Discover insights on why no one will play with your child and explore effective strategies for building social skills in children

Does your child have big emotional blow-ups in social situations?

Are they a wallflower who doesn't know how to make friends?

Do they struggle to understand when it's appropriate to interrupt, tell the truth, and follow the rules vs. let things go.

I've been interested in neurodivergence for a while - I'm hoping to do an episode soon on parenting with ADHD, and in the course of research for that a parent in the Parenting Membership recommended the book Why Will No-One Play With Me.

The book is designed to help parents teach their children social skills - and I do think it has some useful ideas in it, but there are some pretty big caveats.

This episode takes a look at the broader set of research on teaching children social skills to ask whether we CAN do it and if we can, whether we SHOULD do it and if we should, what kinds of tools should we use? The popular Social Stories method? Role plays? Peer coaching?

This episode answers questions like:

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• What types of teaching are likely to be beneficial?
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• How can we teach social skills to Autistic children and children with ADHD, as well as neurotypical children?
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• What are the potential later-life impacts of lagging social skills (and do what we miss when we look at it from this perspective)?
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• At what age range is teaching social skills is most likely to succeed?
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• How can we know whether we should teach a child social skills?
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Other episodes mentioned

175: I’ll be me; can you be you?075: Should we Go Ahead and Heap Rewards On Our Kid?061: Can Growth Mindset live up to the hype?Jump to Highlights

00:52 Introducing the topic for this episode

02:59 Social skills programs show small, temporary effects and are more effective when led by experts, with mixed results for neurodivergent children.

09:38 Programs to teach social skills often try to change how neurodivergent kids act and they don't always work well.

24:01 Dr. Carol Gray's Social Stories ™ help children, especially those with autism, understand social situations without directly aiming to change their behavior.

28:59 Terra Vance's adaptations of Social Stories ™  highlight how they sometimes fail to address children's real experiences and emotions.

33:28 Research on parent-led interventions for children with ADHD and autism vary in effectiveness.

43:24 The book "Why Will No One Play With Me" doesn't provide specific references to support its ideas, making it unclear if they're based on research or opinion.

46:30 Teaching social skills includes managing emotions, understanding social norms, and practicing simulations for better responses.

50:49 The "Play Better Bridge to Betterment" model in Why Will No One Play With Me categorizes children's readiness for change into stages: pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. It emphasizes that children may need support to recognize and modify behaviors.

53:10 Caroline Maguire's approach in "Why Will No One Play With Me" mirrors problem-solving methods, yet it prioritizes a reward system over understanding children's underlying needs.

55:02 Maguire's method in "Why Will No One Play With Me" uses rewards to shape children's behavior, raising concerns about parental control and consent in interactions with their children.

56:46 Maguire's book concludes with exercises aimed at understanding social interactions and unspoken rules, but it raises concerns about imposing norms without considering individual needs and communication styles.

01:02:41 Maguire's book discusses challenges with school communication norms favoring concise storytelling, which often align with White communication styles.

01:06:11 Social skills training often overlooks children's consent and preferences, focusing instead on adult-determined goals, which may affect trust and authenticity in social interactions.

References

Autistically Alex (2019, April 1). Autism Speaks… Blog post. Author. Retrieved from: https://autisticallyalex.com/2019/04/01/autisticorganizations/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR10yNr3UglHOUWRGWJMfp_uMpyxpfAtXMw99wSyTgMg8BvBmFSoaPko7iE_aem_AU39ONZlb1_LzKuEMMXqgiicT3Vb-tICXVSQowCO3RsQvHAmymztsPxNO0P7mN8voYq6oFbq5Ji0aN19xc6ddW0Z

Beelmann, A., & Losel, F. (2021). A comprehensive meta-analysis of randomized evaluations of the effect of child social skills training on antisocial development. Journal of Developmental and Life-Course Criminology (7), 41-65.

Capodeci, A., Rivetti, T., & Cornoldi, C. (2019). A cooperative learning classroom intervention for increasing peer’s acceptance of children with ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders 23(3), 282-292.

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Dekker, V., Nauta, M. H., Timmerman, M. E., Mulder, E. J., van der Veen-Mulders, L., van den Hoofdakker, B. J., ... & de Bildt, A. (2019). Social skills group training in children with autism spectrum disorder: a randomized controlled trial. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry 28, 415-424.

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Find Yaser (2016, April 20). I am Autism commercial by Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=9UgLnWJFGHQ

Haack, L.M., Villodas, M., McBurnett, K., Hinshaw, S., & Pfiffner, L.J. (2017). Parenting as a mechanism of change in psychosocial treatment for youth with ADHD, predominantly Inattentive presentation. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 45(5), 841-855.

Kasari, C., Rotehram-Fuller, E. Locke, J., & Gulsrud, A. (2011). Making the connection: Randomized controlled trial of social skills at school for children with autism spectrum disorders. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 53(4), 431-439.

Locke, J., Rotheram-Fuller, E., & Kasari, C. (2012). Exploring the social impact of being a typical peer model for included children with autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders 42, 1985-1905.

Mathews, T.L., Erkfritz-Gay, K., Knight, J., Lancaster, B.M., & Kupzyk, K.A. (2013). The effects of social skills training on children with Autism Spectrum Disorders and Disruptive Behavior Disorders. Children’s Health Care 42: 311-332.

Meadan, H., Ostrosky, M.M., Zaghlawan, H.Y., & Yu, SY. (2009). Promoting the social and communicative behavior of young children with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Topics in Early Childhood Speical Education 29(2), 90-104.

Milne, C.M., Leaf, J.B., Cihon, J.H., Ferguson, J.L., McEachin, J., & Leaf, R. (2020). What is the proof now? An updated methodological review of research on social stories. Education and Training in Autism and Developmental Disabilities 55(3), 264-276.

Morris, S., Sheen, J., Ling, M., Foley, D., & Sciberras, E. (2021). Interventions for adolescents with ADHD to improve peer social functioning: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of Attention Disorders 25(10), 1479-1496.

National Center for Education Statistics (2020). Race and ethnicity of public school teachers and their students. Author. Retrieved from: https://nces.ed.gov/pubs2020/2020103/index.asp

Newby, R.F., Discher, M., & Roman, M.A. (1991). Parent training for families of children with ADHD. School Psychology Review 20(2), 252-265.

Nordby, E.S., Guribye, F., Nordgreen, T., & Lundervold, A.J. (2023). Silver linings of ADHD: A thematic analysis of adults’ positive experiences with living with ADHD. BMN Open 13(10): e072052.

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