DiscoverYour Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive
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Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive

Author: Jen Lumanlan

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Jen Lumanlan always thought infancy would be the hardest part of parenting. Now she has a toddler and finds a whole new set of tools are needed, there are hundreds of books to read, and academic research to uncover that would otherwise never see the light of day. Join her on her journey to get a Masters in Psychology focusing on Child Development, as she researches topics of interest to parents of toddlers and preschoolers from all angles, and suggests tools parents can use to help kids thrive - and make their own lives a bit easier in the process. Like Janet Lansbury's respectful approach to parenting? Appreciate the value of scientific research, but don't have time to read it all? Then you'll love Your Parenting Mojo. More information and references for each show are at www.YourParentingMojo.com. Subscribe there and get a free newsletter compiling relevant research on the weeks I don't publish a podcast episode!
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"When she was younger, she wasn't that into reading and that was like a huge deal for me. I thought: "I'm such a reader. My daughter doesn't love to read." She's still not a big reader, but it's not hampering her in any way. She's blossoming in fifty other ways, but when I get caught in that story, "She's not like me. She's not..." - that's when I'm suffering. So I settle back into trusting, and think: "Oh, she's becoming who she is. Let her be that." -Diana Winston   Meditation is touted as being a cure-all for everything from anxiety to depression to addictions. But is it possible that all this is too good to be true? In this episode, meditation teacher - and former Buddhist nun! - Diana Winston guides us through what we know of the research on meditation that's relevant to parents. It turns out that the quality of much of this research isn't amazing, but this may not matter to you if you're thinking of starting a meditation practice because the opportunity cost (a few minutes a day) is so low and the potential benefits are so high. We walk through a basic meditation that you can do anywhere, and no - it doesn't involve sitting cross-legged with your thumb and first finger held in a circle and saying 'ommmmmm....'. I was skeptical about meditation too - until I tried it. Perhaps it might help you as well?   Jump to highlights: (02:36) Introducing Diana Winston (03:39) Defining Mindfulness (05:25) Distinguishing between mindfulness and meditation (06:26) How can mindfulness benefit me? (08:05) Self-hatred as a Western concept (12:27) The practice of mindfulness rooted in religion and cultural appropriation (13:57) The research on mindfulness (17:27) Why is it so hard to study mindfulness? (19:33) Mindfulness vs science as tools of observation (21:26) The benefits of mindfulness to parents and children (28:04) Improving parent-child relationships through mindfulness (30:27) Working in mindfulness practices in the context of communities (35:52) Practice mindfulness now with this quick walkthrough (42:46) Sit Still and It Will Hurt Eventually   Useful links: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers/ (Taming Your Triggers Workshop)   Books and other resources: https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Being-Practices-Uncovering/dp/1683642171 (The Little Book of Being: Practices and Guidance for Uncovering Your Natural Awareness) https://wakingup.com/ (Waking Up App by Sam Harris) https://www.uclahealth.org/marc/ucla-mindful-app (UCLA Mindful App) https://www.tenpercent.com/ (Ten Percent Happier App) https://www.amazon.com/Wide-Awake-Buddhist-Guide-Teens/dp/0399528970 (Wide Awake: A Buddhist Guide for Teens)   Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589 (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook Group)   [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released, and get a FREE Guide called 13 Reasons Why Your Child Won't Listen To You and What To Do About Each One, just head over to YourParentingMojo.com/SUBSCRIBE. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners and the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.   Jen 01:00 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today we're going to continue our exploration of topics related to mindfulness as we start to do some episodes
Why do we yell at our children - even when we know we shouldn't? Why isn't just knowing what to do enough to actually interact with our children in a way that aligns with our values? For many of us, the reason we struggle to actually implement the ideas we know we want to use is because we've experienced trauma in our lives. This may be the overt kind that we can objectively say was traumatic (divorce, abuse, death among close family members...), or it may simply be the additive effect of having our needs disregarded over and over again by the people who were supposed to protect us. These experiences cause us to feel 'triggered' by our children's behavior - because their mess and lack of manners and resistance remind us subconsciously of the ways that we were punished as children for doing very similar things. These feelings don't just show up in our brains, they also have deep connections to our bodies (in spite of the Western idea that the body and brain are essentially separate!). If we don't decide to take a different path and learn new tools to enable us to respond effectively to our child rather than reacting in the heat of the moment, and because our physical experience is so central to how this trauma shows up in our daily lives, we also need to understand and process this trauma through our bodies. If you need help understanding the source of your triggered feelings and learning new ways to navigate them so you can feel triggered less often, my popular and highly effective Taming Your Triggers workshop is open for registration through midnight Pacific on Sunday February 28 for a Monday March 1 start. Sliding scale pricing is available, and the community meets on a platform that isn't Facebook! Please reach out to support@yourparentingmojo.com if you have questions about the workshop. https://www.yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers (Click here to learn more about Taming Your Triggers)   Jump to highlights: (01:00) This episode’s rationale (03:12) The two ways trauma shows up in broader family relationships (05:27) The separateness of the brain and the body has a long history in Western culture (06:05) Rene Descartes on the schism of mind and body (07:12) The held belief of the mind as superior to the rest of the body (08:09) The inherent bias of data (09:42) The lies our brain tells us (12:54) The so-called 4 ‘truths’ of the physical experience of trauma (16:22) When we are not attuned to the signals that our body is giving us (19:01) Difficulty in identifying feelings for people who experienced trauma (22:16) Saying OK when you aren’t really OK (26:19) The difference between reacting and responding (27:10) Using physical experience to bring order to the chaos in our minds (31:15) The first step to creating a safe environment for your child (33:26) The root of our inability to create meaningful relationships (34:18) Equipping ourselves with the tools to regulate our arousal   Other episodes mentioned: https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/self/ (No Self, No Problem) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/intergenerationaltrauma/ (Intergenerational Trauma) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/capitolsiege/ (U.S. Capitol) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/mlk2021/ (MLK Day)   Links: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers (Taming Your Triggers Workshop)   Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589 (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook Group)   [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by...
