The Zen Leader

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > The Zen Leader welcomes guests Betsy Nelson and Mary Masi from the Sarasota Mindfulness Institute to the show to discuss mediation and mindfulness.     Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now, here’s your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Good morning, Sarasota. It’s Lara Jaye with The Zen Leader.I hope you’re all doing well this morning. Today, in the studio, I have a couple of amazing ladies from the Sarasota Mindfulness Institute: Betsy Nelson and Mary Masi. The ladies have joined us. I reached out to them a couple of weeks ago about a program that I saw on their website that just looked amazing that I felt like my audience would really resonate with and would want to know more about. So, I invited the ladies, and they’re here today. Good morning, Betsy and Mary. Betsy Nelson:Good morning, Lara. Lara:How are you? Mary Masi:I am well. Thank you. Lara:Good. Welcome to the studio here at WSRQ. Betsy, tell me… we’re going to start with you, Betsy. Tell me a little about you and your role at the Sarasota Mindfulness Institute. Betsy:Well, Lara, I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and my specialty areas are working with couples and people with cancer, and along the way I did some training in couples, kind of emotional regulation and mindfulness and kind of learned that science was finally looking into those areas, and discovered — and this was back in 2009 — mindfulness-based cognitive therapy is a treatment for recurrent depression. As I looked into it further, I knew that was something that I needed to bring to this town That medication is something that many people don’t want to utilize, and I respect that, and that we need to have some treatment options that are effective and that are outside of the medication protocol. So, I got pretty committed to leading this group and I had a meditation practice, like many middle-aged adults, it was on and off. I had meditated, stopped meditating, meditated, stopped meditating, and I realized that for me to sustain a meditation practice, I needed a group to meditate with and I wasn’t really a Buddhist, so I didn’t really want a Buddhist Sangha; I wanted a secular group of meditators. Lara:So, something non-religious. Betsy:Something non-religious. Lara:Got it. Betsy:So, we started the Sarasota Mindfulness Institute. Lara:So you were part of the beginning of it? Betsy:I am the beginning of it. Lara:You are the beginning. That’s awesome. “It’s all about my needs and have a group to support my meditations.” Betsy:That’s how it’s supposed to be, right? Lara:That’s awesome. So, this was back in 2009 and, at the time, you’re full-time working, a licensed social worker, and you had a lot of people coming in with depression. I, myself, suffered for a decade with depression and took a lot of different medicines, and it help a little, but then it just numbed me out. Betsy:Yeah. Lara:Then I couldn’t function like I wanted to. I didn’t have the energy I wanted to, I started gaining weight, a lot of those symptoms. But I wasn’t that depressed anymore, but I really didn’t care about anything. You know? Nothing. Meditation, and we’re going to talk about that, it is the one thing — I have this article on my website — that catapulted me to plan to redo my life, to change everything. The things that aren’t important just begin to fall away. Or, at least that’s what happened for me. Betsy:Yep. Yeah. The data are pretty clear on this that we don’t actually accept people into the program, the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program, who are currently in a major depressive episode. Because in that state, meditation can actually deepen the depression and we don’t want to have that happen, obviously. Lara:Sure. Betsy:So the data are pretty clear that it’s in an inter-episode, between episodes of depression, that this treatment, that this class, is extremely effective. It will really help the person develop the capacity to resist going in to depression, to live life in a way that sees it exactly as it is and doesn’t put a whole bunch of stories and layers, and filters on that can bring on a depressed mood. Lara:Why did you pick depression? I mean, there are so many different things that we could meditate and focus on. Was that just your specialty and what you wanted to dive in to? Betsy:No. It was that that was what appeared when I was at this conference, was I wasn’t very familiar with this Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, which is the original program. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy is an offshoot of MBSR. It was the cognitive therapy program that I became familiar with and it is specifically great at addressing recurrent depression. Lara:Got it. Betsy:So, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction is a program that is really just out there because it’s a wonderful thing for all of us to do to reduce our stress. Jon Kabat Zinn founded this program about 30 years ago. He had gotten a faculty position at the University of Massachusetts and with Mass General Hospital. He was a Buddhist meditator and realized that his meditation practice was really making a difference in his equanimity in life, so he went to the pain medicine doctors at Mass General and said, “Listen, I want to try something. Send me your failures.” The pain doctors thought, “You know what? There’s really no risk in sending this guy our failures. They’re failures. They can’t control their pain. We don’t have anything to give them, so it isn’t going to hurt for them to try something else.” In fact, the majority of these people experiencing pain developed a new relationship to their pain so that they were in a much better way of working with pain than they were… Lara:All through meditation? Betsy:All through meditation. Lara:How does that… How would that work? Betsy:Well, the interesting thing about pain is that, in some ways, all bets are off. We can’t really tell somebody specifically how they’re going to work with their pain. What we suggest to them is that they observe it carefully. If you observe pain carefully, you see that it’s less continuous than you thought it was. It’s less fixed than you thought it was. Instead of having this giant, tight mass of something — because that’s a perception of our pain, rather than the actual experience of pain — we begin to see that pain ebbs and flows, that there are periods of time where we may have some background pain, but the foreground information is much more interesting, and we get engaged with that. Lara:When I was extremely depressed and in counseling, as well as on medicine, I picked up a book and the name of it was What is Your Depression Trying to Tell You?I kind of feel like that’s what you’re saying with the pain and the depression and meditation; it kind of helps you dive into it. What does it want to talk to you… or what is it saying? Is that kind of what you’re talking about, in some ways? Betsy:Yes and no. One of the things that we learn through mindfulness practice is that we are constantly creating stories and constructs about things. In fact, what we learn through the practice is to recognize the story as a story and to see that the story itself has repercussions on our mood and on our… Lara:Like a story from the past? Betsy:No. Even like making a story out of pain. If we can just see pain as pain and work with it exactly as it is, it may very well be that we’ll see that there were times in our lives that we tightened around some particular pain and that we’ve never lost that impulse. The meditation may demonstrate that to us. And that in the meditation, we see that, so now we learn to relax into that pain, instead of tightening against it. But without sort of the sense it’s going to… that there’s something else that’s going to tell us. We may learn about our past experiences or the way that we’ve created a relationship to pain that’s a locked down sort of relationship, rather than an opened-up and accepting relationship. Lara:Can you give me an example of how that might work when you’re actually in the practice of it? Betsy:Sure. We follow, very carefully, the breath and the body. If your listeners were going to come away with one message, the message would be: Attend to what’s going on in the body. We utilize the breath as a way of just recognizing what’s going on in the body. It gives us something to focus on that gives us some stability in our attention, so we observe what’s going on in the body. We might, for instance, have an experience where we have some sadness. Now, we could begin to focus in on the sadness by observing where the feelings are occurring in our body. So, maybe you get a tightness in your throat. Now, in my meditation, I bring my attention to my throat. What I notice is that memories and thoughts will come into the picture, and what I want to do is just loosen the grip on those. That’s really extraneous information. The important information is just what’s going on in my body. I continue to breathe and I continue to feel what’s going on in my body, and usually it will change in some way. So, we just continue to observe it, no matter how it changes, no matter what… Lara:Not, not judging it as good, bad, wrong, right. Betsy:Not judging it. Yeah. Lara:Just let it come up. Betsy:Exactly. And not going along with the stories that emerge as we’re doing it. We might have a memory that the cat died [00:10:00]when we were 7 years old or something and there was some difficult family experiences around that cat’s death. Right? Maybe this comes up in this moment that I’m feeling the sadness. What I don’t want to do is get off on the story about the cat. I observe it. There’s a Zen expression, “Like writing on water.” You observe it, like writing on water. Right? You write on water and immediately it’s gone. Lara:It disappears. Betsy:Yeah. The cat comes up? We just let it go; we don’t tighten around

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Explore the Healing Effects of Nature with Captain Mike Nix, Key Life Charters. In addition to being a rock star captain of the Gulf Coast waters, Mike shares his journey from a desk job in Georgia to living his dream on Siesta Key, Florida.   Intro: Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Good morning! I'm Lara Jaye with The Zen Leader. Welcome back this morning. I hope everyone is doing okay. Today, we have an awesome topic, one of my absolutely favorites and have a super guest in with me for part of the time today. We're going to be talking about the healing effects of nature. With me this morning is Mike Nix, Captain Mike I call him, a good friend. He is with Key Life Charters here on Siesta Key, Florida. Captain Mike, welcome. How are you this morning? Mike Nix:I'm great. Thank you. Lara:Great. I wrote extensively about the healing effects of nature in one of my chapters in my book More Than Enough and spending time outside, for me in nature, was such an integral part of my own personal healing, and everyday continues to be a source of great joy for me. I don't know how to explain being out in nature, but it resets me back to me, Mike. Does that do that for you? Mike:It does. Lara:It does and I just think that you agree that being outside in nature and what you do is so huge. Mike, tell me a little bit. You and your wife run Key Life Charters on Siesta Key. Tell me a little bit about what you do on Key Life Charters and why are you so unique, because you are? You get that, what you're doing out here. Mike:Well, what we do is offer families and small groups of six and fewer people the opportunity to get out and experience nature, like you said. Siesta Key and Sarasota has so much to offer with wildlife and things that you can only see by water. For example, the dolphins and the manatees, and the bird life, and the vegetation, and the foliage that we have here. A lot of times when you're driving around you just overlook or miss it because you're paying attention to the road or you just don't… Lara:Well, we hope you are and we hope you're… [LAUGHTER] Mike:Right, right. Lara:Right. Mike:You just don't have access to those places. So what we provide is it's a total immersion type experience. So you get to not only do you see it, you get involved. You get in the water. You're able to go and collect seashells, and get on some of the sandbars, and ride out into The Gulf, and literally there's no telling what you'll see on any day. Lara:Right, it's always different depending on weather and everything. Mike:Right. Nature and wildlife is unpredictable so you never know what one day holds versus the next. One day you may go out and it just puts on a spectacular show. The next day it could be totally different. Lara:You just never know. Tell me about the boat that you own that you take people out on. Mike:The boat is glass-drawn 23-foot deck boat, so it provides ample seating for the groups that I take out. It's easy to maneuver and get around. The other thing about it is it has an easy access from the front or the back, so you can pull up to sandbars and people can get out. It's easy. I've not had any person out so far that can't on and off the boat, and some boats that's a problem. You just can't… the bow sits too high or the sides are too high. This boat really affords you the opportunity to get out on some of the sandbars and beaches, and things like that, and experience it. Lara:What I love, Mike — and if anyone is interested in contacting Captain Mike — what's your website, Mike? Mike:It's keylifecharters.com. Lara:So just spelled out Key Life and then Charters, C-H-A-R-T-E-R-S.COM. Mike:Right, right. Lara:Okay. Again, go to Key Life Charters if you want to contact Mike or have any questions. What I love on your website is you let people kind of design their day or their time with you. Is that right? Mike:Yeah, absolutely. Lara:How does that work? Mike:Well, they choose. We offer a list of activities and they actually choose what they'd like to do. Sometimes they just leave it up to me, so I can kind of coordinate be it a four-hour charter or an eight-hour charter. I can coordinate all activities to where they're at a certain spot at a certain time, able to get in everything before they have to go back to the dock. Lara:They kind of tell you kind of what they want. We want to waterski or we want to find a dolphin, and then you kind of work around that. Mike:Right. Lara:We want to go to a tiki bar, whatever. [LAUGHTER] Mike:Exactly, exactly. Lara:Whatever. Mike:Which, that's a very popular… Lara:That's very popular. What are some of the other popular things to do on the boat? Mike:I would say probably the most popular thing is dolphin sightings. Everybody loves to see them, and I still love to see them no matter the fact that I've seen thousands. It never grows old. Lara:It never grows old. Mike:It never does. As you know, having been on the boat, I'm able to get them sometimes to do some acrobatics in the wake of the boat, which is an absolute thrill. That's something you won't get on some of the bigger tour operators. They just can't produce the wake and you don't have the closeness of the dolphins that are literally within range that you could almost reach out and touch them. Lara:That's amazing. On one of your blogs, and Mike, you write an awesome blog on your website, and I just really encourage listeners to go check this out, your blog. Because it's not just about you're not just a charter come hang out on my boat for a few hours. Mike:Right. Lara:You give them the full immersion and let them just really experience water life and life, and can give them the tour. But on one of your blogs, you write, "The longer we're here, the more we appreciate all that is here and all that is in this area that has to offer." Boating, fishing, kayaking, the beach, biking, are all tremendously fun activities and things that you try to do often. You write, "I would encourage you to take a little time and engage in an activity such as hiking, biking, walking, boating, playing golf or tennis. Just get outside. This place is incredible," you say. Walking, running, biking, golfing, swimming — you mention paddleboarding — are just a few of these activities. You even write the old adage coming to mind, "A body in motion stays in motion." Were you, yourself, always such an advocate of getting outside and enjoying the pleasures of outdoor life? Mike:Well, a lot of my current outlook is the fact that I had a desk job for 20 years and didn't have the opportunity to get out Monday through Friday like I do now. The opportunity now is to get out everyday and that was a big decision when we decided to do this was the fact that we wanted to do three things. We wanted to be outdoors, do physical work, and meet a lot of people. That's how we decided upon the charter business. Lara:We is you and your wife. Mike:Right, Donna. Lara:Donna. Tell me a little bit about how did you end up here because you're not originally from here. Mike:Right. We're from the coast of Georgia. I was actually born and raised in Brunswick, Georgia, which is geography-wise is about an hour north of Jacksonville, Florida and an hour south of Savannah, Georgia. One of the more famous areas there is St. Simons Island, which a lot of people know about and started vacationing down here.             When I was about 10 years old, my family brought me down. Then when I turned 18 and started traveling on my own, this was one of the first places I came. Then I made it an annual vacation destination for my family and myself. I've actually got about 40 years' exposure to the area, and it's just a very unique place and I love it. I mean there's nothing that compares to Sarasota area and Siesta Key. Lara:Awesome. And you and your wife, you were living in Georgia and you decided, "Hey." What did you decide? We're just going to pack up and come here? [LAUGHTER] Mike:We did. Lara:What were you thinking? Mike:Right, it was a three-year plan. Lara:Okay. Mike:We had regular jobs. We had what a lot of people would strive for, which is security, but it just… we frankly got bored. It just wasn't filling a need that we had. The need being to be an active lifestyle in a beautiful place and meet a lot of people, and give them the experience that we had when we went out on a boat personally. We wanted other people to experience that, and I think we've done a good job of that. Everybody that's gone out with us has had a great time and laughter is the universal language, and to hear families' just unabashed laughter on the boat and having the best time is the most rewarding part of what I do. Lara:Oh, Mike, that's awesome. Thank you for sharing that. You admit. We're in these desk jobs and you're bored, and that's where a lot of our listeners are right now. They're doing the same day in, day out, and I really want to encourage them — even if it's for an hour a day or a couple hours on the weekend — to get outside. Get outside. Do something different. Isn't that what you needed to do for you guys? Mike:Yes, and I've always done that. Even with the desk job, I would get out even at lunchtime just for an hour and sit on a bench at the side of the ocean on St. Simons and just soak in the sun. It just kind of resets your day, even. But the biggest thing is to just get outside and enjoy what's here. No matter where you live, you can always find something that is just absolutely incredible that you've never seen if you'll just take the time and quiet yourself and look around. Lara:I love that, Mike.[00:10:00]We've got about a minute before our first break. Recently you went on a bike trip. That was just something a little different. How was that for you? Mike:Well, what we did was we left from Siesta Key. We

