Breaking Down Internalized Ableism 

Summary

In this conversation, Patricia explores the concept of internalized ableism, particularly among neurodivergent individuals. She discusses how societal stigma and expectations can lead to negative self-perceptions and feelings of inadequacy. Patricia shares personal experiences and insights on how internalized ableism manifests in various aspects of life, including relationships, self-acceptance, and the pressure to conform to neurotypical standards. She emphasizes the importance of unlearning these hurtful beliefs and embracing one's neurodivergent identity with compassion and understanding.

 

HIGHLIGHTS

 

·       Internalized ableism is the unconscious adoption of negative beliefs about oneself due to societal stigma.

·       Neurodivergent individuals often feel pressure to conform to neurotypical standards, which can lead to trauma.

·       Resting is a valid need and should not be seen as a failure.

·       Asking for accommodations is essential for well-being and should not induce guilt.

·       The concept of 'high functioning' can be harmful and does not reflect true capabilities.

·       Time agnosia is a common experience for neurodivergent individuals.

·       Self-compassion is crucial in overcoming internalized ableism.

·       Relationships can be affected by the fear of being a burden.

·       Unlearning internalized ableism involves recognizing and challenging societal expectations.

·       Embracing neurodivergence includes acknowledging strengths and practicing self-acceptance.

115 SPECIFIC POINTS DISCUSSED

1.     How internalized ableism shows up in everyday life

o   Masking, pushing through burnout, or feeling "lazy" when you're resting.

2.     Messages we absorbed growing up

o   From school, parents, peers, or media about being "too much," "distracted," "weird," or "wrong."

3.     Perfectionism and people-pleasing as survival

o   How needing to be "better" or "easy to manage" is often rooted in internalized shame.

4.     The trap of "not disabled enough" or "faking it"

o   How we invalidate our own struggles because we don't "look" stereotypically disabled.

5.     ADHD, autism, OCD & "high-functioning" narratives

o   The myth of being "high functioning" and how it reinforces ableist expectations.

6.     Feeling guilt for needing accommodations or rest

o   That voice that says "you're being difficult" when you ask for what you actually need.

7.     Shame around executive dysfunction

o   Struggling to start tasks, follow through, or manage time — and blaming yourself.

8.     Rejecting your own needs to fit in

o   Forcing eye contact, avoiding stimming, hiding rituals, not using noise-canceling headphones in public, etc.

9.     The pressure to be "independent" all the time

o   How internalized capitalism + ableism equates needing support with being a failure.

10.  Comparing yourself to neurotypical peers

·       Especially in productivity, relationships, or emotional regulation.

11.  "If I can do it sometimes, I should always be able to" myth

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