In this episode we talk with Iris Chen about her new book, Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent. Iris admits to being a parent who engaged in "yelling, spanking, and threatening with unreasonable consequences" - but far from becoming a well-behaved, obedient child, her son fought back. The harder she punished, the more he resisted. Their home became a battleground of endless power struggles, uncontrollable tantrums, and constant frustration. But Iris didn't know what else to do: she had learned this over-controlling style from her own parents: watching TV without permission, talking back to her father, and having a boyfriend before college were simply out of the question when she was growing up. In her parents' eyes, they had done all the right things: Iris got good grades, graduated from an elite university, and married another successful Chinese-American. But through interacting with her son, Iris realized that all of these achievements had come at a great cost: a cost that her son was trying to show her through his resistance. Eventually Iris saw that her son's behavior wasn't the problem; he was simply reacting to her attempts to control him, and that it was her own approach that needed to change. Now Iris is well along her own Untigering path: basing her relationship with her children on finding win-win solutions to problems, being flexible, and respecting each other's boundaries. As I do too, Iris sees this path as a journey toward creating a society where everyone belongs. If you see yourself in Iris' descriptions of her early days as a parent, and especially if you find yourself routinely overreacting to your child's age-appropriate behavior, I invite you to join my Taming Your Triggers workshop, which will help you to understand the true source of your triggered feelings (hint: it isn't your child's behavior!), feel triggered less often, and respond more effectively to your child on the fewer occasions when it does still happen. Click here to learn more about https://www.yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers (Taming Your Triggers)   Jump to highlights: (01:34) Children’s dilemma between being seen/heard and being accepted (02:50) The trauma we pass on to our children (04:04) How to tame your triggers (04:59) Confidence in parenting that gives parents a sense of calm (06:39) Iris as a Deconstructing Tiger Parent (08:13) “I thought my responsibility as a parent was to push harder when my child resisted” (09:26) “I saw in my children a freedom to express their resentment in ways that I was never free to” (11:05) The walls that are created between parent and child because children’s authentic selves are not accepted (11:24) Our parents have their own traumas as well (13:18) The Idea of Untigering (14:19) Permissive parenting (16:06) Viewing children as full human beings (18:43) Adultism and Childism (20:05) Is respect something a child needs to earn from their parents? (21:26) Redefining our ideas for success as parents (27:29) Navigating the needs that drive behavior (31:30) Chinese somatization (33:57) The internalization of injustice and suffering (36:50) Holding space for one another and the greater community (41:19) The cascading effect of changing the way we relate to our children   Books and Resources: https://www.amazon.com/Untigering-Peaceful-Parenting-Deconstructing-Parent-ebook/dp/B08QG3C9F3 (Untigering: Peaceful Parenting for the Deconstructing Tiger Parent) https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 (The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma)   Links: https://yourparentingmojo.com/tamingyourtriggers/ (Taming Your Triggers Workshop) https://www.upbringing.co/ (Upbringing Podcast) http://untigering.com (Untigering Website)   Join the YPM Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589 (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook Group)  
Parents - worried about their child's lack of maturity or ability to 'fit in' in a classroom environment - often ask me whether they should hold their child back a year before entering kindergarten or first grade. In this episode I review the origins of the redshirting phenomenon (which lie in Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers, and which statisticians say contained some seriously dodgy math), what it means for your individual child, as well as for the rest of the children in the class so you can make an informed decision.   Jump to highlights: (01:00) Malcolm Gladwell's anecdote about the Junior League Medicine Hat Tigers and Vancouver Giants ice hockey teams that initiated the redshirting craze (02:56) Ability grouping is done in early childhood, just like in sports (03:59) Parents holding their children back from kindergarten came to be referred to as redshirting (10:20) How common is redshirting? (11:04) Boys are redshirted at a ratio of 2:1 compared to girls (12:18) The maturationist approach of why to redshirt (13:05) State support and agenda for redshirting (15:10) Teachers tendency to view a maturationist view of development. (17:16) The Maturation Hypothesis (17:36) Parents redshirt their children to give their child an advantage (20:34) Redshirting as a way to give boys age and size advantage and avoid getting bullied (27:28) Making a judgement call into what benefits mean with regards to the body of research on redshirting (29:24) The evidence of whether redshirting is beneficial (35:19) Misdiagnosis of ADHD caused by relative maturity (37:56) A year outside of school reduces the likelihood that children receive timely identifications of learning difficulties (38:35) Students with speech impairments may actually benefit from redshirting (39:22) Redshirted students may have more behavioral problems in high school (46:04) Children from higher socioeconomic status are more likely to perform well in tests in kindergarten (48:19) It’s possible that the way the teacher sees the child is what helps the child because of Labelling Theory (49:46) Opportunity hoarding associated with middle-class, white parents. (52:01) Is kindergarten truly the new first grade? (56:06) Advocating for Developmentally Appropriate Practice or DAP (57:35) Almost everyone agrees that retention has negative impacts on children (58:55) Accumulative Advantage (01:00:07) Malcolm Gladwell’s proposed solution to homogenize and my thoughts on it (01:02:32) Summary (01:04:56) Why I think asking "should I redshirt my child" is the wrong question   Books and Resources: https://www.amazon.com/Outliers-Story-Success-Malcolm-Gladwell/dp/0316017930 (Outliers: The Story of Success, by Malcolm Gladwell) https://yourparentingmojo.com/subscribe/ (13 Reasons Why Your Child Won’t Listen to You and What to do About Each One) https://www.amazon.com/School-Can-Wait-Raymond-Moore/dp/0842513140 (School Can Wait, by Raymond S. Moore and Dorothy N. Moore)   Links: https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/schoolprivilege/ (085: White privilege in schools) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/sports/ (086: Playing to Win: How does playing sports impact children?) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/schoolsocialization/ (117: Socialization and Pandemic Pods)   Join our the YPM Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589 (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook Group)   [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and...