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > On this weeks radio show and podcast, The Zen Leader: Nourishing Your Body, my guests are Karen Odierna and Keith Campbell, CROP, a local chain of organic juice bars. Karen and Keith share their own stories of sugar addiction and low energy and how juicing provided an incredible boost to their life by sky rocketing their health.   Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Good morning. I'm Lara Jaye. Thank you for joining me here on The Zen Leader. Our topic today is a complicated, yet simple, sometimes controversial, always interesting, and that's nourishing your body. I wrote extensively about this in my book More Than Enough. In the studio with me are two amazing people who are focused on nourishing the whole Gulf Coast area. With me is Karen Odierna, founder of CROP, a local chain of organic juice bars and Keith Campbell. Welcome. Karen Odierna:Thank you. Keith Campbell:Thank you very much, Lara. Lara:Great! I'm so excited to have you here joining me talking about nourishing our bodies with juice. So, let's talk about this. First of all, why should we juice? Karen:Juicing, essentially, is the most nutrient-dense food you can put into your body. We have people come into the store. We either have people that juice or blend, maybe a little bit of both. But the explanation of what goes into especially a cold-pressed juice and the nutrient density involved is you have to use so much produce to get a pretty small amount of liquid in the end, and all those nutrients are so easily assimilated by your body when you consume juice because the fiber has been removed. So, nutrient density is really where we play and that's why we opened the store is really for the nutrient density of cold-pressed juice. Lara:Really, so it just pours… talk about nourishing our body. It pours in the nutrition. Karen:It really does. Lara:And our bodies can absorb it easier. Karen:The assimilation of juice in the body, because there is not fiber, it is rapidly absorbed and easily taken in. For instance, if you have a digestive issue or there's something going on within your body where you're having a hard time digesting, juice is one of the easiest ways to nourish and supplement what else you may be doing in your life. Lara:So the fiber, you mentioned that. That's interesting because when we blend in a Vitamix or a blender, we're throwing in the whole apple, everything, right? Karen:Correct. Lara:So juicing extracts? Is that what happens? Karen:Correct. All the fiber is removed in juicing, so that's a very controversial topic as well because people will say, "Well, I'm throwing away all the good stuff." I think it depends on who you're talking to and I always say, "Listen, we need it all." If you're blending, if you're juicing, whatever your method is to consume fruits and veggies, get them in. We don't care how you do it. We offer both at the store.             But, yes. Fiber plays a big role in our life, but if you're really looking for the nutrient density, juicing is a great way to get it and you can drink six juices in a day. You couldn't drink six smoothies in a day. The fiber also is hard to take in and is very heavy and is bulky, but like you said, we need fiber for lots of things in our life, in our body. But juicing, to me, I get the best benefit in the way that I feel when I juice. We have a saying called, "Jacked on Juice" and I mean really, I mean it makes me… I am zipped up and that's really why we started the company, which we can get into in a little bit, because I saw the effect it had on Keith when I first gave him a cold-pressed juice.             We had been Vitamixing and blending for the whole year prior to even thinking about opening CROP because that fiber does slow down that absorption, which if you're diabetic or if you have other conditions, I understand. Like I said, fiber may be a really important thing for you, but we need it all. We just are thrilled when anybody comes into the store saying that they consume a plant-based diet or they bring that into their lifestyle because that's a big part of it. Lara:Go ahead, Keith. Go ahead. Keith Campbell:I was just going to say the fact of the matter is the amount of produce that it takes to make one 12-ounce cold-pressed juice, it's much more than someone would consume or could consume really in one sitting. Lara:Yeah, so I want to know. When I come in and I buy one of your juices, how many ounces is that? Keith:It's 12 ounces. Lara:12 ounces. So how many greens am I getting? What am I getting? I know they're all a little different, but what's a typical…? Keith:Sure, I'll let Karen speak to that. But I'll just tell you that what we are known for is the nutrient-dense leafy greens, and Karen will touch upon this. But a lot of different juice companies or juice you buy in stores, they claim to have a kale or they have spinach or what have you, but it really comes down to how much of that product is actually in the juice. Of course, we're all organic, as you know, but Karen, you want to talk about that? Karen:Sure. So you said what goes into a bottle? Basically one and a half to two pounds of produce basically, on average, in each juice. However, we focus more on leafy greens. The weight of our juices is less if you're weighing produce before it goes into your juice, but in the end, you're getting more nutrient density because we hand pour those six cups of leafy greens. Before we started, I was weighing out every little leafy green that was going to go in that juice, and in the end, it was an average of those six cups of leafies that gives us three ounces of that leafy green juice.             That's what makes us different from any other company is that when someone comes into our store, any green juice in our case, I could say, "Lara, I know you're getting six cups of leafy greens in this juice outside of every other fruit or vegetable. I know in this juice you're getting eight cups of leafy greens," because we go through the painstaking process of juicing our leafy greens separate from everything else. Then we hand pour in every bottle those leafy greens. So, we go down the line, three ounces, three ounces, three ounces.             Typically juice companies do big bulk juicing and they kind of do all their ingredients separately, and they'll combine them all together, but they put usually a splash of leafy greens and that's about all you're getting. Like I said, I love that we can say, "This is exactly what's in your juice. This is exactly why you're always going to pay more at CROP because we spend so much time and energy on juicing those leafy greens, and the cost of leafy greens, to get a good yield, is pretty expensive." It's not a cheap process, for sure. Lara:I had no idea that you go to that painstaking… Karen:It is. Lara:That's a lot of work. That's a lot of work. Karen:It really is. Lara:And that makes sense. So what is the… what are we supposed to have? What? Four to six… Karen:Five a day. Lara:Five a day. Karen:Yeah, or more. Lara:So if one of them, one bottle has six, already we're ahead. We're ahead of the game. Karen:Absolutely. Keith:Well, let me comment on that. The studies have shown that less than one out of seven people actually get that on a daily basis. Less than one out of seven. So, we have a saying in our store. Listen, the juice in this line, the three and four-ounce leafy greens. You're getting more than that in one bottle. What happens is we have a lot of customers, as a matter of fact, that will come in. They'll come in, buy one juice, one shot everyday. Lara:Wow! One juice, one shot everyday. Then they're covered and they can pour the nutrition in. That's what happens. Keith, I want to start with you and the benefit you had mentioned, Karen, the increased energy of juicing. What happened to you, Keith? Keith:About four years ago, I was actually… Karen:[LAUGHTER] Lara:We all have stories. I want to hear Keith's. Keith:We all have stories. Yes. I've been in the real estate investment business for a long time, since the early 90s. One day I came home from a long day and Karen had actually decided to help a friend of hers through breast cancer, so she bought a Norwalk cold-press juicer to do that and developed some green juices, and I got home after a long day and she says to me, "Listen, why don't you try one of these juices?" I'm like, "Leave me alone. It's a green juice. What are you talking about?" Lara:Yeah, yuck. Keith:It was about four years ago. I'll never forget it. Karen:[LAUGHTER] Keith:Because my body had been so nutritionally deprived as a general rule, it hadn't been getting these nutrients. Lara:So you're working a lot. You're stressed. Keith:Exactly. Lara:Are you doing drive-thrus? Karen:Being fueled by caffeine. Lara:Sure, mm-hmm. Keith:Fueled by caffeine, long drives. But, yeah. I mean eating out constantly. I mean I lived in the New York City area for over 10 years. Lara:Oh, yes. Keith:I don't think I cooked once. You can imagine what [LAUGHTER] has been through my body. Karen:[LAUGHTER] Keith:But I came home that day after a 12-, 13-hour workday and I had one of Karen's green juices and my body just soaked it up. At that point forward, it was… Lara:Immediately you felt amazing. Keith:Immediately. Immediately. Karen:And he was zipping around the house saying, "I need to take the trash out. What do I need to do? I need to do something. I have so much energy. What did you just give me?" Lara:Wow! Keith:It was really crazy. Karen Odierna:I'm like, "Wow!" I said, "You are the representative of everyone else that feels the same way after a 12…" Listen, 12-, 13-hour day is a long day to work, but he came in that day absolutely wiped out. It was a perfect day to do that little test. I'm like, "We need to do something with this," a

