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Hope for Spouses

Hope for Spouses

Author: Kim Pullen

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If you are suffering in the wake of your spouse's adultery or sexual addiction, you will find a supportive community here.

Hope for Spouses is a ministry focused on nurturing and growing in intimacy with God and a safe circle of others. As the betrayed, we chose not to be victims but to own our healing, recovery, and ability to thrive regardless of our spouse's choices.

Kim Pullen is the host of Hope for Spouses. Thriving in a 26-year marriage traumatized by adultery and a four-year separation, Kim shares hope and healing with spouses who feel isolated due to sexual sin in their relationship, but don't know how or where to begin their journey.
25 Episodes
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#24: Should You Tell Your Kids About Their Father’s Sexual Betrayal?
You and your unfaithful spouse have four children: a 3-year-old, a 9-year-old, a 15-year-old, and a 22-year-old. Do you tell the kids what your spouse has done, or do you shield your children from the pain of their father’s betrayal?Many factors play into our decision including the status of our spouse’s repentance and/or recovery, the age and maturity of our kids, whether our spouse is still living in the home, and even our own personal reasons for wanting or not wanting to tell our children.The most important factors we often fail to consider in making this decision is what are the long-term ramifications of our silence or our speaking up, and what does the Bible say about it.In this episode of the Hope for Spouses' Lunchtime Live, Kim Pullen talks about the biblical and practical reasons for why we should consider sharing with our kids the poor choices their father has made, the conditions for telling them about their father's betrayal, just how much we should tell them, and when we should refrain from divulging the truth.___________To get clarity on where your marriage is, where you want it to be, and what's blocking you from getting there, schedule a free breakthrough call with me to see if we can help you live a victorious life regardless of our spouse's choices: https://hopeforspouses.com/applyYou can also watch future Lunchtime Lives in real time every Wednesday on our private Facebook Group at https://facebook.com/groups/hopeforspousesFor more information, go to https://hopeforspouses.com
#20: The Good, the Bad & the Ugly About Boundaries with a Sex Addict
In 1992, Henry Cloud & John Townsend exploded into the publishing industry with their Boundaries books. In the last 25 years, the term “boundaries” has become a meme, a metaphor, and cliché.But the word has real power in the lives of betrayed spouses when it is used as a vehicle for emotional and spiritual healing.In this episdoe of the Hope for Spouses' Lunchtime Live, Kim Pullen talks about the good, the bad, and the ugly about boundaries including their biblical relevance, what you can expect when you use them, and who they are really for (they're not for your addicted or unfaithful spouse).[View the notes and scriptures for this episode below.]_____________To get clarity on where your marriage is, where you want it to be, and what's blocking you from getting there, schedule a free breakthrough call with me to see if we can help you live a victorious life regardless of our spouse's choices: https://hopeforspouses.com/applyYou can also watch future Lunchtime Lives in real time every Wednesday on our private Facebook Group at https://facebook.com/groups/hopeforspousesFor more information, go to https://hopeforspouses.com______________Jeremiah 5:22For I have placed the sand as a boundary for the sea,An eternal decree, so it cannot cross over it.Though the waves toss, yet they cannot prevail;Though they roar, yet they cannot cross over it.Genesis 2:16The Lord God commanded the man, saying, “From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die.Deuteronomy 30:15-18See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil. IF you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in his ways, and by keeping his commandments and his statutes and his rules, THEN you shall live and multiply, and the Lord your God will bless you in the land that you are entering to take possession of it. But IF your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, THEN I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess.Luke 9:23-25If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.”1 John 1:7, 10But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin...If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word is not in us.Romans 6:16, 23Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness?...For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.Isaiah 40:8The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures forever.Matthew 7:6Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.John 15:20-21Remember what I told you: "A servant is not greater than his master." If they persecuted me, they will persecute you also. If they obeyed my teaching, they will obey yours also. They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the one who sent me.