In this short ad hoc episode that was originally recorded as a Facebook Live, I discuss ways that my family is working on dismantling both white supremacy and patriarchy (and having a go at capitalism while we're at it!) this Martin Luther King Jr. Day holiday weekend.  The best part is that this doesn't have to be heavy work that brings with it a huge sense of guilt. It's about building community that lifts all of us up, and gets us out of the 'stay in my lane' mindset that white supremacy uses to keep us in line. And it also doesn't have to happen only on the holiday itself - this work is just as relevant and important the rest of the year. Prefer to watch rather than listen? https://fb.watch/35B03cpt1h/ (Click here to join the free YPM Facebook group and watch the video recording of the episode)
In this ad hoc episode, I outline a response to the U.S. Capitol siege. I provide some suggestions for ways to talk with your child about the events, but also ask that you take two more steps: (1) examine your own role in these events, even if you condemn them yourself (as I do); (2) take action based on your own position and role in the world to work toward equality. https://yourparentingmojo.com/race/ (You can find my resources on the intersection of parenting and race here.) https://yourparentingmojo.com/white-parents-how-to-talk-with-your-preschooler-about-black-lives-matter/ (There's a specific blog post suggesting a script for talking with children about the Black Lives Matter movement (which could be adapted for this situation) here.) https://www.surjbayarea.org/events/category/action-hour-events (Showing Up for Racial Justice's Action Hours are here)
When parents first hear about interest-led learning (also known as self-directed education), they may wonder: why on earth would we do that? And how would my child learn without anyone teaching them? Many parents start down this path with only an inkling of where it may end up taking them and I think this is true of our guest, Akilah Richards. Akilah grew up in a typical Jamaican family where children were not allowed to have an opinion about anything - even their own bodies and feelings. In her book Raising Free People, she writes that: "Respect, the way [Jamaican parents] define it, is non-negotiable, and the spectrum of things a child can do to disrespect an adult, especially a parent, is miles wide and deep. Reverence for adults, not just respect, is expected, normalized, and deeply ingrained. Somebody else's mama could slap you for not showing reverence to any adult.  Physical punishment for the wrong displays of emotion, even silent ones like frowns or subtle ones like deep sighs, were commonplace, expected, celebrated as one of the reasons children "turned out right." Not only did you, as a child, dismiss any attitudes or anything adults might perceive as rudeness, your general countenance should reflect a constant respect - no space at all for showing actual emotion, if that emotion was contrary to what was reverent and pleasant for the adults in your life - again, especially your parents." While we may not have grown up with parents who were as overtly strict as this, chances are our parents and teachers used more subtle ways of keeping us in line with behavior management charts, grades (and praise for grades) and the withdrawal of approval if we were to express 'negative' emotions like frustration or anger. And of course this is linked to learning because compulsory schooling does not allow space for our children to be respected as individuals. There may be dedicated, talented teachers within that system that respect our children and who are doing the very best they can to provide support, but they too are working within a system that does not respect them. So how could we use interest-led learning/self-directed education to support our child's intrinsic love of learning - as well as our relationship with them? This is the central idea that we discuss in this episode. It's a deep, enriching conversation that cuts to the heart of the relationship we want to have with our children, and I hope you enjoy it.   Resources discussed during the conversation: https://www.eclecticlearningnetwork.com/ (Maleka Diggs' Eclectic Learning Network) https://www.rfpunschool.com/p/learningtolisten (Developing a Disruptor's Ear, by Akilah Richards and Maleka Diggs) https://network-3043137.mn.co/ (Toward Radical Social Change (TRUE) community) https://raisingfreepeople.com/ (Akilah's website, Raising Free People) https://www.pmpress.org/index.php?l=product_detail&p=1145 (Akilah's book, Raising Free People)
In this Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode we hear from listener Anne, who has been in my Parenting Membership for a year now. In our conversation we discussed the anxiety she used to feel about every aspect of parenting, including the things she wanted to teach her son to do (Spanish! Coding!) and how she interacted with both him and with her husband.   She actually joined the Parenting Membership to learn how to become the perfect parent, and I'm sorry to say that I failed as her teacher/guide in that regard. She is not a perfect parent (and neither am I), but she is now a perfectly good enough parent, and has been able to relax into her relationship with her son because of that.   I hope you enjoy this raw, vulnerable conversation where Anne reflects on the changes she has made in her life over the last year.   [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I’m Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast where I critically examine strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. In this series of episodes called Sharing Your Parenting Mojo, we turn the tables and hear from listeners. What have they learned from the show that’s helped their parenting? Where are they still struggling? And what tools can we find in the research that will help? If you’d like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you’ll join us.   Jen 00:59 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. Today we're going to hear from a special guest Anne, who is a parent whom I work with on a regular basis. She's going to tell us about the anxiety that she used to feel to be the perfect parent to her son, which threatened to overwhelm her and potentially even her marriage. She actually joined my membership a couple of years ago hoping it would teach her how to become the perfect parent. And in some ways, she didn't get what she paid for at all. And another she got so much more.   Jen 01:28 Unfortunately, she didn't learn how to become the perfect parent. Instead, she realized there's no such thing as a perfect parent and that trying to be the perfect parent was tearing her apart. She learns new communication tools which we teach as a way of helping parents to get on the same page about the parenting decisions they're making, But of course, they're applicable to other kinds of conversations as well. So now she's able to talk with her husband in a way that doesn't get his back up, that helps him to understand her needs, and she's able to hear and understand his needs, and they can work together to find solutions to all kinds of problems, not just those related to parenting.   Jen 02:02 She's become deeply involved in anti-racist work, and if you join the membership, you'll actually find her leading our anti-racist group activities. When she's learned how to stand up to family members, when they say something that she finds deeply offensive. She used to just be offended and let it slide and be seething on the inside, but she doesn't do that anymore, and she knows how to decide which of these kinds of issues that families disagree on are okay to let go, and which are worth taking a stand on. And she's become increasingly confident over the last few months to take a stand on those things that she knows are important to her. So, she's learning how to set boundaries with people that she's never felt able to set boundaries with before, which is setting a great example for her son who's watching and learning from her.   Jen 02:45 So, in some...