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Men's health is at the forefront of our conversation today! Paul Seguin and Ron Bramson from Men's Complete Health join Lara Jaye discussing the mens health crisis in America including men's hormone replacement and erectile dysfunction.   Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leader with Lara Jaye. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now, here’s your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:I’m Lara Jaye with The Zen Leader. Welcome. I hope you’re having a great weekend. With me, here in the studio, are a couple of amazing men and we are going to talk about a topic that is actually dear to my heart, believe it or not. We are going to talk about men’s health because we need our men to be healthy. Here, with me, are Paul Seguin and Ron Bramson from Men’s Complete Health. Welcome, Paul. Paul Seguin: Thank you. Lara: And Ron. How are you guys? Ron: Thank you. It’s a pleasure being here. Lara: Yes. Thank you for stopping by the studio. You’re with Men’s Complete Health here, in Sarasota, Florida. Paul, tell me a little bit about the business and why you started it. Paul: Well, personally, when I turned 50, I had a real lack of energy and couldn’t concentrate, so I had my hormones checked. When they were balanced out, I just felt “right.” Lara: So, it was a personal… Paul: It was a personal quest, for me, yeah. That was 17 years ago. I have enjoyed a very high quality of life since getting my hormones balanced. Lara: Wow. We talk a lot on my show about women’s health because I’m a woman, and I bring it from my perspective. I really was excited to have the men’s side on because, for our listeners, these people are working… everyone works really, really hard, as we all do here in America, and they’re exhausted. That’s one of the first things you said was energy levels just plummet as we age. But do they have to? Paul: No. They certainly don’t. What happens is it’s a crisis. It’s a health crisis for me in the U.S. now, mostly brought on by chemicals and toxins our forefathers didn’t have to put up with. In fact, in 1950, the average male had a testosterone level of 1,200. Almost everybody. Lara: What year was that? Paul: That was 1950. Lara: 1,200. So, what are we at? Paul: Now, we have young guys — 35 and 40 — coming in at 250 and 300. So a third of the level, or less, than our forefathers. Lara: And that’s from toxins? Paul: Yes. Ron: We are actually seeing young men in their 20s, believe it or not, with levels 250 to 300. Lara: Unbelievable. Ron: We had a patient just a couple weeks ago that was below 200, which is concerning. Lara: So, for a late-20-year-old coming in, what are his symptoms? Ron: Usually they are complaining of things they are embarrassed to talk about, actually. They are complaining about loss of libido, sexual dysfunction problems, irritability, tired feeling all the time, and they’re saying, “Hey, I’m only 27 years old. Why is this happening to me?” Lara: Oh, absolutely. That young of age. Lack of focus. Is that one of the symptoms? Ron: Oh, absolutely. Lara: Okay. Ron: Inability to concentrate, easily destructed, nodding off and doing what we normally associate with grandpa after Thanksgiving dinner, falling asleep in a chair. Lara: So this is happening to the young ones as well? Ron: Young men. Absolutely. Lara: That’s amazing. So, they come in to see you and really you do a whole hormone panel? Ron: Well, we start by just talking to them, getting a feel. I like to get a feel for what brought them in and what are they hoping to accomplish. Are they concerned about anything? Are they looking just to get big, muscular? Because testosterone, it’s a lot more than just about muscles and sex, which people don’t seem to realize. I mean, that’s at the bottom of the list. By the time a male loses his libido, that’s the last thing to go, by the way. There’s everything else before that. Lara: So, all of those symptoms we just mentioned… and, a lot of times, I think that, in our stressful lives, we just think that that’s how it’s got to be. We don’t even realize it’s from a hormone imbalance. Ron: Exactly. It’s an insidious process. It starts very gradually and you don’t even pay attention to it until sometimes someone close to them — a significant other or family member — says… that hasn’t seen them, perhaps, for a while… being down in Florida, a lot of them go back home and they say, “What’s happened to you lately? You’re not the same person that you used to be. You used to want to go out and do things. Now? You kind of just want to lay around or watch T.V. or play video games.” A lot of times, they’re told that they’re lazy or not motivated. Lara: And that’s from low testosterone, a lot of times. Ron: That’s one of them. It could be other things, too, but that’s certainly at the top of the list, for sure. Lara: So, tell me. I’ve always heard that if men have a big tummy — maybe they don’t drink beer, perhaps — that might be from a hormone imbalance. Is that possibly true? Paul: Yes. What happens is the chemicals — Bisphenol A — that plastics are made from and pesticides, they mimic estrogen in the male body. So, we have so much more estrogen than we… Lara: So men and women, but we’re talking about men today, getting too much estrogen. Paul: Right. And from outside sources plus, when they get about 45, a male starts aromatizing his testosterone into estrogen. Lara: What does that mean? Paul: Aromatizing would be like converting. In our body fat, there is an Aromatase enzyme. A simple way would say that a man in his late 40s starts to convert his own testosterone into estrogen, which is very dangerous. Estrogen causes us to not only hold that belly fat around the middle, it aggravates our prostate and causes prostate enlargement. Then, if it’s high enough for long enough, it could contribute to prostate cancer. Ron:I think the misconception is a lot of men just naturally assume that they don’t have estrogen because that’s what women have. Lara: Sure. Ron: But, actually — and I was surprised when I found this out when I got started in this — men need a little bit of estrogen or you can’t function sexually, or a lot of other ways. But not very much. Conversely, women need a little bit of testosterone, but certainly not as much as men. So, I think there’s a perception among most men that they don’t even consider estrogen as being the cause of some of these problems because that’s what women have; men don’t have estrogen. Well, men certainly do get high estrogen levels. The belly fat… Lara: Is one of them… Ron: The breast fat. Lara: Oh, and men, if they’re developing breasts. Ron: Absolutely. Yeah. Loss of muscle tone is the first thing that starts to go. We see this in young men, too; not just middle-aged or older. Lara: Tell me, Ron, what’s your story? What got you in to this? Ron: Well, actually, my background was in orthopedics. I’ve been an orthopedist for most of my life. Lara: This is a switch. [CHUCKLE] Ron: I came here, I was with the Army in Hawaii, doing orthopedics as a Physician’s Assistant, and I came here about almost 4 years now. I knew my testosterone levels were low. I was having a lot of the symptoms. I had it tested there and I was referred to a doctor here, in town, and I met with them and they started going over everything, and he said, “Well, you’re within the range.” Now, “the range” for my lab went from 250 to 900-something.” Lara: Okay. Big difference. Ron: That’s what they consider… I think I was barely, by my fingertips, clinging on to the lowest level. I was at 252, I think. It’s the old bell-shaped curve that we were familiar with from high school. If you fell under that bell-shaped curve, you were considered “normal,” within the range. Just intuitively, I knew there’s someone at 250 is going to feel the same as a male who is at 950. There’s no way. But he said, “Well, you seem very depressed.” I said, “Hey, of course I’m depressed. Look at all these symptoms I have. No energy, tired all the time.” Getting out of bed in the morning was a major problem for me. It would take me sometimes 10, 15 minutes to just get out of bed. He said, “Well, I think maybe you need an antidepressant.” I said, “An antidepressant? Wait a second. Of course, I’m depressed, but I don’t need an antidepressant; I need testosterone.” Lara: So, you told the doctor that? Yeah. Ron: I was telling him that. The more I asked, the more he said, “No. You’re within the range.” Lara: Because you’re within the range by 2 points. Ron: Unfortunately, there’s a lot of doctors, if you’re within the range — exactly, even by 2 points — you’re within the range and they’re scared to prescribe something if you’re within the “normal” range, which is unfortunate. Lara: Very unfortunate. Very unfortunate. Ron: I finally did find a doctor who prescribed the pellets. They’re inserted subcutaneously in the gluteal area. I don’t consider that to be the most ideal delivery system, but for me, it was better than something. The first thing I noticed the next day is I woke up and I got out of bed. You might say, “Well, what’s the big deal?” You can wake up and get out… [00:10:00] Lara: It’s huge. Ron: Well, for me. I didn’t notice it until halfway walking towards the bathroom. I stopped and I said, “I just got out of bed.”Before, it was because I would roll over or I would look at the clock, I would look at the window, I would look at the ceiling. I would force myself on one elbow. I mean, that’s how it was. Lara: Sure. Ron: I got out of bed like I did in high school. Lara: Ah, you felt amazing. Ron: And I just suddenly realized… the very first thing I noticed. Then, of course, as the days and weeks went on, I noticed other improvements in everything – concentration, ability to get things done during the day. I had started having checklists, like I used to do, and checking things off as I got them accomplished. Lara: And you actually got to check

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Host Lara Jaye and The Zen Leader welcomed celebrity talent scout, global producer, thought leadership strategist, and former buddhist nun , Karin Roest to the studio. They discussed her ideas to merge your purpose, passion, skills, and interests into one extraordinary business and life in which Karin refers to as Meditation & Margaritas.   http://meditationandmargaritas.com http://www.karinroest.com/

The Zen Leader welcomed Geoff and Poppy Spencer from Relational Experts about their own love journey and their new radio program on WSRQ called The Relationship Restaurant. In the last segment of the show I discuss a concept called Projection- which is the subject of my new blog post.   Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Laura Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Good morning, I'm Lara Jaye and thank you for joining me here on The Zen Leader.I'm so excited for this show today. My guests are Poppy and Geoff Spencer. They are certified coaches, relationship coaches. I want to call you love coaches. Could I call you love coaches? Geoff Spencer:Sure. Poppy Spencer:Sure can. Lara:Welcome to The Zen Leader. How are you guys doing today? Poppy:Thank you. Geoff:We are great. We're great. We like this love thing already. Lara:You like it? Geoff:We're excited about that. Lara:I like it. I like it. Relationship and love. This is a tough topic for some people. I'm sure we're going to… Geoff:And they often don't go together, relationships and love, unfortunately. Lara:[LAUGHTER] They don't. They don't. We've got lots to talk about. But the main reason you guys are here is you have a new show here on WSRQ that's getting ready to start. Poppy, can you tell me a little bit about the show first? Poppy:We are so excited to join the WSRQ family and we rolled out this program that we trademarked because of our own lack of communication many, many years ago — I'll let Geoff fill in on that background — and we thought, "Isn't it kind of like when we introduce couples to hard topics that they need to talk about?" So, we made it like a restaurant menu to go through those things, like courses of those challenging topics that crop up in all relationships, whether it's personal or in the workplace. Lara:So what would be an example? Geoff:The salad course, the greens is money. Lara:Ooh, the salad. Ooh. Geoff:One of the really tough topics to talk about, money. Lara:It is. Money, money, money. Geoff:Mm-hmm. Lara:That's a tough one for couples, too. Geoff:We even have a thing we start with, which is a lot of fun… because before you really can get to the hard topics, you have to talk about some of the little, little things that can get in the way. We have a whine list spelled w-h-i-n-e. The whine list. Lara:[LAUGHTER] I like the whine list. Geoff:These are all these little things that often can pile up and get in the way of being able to talk openly about more challenging topics, so things that the couples have to make sure that they talk about and get out in the open, the little things that have crept up and often started little and build and build, and build, and if they aren't addressed, they can become so much more. Lara:They can. They can. Money was a big one for my ex-husband and I. Geoff:Sure. Lara:I say ex-husband — we were married 25 years — but he would say the only reason we stayed married was because we had the same house, but we had separate checking and savings. I'm sure that you hear that a lot with different… to say, "Okay, what's going to work for different couples?" because it's different for everyone. Definitely. Geoff:It is. Lara:So, tell me. The Relationship Restaurant,when does the show start and air here? Poppy:It starts next Thursday, April 13th at 5 o'clock Eastern Standard Time for one hour. It'll be a live show, for the most part, and we welcome call-ins, and we might touch on a topic that might gain some commentary, and we can have a live coaching if somebody wants to call in, too. Geoff:It might even be like remember the old Frasier Crane show? Lara:Yes. Geoff:On the Frasier Show he goes, "I'm Frasier and I'm listening." Lara:I'm listening. I'm here. Geoff:I'm here. Lara:So, you're ready. I like the idea of The Relationship Restaurant. So, we've got salad. We've got whine. What else do you need besides salad and whine, right? Geoff:All the different things are involved. There's little things like the amuse bouche, the little things you start off at a nice restaurant where they give you just a little sample of something. We often talk about this in a relationship as something that you can just start with that it's a nice gesture. It's a nice thing in a conversation to start off with. You don't want to often just go right to meaty topics, the main courses. You want to often have something that's a little nicer to talk about. Lara:Absolutely. So what got you interested in relationships and love? I can't wait to hear this story. Poppy:Okay, so the backstory is Geoff and I were college sweethearts, and we were 21 years old — and we're much older now — and madly in love, and the only problem that we had was I was ready to graduate and he had one more year of school. Right before graduation, I broke us up, not because anything was wrong, but… Geoff:It's because I was a schmuck. [LAUGHTER] Poppy:Piggybacking on last week's… Geoff:Last week's show. Lara:On last week's show, I like that. I love it. Poppy:So, we realized — fast-forward 32 years — we didn't have the communication skills and the maturity to learn how to speak to one another about those "what happens next" and "what's going to happen to us?" Geoff:We actually figured out it came down to two words. Two words were the difference of what my lightning-quick mind might have figured out being the guy, 21-year-old schmuck that you are at that age. But Poppy asked me, "What's going to happen next year?" I simply went to… my mind said, "Well, I'll be back here at school and I'll be captain of the waterskiing team," something I was aspiring to and, "I'll be enjoying another year of school." Lara, that wasn't what she really wanted to hear. Lara:That was not the answer. [LAUGHTER] Geoff:That wasn't the answer she was looking for. She wanted to hear about all the things I was planning to do to keep our relationship together. Lara:Ah. Poppy:So we made assumptions, which is what people still do so often today. Geoff:And fill in the blanks. This was in one of these areas that we laugh about. In fact, we wrote a book about this whole adventure called 1 Billion Seconds, which is 32 years for math majors out there to figure out. But Poppy and I actually figured out these two words. We figured out that was the whole thing. It was to us. What's going to happen to us? If she had said that, we might have still stayed together. Lara:Oh, because she answered the question that you asked. Geoff:Yeah, right. Lara:So often we're asking questions, but it's the wrong question. Poppy:Right. Lara:Or it needs to be more detailed. Geoff:Poppy filled in the blanks. She made the assumption that because I didn't say anything else then, well, he must not really care if he didn't think about those things. Lara:He doesn't love me. Geoff:He doesn't really love me as much as I love him, which wasn't all the case. I was crazy about her. She was just a wonderful young lady, and I was just madly in love, and we were having the time of our lives. We dated the entire school year. Literally, almost the third day of my junior year, her senior year, we dated the entire year. Lara:So Poppy, you broke up with him, broke his heart. Poppy:Oh, and broke mine. Lara:Absolutely. Poppy:When we were breaking up, I was stunned that he was upset because, of course, I had already made those assumptions that he didn't really care. Geoff:That he didn't care. Poppy:I was like, "Well, if he doesn't care, why is he getting upset?" I tried to say, "Wait, wait," and he was too upset and he walked away, and we never had any contact for 32 years. Never ever had a closure or any other kind of re-discussion or revisiting. Lara:So Geoff, you didn't feel like you wanted to reach out or fight or you didn't know what to say? Geoff:Well, during that process, Lara, I actually asked her. I said, "What are you talking about? Why are you breaking us up? We're great." I said, "Don't you still love me?" She says, "Well, yes." I said, "Well, then why are you doing this?" She'd say, "I don't know." The whole thing just kind of became just a train wreck and my ego had been pretty stomped on at that moment, and this is a 21-year-old guy's mind. This is not a guy who's thinking through this whole process really well.             All of a sudden, he's injured and he's wounded, and he's embarrassed that he's being thrown aside, and I just remember storming out of the room just being too upset and hurt. I'd asked the question multiple times and never got an answer. So I said, "Well, I guess she doesn't really want to be with me," and I stomped out. Poppy:So when we're in that kind of situation… and then that whole thing pretty much shaped who we became today. I was a former therapist and a psychology instructor, and we know about things like flooding that happens in relationships when two people are highly emotionally charged with something. They cannot… it's almost nearly impossible to process what the other is saying when we ourselves have gotten an overload of emotions going on. Geoff:Their mouths are moving, but you really aren't… Lara:We can't hear what they're saying. Geoff:You can't hear it. You can't hear it. Lara:We can't put it in our… Poppy:Right. Lara:I say we can't hold it in our bodies. Poppy:Right. Lara:I can't hold it. I can't understand it because there's so much going on. Poppy:Right, and that's what was happening during that breakup. Even when your heart rate gets above 100, you don't process well either. It's a physiological problem. So, that was what happens, and we both just split for that many years. Then during breaks between a divorce and a remarriage, I looked for Geoff several times and I could never find him. I pretty much gave up until… Geoff:Until I just magically one day had this thought pop in my mind. "Whatever happened to that great gal back in college?" I was single. I