#19: What Does a Healthy Sexual Relationship Look Like in a Godly Marriage
If your marriage feels awkward, forced, frustrating, or broken due to sexual issues…If your spouse is unrepentant about viewing pornography…Or if your spouse has stepped outside of your marriage to have sex with other women…In this episode of our special Lunchtime Live Christian Marriage and Sex Therapist, Dr. Jessica McCleese and Hope for Spouses founder Kim Pullen discuss exactly what a healthy and an unhealthy sexual relationship looks like in marriage.They'll give you some clear markers or signs for you to examine your own marital relationship based on God's word.Whether your spouse is resistant to change or is ready to partner with you for real transformation, we'll share a little about what you can do if you recognize those unhealthy markers in your marriage.[View the notes and scriptures from this episode below.]______________To get clarity on where your marriage is, where you want it to be, and what's blocking you from getting there, schedule a free breakthrough call to see if we can help you live a victorious lifeIf you and your spouse are LIVING TOGETHER and UNIFIED about getting healthy but just don't know where to start, schedule a call with Dr. Jessica at https://meetme.so/DrJessicaIf there is INFIDELITY or PORN in your marriage, your spouse is UNREPENTANT, and you don't know where to start, schedule a call with Kim at https://hopeforspouses.com/callYou can join Dr. Jessica's private Facebook Group, "Better Than the Honeymoon" here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fullywell/You can also watch Hope for Spouses future Lunchtime Lives in real time every Wednesday at 12:15pm on our private Facebook Group at https://facebook.com/groups/hopeforspousesFor more information, go to https://hopeforspouses.com_____________5-Question Quiz1. Do you avoid sexual intimacy with your spouse, but you actually want this to change?2. Do you wish that your spouse understood why sex is causing you emotional pain?3. Do you wish that your spouse was more receptive to your sexual advances?4. If you your spouse has been unfaithful and he or she isn’t making every effort to be transparent and rebuild trust, are you having sex with them just to keep them from leaving you?5. Do you have sex with your spouse to keep them from viewing or masturbating to pornography?1 Cor. 7:4The wife does not have authority over her own body, but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but yields it to his wife.Galatians 5:13For you, brothers, were called to freedom; but do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh. Rather, serve one another in love.Song of Songs 1:4We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine.Romans 8:31What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?Philippians 4:19And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.Colossians 2:10And you have been made complete in Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority.Matthew 6:31-33Therefore do not be anxious, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall we drink?" or "What shall we wear?" For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.Mark 12:30"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."2 Corinthians 7:11See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter.
#18: You Can't Be Your Spouse's Accountability Partner
If you and your spouse have isolated yourselves due to your partner's sexual sin, you may be tempted to be your spouse's accountability partner. That means YOU get a text when he looks at something inappropriate on his cellphone, YOU ask him about his purity, and YOU make sure he's going to his recovery group.If so, you're probably wondering why this is only causing MORE strife in your relationship and creating MORE distrust and distance.In this episode of the Hope for Spouses' Lunchtime Live, Kim discusses the unhealthy dynamic created by you leading a role in your spouse's life you were never meant to fulfill, that of accountability partner. She'll also reveal the hidden motives behind a betrayed wife's need to know about her husband's internal life, and God's perfect design for accountability.[View the notes and scriptures from this episode below.]____________To get clarity on where your marriage is, where you want it to be, and what's blocking you from getting there, schedule a free breakthrough call with me to see if we can help you live a victorious life regardless of our spouse's choices: https://hopeforspouses.com/applyYou can also watch future Lunchtime Lives in real time every Wednesday on our private Facebook Group at https://facebook.com/groups/hopeforspousesFor more information, go to https://hopeforspouses.com_______________**Graphic: http://bit.ly/upthehillJohn 3:19-21This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.Isaiah 54:8-9"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."Proverbs 3:5-6Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your OWN understanding; in all your ways acknowledge HIM, and HE will make your paths straight.Psalm 90:8"You have set our iniquities before you, our secret sins in the light of your presence."