Let's talk problem solving! Many of us have tried it, but it's so common to get stuck...and to think that the method doesn't work, and then return in exasperation to the methods we'd been using all along. These often involve coercion, or forcing the child to do something they don't want to do - but what's the alternative? In this episode we talk with Dr. Ross Greene, who developed the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (formerly Collaborative Problem Solving) approach in his books https://amzn.to/36JbJN5 (The Explosive Child) and https://amzn.to/2JCLxuE (Raising Human Beings). I really enjoyed digging into the research for this episode (why do all the papers describing CPS compare its effectiveness to behaviorist-based approaches?) but I ended up really taking one for the team: we didn't have time for all of my questions on the research because I wanted to make sure to address the challenges with problem solving that parents in the free https://www.facebook.com/groups/2174808219425589 (Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group) described when I asked them about this topic. These challenges included: How to problem solve with very young children What to do when the same issue recurs over and over and the solutions we decide on together don't seem to help How to navigate a child not wanting to leave the park when it's time to go How to approach a child who doesn't seem to be able to or refuses to communicate their feelings For more information on Dr. Greene's work, check out his books https://amzn.to/2JCLxuE (Raising Human Beings) and https://amzn.to/36JbJN5 (The Explosive Child.)
In this guest we're joined by life coach and expert on reparenting Xavier Dagba to discuss the topic of boundaries in parenting. We don't tend to learn much about having boundaries when we're young, because our culture teaches that children shouldn't really need or have them (and those of us who are using respectful parenting approaches are working against the tide here). This then translates to us not knowing how to set boundaries as adults, and feeling 'walked all over' - without fully understanding why, or what to do about it. We also talk about the limit between boundaries and limits, an important distinction as we interact with our children. If you need more support in setting limits that your child will respect (and using far fewer of them than you might ever have thought possible - while still having your boundaries respected!), I hope you'll join my FREE Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop that runs between December 7-11. When you learn how to set limits that are grounded in your values, you'll hold them with confidence and you'll see MUCH less testing behavior from your child. We'll also introduce tools to help you find ways to engage your child's collaboration so you can really see a shift in the emotional climate of your home. https://yourparentingmojo.com/limits/ (Click here to join the FREE Setting Loving and Effective Limits workshop)   Other resources from this episode: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748 (The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.) https://www.xavierdagba.com/ (Xavier's website) https://www.instagram.com/xavier.dagba/?hl=en (Follow Xavier on Instagram)   [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.   Jen 00:59 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we're going to talk with a guest about a topic that I've been thinking about a lot lately, which is on setting limits and boundaries. We'll talk about the difference between a limit and a boundary. Because this has really profound implications for our parenting. We tend to think of limits as something that brings more control, and we want to have control. So, we want to have those in place so we can feel like we're on top of this parenting thing. But for some reason, we tend to be really sloppy in our boundaries. We have a hard time accepting that we're even worthy of setting boundaries, never mind holding them. So, we're going to talk through this today with my guest, Xavier Dagba who's a life coach who focuses specifically on these kinds of issues.   Jen 01:40 But before we get to that, I wanted to let you know about a free one week Setting Loving and Effective Limits Workshop that I'm running starting on Monday, December 7, I actually normally sell a version of this workshop for five bucks, and you have to work through the content by yourself. But this is a rare opportunity to do it not only for free, but to get my support while you're at it. In the workshop, we're going to come at this topic from a bit of a...