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > What does Google, Aetna, Intel, and General Mills all have in common? Mindfulness in the workplace programs! Leaders around the world are integrating mindfulness programs into their corporate cultures positively impacting bottom productivity, enhanced wellbeing and lower annual healthcare costs—all positively impacting bottom line profitability. Join me and my guest, Dr. Laurel Geise of The Geise Group while we dive deep into mindfulness in the workplace. Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now, here’s your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Good morning and welcome to The Zen Leader. I’m Lara Jaye. I’m so excited that you have joined me this morning. Before we get started with our amazing guest that I have here in the studio, I want to invite you next Tuesday, April 18, to an amazing event. I’m going to be speaking here, locally, in Sarasota, at 7 p.m. Again, it’s next Tuesday, April 18. I am going to be talking about “Finding Your Happy: Six Keys to Unlock Your Limitless Potential and Redesign Your Life.” I just think it’s time that we all discovered whatever that means — happy — is for us and to be able to live our bravest dream. I am going to be revealing transformational information that will help you embrace your current reality while moving into your dream life – whatever that is. We are also going to be talking about why your subconscious programming is running your life. We are going to talk about what to do with mind chatter, how to change the negative thoughts and beliefs that you have about yourself. We are going to be talking about why connecting to your body is so important. How to know you’re enough, have enough, are doing enough. Ways to love yourself without being selfish and living from your purpose when you feel stuck in the mud, and how to hear from God and trust the answers. Plus, more. It is time to live happy. It’s your time. I would love for you to join me next Tuesday, April 18. To sign up for that, please go to my website at www.larajaye.comand then go under “Work with Lara” and “Events.” It’s under “My Live Events” and I really look forward to seeing you there next Tuesday on the 18th. We are going to get right in to our show today, The Zen Leader. My guest today is Dr. Laurel Geise. Laurel is the CEO and Founder and Mindfulness at Work expert and speaker, highly sought-after business consultant, and from The Geise Group headquarters in St. Petersburg, Florida, just down the road. She is recognized as an expert in Mindfulness at Work Program Deployment, which makes her uniquely qualified to bring the benefits of a mindfulness program to organizations around the world. A 30-year corporate career and I cannot wait to dive into this. Laurel, welcome. How are you today? Dr. Laurel Geise: Oh, I’m fantastic. Thank you, Lara, for having me here today in sunny Sarasota, Florida. Lara: Yes. Love it. Love it. You came down from St. Pete to hang out with me today. Dr. Laurel Geise: I did. Lara: We have the Laurel and Lara Show today. I am so excited! [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laurel Geise: I love it! Lara: I am going to start with some basic questions, just for our listeners. What is “mindfulness?” We hear about this word all the time. What is it? Dr. Laurel Geise: What is it? Yeah. I mean, you may have seen it on T.V., it’s very popular in magazines, online, social media. In fact, I think it’s one of the buzzwords of 2017, “mindfulness.” But, to your point: What is “mindfulness?” I like the definition by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, who said, “Mindfulness is paying attention in a particular way. So, on purpose, in the moment, without judgment.” On purpose, in the moment, without judgment. Let’s look at each one of those. On purpose. It’s the conscious focusing of our attention where we want our attention to be. So, focusing where I want to focus, on purpose.  In the moment is being here, in the moment, right now. So, not thinking about the past, something that happened yesterday or last week or a year ago. Lara: Or what we’re going to eat when we get done here. Dr. Laurel Geise: Exactly. Lara: Or we’re going straight to we’re right here, right now. Dr. Laurel Geise: Exactly. And not projecting into the future. When we project into the future, that creates anxiety because we’re making up what’s going to happen. It’s staying here, right now. What we find is that stress actually happens when this present moment isn’t what we want it to be. Lara: Say that again. I like that. Stress happens when? Dr. Laurel Geise: Stress happens when the present moment is not what we want it to be, which really takes us into the third part, which is “Without judgment” – really allowing ourselves to watch what’s unfolding in front of us and to just take a breath and then step into it. From a leadership perspective, this is so key because it allows us to learn how to respond to a situation instead of react to a situation, which I think is the true hallmark of a leader – that ability to respond and not react. Lara: Talk to me about the difference between those two – responding and reacting. Dr. Laurel Geise: Yes. We find ourselves we’re in this highly digitized world. There is so much stress. You know? We have deadlines. There’s more to do than we could ever get done in one day. We find ourselves in situations — particularly at work — where somebody might, let’s say, “push your button.” Right? Lara: Oh, yes. That never happens. Right? [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laurel Geise: Right. So, we find ourselves at work and something happens. I get triggered. Someone says something or someone acts a particular way, and I’m judging that. Through that judgment, I react. I simply react. I don’t take a moment to breathe and respond. I think it’s that moment that mindfulness helps you to be more in the present, in this present moment, right now, to just take a deep breath and to really just watch what is happening in front of you. Then choose your response. Choosing your response instead of mindlessly reacting. Let me talk about mindlessness. If we would compare mindfulness with mindlessness, it’s interesting because a Harvard study says that we spend 47% of our time in a state of mindlessness. What’s mindlessness? Have you ever driven home and you arrive home, in your driveway, and you have no idea how you drove home? Lara: Absolutely. Dr. Laurel Geise: Right? Lara: So, that’s mindlessness. Dr. Laurel Geise: That’s mindlessness. Lara: I was there. Dr. Laurel Geise: I know. I always ask, when I’m teaching. Everyone always puts their hands up because that’s a human experience that we’ve all had. So that’s mindlessness. Mindfulness, in contrast, is like grabbing that steering wheel of your attention and being aware of where your attention is. When we can be aware of where our attention is, that’s when we can choose to respond instead of react to a situation. Especially at work, but this also works at home. It also works at home with our family, with our friends. Just allowing ourselves to take that one moment, that one breath, before we choose how to respond. Lara: These big “M” words: mindfulness, mindlessness. Where does meditation fit in? Dr. Laurel Geise: The way I look at it is mindfulness is more of an informal practice; so, it’s a practice that I can integrate throughout my day at different points. Maybe I spend 5 minutes to maybe 1 minute being mindful and focusing on my surroundings. Versus meditation. I look at meditation as more of a formal practice, so I’m going to sit down for 20 or 30 minutes and practice focusing my awareness. When I compare the two, I just see meditation as more of it’s something that takes a little longer and it’s a little more formal. Does that make sense? Lara: Absolutely. Let me ask you… mindfulness. You talked about the reaction versus non-reaction, but I’ve read a lot about being mindful with eating or, like you said, with driving. So, really, it’s everything. We could be mindful with everything. Dr. Laurel Geise: Well, that’s right. In fact, your entire day could become a mindfulness practice. It’s a practice. I look at it as like a brain training. We are focusing our awareness on our breath and focusing our awareness on this moment. Typically, when I’m sharing this with people, I start with a 5-minute breath awareness practice, which is really simple. We just sit down, we close our eyes, and we begin to focus our awareness on our breath. Every time our awareness starts to shift, we just notice it and we bring our awareness back to the breath. It’s just very simple because every time we sit down to be mindful or to meditate, there’s going to be different thoughts in our mind, different sensations, different emotions. We are going to hear things in the environment. That just moves our awareness away from our breath. But every time we become aware that I’m not focused on my breath, I just very gently bring my attention back. That’s a 5-minute, formal practice that you can do in the morning, you can do that before you go to work. To your point, once we get to work, there’s a lot of ways to integrate mindfulness. You can arrive at your desk and spend 1 minute just focusing your awareness on your breath and bringing your intention, all of your awareness, and all of your focus in to starting your day. There’s also techniques — Mindful Meetings — where we start a meeting where everyone spends 1 minute, just 1 minute, focusing their awareness on their breath, being centered, being focused. Then we turn off our devices. Lara: What? Did you just say, “turn off your devices?” [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laurel Geise: I know. I said it. Lara: You perked me up. Ohmy gosh. Dr. Laurel Geise: Turn off your devices. Lara: No. Laurel, no. Dr. Laurel Geise: Yes.[00:10:00]Exactly. So, turning off our laptops, our handhelds, and really bringing our attention and awareness into the moment as we have the

