I recently listened to Mel Robbin's book, "Let Them". I will admit, I was a bit skeptical at first and I will also admit I am a touch jealous of Mel and how well she has done her podcast and how successful she has been. A little jealousy can be good, and in this case, is incentive to be better and work harder. So, I listened to the book. What I got out of it was something that I have believed for a long time. It is the idea that you can only control your own actions and thoughts. You can't ever control anyone else. It is a good reminder for those of us who already adhere to the, "To each their own" idea. And it is a good lesson for those who hadn't considered it. Sometimes you just gotta give a person or situation an imaginary shrug and say, "To each their own!"
Happy New Year, everyone! We are at the end of another year and as I reflect on this, I realize that some of the most fun times I have had were unplanned and unexpected. And some of the hardest times in life are also unexpected. In this coming year, I hope you are able to soak in the moments, good and bad, and really feel life. I hope you are able to connect with others, be there for them and with them in the fun, unexpected days and the hard unexpected days.
We have all kinds of relationships in this life. Some are definitely more meaningful and deep than others. Someone recently asked me about a friend of mine and my response was, "We are friends". She sort of made light about the topic and I joked along. But later that day, I got to thinking. Friendship is the deepest relationship we can really have with one another. If someone is truly your friend, they have your back. They are there for you during the hard times and also the good times. A true friend will be there even when you aren't that lovable or fun to be around. Couples who have been married for decades probably won't tell you romance is more important than their mutual respect and love for each other as friends. I really think friendship is the end goal of every relationship and what every relationship strives to be.
Today I am talking about the two very different experiences I have had with my parents and the end of life. Many years ago, my mom had cancer. Her struggle was painful and hard to watch. It was, to say the least, a stressful time. I had three kids under the age of five. And the added stress was that our relationship was not always a close one. I was grateful for her death, when it came, because she was no longer in pain. But, at that time, I didn't get the blessing of the perspective a person can gain from going through old age with a parent. The experience of spending this time with my dad is a completely different thing. He is in different part of his life as he is elderly and has some dementia. And I am in a different part of my life as I am able to view it all from a different perspective than I did with my mom. I am taking it all in and letting myself feel all the feels, all the while knowing it may bring me more sadness in the end. I am grateful for the journey. It will be a treasure to look back on and cherish.
Today I am talking to you about aging parents and how spending time with my dad has brought us closer than ever before. It's really hard to see a loved one change and lose their memory. Wrapping your mind around that person being "gone" but still here is eye opening and sad and sometimes just plain depressing. My dad has always been my biggest fan but the thing I have noticed in his dementia is that he is a kinder, more thoughtful and compassionate person than he was before. He is softer than he was in his past life. I am thankful for this chance to know him better and to love him well. To love someone is to be vulnerable. Vulnerable to the sadness when we lose them. The risk of LOVE is loss. But the reward of LOVE is far greater than we can imagine. I know this closeness will make it harder to lose him, but I remain thankful for this love we are so blessed to share.
Do you find yourself wondering why someone doesn't seem to care about something you are going through? It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own stories and our own lives that we assume everyone is being insensitive when they don't reach out. In reality, everyone is just living their own story. They are not ignoring you because they don't care. They are just wrapped up in their own stuff. So... the next time you wonder why someone doesn't seem to care, reach out to them and ask them how THEY are doing. Flip the script on yourself and do what you wish they were doing. It just may change your perspective entirely!
We tend to think of new beginnings as exciting and fun and good. But sometimes, new beginnings are unavoidable and not fun and the opposite of exciting. The thing about life is that we can't have the good stuff without the hard stuff. I hope you have wonderful new beginnings on your horizon. Just know that if your new beginning is a hard and painful one, it might just mean you have experienced new beginnings that were beautiful and meaningful. And maybe that's how we know the difference between the two.
