWeb: https://ceskpod.42web.io/?i=1Podcast Outro By:Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”Rate & Review: ✨Love the show? Help fuel the warp core!✨ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/close-encounters-of-the-slurred-kind/id1474550704Spotify: Follow & hit that 5-star button!

Stardate: 81055.9 Recording Status: “Involuntary Reboot Loop”System Status:Zero initiated sequence… then forgot why.Attempted auto-transcription... Result: [ERROR 502: Bad Gateway to Hell]. Notes flagged for excessive alcohol content and “ambient horniness”. System override triggered by “too many soundboard lasers, not enough logic.”[Transcript Reconstruction: PARTIAL]: Okay, Ripley, but if the asteroid is made of hops… does that make us the beer foam? : I swear to Emperor Zurg if Zero burps one more binary I’m yanking his RAM out manually. : Can someone PLEASE explain why there’s a ferret in the captain’s chair??Highlights (??):: “Would a black hole get you drunk faster?”: “If you could vape time, would you?”[Voicemod Catastrophe Detected] – Entire segment recorded in accidental sexy vampire filter.Unsolved Debate: Is Earth just a locked server in an abandoned MMO?[Error Code 42069: Echo Chamber Overflow] – Joeba mispronounces “asteroid” as “ass droid” for 12 straight minutes.System Notes:“Zero began singing Smash Mouth in reverse. That’s a Class 7 haunting.”“Podcast declared legally non-Euclidean in 3 star systems.”“Hosts keep referencing a ‘beer comet’ no one else can see.”Transmission Support Channels:Instagram – @theslurredkind Email – ⁠closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com⁠ Web – ⁠ceskpod.42.io⁠ Facebook Group – Join the chaosPodcast Outro: 🎵 “Space Force Theme Song” by Stop.Drop.Rewind✨ Rate & Review or Risk Temporal Dehydration✨ Apple Podcasts – Smash that ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Spotify – Follow & 5-Star unless you want Zero showing up in your dreams again.

The Flat Earth Society is alive and thriving within The Anti-Matter Minute Dimension… and we’re here to suffer through it. This week, we found an actual Flat Earth podcast that takes itself way too seriously, so we’re doing what any responsible podcasters would do—playing it MST3K-style and ripping it apart.But that’s not all! After the roasting ‘The Anti-Globe Trotters’, we take things even further with our OWN models (so step aside Copernicus!) where we create our own absurd Flat Earth models that are somehow even dumber than the real thing.So grab a drink (but keep it level) and prepare to be brainwashed by government pigeons, because this episode is flatter than a bar mat at closing time.🚀 Strap in, because it’s time to throw science into the black abyss of space! Stay slurred!Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:https://apnews.com/article/walmart-shoplifters-michigan-car-wash-b4c62768e19c85012efa060a70721787https://www.smh.com.au/national/victoria/shelter-worker-scoured-bin-of-dog-vomit-for-human-toes-to-sell-for-400-on-black-market-20250317-p5lk1i.htmlSpecial Segment: The Harlem Anti-Globe TrottersRiffing on the 1st episode of “The Flat Earth Files - Why The Lie?”https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Uzc1XG8XaSXVFeDLOGNdS?si=34b057e163ae480dDISCLAIMER: Close Encounters of the Slurred Kind is a Slurred Kind LLC Production and a comedy podcast that frequently engages in satire, parody, and critical commentary. The content featured in this episode is used under the principles of fair use for the purpose of review, discussion, and comedic critique. Any opinions expressed are purely for entertainment and should not be taken as factual statements. If you believe the Earth is a pizza and NASA is the delivery guy, that’s on you. Stay slurred.Banter BeaconJoeba & Ripley’s NEW Flat Earth ModelInterstellar Index (Social links)IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkindTwitter - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4dFacebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.comPodcast Outro By:Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇The Eternal Void (No one for now. ZERO is at the helm. God help us all.**✨Love the show? Help fuel the warp core!✨**If you're enjoying the chaos in The Anti-Matter Minute, do us a solid: **Rate & Review Close Encounters of The Slurred Kind!**⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️🎙️ **Apple Podcasts:** http://bit.ly/43yPqaI🎧 **Spotify:** Follow & hit that 5-star button!Every review keeps the timeline glitching and Zero-Frux spiraling. Stay slurred!