#17: What is Your Pain Threshold in the Wake of Sexual Betrayal?
As humans, we can endure physical, emotional, or mental pain for extended periods of time. But there's a moment, a trigger, a threshold we reach when the pain of remaining where we are exceeds our fear of moving into the unfamiliar.In the wake of your spouse's sexual betrayal, where are you in your pain funnel? What will it take for you to say, "Enough" and move toward healing?In this episode of the Hope for Spouses' Lunchtime Live, Kim discusses the power of pain as a precursor of birth, rebirth, death, and resurrection, and how God designed pain as a catalyst for transformation.[View any notes, scriptures or graphic from today's lesson below.]____________To get clarity on where your marriage is, where you want it to be, and what's blocking you from getting there, schedule a free breakthrough call with me to see if we can help you live a victorious life regardless of our spouse's choices: https://hopeforspouses.com/applyYou can also watch future Lunchtime Lives in real time every Wednesday on our private Facebook Group at https://facebook.com/groups/hopeforspousesFor more information, visit Kim at https://hopeforspouses.com_____________Pain Threshold Graphic (PDF): https://s3.us-east-2.amazonaws.com/hope4spouses/Pain+Threshold+Funnel.pdfDefinition of Threshold - Threshold: The magnitude or intensity that must be exceeded for a specific reaction or effect to occur. On one side of a limen (or threshold) a stimulus is perceivable, on the other side it is not.Hebrews 2:10, 18In bringing many sons and daughters to glory, it was fitting that God, for whom and through whom everything exists, should make the pioneer of their salvation perfect through suffering...Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.Hebrews 12:7-11Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children… we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.Romans 5:3-4We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.1 Corinthians 14:33For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.Deuteronomy 30:15-20See, I set before you today life and prosperity, death and destruction. For I command you today to love the LORD your God, to walk in obedience to him, and to keep his commands, decrees and laws; then you will live and increase, and the LORD your God will bless you in the land you are entering to possess.But if your heart turns away and you are not obedient, and if you are drawn away to bow down to other gods and worship them [like your fear or need to control], I declare to you this day that you will certainly be destroyed. You will not live long in the land you are crossing the Jordan to enter and possess.This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now CHOOSE LIFE, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.
#16: The Most Important Resolution a Betrayed Spouse Will Ever Make
According to a Nielsen rating, only 64% of New Year's resolutions last longer than a month.Most people want to lose weight or save more money.But if you have a spouse that has sexually betrayed you, the most important resolution you can make this year, this month, or this week is to let go of trying to control your spouse's recovery and deliberately focus on your own healing from their sexual betrayal.In this episode of Hope for Spouses' Lunchtime Live, Kim talks about the key to successfully achieving your resolution—your mindset—and how it can launch you out the insanity loop you've been riding with your sexually addicted or unfaithful spouse and start your journey toward intimacy with God and a circle of safe others.[View scriptures or notes from today's episode below.]________________To get clarity on where your marriage is, where you want it to be, and what's blocking you from getting there, schedule a free breakthrough call with me to see if we can help you live a victorious life regardless of our spouse's choices: https://hopeforspouses.com/applyYou can also watch future Lunchtime Lives in real time every Wednesday on our private Facebook Group at https://facebook.com/groups/hopeforspousesFor more information, visit Kim at https://hopeforspouses.com________________1 Corinthians 11:1 – Follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.Link for "The Intimacy Manifesto": https://amzn.to/2BKRKNsGalatians 5:22 - debauchery, idolatry, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, and envy. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.Colossians 3:1-2 - Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.Colossians 3:1-2 - Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.John 3:20-21 - Everyone who does evil hates the light and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.Articles on Hope for Spouse's website: https://hopeforspouses.com/blogDouglas Jacoby’s Tour through the Gospel of Johnhttps://www.douglasjacoby.com/tour-john-lesson-1/First 10 days are free. After, only $36/year. Thousands of articles, podcasts, Q&As answered.EnduringWord.com or Biblehub.com
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