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Mindfulness, Food & Body Image are the subject of todays Zen Leader Podcast. Lily Myers, psychotherapist and instructor at the Sarasota Mindful Institute talk about this popular subject.    Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now, here’s your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Welcome to The Zen Leader. I’m your host, Lara Jaye, international best-selling author, speaker, and spiritual mentor. Through my coaching programs and radio show, I help you courageously transform your disconnected, unbalanced life into a joy-filled and meaningful one. Imagine living a life full of ease, vibrant health, thriving relationships, and purposeful work without sacrificing yourself to achieve it. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, I help you navigate the ups and downs of life, giving you clarity, confidence, and connection you so desire. Let me ask you: Have you ever struggled with food or your body image? My guest today, a local psychotherapist, has a rich blend of professional experience and prior work as a hospice bereavement counselor, career counselor, corporate human relations trainer, Hatha Yoga teacher, and a meditation instructor. Her prominent aspect of her approach to individual therapy is integrating this mindfulness in psychotherapy. She helps her clients develop their inner resources to self-regulate their thoughts and feelings, as well as calm themselves and be less reactive to life’s circumstances. She helps you connect with your authentic self, experience peace and well-being. Learn how to reduce stress — who doesn’t need that? — and provide a safe and respectful approach to communicating with your own partner through mindfulness-based psychotherapy and Imago therapy. If you’ve ever battled with eating too much, too little, eating too fast, junk food, or eating to fill emotional needs, you are going to devour this next hour. Anyway, please welcome my amazing guest, Lily Myers. Lily, welcome to the studio. How are you today? Lily Myers: I am fine, Lara. Thank you very much. Lara: Good. I am so excited to have you here, finally. Yay! Lily: Yes. Yes, it’s so good to meet you, finally. Lara: Yes. Yes. Lily: Yeah. Lara: So, we are going to have a blast, coming up here over the next hour. Lily, you teach a very unique class at the Sarasota Mindfulness Institute and it’s about mindfulness food and body image. So many of us struggle with that. Tell me just a little bit about this class, to begin. Lily: Okay. It’s a 6-week class, meets weekly, 1.5 hours each time. We begin with mindful eating. That is really paying attention, really becoming aware of what is it that we’re eating, and I guess just everything about eating the food — it’s tasting the food — and that may sound like it’s obviously, but we don’t always taste our food. Sometimes we eat so fast that we’re not aware even of what we’re putting in our bodies. It’s really engaging all of the senses – tasting the food, smelling the food, looking at the food, really seeing it. Even hearing the food. Lara: How do I hear the food? I want to know. Lily: [LAUGHTER]Well, you hear the food if it’s crunchy. Some food is pretty silent. Lara: That’s true. You’re right. Crunchy. There you go. Lily: Yeah, crunchy. Like potato chips. Lara: Potato chips. So, it’s bringing these five senses in to something. Lily: That’s right. Well, bringing it all into awareness, but there’s also a sixth sense in Buddhist philosophy, which is the mind. The mind is actually the sixth sense. It’s also what we think about the food, too. Lara: What would be an example? What would I think about the food? Lily: Well, you might think “I really like this food,” or you might think “I’ve got to have more of it,” and that might override what the stomach is telling you, which is, “I’m full right now.” Lara: Or we can even… would “appreciation” also be another way to think about it? Lily: Absolutely. Absolutely. “I really appreciate this food because it is so tasty,” or “I appreciate it because it’s healthy for me and it’s so wonderful that I’m being able to nourish my body in this way.” Lara: It sounds so amazing and beautiful. Why does mindful eating… why is that even important? Why would I want to do this? Lily: I think you’d want to do it for several reasons: One is to have a healthier lifestyle, to really be able to make choices — conscious choices — about what am I eating and what am I putting in my body? You know that adage, “We are what we eat.” You know? It’s eating good quality food or maybe separating that out from other kinds of food. There is research that’s being done now that is coming out and saying people who eat mindfully, of course they eat slower, and when you eat slower, you get full. You have a sense of fullness faster, so you then tend to eat less. That’s another reason you might want to practice mindful eating – to eat less. And to also be able to say, “No,” if you know you’re already full. Lara: Wonderful. I do an experiment with my gals, when I do workshops on mindfulness, the mindfulness piece. I give everyone one M&M and we bring in all the senses, like you talked about. Lily: Yeah. Lara: And most… I don’t think any of them have ever just eaten one M&M and sucked on one M&M, and how long it takes to actually have it melt in your mouth. Lily: Mm-hmm. Lara: It feels amazing. The satisfaction factor of it is so, so amazing, because it lasts so much longer. Lily: Yes. I think the very first mindful eating that was done, or that became well-known, was when Jon Kabat-Zinn did it in the program he developed, which is really the program that all Mindful programs are based on – so, even the Mindful Eating program. His was called Mindfulness-Base Stress Reduction.In his very first class, he passes out raisins to people. So, you eat one raisin or maybe two raisins, but you don’t eat handfuls of them. Lara: And we’re used to eating handfuls. Lily: Exactly. Lara: It’s like dump all the M&Ms, dump the raisins, peanuts, and we shove them all in our mouth, and we go through drive-throughs fast, fast, fast. So, Jon uses raisins. Lily: Yes. Lara: You get that sweet and you get to taste all of it. Lily: You do. You do. I use a raisin, usually. You could use lots of things. You could use dried cranberries, craisins… Lara: I use M&Ms. I say bring on the chocolate. Lily: [LAUGHTER] Lara: Melt in my mouth. Lily: Yes. Lara: It’s all good. All of it is good. The one thing I find when I’m really conscious of mindful eating is that if I had, which I don’t think I’ve seen a Twinkie in a long time, but if I had one in front of me versus something else, if you really taste it, they don’t really taste that good. They’re not… I mean taste-wise compared to maybe an amazing salad with avocado. Maybe it’s my taste buds have changed. I don’t know. But I can’t really think about wanting to savor a Twinkie. I think that when we are truly mindfully eating and bringing in all the senses, our body just naturally craves — wouldn’t you say it craves — the healthier foods sometimes? Lily: Well, I would say that. I don’t know if everybody would agree with us, Lara. [LAUGHTER] Lara: Right. That’s true. All right, you’re right, Lily. Lily: But I’m in agreement with you there. Lara: Okay, good. Lily: Absolutely. Lara: Yeah? Lily: Yeah. Lara: It just depends. Lily: Yeah. Lara: Talk to me a little bit more about the body image portion of the class. I’ve struggled over the years and I know many of our listeners deal with the body image, and the hatred that I personally had for myself. Talk to me about that piece. Lily: Well, you mentioned the hatred and that’s one of the things that has really struck me over the years of doing this program is how many — not all, but many — women really struggle with how they feel about their bodies. The hatred is there. It’s huge. It’s a challenging part of the program because it’s really about looking at it in a mindful way and it can be hard to do for women. I do some personal work in the program – so, some journaling. Sometimes it’s hard for women to talk about it and that, by the way, one of the reasons why I offer the program to women only is this body image portion. Lara: So, they feel safe. Lily: They feel safe and there’s a trust factor that’s very important so they can share as much or as little as they feel comfortable sharing in the group. Sometimes it’s talking in the larger groups, sometimes it’s really talking one-on-one with one other participant, and sometimes it’s doing individual journaling, but it’s really about helping them come to a place of self-acceptance. That can be hard for people. [00:10:00]They often think it means they’re giving up on themselves. I really stress that self-acceptance is not giving up; it’s really a starting point. It’s really saying, “This is where it is right now.” Lara: That’s beautiful. We have to love ourselves right here, where we’re at, whatever size we are, however we look, first. Lily: Right. Yes. Lara: Before anything can shift, isn’t it? Lily: Right. This is the way it is right now. This is the starting point; it’s not the ending point. It’s the starting point. Lara: We may not like it, but… Lily: Right. Lara: That’s very difficult. We are going to take a break right now. We’ll be right back with Lily Myers and we are going to continue this amazing conversation about mindfulness food and body image. We’ll be right back. [BREAK] Lara:Welcome back. I am Lara Jaye, with The Zen Leader, and you can find me here at www.wsrqadio.comor www.larajaye.com. Here, in the studio with me, is Lily Myers from the Sarasota Mindfulness Institute. Welcome back, Lily. Lily: Thank you, Lara. Lara: Lily, what website can we find you at? Lily: Thewww.sarasotamindfulness.orgwould be Sarasota Mindfulness Institute’s website, then I have a website, which is www.lilymyerstherapy.com. Lara: Can you

The OolaGuys(Dave Braun and Troy Amdahl) are on a mission to change the world with a word (#Oola) by collecting 1,000,000 dreams in the form of handwritten stickers on the side of a vintage 1970 VW Surf Bus. By inspiring positive change, the OolaGuys are on a mission to guide people toward finding more balance and growth in the 7 key areas of life - the 7 F’s of Oola (Fitness, Finance, Family, Field, Faith, Friends and Fun). By removing the stress from a life out of balance, you will be able to reveal the greatness and purpose that is inside all of us. A better “you”, makes a better family, a better community, and ultimately a better world. Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Welcome to The Zen Leader. I'm your host Lara Jaye, international bestselling author, speaker, and spiritual mentor. Through my coaching programs and radio show, I help you courageously transform your disconnected, unbalanced life into a joy-filled and meaningful one. Imagine living a life full of ease, vibrant health, thriving relationships, and purposeful work without sacrificing yourself to achieve it. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, I help you navigate the ups and downs of life, giving you clarity, confidence, and connection you so desire.             With me here in the studio are a couple of guys on a mission to change the world with one word: oola. The OolaGuys are coauthors of the international bestselling book series that started with Oola: Find Balance in an Unbalanced World. In their newest book, Oola for Women: Find Balance in an Unbalanced World, coauthors Troy Amdahl and Dave Braun have put together a tribute to women. If you truly have a desire to live an Oola life, it's paramount you identify those toxic traits that hold you back from finding balance and growth in the seven F's of Oola, and embrace the transformational characteristics that will help accelerate your journey to greatness.             The Oola Dream Tour is on the road and traveling to all 50 states in a vintage 1970 VW Surf Bug collecting dreams in the form of handwritten stickers stuck to the sides and front of the Oola Bus. Welcome, Dave and Troy to Sarasota. How are you guys? Dave Braun:Thank you so much for having us. We're great. Lara:Yeah. Troy Amdahl:Thank you. Lara:Thanks. You guys are just doing it all right now. What is Oola? Troy:Oola is exactly what you were describing. It's a state of awesomeness when your life is balanced and growing in the seven key areas of life. We live in this unbalanced world of being pulled in multiple directions. There's 2,000caloriesaround every corner. People are struggling with extra weight, struggling with toxic relationships, toxic friendships. People aren't working on their marriage. They're just inadvertently working on their divorce. Struggling with debt. So people are struggling in this unbalanced world and what we're saying in Oola is when you get outside of your life for a minute and just look at your life in these seven areas — fitness, finance, family, field, which is your career, faith, friends, and fun — and you work on balancing and growing in those seven areas, that's when you can live your Oola live. Lara:So step out with a higher perspective and look at it. Troy:Yeah, just take a break. We're all wrapped up in the day-to-day of running to work and running home, and kids, and soccer practice, and like I said 2,000 calories around every corner, and just the stress of life that we don't take the time outside of our life just to take a break and say, "Okay, where am I in these seven areas? Where am I as a mom or a dad?" Lara:Say those seven areas again. Troy:Fitness, finance, family, field — which is your career — faith, friends, and fun. You don't look at those areas and you're like, "Where am I as a mom or a dad? Or where am I with my finances for real? Not sweep it under the rug, but where am I with my debt and my income and my budget and my giving and my saving? Where am I and then where do I want to go? Then how am I going to get there?" and have a plan for your life moving forward.             Although stuff is going to happen in life that's going to mess up your plan a little bit, if you have no plan at all, you just end up going down the habit of an extra five pounds every year, the relationship is a little more toxic, a little more debt, and moving in what's called opposite of Oola, moving into an un-Oola-verse, un-Oola part of life, and you want to move your life into Oola, into more balance. Lara:Is Oola a real word? Dave:It actually comes from the word oo-la-la. Lara:Oo-la-la. Ooh, I like that. [LAUGHTER] Dave:It's a word we made up, which just stuck. In fact, there are two gals in Sarasota getting it tattooed [LAUGHTER] somewhere on their body today. Lara:[LAUGHTER] We are not doing that here in the studio today. [LAUGHTER] Dave:No, no. Troy:We might. This just started. You have no idea. Lara:I am not. Troy:We're here to be… Dave:We just heard about that on social media, so we may have to check that out. Lara:We might have to. Dave:But it's a word we made up because that's how your life feels. We thought, "What word describes how you feel when your relationships are tight, when there's more money at the end of the month, when you're feeling fit and healthy and vibrant, and when you have a connection to your purpose? That's Oola. That's what's been missing. That's why I think it's so sticky. This message took off because everyone is being told how to live. They're on this path. They find themselves in school, in college, on this path, and it's like they wake up one day disconnected. Lara:They're listening to everyone else instead of their own soul. Dave:Absolutely. Lara:Instead of themselves. Dave:Absolutely. The beautiful thing about Oola is your Oola is your Oola. Every sticker, we have the bus out there. It's six layers thick with handwritten dreams from people, and the thing that amazes us every time we see someone put a Sharpie to a sticker is how different our dreams are. As a culture, we're taught to think, "If I have the white picket fence and this size house." Lara:That's so true. Dave:"And this car. Then I'll be happy." I'm like what we're encouraging people to be is be whatever the heck it is you want to be. Lara:Be you. Dave:Your financial goals. Some people want to be a billionaire. Bruno Marx, he wants to be a billionaire. [LAUGHTER] Some people just want to pay the bills at the end of the month. You be you and boldly pursue that, and that's how we feel we're going to change the world with this word, is encouraging people that they're more capable than they realize if they tap into their unique gifts and abilities, and they just actively go pursue that. Lara:Tell me which one of you two is the guru seeker and which one is the guru? Dave:I'm Dr. Dave, the Oola Seeker. Lara:You're the seeker. Dave:Kind of unfortunately, but I'm cool with it. Lara:Okay. Dave:I've come to accept it. Lara:[LAUGHTER] Dave:Dr. Troy is the Oola Guru. And how this all really started was we literally go back to 1997. I started working for Dr. Troy. I was an intern in his office getting my doctorate degree. I was an intern in his office, and when I was graduating, he came to my graduation and he literally said, "Let's go to Vegas and work on our Oola." I'm like, "Wow! I don't know if I can even approve this with my wife. This sounds crazy." Lara:[LAUGHTER] He said that in '97 and you used the word Oola then? Dave:No, he was saying, "Let's go work on our goal setting and our life balance." Lara:Our goal setting. Oh, okay, got it. Dave:I'm like going to Vegas. I'm from a really small town in the middle of nowhere North Dakota, so for me, it was like this was the first time I was on an airplane. I was 23 years old. Flew into Vegas. Dr. Troy meets me and we're in a taxi going to the Hard Rock Hotel, and I'm like, "Okay, what are we doing in Vegas?" We're celebrating my graduation. What's this thing you're talking about balancing your life? What's that all about? He goes, "It's not at all what people come to Vegas for. We're literally going to go work on our life." Lara:Yeah, you don't balance your life in Vegas. [LAUGHTER] Dave:No, and we did, and we did. That's what we did. Lara:You imbalance it. Dave:So, we went to the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas and we sat down on the floor at the Hard Rock with 3x5 notecards, a couple other guys, and he had the notecards labeled: fitness, finance, family, career, faith, friends, and fun. He had them labeled, and it was the first time ever I stepped outside my life and I looked at my life and these notecards and I said, "Where am I?" Lara:How old were you? Dave:I was 23 at the time. Lara:You were 23. So that was the first time you actually got to think about it. Dave:Yeah, that was the first time I was introduced to Oola before it was a word Oola, the concept of looking at your life in these seven key areas. Instead of just setting maybe a sports goal or a grade in school goal, it was a goal on what kind of dad do I want to be and what do I want for my faith? What's my purpose in life? What do I want for fun in my life?             I left after a couple days in Vegas of going through this exact same process of where are you today, where do you want to go, and how are you going to get there. I left with notecards full of notes on what I wanted for my future, and I had $100-some-thousand dollars in student loan debt, and I had three kids, and I'm starting a career and it's like, "How do I do all this?" But I had a plan. When I followed that plan, what I found is after a couple years of reconnecting with Dr. Troy every year to work on our Oola, work on our life, I found success in these seven areas in my late 20s. I had the big house and I had what I wanted.             I h