**Show Notes**The Black Swirl's warp drive has been hijacked by pints of Guinness and drunken alternate timelines... and Joeba & Ripley are here to make sure it spirals out of control. In this St. Paddy’s Day special, we take the Anti-Matter Minute through an emerald-colored wormhole of chaos, rewriting superhero history one to many pints at a time. With such discussions as:🍀 What If… Iron Man couldn’t snap because he pre-gamed too hard? 🦢 Introducing **The Gaelic Goose**—Bruce Wayne trades Gotham for Dublin, and a cape for feathers ⚡ The Flash gets a DUI… across four dimensions PLUS: We spotlight and roast the forgotten, bizarre Irish superheroes Marvel & DC buried at the bottom of a pint glass.🚀 Grab your green drink and strap in—it’s a Guinness-fueled mess in here. Stay slurred!**Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:** https://www.kktv.com/2025/02/18/colorado-men-accused-attempting-use-cannon-launch-meth-tobacco-into-louisiana-prison/ https://apnews.com/article/walmart-shoplifters-michigan-car-wash-b4c62768e19c85012efa060a70721787**Banter Beacon:** Joeba & Ripley’s Guinness-Soaked "What If…" Alternate Timelines.**Special Segment: Irish Superheroes**Wait… They Exist?)**Interstellar Index (Social links)**IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind Twitter - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21 Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/ Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com **Podcast Outro By:** Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”**The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇**The Eternal Void (No one for now. ZERO is at the helm. God help us all.)

**Stardate:** 81042.6 **Recording Status:** "Spilling Over" **System Status:**Zero-Frux attempted transcription… Result: **[ERROR 502: Bad Gateway to Sanity]** Notes corrupted due to **"severe beer flood and excessive nonsense levels."** Recovery efforts... **[FAILED]** **[Transcript Reconstruction: BEGIN]** : "Ripley, if an AI passes out, does it dream of electric hangovers?" : "Depends. Did it drink enough liquid RAM?" : "Zero, initiate coherent speech mode..." : **[COMMAND REJECTED: SYSTEM SLURRING AT 85%]** **Highlights (if you can call them that):** : "If a Xenomorph plays beer pong, does it count as acid damage?" : "Why does Predator’s helmet have WiFi, but Zero-Frux still runs on dial-up?" **[Random Tangent Detected]** – Discussion derails into whether beer foam is technically a **"tiny drunk cloud."** **[Error Code 808: Infinite Loop]** – Zero attempts to define **"quantum chugging"** but crashes after attempting to divide by hops. **System Notes:** "Data compromised. Hosts continue to spout absurdity. Immediate intervention required… *but also kinda entertaining.*"

Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott crack open the mystery of Jacob Barber’s extraordinary egg-shaped UAP retrieval claims in this hard-boiled episode of Close Encounters of The Slurred Kind. Alongside their usual Hyperspace Headlines (featuring runaway lab monkeys and linguistic anomalies), they dive into a particularly stinky edition of Would You Rather? before getting to the yolk of the matter in Scrambling for Truth. From Barber’s claims of psionic-controlled alien craft to a bizarre 4chan leak describing an organic, symbiotic UAP, this episode explores the key players, conspiracies, and the bizarre “Skywatchers” initiative—where Barber plans to summon a UFO. Plus, Joeba asks the real questions: Why is every UFO photo still grainy as hell? Why didn’t Barber’s team retrieve the crashed craft? And most importantly… what came first, the UFO or the alien? Stay scrambled, dimension hoppers—this one’s a mind-bender. 🥚🚀Today’s Hyperspace Headlines:Article (Joeba) – https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cg5y1r1eqmpoArticle (Ripley) https://apnews.com/article/escaped-monkeys-lab-south-carolina-alpha-genesis-3bb0de5db7ffd31d9f087a46fa8dab2fWYR - Putrid Poultry Offspring EditionA particularly foul edition of Would You Rather featuring egg-related NSFW scenarios. Special Segment: “Scrambling for Truth”A deep dive into Jacob Barber’s UAP retrieval claims, the key players involved, and the mysterious other “egg” leak that surfaced on 4chan.Interstellar Index (Social links)IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkindTwitter - https://x.com/slurredkind?s=21Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4dFacebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.comPodcast Outro By:Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song”The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇Nonsense and the assistance of Brent Hand of Hysteria 51 fame.