I often hear two related ideas about adults' screen usage around children. Sometimes the parent asking the question guiltily confesses to using screens around their children more than they would like, and to using screens as a momentary escape from the demands of parenting. Or the parent asking the question feels that they have found a sense of balance in their own screen usage, but worries about their partner who frequently ignores their child because they're so focused on a screen. In this episode we interview a luminary in the field of research related to children and screen usage: https://www.mottchildren.org/profile/4195/jenny-stillwaggon-radesky-md (Dr. Jenny Radesky), who is a Developmental Behavioral Pediatrician and Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at the University of Michigan Medical School. Her research interests include the use of mobile technology by parents and young children, and how this relates to child self-regulation and parent-child interaction, and she was the lead author of the https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/138/5/e20162591 (2016 American Academy of Pediatrics policy statement on digital media use in early childhood). We'll learn whether you should be worried about Technoference, and some judgement-free steps you can take to navigate your (or your partner's) screen usage around your child.   [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I’m Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you’d like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you’ll join us. Jen 01:00 Hello, everyone. Before we get into the topic of today's new episode, I wanted to let you know about my special Black Friday promotion that I have running now through midnight, Pacific time on Friday, November 27th. For this limited time, I'm offering access to my parenting membership for only $25 a month, and to my supporting your child's learning membership for only $35 a month. Now those of you who know me, and the show might be kind of surprised to hear me running a Black Friday promotion. After all, I get complaints about my left-leaning, anti-capitalist stance all the time. And I thought it would be doubly amusing to talk about this before an episode on technoference, which is when technology like our smartphones interferes with our relationships, because I imagine a number of you are planning technology related purchases for the holidays. Jen 01:43 But I decided to do this for two reasons. Firstly, I know these memberships can help you. I've seen so many parents transform their approach to parenting and get confident in supporting their child's love of learning through the memberships. And secondly, we're in a year when people are looking for holiday gifts that just don't involve bringing more stuff into our homes, and that also can't involve going out to museums and other places that may well be closed. And the parenting membership can really help you go from just hanging on to actually thriving in parenting. And the learning membership will help you make the best use of your time that you're already spending with your children to support their intrinsic love of learning. And third, things are completely aligned with
Sibling relationships can be SO HARD! Sometimes it might seem that we can't leave them alone for even a second before they're at each other's throats, and on top of this we see their struggles and are reminded of the struggles that we had with our own siblings so many years ago. This can cause us to overreact in the moment, even when we know it's not helping the situation. https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/siblings/ (I discussed some of the reasons behind sibling squabbles a couple of years ago in a conversation with Dr. Susan McHale of Penn State University). In today's episode we build on this knowledge by discussing some super practical tools to help parents foster positive sibling relationships. In this Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode I talk with Kira Dorrian and Deana Thayer of https://futurefocusedparenting.com/ (Future Focused Parenting), who host the https://futurefocusedparenting.com/about-the-podcast/ (Raising Adults podcast). The parents of seven children between them, including a set of twins and five in a blended family, Kira and Deana know their way around sibling squabbles. We discuss ways to stop being the person who always has to moderate every disagreement and instead equip our children with the skills they need to find solutions to their own problems.
If you’ve been a parent for a while, or maybe even if you haven’t, you probably saw an article on Holding Space making the rounds of online communities a few years ago.  In the article the author, Heather Plett, describes how she and her siblings were able to hold space for their dying mother in her final days because a palliative care nurse held space for them. The article outlined some principles of holding space, and I think it really resonated with a lot of people – possibly because so many of us wish we had been held in that way, and we find ourselves trying to hold space for others in that way without a lot of guidance or support. I kept that article in the back of my mind, and last year I took Heather’s 9-month in-depth course on holding space, and she’s just released a book called The art of holding space: A practice of love, liberation, and leadership. In this episode we discuss what it means to hold space for others as parents, and how to raise our children to be able to hold space for others. https://www.amazon.com/Art-Holding-Space-Liberation-Leadership/dp/1989603475 (The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation, and Leadership) https://centreforholdingspace.com/ (The Centre for Holding Space Website) [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.   Jen 00:59 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. If you've been a parent for a while, or maybe even if you haven't, you probably saw an article on holding space making the rounds of online communities a few years ago. In the article the author Heather Plett describes the death of her mother and how she and her siblings were able to hold space for her mother, because a palliative care nurse was holding space for them. The article outlines some principles of holding space. And I think it really resonated with a lot of people possibly because so many of us wish that we had been held in the way that in that way. And we find ourselves trying to hold space for others in that way without a lot of guidance and support.   Jen 01:38 And so, I kept that article in the back of my mind. And then last year, I took Heather's nine-month in depth course on holding space. And she's just released a book called The Art of Holding Space: A Practice of Love, Liberation and Leadership that she's here with us to discuss today. Welcome, Heather.   Heather 01:52 Thank you, Jen. It's good to be here.   Jen 01:55 And we should mention we were just chatting beforehand. Heather was mentioning her voice is a little raspy today because she's in the middle of recording the book for the audio edition. So that should hopefully be available very soon. And I also just want to mention before we get started that we may mentioned today, some topics that might be difficult for some people to listen to. These could include the topics of suicide and stillbirth. And so, we're not going to delve deeply into
This episode builds on our recent conversations with Dr. Moira Mikolajczak on https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/burnout/ (Parental Burnout) and with Dr. Susan Pollak on https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/selfcompassion/ (Self-Compassion). Today we talk with Dr. Sarah LaChance Adams, Florida Blue Distinguished Professor of Philosophy and Religious Studies and the Director of the Florida Blue Center for Ethics at the University of North Florida, on the topic of maternal ambivalence. This is the idea that we love our children dearly but we can also feel very torn between our love for them, and our role as their parents which may make us feel as though we have to constantly put our own needs on the back burner in favor of theirs. We may even feel like we lose our own sense of self and our own ability to understand and meet our needs in this process. Why do we feel maternal ambivalence? What are the different forms that this experience can take? And what should we do about it if we feel it? We discuss societal-scale issues, as well as things we can do locally and personally to navigate this tension we feel related to our children. Some key points from the interview: 5:03     Maternal ambivalence is, having extreme emotional conflict in one's feelings towards my [one’s] children. Dealing with intense love and sometimes intense hate, the needs to be very intimate and close to one's children or one's child, but also to have a sense that one needs to get distance to have strong feelings. 8:34    I'm thinking about Bell Hooks' work, and she had said, “but had Black women voiced their own views on motherhood, it would not have been named a serious obstacle to our freedom as women, racism, availability of jobs, lack of skills, or education would have been top of the list, but not motherhood.” I'm wondering, is maternal ambivalence a middle-class, white phenomenon? Or do you see it in other places as well? 11:27   If a woman lives in a culture where there's an intense romanticization of the mother-child relationship, and she feels that she can't express any kind of conflicted emotion at all. And then when you have these things piling on top of each other, then you start to see it gets more and more and more intensified. The more these things compound, the less a woman is able to reflect on these emotions, think about them, share them get relief, get that kind of distance that the feelings are telling her. 15:41   The idea that maybe, just maybe, this whole guilt thing and the whole ambivalence thing is a product of our culture, where, on one hand, women are required to be these productive citizens who contribute to the capitalist economy, and on the other hand, were supposed to give our all to our child and mother intensively. 18:35   One thing I want to really draw out here is the idea that women ourselves are very often the ones that police this. It's sort of like patriarchy, it's not just men saying, well, this is your role, and this is what you're going to do. Women are just as responsible for the socialization of this idea. 20:54   "How could you say that you don't love being a mother at every moment?" And I think I mean, you're already stating the solution, you know, we have these brave women coming forward, saying that they don't always love it. 29:18    She [Simone de Beauvoir] writes about devotion and the devotion of the mother, and how this can be a very twisted thing and how, oftentimes, mother's devotion is really something that can be very awful for herself and her child because it can be a replacement for her having anything else in her life. And it can become a sort of twisted obligation for both of them. And, you know, a sort of martyrdom...   https://www.unf.edu/bio/N01447164/ (Dr. Sarah LaChance Adams' faculty page) Dr. Adams' books:...