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Dr. Laura d’Angelo and Dr. Nathan White, Sarasota psychologists, join Lara Jaye on The Zen Leader to talk about How to Handle Sudden Tragedy and Deep Grief.   Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Welcome to The Zen Leader. I'm your host, Lara Jaye, international bestselling author, speaker, and spiritual mentor. Through my coaching programs and radio show, I help you courageously transform your disconnected, unbalanced life into a joy-filled and meaningful one. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, I help you navigate the ups and downs of life, supporting you in living your best life.             Today, we've been talking a lot over this year about navigating life, and we talk a lot about the ups and what to do. Today is going to be, I'm just going to tell you. It's going to be serious. We're going to talk about when bad things happen, tragedy, life. We're going to talk about that today, and I don't know where we're going to go with it [LAUGHTER], but it's going to be good and that's all I got to say. I've got a couple of amazing guests here in the studio and Dr. Laura d'Angelo welcome back! Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Thank you, Lara. Lara:Yes, and Dr. Laura is an author and local psychologist. She's enjoyed a career in public psychiatry, serving on the faculties of Vanderbilt and Oregon Health and Science University, providing statewide consultation and training in Development Disorders and Mental Health. Dr. Laura has been in private practice here in Sarasota since 2011. Joining her as well is Dr. Nathan White. Dr. Nathan, welcome. Dr. Nathan White:Pleasure to be here. Thanks. Lara:He is a licensed psychologist who holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Dr. White works with a range of clinical issues, including mood and anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and life transitions. He looks to help clients discover their strengths and develop plans for effectively meeting life's challenges, which is what we are going to do today. Welcome both of you! Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Thank you. Dr. Nathan White:Thank you. Lara:I’m so excited to have you in there. We're going to talk about deep tragedy today and I have so many questions. My life [LAUGHTER]… and listeners know I'm always real. So, I'm going to be real and tell you that a couple months ago my mom passed away – I've talked about that on the show before. My dad moved in with my brother and his wife, such a blessing to be able to have him do that. In the last 10 days, my brother has lost two of his four boys in two completely unrelated accidents. The boys, they were 25 and 31, and so that's where I'm coming at today and, "Okay, my body has shut down. I'm numb and this didn't even happen to me." This was my family, though, my brother. So, a complete tragedy and it's times like this when you really see what's important. Talk to me. I mean I've mentioned what my events are, but there's other events that someone, our listeners, might be going through. What are some of the other events, too? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:That's a hard one to follow up with. [LAUGHTER] Lara:I'm sorry. [LAUGHTER] Right? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Nathan. Dr. Nathan, do you want to go first? Dr. Nathan White:Well, to your question of what are some of the other things that people can deal with. I mean we're talking about real stuff today, Trauma. Lara:Exactly. Dr. Nathan White:Trauma comes in a lot of different forms. It can come in definitely losing someone. It can come in abuse and a lot of other forms, witnessing horrific things. So, trauma has a lot of different manifestations that can come about. Lara:It can be anything at any time. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Natural disasters, a car accident. I think the list keeps getting longer. I think when I started my training decades ago we were focused mostly on abuse, incest, but we live in a traumatogenic world. That's a word… Lara:What does that mean? [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laura d'Angelo:I think it's a world that genders trauma. Lara:Right. Dr. Nathan White:Yeah. Dr. Laura d'Angelo: I think we're affected on so many levels, personally, macro levels, micro levels. I had no idea that my career would be about trauma when I started out in 80s, started my training. There's two things that came to mind, two examples of loss in families. One is I know a couple who were in their 80s now, and they're just lovely people. Many, many years ago, they lost both of their daughters to cancer. One was young… I don't know the details. The other was maybe in her 20s. But both of their children left them under those circumstances.             They are people of financial means as best as I can understand, and they have dedicated their lives to philanthropy and creating services and resources with hospitals in the city where they live, and crisis lines, and help lines. Lara:So through this trauma, they were able to turn it into something amazing to help others. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Yeah, and they've been this for decades because they're in their 80s now. This happened to them… their losses happened many years ago. Lara:That seems so with not just trauma, but for all of us in our lives. The thing that takes us down might actually be what builds us up, maybe. I'm hoping. [LAUGHTER] Praying. [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laura d'Angelo:There's a saying, if I can remember this and some spiritual writings by a Persian prophet, and it says, "My calamity is my providence. Outwardly it is. Inwardly it is fire and…" okay, I guess I'm a little anxious. "My calamity is my providence. Outwardly it is fire and vengeance. Inwardly it is light and mercy." Lara:Oh, Dr. Laura, that's beautiful. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:It's beautiful. It's how do we get there? Lara:How do we get there? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:How are we aware of getting there? I think that's the question we ask ourselves. Lara:Is it different for, let's say, a loss? For me, it was totally different, but I'm asking is it, in general, different with the patients and clients that you work with? If you got a chance, for those living, for us to say good-bye versus a sudden, didn't know this was coming accidents? Dr. Nathan White:Is it less painful? No, not necessarily. Lara:No. [LAUGHTER] Right. Dr. Nathan White:They're both going to be painful, but I think that my observation is when sometimes people get a chance to say good-bye it gives them some comfort because unresolved things… Lara:There's some closure. Dr. Nathan White:There's closure. Lara:You get a chance. Dr. Nathan White:Whereas if something sudden happens, there's a lot of could have, should have, wish I had done, wish I had said. So you're not just dealing with the loss, but you're dealing with all these things that you didn't get to address. Whereas if you get to say good-bye, sometimes that can help to… Lara:If they have a long illness or something. Dr. Nathan White:Exactly. Lara:You have an opportunity to. Dr. Nathan White:Right. Lara:That makes sense. Dr. Nathan White:To kind of cope in a different way. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:I have a situation that I was just reminded of. A close friend of mine lost her brother last week. He was in his 70s. He was ready to go. He had an illness. He didn't want it to be treated, so he had all his affairs in order and he lived in another country. She was there several times to say hello and good-bye. Everything was as good as it could be in saying good-bye.             After he passed, they learned… they might have known this before, but he had requested that there be no funeral and not even an obituary. He was a fairly prominent person within his community. She said, "There's something that's just weird about it." She said, "This is really hard not to be allowed closure under those circumstances." He didn't even want prayers said. I think they were going to spread his ashes, but she said she's going to do it on her own, but she doesn't want to dishonor his wishes. Lara:So she wanted to honor him, but at the same time, she was struggling with closure. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Yeah. Lara: The funeral and all of that is for us, anyway, right? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:She felt like, "No, this is really hard for me not to be able to have this last step," which is a more common step, than not, I think. Lara:That makes sense. That makes sense. Dr. Nathan White:That makes sense. I mean even when we're young we learn how do you say, "How are you?" You're greeting someone and then when you leave, you're saying, "Good-bye." Lara:Yes. Dr. Nathan White:So at a young age, we learn that. So whereas… Lara:If we don't have that opportunity to wrap it up… Dr. Nathan White:Exactly. Lara:And say good-bye. Dr. Nathan White:It can be harder. Lara:It can be harder. Dr. Nathan White:Yeah. Lara:I would say I totally agree with that and can see that even those that may be… my son was in Japan and couldn't get back for my mom's funeral, and so he had a harder time processing it and grieving, I think, than the rest of us who got to be together and move through it. Dr. Nathan White:Right. Lara:For those that were a part, that makes total sense. There are all different kinds of stages of grief, and I think I'm witnessing all of them and everyone deals… Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Experiencing them, too. Lara:Experiencing all of them and all at once. Dr. Nathan White:Yeah. Lara:I feel sorry for people around me right now and our family, but tell me… and we're just going to start this because I know we've got about a minute and we're going to take a break. But grief can be so deep and everyone it seems handles it differently. What are your thoughts on that? Dr. Nathan White:Well, in the literature, Kübler-Ross came up with the stages of grief with denial and a lot of other things like anger and bargaining and depression and acceptance. [00:10:08]But that's just a context for how we experience things. Not everybod

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > The Zen Leader welcomes Acupuncturist, Dr. Shaun Dumas.She has a passion for helping people achieve a healthy, vibrant life style.  Shaun has helped hundreds of her patients with a variety of health issues including chronic and acute pain, anxiety, insomnia, digestive problems and weight-loss along with women's issues such as menopause and PMS. As an expert, she now trains other medical professionals. 

The Zen Leader welcomes Dianna Manoogian and Michael Zildjian  from Sarasota’s newest first-class salt therapy, Salt of the Earth.   

