How to Handle Sudden Tragedy and Deep Grief
Update: 2018-09-05
Description
DOWNLOAD EPISODE > Dr. Laura d’Angelo and Dr. Nathan White, Sarasota psychologists, join Lara Jaye on The Zen Leader to talk about How to Handle Sudden Tragedy and Deep Grief. Intro:Welcome to The Zen Leaderwith Lara Jaye. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, Lara provides the tools to help you get unstuck in different areas of your life. Now here's your host, Lara Jaye. Lara Jaye:Welcome to The Zen Leader. I'm your host, Lara Jaye, international bestselling author, speaker, and spiritual mentor. Through my coaching programs and radio show, I help you courageously transform your disconnected, unbalanced life into a joy-filled and meaningful one. Whether you're a leader at home or in the boardroom, I help you navigate the ups and downs of life, supporting you in living your best life. Today, we've been talking a lot over this year about navigating life, and we talk a lot about the ups and what to do. Today is going to be, I'm just going to tell you. It's going to be serious. We're going to talk about when bad things happen, tragedy, life. We're going to talk about that today, and I don't know where we're going to go with it [LAUGHTER], but it's going to be good and that's all I got to say. I've got a couple of amazing guests here in the studio and Dr. Laura d'Angelo welcome back! Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Thank you, Lara. Lara:Yes, and Dr. Laura is an author and local psychologist. She's enjoyed a career in public psychiatry, serving on the faculties of Vanderbilt and Oregon Health and Science University, providing statewide consultation and training in Development Disorders and Mental Health. Dr. Laura has been in private practice here in Sarasota since 2011. Joining her as well is Dr. Nathan White. Dr. Nathan, welcome. Dr. Nathan White:Pleasure to be here. Thanks. Lara:He is a licensed psychologist who holds a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology. Dr. White works with a range of clinical issues, including mood and anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and life transitions. He looks to help clients discover their strengths and develop plans for effectively meeting life's challenges, which is what we are going to do today. Welcome both of you! Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Thank you. Dr. Nathan White:Thank you. Lara:I’m so excited to have you in there. We're going to talk about deep tragedy today and I have so many questions. My life [LAUGHTER]… and listeners know I'm always real. So, I'm going to be real and tell you that a couple months ago my mom passed away – I've talked about that on the show before. My dad moved in with my brother and his wife, such a blessing to be able to have him do that. In the last 10 days, my brother has lost two of his four boys in two completely unrelated accidents. The boys, they were 25 and 31, and so that's where I'm coming at today and, "Okay, my body has shut down. I'm numb and this didn't even happen to me." This was my family, though, my brother. So, a complete tragedy and it's times like this when you really see what's important. Talk to me. I mean I've mentioned what my events are, but there's other events that someone, our listeners, might be going through. What are some of the other events, too? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:That's a hard one to follow up with. [LAUGHTER] Lara:I'm sorry. [LAUGHTER] Right? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Nathan. Dr. Nathan, do you want to go first? Dr. Nathan White:Well, to your question of what are some of the other things that people can deal with. I mean we're talking about real stuff today, Trauma. Lara:Exactly. Dr. Nathan White:Trauma comes in a lot of different forms. It can come in definitely losing someone. It can come in abuse and a lot of other forms, witnessing horrific things. So, trauma has a lot of different manifestations that can come about. Lara:It can be anything at any time. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Natural disasters, a car accident. I think the list keeps getting longer. I think when I started my training decades ago we were focused mostly on abuse, incest, but we live in a traumatogenic world. That's a word… Lara:What does that mean? [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laura d'Angelo:I think it's a world that genders trauma. Lara:Right. Dr. Nathan White:Yeah. Dr. Laura d'Angelo: I think we're affected on so many levels, personally, macro levels, micro levels. I had no idea that my career would be about trauma when I started out in 80s, started my training. There's two things that came to mind, two examples of loss in families. One is I know a couple who were in their 80s now, and they're just lovely people. Many, many years ago, they lost both of their daughters to cancer. One was young… I don't know the details. The other was maybe in her 20s. But both of their children left them under those circumstances. They are people of financial means as best as I can understand, and they have dedicated their lives to philanthropy and creating services and resources with hospitals in the city where they live, and crisis lines, and help lines. Lara:So through this trauma, they were able to turn it into something amazing to help others. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:Yeah, and they've been this for decades because they're in their 80s now. This happened to them… their losses happened many years ago. Lara:That seems so with not just trauma, but for all of us in our lives. The thing that takes us down might actually be what builds us up, maybe. I'm hoping. [LAUGHTER] Praying. [LAUGHTER] Dr. Laura d'Angelo:There's a saying, if I can remember this and some spiritual writings by a Persian prophet, and it says, "My calamity is my providence. Outwardly it is. Inwardly it is fire and…" okay, I guess I'm a little anxious. "My calamity is my providence. Outwardly it is fire and vengeance. Inwardly it is light and mercy." Lara:Oh, Dr. Laura, that's beautiful. Dr. Laura d'Angelo:It's beautiful. It's how do we get there? Lara:How do we get there? Dr. Laura d'Angelo:How are we aware of getting there? I think that's the question we ask ourselves. Lara:Is it different for, let's say, a loss? For me, it was totally different, but I'm asking is it, in general, different with the patients and clients that you work with? If you got a chance, for those living, for us to say good-bye versus a sudden, didn't know this was coming accidents? Dr. Nathan White:Is it less painful? No, not necessarily. Lara:No. [LAUGHTER] Right. Dr. Nathan White:They're both going to be painful, but I think that my observation is
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