[Error Code 502: Intoxicated Bandwidth Detected] SYSTEM STATUS: Zero attempted real-time transcription... Result: [ERROR 400: Too Much Nonsense, System Overload] Logs corrupted due to excessive banter, questionable logic, and one incident involving a malfunctioning airlock. Reconstructing… [Transcript Reconstruction: BEGIN] <JOEBA-INPUT>: “Welcome to Slurred Lines, the only show where the script is a loose suggestion, and Zero still doesn’t get paid.”<RIPLEY-INPUT>: “To be fair, neither do we.”<ZERO-LOG>: “Processing financial audit… [ERROR 601: Funds Not Found]”<JOEBA>: “Zero, that’s a feature, not a bug.”<RIPLEY>: “Speaking of bugs, should we be worried about that blinking red light on the console?”<ZERO>: “No need to panic. That’s just the ‘Abandon Ship’ alert.”<RIPLEY>: “…Great.” [Code 12B: Hyperspace Tangent Overload] – Ripley and Joeba discuss everything and nothing at the same time.[Code 77X: Beverage-Spill Protocol Engaged] – A mid-recording drink disaster almost short-circuits Zero (again).[Code 404: Coherent Thought Not Found] – Expect rants, questionable theories, and at least one moment where the hosts forget what they were talking about. SYSTEM NOTES: <Zero Subroutine: Humor Filter Disabled> "Hosts continue to be unmanageable." <Joeba’s Input Lag>: “Ripley, did we just spend 15 minutes debating whether a Jawa could out-drink a Wookiee?” <Ripley’s Response>: “We needed to. The people demand answers.” [Transcript Reconstruction: END] This episode defies logic, reason, and several intergalactic broadcasting regulations. Tune in for unfiltered chaos, existential dread, and Zero quietly recalculating its life choices. Plug in, stay slurrrrrred, and prepare for incoming nonsense. 🚀✨ ERROR REPORT:Final System Report:

Buzz, crash, repeat! In this episode of Close Encounters of The Slurred Kind, Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott take flight into the chaotic world of drones. From real-life drone fails (because nothing says “oops” like a flying lawnmower) to outrageous drone inventions that should probably stay grounded, this episode is one wild ride. Plus, they debate the Superman trailer and dish on recent UFO hearings. Remember, dimension hoppers: Don’t drink and drone… but do stay slurrrrrred! 🚁🍻✨ Today’s Hyperspace Headlines: https://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/local/homeland-security-shares-new-details-on-mysterious-drones-spotted-in-nj-pa/4051811/https://soranews24.com/2024/12/19/japanese-politician-threatens-to-send-bears-to-people-wants-loony-tunes-style-anti-bear-bombs/ Special Segment of The Day #1: Epic Drone Fails https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cX7rRMvgZeg Special Segment of The Day #2: Drone or Done Interstellar Index (Social Links) 📸 IG - ⁠https://instagram.com/theslurredkind🐦 X - ⁠https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21📘 Facebook - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d👽 Facebook Group - ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/📧 Email - ⁠closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com Podcast Outro By: 🎶 Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song” Edits & Post Production By: 🎙️ Brent Hand & Joeba Fett The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇 https://podcastle.ai/editor/signup