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Lacey Ring-Verbik from Imagine Virtual Assistant Services tells her story leaving the corporate world to be a stay-at-home mom and then a successful entrepreneur of the virtual assistant world. Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now, here’s your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Welcome to The Zen Leader. I’m your host, Lara Jaye, international best-selling author, speaker, and spiritual mentor. Through my speaking, coaching programs, and radio show I help you courageously live life intentionally My guest today in the studio is a good friend and coworker, and I’m so excited to have her with me today – Lacey Ring-Verbik. Lacy is the founder and CEO of Imagine Virtual Assistant Services. She is a Purdue University graduate and enjoys life on her little urban homestead in Indianapolis, Indiana, along with her son, daughter, and husband, Bob. She puts her 12 years of operational know-how to work for her clients every single day, weaving in other passion for outstanding customer care. She began her business almost 4 years ago, with the goal of creating a more flexible lifestyle. She has held the opportunity to mentor and cultivate other women seeking alternatives to the traditional 9 to 5 brick and mortar work model. Now a multi-VA team, Lacey’s focus has shifted from supporting solopreneurs with a proven system for getting their systems in order, and we are going to talk about all of this fun stuff today. Lacey, welcome to Florida. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Thank you so much. I am delighted to be here with you. Lara:I am so excited to have you here with me in the studio. We are going to start with something fun. I love the name of your company – Imagine Virtual Assistant. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Well, thank you. Lara:It is such fun. Tell me, what is a virtual assistant? What is a VA? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Great question. A great place to start. A VA is a professional outsourced service provider that offers marketing, administrative, or creative support services from a remote office. Lara:So, you can be anywhere? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Anywhere. On the beach in Siesta Key. Lara:And that’s what you were doing this morning, right? Lacey Ring-Verbik:It is. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. Lara:I know a couple weeks ago, you and I were on the phone. You were at the park with your kids. You know? This is how it should be. Right? Lacey Ring-Verbik:I call it a freestyle lifestyle. Lara:Freestyle. So, is it always that way? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Absolutely not. No. I wish. Lara:You wish. Right. Lacey Ring-Verbik:But it’s something I’ve worked pretty hard to grow in to, so I’m feeling very blessed right now in my career and in my work. I’m thrilled to be with you. Lara:I’m glad you came down to play on Siesta Key with me and hang out with me this week. Lacey Ring-Verbik:I’m so grateful for having the opportunity. Lara:We’re having so much fun. So, VA – virtual assistance. Does that mean you have clients from all over the country and you, yourself, physically, for the most part, are generally located in Indiana. Correct? Lacey Ring-Verbik:That’s correct. Yes. I have clients in the United States as well as abroad. I have a few in Australia and I’ve had one in Great Britain, once before. Lara:Nice. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yes. I am centrally located in Indianapolis, but I travel as much as possible. I recently, about a year ago, established a professional office outside of my home, and I also have a fully functioning home office, where I can have that flex time with kids and family. Lara:And also work from Parker Beach. Whatever you have to do, right? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yeah. I take my computer everywhere. Lara:That’s right. There’s pros and cons to that, isn’t there? We’re going to talk about all of that today. Right? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Right. Lara:So, virtual assistant. I still go back to that and sometimes people say, “What’s a VA?” and you said it’s outsourcing. Is it like hiring a secretary? How is it different? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Well, I would say there are three main differences. The first one would be that it’s location independent. I don’t have to be in a person’s physical office to support their business. As you mentioned, I was on the beach, playing this morning and working. The work can pretty much happen anywhere. So, location is a big one. The second one, I would say, is the second difference would be constant overhead. When you work with an in-office assistant, you have to pay for equipment. You have to pay for time off. You have to pay for healthcare benefits. Those sorts of things. When you’re working with a VA, we are already business owners, so we take care of all of our own equipment. We are already businesses. You don’t pay us benefits. You don’t pay us holiday time off, things like that. Lara:So it’s more like a consultant? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yeah. Yeah. You can relate it to a consultant. Lara:Is it the W9 that you would fill out? Lacey Ring-Verbik:It’s all 1099, W9, absolutely. Yep. Lara:At the end of the year. Lacey Ring-Verbik:I’m a contractor for these businesses I support. Lara:You’re a contractor for the business. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yes. Lara:If I hired you or somebody wanted to hire you and they needed you from 12-4 every Monday, or they had certain work that they wanted you to do, can they pick when you do the work or no? How does that work? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Great question. Well, there are VAs out there in this world who will work on certain timelines, in tight schedules. I choose to manage my time a little more open-ended, where the clients come to me and say, “I need to get this done.” We set up a timeline, we set up milestones, the deadline, those types of things. Then I accomplish the work on my terms. The work is done, generally, during business hours but whenever I get the work done is when it gets done and the client is well aware of that in advance. I typically hold down an 8-4 or 9-5 kind of a “business day” in terms of phone calls, emails, correspondence, things like that. But I am often working on projects into the evening, when there’s quiet time or when I feel the most energetic or inspired. You know? Lara:Sure. And you, yourself, have staff all over the world. Not just clients all over the world, but your staff is all over. Lacey Ring-Verbik:That’s true. That’s true. I have a contractor who does a lot of wonderful support functions for us that is in Las Vegas, Nevada. I’d love to take a little business trip out there to see her. Lara:Darn. We need to plan that, Lacey. Right? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yes. Then probably my longest standing contractor is a social media manager and she’s actually in Australia, outside of Melbourne. Lara:I think that needs to be a definite trip. We need to go visit her. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yeah. Yeah. So, it’s been… the virtual nature of our work allows us to pretty much work with anyone, anywhere. Lara:So, I’ve got to know. You’re sitting on the beach this morning. Don’t you feel guilty? Lacey Ring-Verbik:[LAUGHTER] Lara:Are you feeling guilty? Lacey Ring-Verbik:No. Lara:Okay. Lacey Ring-Verbik:No. Actually, I was feeling extremely grateful and just really appreciating the abundance that I have that has allowed me to be here and take that walk on the beach at 9 a.m., without worry. Lara:Take that walk and sit down and open your computer, answer some emails. Didn’t you find that just sitting there in that space, that creative space of God’s creation — the world, the ocean — in front of that, it was different than sitting in a closed room desk? Lacey Ring-Verbik:Oh, yes. I mean, from a creativity standpoint, I sat down and I wrote three pages of notes in the matter of a few moments. I was actually preparing for doing some preparation for the show, even. I found that I wrote so much more easily and so much more… Lara:It just flowed, didn’t it? It just starts coming. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yes. So much more from the heart, so much more… it came so much more easily to me in that environment and I wrote so quickly. It was like a channel had been opened. Lara:Nice. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Just being out in Mother Earth and being in nature. Lara:Just being out there. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yeah. I kept saying, “Wow! I am so grateful.” I noticed I said it a few times, to myself, how incredible it is that I can be here and do this now and then I have the opportunity to flex and travel. Lara:And travel. I love writing on the beach and writing when I’m in the woods or hiking or whatever. I get so inspired in nature and it’s hard to describe that unless you’ve actually experienced it. It’s exciting for me to hear you talk about it like that, too. I know you took your flute out there. Tell me about that. [LAUGHTER] Lacey Ring-Verbik:I did. [LAUGHTER] So, I recently have taken up a hobby, I guess, of playing the Native American flute. It’s something I’ve wanted to do for 10 or 15 years and I’ve always sort of walked past the opportunity. Lara:It took you 10 years to buy a flute. Lacey Ring-Verbik:To buy a flute. It did. Lara:It took that long to put yourself first and buy a flute. Lacey Ring-Verbik:It did. They’re a relatively expensive little toy and so it took me a while to decide I was worth it, but I finally did invest in that, and it’s just an outlet for me and a way to express myself, and feel close to Mother Earth, and just be musical again. I was an instrumentalist in high school and even in to college and things like that. I was in Band and all those fun things, but then I sort of lost touch with music, instruments, and things. My daughter, who is 12 years old, has started to really enjoy music and is playing the clarinet, and I’m super proud of her. Lara:Yay! Now you can play along with her. Lacey Ring-Verbik:Yeah. She sort of inspired me to get back to that. I love my flute. I caught a few strange looks this morning, but I went with it anyways. Lara:Hey, that’s what Sies

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Lara Jaye welcomes Ashley Brown from the Women's Resource Centerin Sarasota, Florida. She talks in depth about the center and their work with women in transition. Including the reality that transition is something we will be dealing with throughout our lives.

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Los Angeles Integrative Wellness Coach and Registered Dietitian Nutritionist, Carmina McGee, discusses her own way back to health as well as her client-centered, compassion-based, comprehensive approach to optimizing health, wellness and total well-being. Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you’re a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now, here’s your host, Lara Jaye. Lara:Welcome to The Zen Leader. I am your host, Lara Jaye, international best-selling author, speaker, and spiritual mentor, and through my speaking, coaching, and programs and radio show, I help you courageously live life intentionally. I am so excited for the show and my guest today. I’ve waited a long time for this and you’ll understand as I explain this little story. A couple of years ago, I was suffering with… I was pretty much bed-ridden. I had a lot of fatigue, anxiety, weight gain, massive hair loss, my face was all puffy, sweating. Let’s see… Can I go on? Difficulty sleeping, irritability, muscle weakness, depression. Those are just a few of my symptoms. I was so desperate for nutritional guidance. For whatever reason, I was led – I forget even how. A mutual friend introduced me to this amazing guest that I have on today, to begin the process of unwinding. Unwinding my past fears of food, I got some answers for my health symptoms, I implemented a holistic plan of action for my body and life. I knew it wasn’t going to be fixed in just a couple of sessions, but I was very committed because I was very sick. And when you’re really sick, you either get sicker or you get committed to making things better. Thanks to this woman, my guest today, her guidance, her expertise, all of the symptoms I mentioned, they’re completely gone on most days. I feel like I’ve healed this huge hole, this huge disconnect I had with my body ever since childhood. Now I love moving my body and feeding it healthy foods. But my guest today is the amazing Carmina McGee from the Los Angeles area, and Carmina has her Bachelor of Science — I’m going to give you all the bio on her — but she’s so much more. She has her Bachelor of Science and Master of Science Degree in Nutrition, extensive training in counseling, motivational interviewing, functional medicine. She’s a Certified Intuitive Eating Coach, and I want to talk more about that. She has lots of training and experience in neuro, endocrine, and gut disorders. 30 plus years in this career of nutrition. Thousands of hours of helping people and training. Outside of nutrition, she’s studied meditation and Reiki, and volunteered at her local cancer center. Just an amazing woman. Her mission and passion is to help women — specifically me and other women out there, listeners — create amazing, healthy, happy, and vibrant lives. My dear friend, Carmina McGee, welcome to The Zen Leader. Carmina: Oh, thank you so much, Lara. I’m so honored to be here. Truly, I am just so humbled by your kind words. Lara: You know I mean every word of it. You’ve helped me so much. Carmina: Thank you so much. I have to just say, it was a joy being on the [INAUDIBLE 00:03:24]with you because you had to show up and have the courage and the open heartedness, and the trust to do what you accomplished. These are your accomplishments that you did with reclaiming your health. Lara: Thank you. Carmina: I’m just so glad that I got to be a part of it. Lara: Thank you, Carmina. You’re such a blessing in my life. You know how sick I was. We started from square one. We’ll talk more about that over the hour, but there was just so much. You broke it down and you made it easy for me to just take it piece by piece and hormone by hormone, shall I say, [LAUGHTER] and look at the holistic view of it, and still be able to breathe through it and get well. It was amazing to have you on my support team and walk beside me, and push me sometimes, and other times, drag me. [LAUGHTER] So, it was great. Carmina: Gently, though. Very gently. Lara: Very tightly and lovingly, always. Always, always. Carmina: [LAUGHTER] Lara: But it was amazing. Carmina, your story, blows me. I mean, my story is intense, but your story is even more. Of course, it usually is when we teach what we, ourselves, need to learn. You know? Carmina: So true. Lara: So true, right? Carmina: So true. Lara: And painful sometimes. I like on your website, you talk about your story and lessons learned. We all have that. Tell me a little bit about what happened to you and how you got in to this. Carmina: When I was in my early 30s, I had an opportunity to move to another country — actually, it was Mexico — to run a company there. My husband took a leave from his job. I had two little girls, they were 4 and 6 at the time. We moved to this new culture, this new environment. Just a few months after arriving… by the way, I had a huge job. I had to travel all over the country, I had all these people to supervise, and most of the travel was done by car, not by plane and so forth. We were there for only… gosh, I think we’d only been there a couple of months. One day I was coming home, actually, from an aerobics class that I never found, and I’ll never forget this because as I was getting to our house where we were staying, I started to get a very severe headache. I mean it just went from 0 to 100 in nothing flat. By the time I pulled up to the house, my head was hurting so badly, I was losing my vision. I, in fact, did lose my vision. I went blind for the next… I was blind for about 3 days and had these excruciating headaches that were just horrendous, and these high fevers. I was in a very small town 3 hours from the closest big medical center, so there was just nothing to do. I was spiking fevers of like 105. It was very serious. I found out later that I had encephalitis. My brain was swollen and I had been bitten by a mosquito and I had gotten something called dengue fever, also known as breakbone fever. And, let me tell you, it does feel like every one of your bones are breaking. Unfortunately for me, it went into my brain. As a result of that, following the acute phase, which I won’t even walk you through because it was just awful… But when I kind of got over the worst part of it, my body just started to break down. For instance, I would eat something and I would break out in these huge, fluid-filled blisters all over my body. I was allergic to, it seemed like, everything. There was hardly anything I could eat. I couldn’t think very clearly at all. My brain was really foggy. And here, I was the sole support of our family and I had made a year commitment. I remember I was dictating reports and Baden [PH], my husband, God bless him, was trying to type them up to get them out where they were supposed to go. Lara: Again, you were only in your early 30s, and two little girls. Carmina: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Lara: Trying to be Mom, trying to take care of everything. Yeah. Yeah. And you’re so sick. Carmina: It was extraordinarily stressful. The worst part of it was nobody could… The doctors that I saw there, just kept giving me course after course, after course, after course, of antibiotics because I had a lot of gastrointestinal problems going on. Part of the food thing, I know now, of course, was because I had developed all of these sensitivities. My immune system was on overdrive, basically. As a result of this condition, it took a long time to recover. But like many women, tough luck. Suck it up. We have to work. Lara: Right. We have to push through. Carmina: Yes. You have to push through and, certainly, that didn’t help any kind of recovery. During that time — I am going to be honest, which I am — I also went through a ferocious depression. I mean it was a very, very, very serious depression. At one point, again, the doctors down there aren’t quite as skilled, at that time, as the doctors we have here. They put me on the wrong medication, which made everything even worse. So, it was truly horrendous. Lara: One thing after another. Carmina: Yes. Then flash forward. We came home after I stuck it out for the year. We came back home and things, actually, did not get better. It got worse. I ended up developing chronic fatigue syndrome, where literally I could not walk from my bed to my bathroom without being completely exhausted. I would sleep all day and I never felt rested. I began the trek of going from doctor to doctor to doctor to doctor. We spent tons of money and incurred tons of debt as I was going through all of these medical people, trying to search for answers, of course. I would go to them and they would say things like, “Well, you know, we can’t find anything wrong with you,” even though I was clearly breaking down right in front of them. Lara: Yep. I’ve heard that one before. Carmina: Oh, gosh. Yeah. It’s all in your head, right? And I remember a couple of visits that stuck out in my head, to this day. One doctor I went to — and he was [00:10:00]a tropical disease guy — and he took a lab test and found that I had a very, very, very high level of a particular blood count. I forgot what it was. It’s escaping my brain for the moment. But anyway, he just said, “Oh, gosh. I’ve never seen numbers like this before, but honestly, I don’t know what to do for you. So, try this guy.” Then I went to another infectious disease doctor. This one is the one that was the pivot that made me do what I do today with the passion with which I do it. I sat, after waiting for months to get in to this man’s office, and what his words were he said to me, “Well, your problem is you’re just one of those women who is looking for attention.” I think, if I’d had the strength, I would have flown across the desk and probably struck him, but I didn’t have the energy. It was so dismissive and so disrespectful. I had been hanging on by my fingernails that this was the one that was going to have the answer. Lara: This is what so many

