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What drives some kids to push themselves relentlessly while others seem to lack motivation altogether? 

In this episode, Andi explores what’s underneath both ends of the spectrum—overachieving and underachieving—and what parents might be missing. 

Whether your child is racing ahead with academic goals or struggling to get started, this episode will help you understand the hidden executive functioning struggles that shape their behavior and what to do about it.

Key Takeaways

• Overachievement can mask underlying executive functioning struggles, especially in social, emotional, or sleep areas.
• Underachievement isn’t laziness—it often stems from overwhelm, fear of failure, or difficulties with initiation and planning.
• Asking curious, compassionate questions helps kids reflect and create flexibility in their goals and timelines.
• The “gap vs. gain” mindset shift (from Dan Sullivan and Benjamin Hardy’s book) helps both parents and kids celebrate progress instead of chasing perfection.
• Progress looks different for every child—sometimes the slowest pace is the most meaningful.

Episode Highlights & Timestamps

[00:00 ] – Introduction: Why kids may be overly driven or totally disengaged

[01:40 ] – A real-life story: A teen pushing for an associate’s degree before high school graduation

[03:00 ] – The missed question: Have we stopped to celebrate progress?

[04:00 ] – How executive functioning struggles can hide behind academic success

[05:30 ] – Challenges like inhibition, switching tasks, and sleep issues in high achievers

[06:00 ] – The opposite end: Kids with no drive and what’s behind the shutdown

[07:00 ] – A deeper dive into executive functioning (initiation, flexibility, planning, etc.)

[08:30 ] – Explaining the Gap and the Gain framework to kids

[10:00 ] – Guiding kids through flexible thinking with curious questions

[12:00 ] – Using short-term scenarios (like Lego or ice cream) to build long-term skills

[13:00 ] – Helping high achievers reflect, rest, and regulate

[14:30 ] – Using tools like health trackers (Whoop, Oura) to validate rest

[15:45 ] – Supporting disengaged kids through tiny wins and drive-by praise

[17:30 ] – Honoring their pace and effort over outcome

[18:45 ] – Questions for parents: Where is your child thriving on the surface but struggling underneath?

[20:00 ] – Modeling balance and rest as a parent

[21:15 ] – Final thoughts: Both drive and disinterest can hide deeper needs

Resources Mentioned

The Gap and the Gain by Dan Sullivan & Dr. Benjamin Hardy

Executive Functioning Podcast Series

• Ep. 85 Perception: Emotional Regulation 101: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2TNuHQyoCA9VhiSOWWqRSG?si=PWEUzBd9STKiJ1pKDBiCJg 
• Ep. 86 Attention: Struggles Aren’t Always ADHD: https://open.spotify.com/episode/16DRPoFWy78XlLvmCDF0kW?si=lTaIMc3lQPCuHVHuttTU0Q
• Ep.88 What is Working Memory? Part 1: Verbal Working Memory: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Vavf1BBwLwORkai5ZIwcX?si=0Z-n6cRkSEquqJ2b6tYPOg
• Ep. 89 What is Working Memory? Part 2: Non Verbal Working Memory: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4Ygbn1LqDNrvL9MPDydkDp?si=KwdSPvC-QdeIXKWt-WMQ9A
• Ep. 90 Inhibition: Helping your child navigate impulsivity: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3eZWomMOv5V7emtZrClYlU?si=6Vlvgod5QFiqhhpwMBXm4Q
• Ep. 93 Initiation: Why Getting Started Is Hard For Some Kids And How To Help: https://open.spotify.com/episode/695CBuXzpx0juVy08VKmDO?si=85Ql0vAJRPqlai-68_CRZw
• Ep.94 Cognitive Flexibility: Why Perfectionism and Inflexible Thinking Go Hand in Hand: https://open.spotify.com/episode/3adl8y66voFQL5lrvKLFFn?si=cqnK67s_RdSMI_6qVJ-ubg
• 110 Understanding Your Child’s Stress Animal Is the Key to Calmer Days: https://open.spotify.com/episode/0vlnDR2iEqZ8K57YxJ5xU7?si=r6Mrqn5DQru28qLF9EW7Cg