In this episode, Dr. Susan Pollak helps us to apply mindfulness skills to our relationships with our children so we can parent in line with our values, rather than just reacting when our children push our buttons. You'll learn: - What's the point of mindfulness, and does it matter if we bring our full attention and presence to diaper changes? - Why we're so hard on ourselves, even when we always try to be kind to others - Some concrete tools to use when you interact with your children TODAY in those moments when it seems like everything is falling apart. Dr. Pollak is a psychologist in private practice in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She is a long-time student of meditation and yoga who has been integrating the practices of meditation into psychotherapy since the 1980s. Dr. Pollack is cofounder and teacher at the Center for mindfulness and Compassion at Harvard Medical School and the Cambridge Health Alliance, and has just stepped down as President of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy, a position which she held since 2010. She also writes regularly for Psychology today on the topic of integrating mindfulness into daily life. Other episodes related to this topic: https://yourparentingmojo.com/burnout/ (Parental Burn-Out) https://yourparentingmojo.com/self/ (No Self, No Problem) https://yourparentingmojo.com/compassion/ (Helping children to develop compassion) https://yourparentingmojo.com/patriarchy/ (Patriarchy is perpetuated through parenting) https://yourparentingmojo.com/mindfulmama/ (Mindfulness tools with Mindful Mama Hunter Clarke-Fields)   Some key points from the interview: 4:08  Many of us, present company included, we're not raised to be kind to ourselves. 10:47 Mindful self-compassion acknowledges that we need to start with mindfulness. (I've been teaching this course for over a decade, and I've seen that) a lot of people just can't start with compassion because it's foreign for most of us to treat ourselves kindly. 53:59 Allow yourself to rest for a moment feeling that you have distance from the storm, some space from the turbulence to recognize that you are not the storm. (paraphrased) 59:03  It's such a common misconception about mindfulness that you have to sit still and not think about anything. And, you know, people are relieved to know that [mindfulness] is not about stopping our thoughts. It's really about finding a different relationship with our thoughts. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Jen 01:00 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. In this episode, we're going to draw threads together from across a number of recent episodes. Most obviously it picks up on our interview with Dr. Moira Mikolajczak where we discuss parental burnout. After that episode concluded Dr. Mikolajczak and I emailed a bit about tools that could potentially help parents, and the primary one that she found useful was the idea of self-compassion. And that's what we're going to discuss today. This topic also picks up on our...
Parents often reach out to me to ask how they can support their perfectionist children, who can't seem to cope with failure. I've been on the lookout for someone to talk with us for a while, but just as with our episode on https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/anxiety/ (anxiety), it took quite some searching to find an expert who doesn't take a behaviorist-based approach - meaning that if the behavior is fixed, the problem is fixed too. I was really glad to find today's guest, Dr. Paul Hewitt, who is a Professor in the Department of Psychology at the University of British Columbia. Dr. Hewitt has spent decades researching perfectionism and recently received the Donald O. Hebb award for his distinguished contributions to psychology as a science by the Canadian Psychological Association. He is currently doing research on the treatment of perfectionism, and trains clinicians in the treatments of perfectionistic behavior. In this interview, he tells us what we know about perfectionism, what we still don't know, and how to help our children who have perfectionist tendencies. [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen 00:03 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about. Subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.   Jen 01:01 Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. Today we're going to look at a topic that bubbles up fairly often in online parenting groups, and that's related to perfectionism. The typical post goes something like this, my child starts an activity but as soon as something doesn't go exactly the way they hope to maybe a crayon wasn't the color they wanted, or they extended a mark too far on the paper. Or they got an answer wrong on a quiz for school. They screw up the paper in a ball and throw it away. And when this happens on a regular basis, it just seems debilitating. How can I help my child to overcome this now while they're still young, so it doesn't have a big impact on their life?   Jen 01:39 And I was actually in the library a while ago looking for books on another topic for another podcast episode and right next to the one I was there to get was an edited volume on perfectionism. And inside was an essay by our guest today Dr. Paul Hewitt. And when I read that essay, and I delved into his body of work, I knew he was exactly the right guest to speak with us.   Jen 01:59 Dr. Hewitt works mostly with adults. But just as we learned when we covered anxiety a few months ago, it can be really difficult to find someone to interview who doesn't just focus on treating the symptoms of the problem, and instead goes beneath the symptoms to understand the real causes, which is what Dr. Hewitt's work does so effectively. Dr. Hewitt is a professor of psychology, and a registered clinical psychologist who has conducted extensive research on the construct of perfectionism, which is the idea of what perfectionism actually is, and whether it's harmful to people. He's currently doing research on the treatment of perfectionism and trains clinicians in the treatment of perfectionistic behavior. Dr. Hewitt received his BA from the University of Manitoba, his M.A.,...