I have always placed a lot of importance on how I look. Hey... I grew up in the 80s when we took two hours every morning doing hair and makeup! It gets engrained in us that how we look is more important than other things- like what's on the inside. This lesson came swiftly to me recently when I basically curb-stomped my own face. I was carrying groceries and fell right into cement steps. It could have been much worse but what it has painfully showed me is that my face and looks will fade (maybe sooner than later!) and what I will be left with is what kind of person I am. I will be left with how I make others feel. I will be left with how kind I have been and how have I shown love and kindness to those around me. It has been very eye-opening (so to speak) to realize the emphasis I have put on my looks. The old cliche is true. What's on the inside IS what counts most. Sometimes it takes a little slip and fall to learn that lesson for real.
Today I am talking about how there is a change of seasons coming here in the Pacific Northwest and how it reminds me of the change of seasons in life. Change can be hard. Change can be weird. But it can also be really good for us, and necessary for growth. Today, I will show you how the change of seasons can bring on a different point of view. It can help us to look forward while also appreciating the past. Maybe we need to take a note from nature and the outdoors and realize that change renews us. It helps us have gratitude for what was and look forward to what will be.
Today I am telling you a theory I have about marriage (or a long-term committed relationship). I look around and see all the folks who have made it through hard times and stuck it out and they are still going strong. I know the people who got married when I did have had plenty of struggles. Everyone does, right? But, for some reason, they have made it to the other side. Now they are enjoying the grandkids together. They are enjoying a different part of life together. And at the same time, they are rediscovering each other. I am not saying everyone should stay together, but there are a lot of folks who should think twice before calling it quits. (Go back and listen to my episode called "Doing Divorce Well" to get a little taste of what I am talking about). I applaud those of you who have made it through the hard times. I have an aunt and uncle who will celebrate their 70th anniversary next year! It truly makes my heart happy to see the longevity of the love and commitment out there. And for all you young'uns, get yourselves a whiskey box, or a variation of it, and give your future self a way to go back in time and remember the "why" of the union you have.
What is cathartic to you? Do you know? I bet you knew at one time and maybe have forgotten. For my friend, who I talk about in the episode, it's working with and riding horses. (Who doesn't love the smell of a horse?) For her husband, it's working (playing) in the dirt. For me it's playing piano, writing, decorating or doing something else creative. The point is, we are all wired differently and that's a good thing! Try to remember a time when you did that thing that fed your soul. We all have it, even if it's been buried for a long time because life got busy. I can look back and see how I slowly started to ignore that "thing" (being creative) that brought me so much joy. At one time, it was "who I was" and now it seems so elusive. I am making a point of getting back to what feeds my soul. I am going to do things this week that feed my creative side. How about you? What can you do this week that is cathartic for you? Find it, remember it, and do it! Let me know how it goes!
Has there ever been a time when you were in the wrong and you put blinders on and didn't talk to, listed to or ask anyone who would hold you accountable, for their advice? I've been there, and I remember it well. We don't want to hear the right advice when we are in the wrong. We stay around people who won't hold our feet to the fire and hold us accountable. But how will we ever learn, grow or do better, if we keep those blinders on? We won't! So, own your shit! Take responsibility for your side of the road. Listen to the hard advice so you can move forward and change and grow. And if it's your friend/partner/loved one in need of the good advice, be the person who can give that good advice and love them even if they don't take it. Life is about lessons. Owning your own shit is just the one of them.
Music is such a big part of life. At least it's a big part, a huge part, of mine. I can "waste" an entire evening listening to music and dancing around my house, on the street, in a bar, wherever! I LOVE music! From the time I was young, I felt music very deeply. It started with a John Denver song, maybe Elton John, and went on from there. I played piano by ear and loved listening to a song and trying to learn how to play it. I went on to be a dancer on my high-school dance team. Those are memories I wouldn't trade for anything. The point is, music speaks to our hearts. It brings back memories. It can bring every emotion from pure joy to pure sadness. It seeps into our hearts and makes us feel things. So my encouragement to you today is to get yourself a playlist. Turn it up! Let it make you feel something, whether it be sadness or joy. I guarantee it'll make your day better! So let's dance, y'all. (Yes, I said y'all) Here, as promised, is the West Valley Class of '88 playlist done by my friend Eric on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/playlist/33BlxSD36IcmK6e1z5e1JM?si=cc5a3ae006e1437a Eric says you're welcome... now get out there and DANCE!