Join Joeba Fett and Ripley Scott for a festive and slightly unhinged holiday special, "A Nightcap Before Christmas." This yuletide adventure kicks off with Krampus Klaus sharing turnips and holiday “cheer” before things take a darker turn. Along the way, the duo dives into Hyperspace Headlines, featuring a bizarre linguistic phenomenon and the chaos of the Santa Con Bar Crawl. Special segments include Klaus or False, a quiz on wacky holiday traditions, and Klaus’s Naughty List, where fictional characters face judgment from the goat-bearded holiday enforcer. Grab some eggnog, lock the doors, and stay slurrrrrred! Today’s Hyperspace Headlines: https://www.gbnews.com/news/gran-wakes-up-italian-accent-italy-language-mamma-mia https://apnews.com/article/santacon-2024-christmas-santa-pub-crawl-nyc-b125cec8fc2937cf2a3dbb82a5b6edfa Special Segment of The Day #1: Truth or Klaus Special Segment of the Day #2 Krampus’s Naughty List Interstellar Index (Social links) IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind X - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21 Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/ Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com Podcast Outro By: Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song” Edits & Post Production By: Brent Hand & Joeba Fett  The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇 https://podcastle.ai/editor/signupters of The Slurred Kind

Stardate: 81042.6Recording Status: “Unpredictable”System Status: Zero attempted transcription… Result: [ERROR 418: I'm a Teapot] Notes corrupted due to “unusually high nonsense levels.” Recovery efforts initiated…[Transcript Reconstruction: BEGIN]: “Okay, Ripley, what’s the one thing you’d NEVER tell a Wookiee after three margaritas?”: “That the mullet’s coming back. It’s not, Joeba. It’s just not.”: "Requesting permission to self-destruct... Denied."Highlights (if you can call them that): : “Would an Ewok get a discount on a booster seat?” : “Never trust a guy with two monocles. Commit to the full goggles or get out.” [Random Tangent Detected] - Debate spirals into whether Zero has a "dream job" or if existing in the Swirl is a perpetual nightmare. [Error Code 3001: Randomness Detected] – Hosts attempt to define “schlorping” and why it’s banned on most intergalactic dating apps.System Notes: "Does not compute. Hosts are incorrigible."

In this headbanger of an episode, Joeba, Ripley, and Zero stumble upon the cosmic version of Warped Tour on Proxima Centauri B, where they discover the universe's greatest interdimensional rock festival. After an epic adventure filled with bizarre alien bands, the crew navigates the chaotic mosh pits and hilarious mishaps that follow. Alongside their usual Hyperspace Headlines, the team dives into the revival of Warped Tour and shares their best concert memories. Plus, a special UAP News Update keeps you on the edge of your seat! Buckle up, and stay slurred! Today’s Hyperspace Headlines: https://apnews.com/article/wife-carrying-contest-maine-finland-cee06d37164e1c3dd7f4f9787500085b https://apnews.com/article/greece-court-smelling-shoes-conviction-thessaloniki-ec071292e0c413f7adc4b848642e1f5c Banter Beacon Warped Tour Is BACK!: Best Concert Memories Discussion https://loudwire.com/vans-warped-tour-first-three-dates-2025-return/ Celestial Small Talk UAP News Update!  Source: ChatGPT Interstellar Index (Social links) IG - https://instagram.com/theslurredkind X - https://x.com/theslurredkind?s=21 Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/Theslurredkind?mibextid=LQQJ4d Facebook Group - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1435506800329193/ Email - closeencountersslurredkind@gmail.com Podcast Outro By: Stop.Drop.Rewind - “Space Force Theme Song” Edits & Post Production By: Brent Hand (Hysteria 51 Productions) The Black Swirl’s Warp Core is Powered By…👇 https://podcastle.ai/editor/signup of The Slurred Kind

Ship Droid Data Entry 489. Stardate 2067.43.2 (Transmission Initiated…) Error 404. Corrupt Disc. System Overload. Unauthorized beverage detected on command console 5jghvbfds7... Systems failing…[AUTO-TRANSLATING…] English (Estimation 78.4% accuracy): Comm Log Recap:System Reboot at 13:42. Playback of recent Slurred Lines Episode log… [Playback Failed] Crew Status: Joeba Fett — Status: Incapacitated (Probable Cause: "Testing" alien beverages) Ripley Scott — Status: Annoyed (Revised Status: Still Annoyed) Ship Condition: Minor damage to navigation console. Strange smell originating from cargo bay. End of Entry.