I've heard from listeners that what they call "The Dark Horse Episode," the interview with Dr. Todd Rose, that this is one of their favorite conversations on the podcast, and for this reason I'm doing something I've never done before: reissuing that episode. Dr. Rose and I discussed ways to personalize children's learning to help them truly discover and live their full potential - both academically and personally (and even getting rid of that distinction entirely...). Check out what listeners who subsequently joined the Your Child's Learning Mojo membership said in our private community before the membership had even officially started:   https://yourparentingmojo.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/23.png ()   The Your Child's Learning Mojo membership is now open once again to new members, and Megan, Heidi, and Denise are already inside (with me!) waiting to welcome you. https://www.yourparentingmojo.com/learningmojo (Click here to learn more about the membership - we can't wait to meet you!) [accordion]   [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"]   Jen 00:00 We've got to both commit on the one hand to a more greater focus on individuality, and to commit to something more personal, but at the same time, hold open this idea of diversity and inclusion, and a recognition that some groups of people have been profoundly poorly treated by the system we have and commit to starting our work and our innovation in those corners and working your way in rather than inside out.   Jen 00:27 Hi, I'm Jen, and I host the Your Parenting Mojo Podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives. But it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about. Subscribe to the show at yourparentingmojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us.   Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Measure Podcast. I'm actually doing something I've never done before with today's show that I see other podcasters doing all the time. And that's to rerelease a previously released episode. It seems like there are some times when an episode that you've already released just speaks so clearly to an issue of the moment, and I really feel like that's the case here. So, today's episode came to us via a bit of a different route than they often do. A friend of mine actually heard our guests Dr. Todd Rose on the Art of Manliness Podcast and said hey, you might want to listen to this because it sounds a lot like what you're trying to do with the way your daughter Carys learns, and I listened to the episode and then I did something that I'd also never done before. Actually, the message that I heard from Dr. Rose in that podcast made him feel like such a kindred spirit in terms of how we think about learning and work that I reached out to him and asked him to talk with us before I'd even read his book. And rather than go over that ground that's already been covered elsewhere, I'd really encourage you to go to this episode's page at yourparentingmojo.com/toddrose to find a link to that episode on the Art of Manliness because there's so much there to help adults discover and follow their passions if you're feeling unfulfilled in the work that you do. And if you might need some help charging a different course.   So today we're going to look at the outcomes for what Dr. Rose calls dark...
Ever have a vague sense that your interactions with your child aren't quite aligned with your values...but aren't quite sure what to do about it?   Have you been to a protest and shouted "Black Lives Matter! Fight the Power!"...and then gone home and forced your child to brush their teeth?   Have you chastised Grandma for 'stealing' kisses from your child because it disrespects their body autonomy...and then pinned them down for a haircut?   You're not alone. We're in this weird place where we know we want to do things differently than the way we were raised. But cultural norms are still telling us: we need to be in charge. (Because if we aren't in charge, who is?)   A conversation with the hosts of Upbringing My guests today, Hannah and Kelty of the https://www.upbringing.co/ (Upbringing )podcast, see this dissonance more clearly than almost anyone I've met. In their podcast they explore how we live one way as people (who believe in freedom! respect! consent! empathy!) and another way as parents (timeouts, shame, control, consequences), and how we're unwittingly undermining the very skills and values we hope to promote.   But blaming and shaming helps nobody (not us...and certainly not our children). By instead approaching the topic with compassion and optimism, we can get out of an us vs. them relationship with our children, and take back our parenting practices from our cultural conditioning, and parent in relationship with our children in a way that's deeply aligned with our values.   Hannah and Kelty describe their https://www.upbringing.co/resistapproach (RESIST approach) (Respect, Empathy, Sync up, Innovate, Summarize, Trust) and also have a new guide to https://www.upbringing.co/shop/sibs (navigating sibling conflict) (use discount code MOJO at checkout for 15% off!) on their beautiful website. If our conversation strikes a chord, I'd definitely encourage you to check out their podcast and weekly Q&As on https://www.instagram.com/up_bringing/ (Instagram).   Finding Your Parenting Mojo is open to new members I know many parents are struggling right now. Even if you feel like you know how you want to parent, the stresses of being around your child so much can really wear on you.   Parents who had been working with me before the start of COVID lockdowns reported feeling tired and emotional about all the uncertainty we were experiencing back in February - and yet at the same time confident that they have the tools they need to not just survive, but thrive as parents when everything else seemed like it was falling apart. Member Denise said:   "I feel like we've spent the last year training for exactly this moment."   And the good news is that you don't need a year to train. I've restructured the memberships so you can now access 12 modules of content as soon as you join. You can watch the whole lot in one go if you'd like...or we'll support you through it one module at a time.   You'll learn how to find an end to the meltdowns over Zoom-School, getting dressed, and what's for dinner. In fact, if your child regularly has meltdowns about the same issue over and over again, I can pretty much assure you that you won't have to go through another one on that topic.   You'll get aligned with your parenting partner, and you'll set goals for your family that are uniquely grounded in your values. And from that foundation, you'll address what seem to be the most pressing challenges right now - screen time, raising healthy eaters, emotional regulation - knowing where you want to go, so you'll be able to work confidently with your child to solve problems together, always keeping your relationship with your child (and not their obedience) at the center. When you have the core tools, the answers to the problems...