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Certified Clinical, Transpersonal & Interpersonal Hypnotherapist and Owner The Om Shoppe & Spa, Beth Snyder, shares her personal experience with chronic pain, anxiety and a desire for a more fulfilling life that led her to hypnosis. After many years of practicing mindfulness and self-hypnosis on her own, she wanted to bring this incredible transformative modality to others. Hypnotherapy provides others with the self-empowerment to achieve their personal best. Facilitating a powerful change in others is simply Beth’s greatest joy.

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Tiffany Fradley, LMT, Ayurvedic Practitioner and creator of Sattva Herb & Oil Blends, an organic line of therapeutic herbal teas, body oils & spice blends, joins Lara Jaye on The Zen Leader. Her approach to Ayurveda is very applicable, interactive and suited for a Western mind to understand and implement. She believes the best way to learn this form of Ancient Holistic Medicine is to touch, taste, smell and experience its benefits. 

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Angela Powers, Angela's Pure Salon & Spa,shares her story as a wife, mom, and entrepreneur describing in detail her own health issues from being a beautician and the effects of pesticides that caused the death of her son. 

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Today's Guest on The Zen Leader is Dr. Jeffry Rubin is the author of the critically esteemed book, The Art of Flourishing: A Guide to Mindfulness, Self-Care in a Chaotic World, and the creator of meditative psychotherapy, a practice that he developed through insights gained from decades of study, teaching, and helping thousands of people flourish. Dr. Rubin is a practicing psychotherapist in New York City and has taught at various universities, psychoanalytic institutes, and Buddhist and yoga centers. He also lectures around the country. His pioneering approach to Buddhism and psychotherapy has been featured in The New York Times Magazine.   Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Welcome to The Zen Leader Show, helping you transform your life and find greater satisfaction and peace. I'm your host, Lara Jaye, international bestselling author and speaker, helping you find your happy. You know, that spot inside of you that feels calm and peace, even when chaos is swirling around you.             My guest today has figured out how to have that calm even in the storm. In this crazy, chaotic world, we desire lasting intimacy, a close, a deep-rooted relationship with someone who cherishes us, or indeed, with ourselves. But too often being in an intimate relationship means we have to compromise or lose vital aspects of our personalities. We're going to talk today about avoiding this sacrificing our own self-care to get the love that we want and his pioneering, surprising, and deeply-revealing exploration of the self and how it manifests itself in relationships. Dr. Jeffrey Rubin, my guest today, brings the art of flourishing to life.             His idea is startling simple. Self-care is the foundation of intimacy. I love this. Intimacy is the culmination of self-care. Synthesizing the best practices from the traditions of Eastern meditation and Western psychotherapy, Dr. Rubin creates a new and accessible path for living authentically, as a singular self and as part of a couple, drawing from case studies and personal experiences. Dr. Rubin demonstrates how to discover our purpose, nurture empathy and mutual respect, and uncover barriers to intimacy, the hidden emotional weeds that kill passion.             Dr. Jeffrey Rubin, my guest today, is the author of the critically-esteemed book The Art of Flourishing: A Guide to Mindfulness, Self-Care in a Chaotic World,and he's also the creator of Meditative Psychotherapy, a practice that he developed through insights gained from decades of study, teaching, and helping thousands of people flourish. Dr. Rubin is a practicing psychotherapist in New York City and has taught at various universities, psychoanalytic institutions, and Buddhist and yoga centers. He also lectures around the country. His pioneering approach to Buddhism and psychotherapy has been featured in The New York Times Magazine. Dr. Rubin, welcome. Dr. Jeffrey Rubin:Lara, thank you so much for having me. Lara:Great to have you on and I cannot wait to talk about this book, The Art of Flourishing: A Guide to Mindfulness, Self-Care, and Love in a Chaotic World. That's where I want to start today. All of these things that you talk about don't really seem to go together to a lot of the world, and what led you to write this book? Dr. Rubin:I think I was in New York after 9/11 and I was troubled by tendencies that I saw, specifically people tended to either be what I called "relentlessly optimistic," things will work out no matter what or paralyzingly pessimistic. I wanted to see if I could find a third way to help people that were suffering to deal with the cultural trauma of 9/11 in New York. The book started arising out of that, as well as a lot of life experiences when I felt like we needed a deeper and more expansive vision of what it meant to thrive.             I felt like happiness is a wonderful goal. I like happiness as much as the next person, but I felt like there were certain problems with the happiness movement, because I thought, in essence, it meant me feeling good now. I felt like the world needed that because many of us were really suffering, but I also felt, Lara, that we needed to stay connected to the world. The world needed us. We feel the tears of the world, in a way, so we needed to find a way to nurture ourselves, to bring out the best within ourselves, and also nourish the best in other people. The Art of Flourishingcame out of my own wish for all that and then my own life immersed in both Eastern and Western psychology and practices. Lara:Nice. From there, you figured out that self-care actually is the foundation. It comes first. Dr. Rubin:Exactly. Think about being on an airline. One of the key messages is put your own mask on first. Lara:It is. Dr. Rubin:Now what I learned over the years is that, because if my mask is on first and the plane goes down, God forbid, it's easier to help the elderly person or the child nearby. But if I'm drowning, I can't really be of much use to anybody else. It's counterintuitive because we think it's self-centered and it can be self-centered to focus on ourselves and care for ourselves, but it's also possible to do it in a balanced way, and then we bring more to the rest of our relationships. We're less resentful. We're more nurtured. We're more willing to extend ourselves. It's easier to be generous and compassionate if we feel nurtured. I found that they really went together. They didn't need to be split apart, self-care and intimacy. Lara:I love that, and for me, in the past, I would play the card of, "Oh, I can't do that for myself. That's too selfish." I wouldn't take the time to exercise or to do just the basic self-care things because I felt so guilty. Why does our culture… [LAUGHTER] why do we do that to ourselves? Dr. Rubin:I think that's a great question, and I think you're not alone. I think many of us struggle with that. Often women, but in recent years, increasing numbers of men I have seen also struggle with this. I think there's a cultural message sometimes of put the other first. I think that leads to resentment. It leads to feeling like one's a martyr. It leads to deprivation, and then it sabotages relationships. I think if we go in the other direction and really take care of ourselves, our connections with other people can be enriched. Lara:Oh, I completely agree. I noticed I was over-volunteering at the church, and of course, they encourage that. [LAUGHTER] They wanted that, but I was driving myself just into a wall, just exhausting myself trying to please everyone else. Dr. Rubin:Exactly. Look, I think religion plays into this because religions usually have an ethic, this sort of spiritual ethic of put the other first. You can see it in Christianity. You can see it in Tibetan Buddhism. As I'm saying, we need to balance it with… we don't have to see self and other as split and as opposed. We can see both as necessary to a full and rich life. Lara:That's beautiful. I completely agree and have, of course, found that myself on my own journey throughout the years, but sometimes you have to get super sick and things have to happen for you to shake your world. It sounds like you, yourself, had things shake your world in order for this to come out, for this to flourish out. Dr. Rubin:Well, I was raised by a mom that… the good news is that she fostered empathy in me by having me become the other person. The bad news was sometimes I would focus on the other person to the neglect of myself. I learned personally that I had to create more of a balance between the two, that either one too much, too much self-care, one can be self-centered, narcissistic […]living, too much generosity and too much focus on the other one can neglect one's self. We really need both. Lara:How do we balance that? I'm sure you've done studies, you've figured it out yourself and talked to many people. How do we balance the taking care of ourself and not being selfish? Dr. Rubin:I look at morality as elements of the field by which I mean I have to take into account how you feel. You're in the field and I'm in the field, and I try to always ask where are both people in the field and how do we take into account what each one needs? Instead of just you need or I need, what do we both need? What's a win for both of us? It's a shift in perspective, Lara. It's taking into account all people that are involved in the decision.             For example, one is in a relationship and your partner's aging mother or father might need to move in. Often, I think therapists would ask the person, "What's authentic for you? What feels real and true for you?" I wouldn't ask that question. I mean I'd be interested in that question, but I would also be interested in what would be the impact on your mother-in-law or your father-in-law if they didn't move in, if they did move in? [00:10:05]In other words, they're part of the field. They're part of the elements of the decision. So whenever I'm facing a situation, I try to look at who's involved in the situation and what's the impact on everyone. But, of course, everyone means me, too. For a lot of people, we live in a culture that Erich Fromm wrote an article. He's a psychoanalyst and social critic, I think, in 1949. You could Google it. I think it's called "The Taboo Against Selfishness," something like that. We're often raised not to ask the question of what I need, and then there are other people that are raised that they're the center of the universe. Lara:Right. Dr. Rubin:I think we see this with a lot of politicians. Well, I hear people, “This drives me crazy. This drives me insane.” Well, the optics don't look good. We guess the optics, what's the right thing to do for the citizens. You know what I mean? But we often don't ask that because we'

DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Leah Guy is a down-to-earth health educator, author and intuitive transpersonal healer. An inspirational speaker, yogi and media personality, she folds in 20-plus years of energy healing, bodywork and nutritional studies alongside an intuitive approach to wellness that creates a perspective and healing that is unique and transformative. Overcoming anxiety, sexual abuse, eating disorders, and addiction using the principles in her new book, Leah has spent her life helping others find relief and freedom from personal afflictions. Leah has produced and hosted wellness programs, celebrity talk shows, commercials and on-camera spokesperson for over 15 years. She is also a musician, artist and dog lover. Leah also owns a lifestyle media company, A Girl Named Guy Productions. Author of The Fearless Path…. offers profound insights and practical exercises for emotional healing and spiritual growth. If you are feeling stuck, anxious, or unable to deal with emotional pain, this book is for you. Disconnection is the root of all fear and fear is what keeps us stuck. The book debunks the myth of “letting go” explaining how this approach creates more problems than it solves. The Fearless Path helps you transform fear into freedom.