I had the privilege of going to a class reunion last weekend and had an absolute blast! To be fair, I always have a blast. But this is my first time going by myself. I knew some parts of it would be hard, but I said, "sign me up!" There are so many times we might miss connecting with others because we aren't willing to put ourselves out there and be brave and just GO! I signed up and went. I said, "yes." There are lots of times we don't really want to go to events, whether those events are happy or sad. But if we always say, "no", we miss out on connection with others. We miss out on making a new friend. We miss out on hearing someone's story we never knew about and, in turn, miss out on the impact it can make on our lives. We are built for connection and if we are always saying no to those times we could make connection, we are robbing ourselves of something really great. We are robbing ourselves of the joy that comes from the vulnerability of closeness to others.
I had an emotional week. I went to two weddings and watched a sad movie, all of which made me cry. A LOT! But it was good for me to feel those emotions. It's good for us to allow ourselves to feel and experience life's ups and downs and not shove those feelings down and act as if they don't exist. Having feelings and emotions makes us human. Showing them makes us vulnerable. So, allowing yourself to feel and show emotion is part of being human and it is how you will connect with other humans. Let's stop shoving it all down and telling ourselves we don't have time or we are fine or we don't want to ruin our mascara. Let yourself feel them and show them. Someone may really connect with you in your sadness. Someone may connect with you in your joy. Someone may connect with you in your anger. Life is about connection with others and that connection, a lot of times, comes from the vulnerability of feeling and showing emotions.
Today I am reading one of my favorite books to you. It's called, "Finding Muchness", written by Kobi Yamada, illustrated by Charles Santoso. It is a book about adding more life to your life. It is a book about being brave, having fun, showing love, being kind and so much(ness) more. I love it so much, I wanted to read it to you in hopes you will find the muchness inside of you that maybe you forgot about and need to be reminded of today. You are the only you! So go out there and be awesome and find your muchness today!
It's my son's 20th birthday! Woohoo! Happy birthday, Layne! So... I tossed out some episode ideas and let him choose. Of course, he chose one I thought was pretty basic (or lazy) but when he elaborated, it became less so. The idea he picked was, "Say what you mean, mean what you say." When I asked him to elaborate, he said, "In relationships and friendships, if you don't say what you need and what you want, you end up being disappointed." He is so right. There are so many times we don't say what we want or need and end up being angry and disappointed when all the while, the other person doesn't have any idea what we want or need. So, let's start changing this today by evaluating our relationships and how we show up. Let's start doing ourselves and the other people in our lives a favor and just say it! We may lose some relationships along the way but that is a lot better than being disappointed and becoming resentful for staying quiet to "keep the peace".
Stop saying, "I am old"! So many of you are out there saying you are old. Stop it! Old is a frame of mind. It isn't a truth. That word means different things to different people but... overall, it has a negative connotation. You will not hear me saying I am old. To me it means, "I am done" (done living, learning, growing, adventuring... just done). Who wants that? Not me!! Start looking at life as a gift. Each day, each moment, each adventure - it's all a gift. You aren't old. Your frame of mind is believing you are old. Stop it! You are as young as you will ever be so start living like it!
The first full episode of "Get Real with Lisa" aired on June 1, 2022! So today, I thought I would rapid-fire through some of the most listened to episodes over the past year. My sincere thanks and gratitude for all you listeners out there. Here's to another year of learning about life together!
You know what next week is? I do! It's the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of the GET REAL WITH LISA PODCAST! (Insert noise makers here) This is a minisode to get you geared up for the anniversary episode next week where I will rapid-fire through all the episodes I've done over the past year. It's gonna be a good time of reflection and also looking forward to the next year!