In this episode we hear from Denise, who claims to have listened to every Your Parenting Mojo episode... Denise is a Filipina living in Madrid, and the intentional, respectful parenting style she's chosen to use is somewhat out of place in both cultures.  She wanted to chat about what to do when her daughter is having some big feelings out in public, and a well-meaning senior citizen approaches and says directly to her daughter: "You shouldn't cry, because you look ugly when you cry." We talk through the immediate issue, as well as all the layers underneath that question, on this episode.  And Denise's children make a surprise guest appearance at the end! You can find Denise on Facebook at facebook.com/DeniseSuarezConCarino     [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Jen  00:02 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast where I critically examine strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. In this series of episodes called Sharing Your Parenting Mojo, we turn the tables and hear from listeners. What have they learned from the show that's helped their parenting? Where are they still struggling? And what tools can we find in the research that will help? If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at YourParentingMojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us. Hello and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast and to today's episode of Sharing Your Parenting Mojo. And today I'm here with Denise. And Denise, do you want to say hi and tell us a bit about you and your family?   Denise  01:09 Hi, hi, Jen. I'm Denise. I'm from the Philippines. But I live in Madrid. I have two kids age two and four. And I am also a parenting coach and certified how to talk so kids will listen workshop facilitator.   Jen  01:24 Yeah, so it always feels like we're old friends at this point. And they're never met we've been working together for it's got to be almost two years by now. It was   Denise  01:32 I would say, well for you. You've known me for almost two years. I would say I've known you much longer.   Jen  01:41 Isn't that weird?   Denise  01:44 Yeah, because I started listening to your podcast, I think my daughter must have been like four months old, and she's four now.   Jen  01:57 Okay, now now this is getting really weird. There are a few listeners out there, I know of a few of them by name, who have listened to every podcast episode and I believe you're one of those, aren't you?   Denise  02:08 Yeah.   Jen  02:10 Awesome. So um, so you were curious about coming on to Sharing Your Parenting Mojo to talk about kind of, I guess, an interconnected issue around big feelings and cultural issues and, kinds of stuff related to that, right? I guess that probably comes up a lot for you, because you are raising children in a culture that is not the one that you were raised in yourself.   Denise  02:31 Yep. And all of this really started with you.   Jen  02:34 Oh, my goodness, I'm sorry.   Denise  02:38 It all started with that guide on, I didn't even remember what the name of the guide was.   Jen  02:44 Holding values in the Finding Your Parenting Major Membership. Yeah.   Denise  02:49 Yeah. It all started from there. And there were and the questions that you asked which were just like, what are the cultures that you identify with? How do you want to raise your children in line with these cultures, in what ways are you going to be working against them? For me just really made me realise like, oh, there are really...
This episode on the topic of materialism concludes our series on the intersection of parenting and money. Here we talk with Dr. Susanna Opree of Erasmus University Rotterdam, who studies the effect of advertising and commercial media on use, materialism, and well-being. We discuss how children's understanding of materialism shifts as they age, the extent to which advertising contributes to materialism, and the specific role that parents play in passing on this value. Other episodes in this series: https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/advertising/ (Reducing the Impact of Advertising to Children) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/playroom/ (How to Set up a Play Room) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/consumerism/ (The impact of consumerism on children) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/mindovermoney/ (How to pass on mental wealth to your child) https://yourparentingmojo.com/captivate-podcast/money/ (The Opposite of Spoiled)       [accordion] [accordion-item title="Click here to read the full transcript"] Dr. Opree 00:00 Basically, if you want to reduce materialism, you need to make sure that's those human connections. And those other values such as generosity, that they are amplified. And so I think what works best if Why do you see young kids to invest in their self-esteem a little bit as well also for adolescence, but I think also teaching young people to be grateful to be grateful ourselves as well for all the things that we have. And really just focus on making those connections. And the tricky thing is that sometimes possessions enable these connections. But I think if we're more focused on what's intrinsic to us, what makes us happy, outside of possessions that then basically the emphasis will shift.   Jen 00:52 Hi, I'm Jen and I host the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. We all want our children to lead fulfilling lives, but it can be so hard to keep up with the latest scientific research on child development and figure out whether and how to incorporate it into our own approach to parenting. Here at Your Parenting Mojo, I do the work for you by critically examining strategies and tools related to parenting and child development that are grounded in scientific research and principles of respectful parenting. If you'd like to be notified when new episodes are released and get a FREE Guide to 7 Parenting Myths That We Can Safely Leave Behind, seven fewer things to worry about, subscribe to the show at yourparentingmojo.com. You can also continue the conversation about the show with other listeners in the Your Parenting Mojo Facebook group. I do hope you'll join us Hello, and welcome to the Your Parenting Mojo podcast. And today's episode we're going to bring our series on the intersection of children and money to a conclusion we started out so long ago by talking with New York Times money columnist Ron Lieber about his book The Opposite of Spoiled. More recently we heard from Dr. Brad Klontz, about how we pass on money scripts to our children. And then we talked with Dr. Allison Pugh about the meaning children make out of the messages they receive about material goods. And then Dr. Esther Rozendaal on how children's brains process advertising. And in between we looked at what research there is on how to set up a playroom, which has of course many links with the items that we buy and use. And so finally, we're here today with Dr. Suzanna Opree to bring the discussion up to a level that kind of draws all this together as we try and understand what materialism is, and how we pass it on to our children and what we can do if we don't want our children to be very materialistic. Dr. Opree is Senior Assistant Professor of quantitative methods in the department of Media and Communication at Erasmus University Rotterdam. Her research focuses on the effect of advertising and commercial media on use, materialism, and...
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Comments (5)

Jenn James

How do I receive the free parenting workbook mentioned in a comment above? My email is jjwilson030@gmail.com Thank you!

Jan 24th
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Daniel Taylor

question; Why do parents think that remarriage is a good or positive experience for children? Also, it seems to me that it might be a good idea for adults to prioritize their children's experience, in family or development, instead of making their own desires paramount.

Dec 3rd
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tricia hoover

Hi my name is Tricia and I would love the free workbook! My email is tricia4097@gmail.com Thank you!

Apr 23rd
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Lee Millar

I enjoy this research based approach. I don't always agree with the presenter's opinion but she backs up her ideas with specific research and also summarizes opposing research as well. a very informative and lively discussion!

Feb 28th
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