#2764 Southern Charm S10 E14 Live in Minneapolis: Barber of Say-villain
#2764 Southern Charm S10 E14 Live in Minneapolis: Barber of Say-villainUpdate: 2025-03-16
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We’re in Minneapolis for this week’s Southern Charm! JT is accused of more dastardly deeds, Sally gets a boob redo, and Paige shows up to mock Craig. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.
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00:00:00
One of the reasons we love watching Bravo shows is for the luxury, I mean, come on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, most of the time I can just watch it for the shots of the gorgeous city and the houses.
00:00:12
And let's not forget Lisa Barlow's $60,000 ring that she lost.
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00:02:51
Many apples.
00:03:17
Oh my god, you guys.
00:03:21
We're so excited to be here.
00:03:24
Hi.
00:03:27
So good to see you guys.
00:03:29
I lost my nipples flying in here.
00:03:31
I lost my nipples and my nuts.
00:03:34
My nuts are in my throat.
00:03:36
My nipples are on the street somewhere.
00:03:37
How do you live like this?
00:03:39
It's cold.
00:03:41
It's cold, but we love coming to Minneapolis.
00:03:44
Minnesota.
00:03:46
We love coming here.
00:03:48
You guys have such a good art scene here and everyone is so nice.
00:03:52
Nice to the degree that I get pissed off when they're not overly nice.
00:03:58
We were checking in and the guys like, "Oh, your honor is what's your honors number?"
00:04:02
So I gave him my member number and he's like, "You have three different accounts," and I was like, "Oh, that sucks."
00:04:08
And he's like, "Well, you can combine them," and I was like, "Great, do that."
00:04:13
And he's like, "Here's your numbers.
00:04:14
Calls customer service."
00:04:16
And I was like, "What has happened to this town?"
00:04:23
I don't know.
00:04:24
When I checked in, they just gave me a complimentary tater tot hot dish, so I don't know what happened to you.
00:04:31
That's how it goes.
00:04:32
It was delicious.
00:04:33
It's karma.
00:04:33
You're a good person.
00:04:34
You get tater tots.
00:04:35
You're a bad person.
00:04:36
Your nipples fall off.
00:04:37
You're nuts are in your throat.
00:04:38
No one will fucking do your honors for you.
00:04:40
Now, I have to say, Minnesota has given us many, many wonderful things, like hot dishes, prints, Luke, Janelle from Big Brother.
00:04:53
But I have to say, thank you- But I have to say, thank you, Minnesota, for giving us Carolyn.
00:05:02
Thank you.
00:05:04
Oh, Carol!
00:05:07
That's so crazy to me!
00:05:12
That's crazy.
00:05:16
I wonder if Bob the Drake Queen is from here also.
00:05:24
You know, people look at you when you're a little different.
00:05:29
You've got boobs up your face.
00:05:31
It's really hard.
00:05:34
I could never be a traitor.
00:05:38
It's not like me.
00:05:40
I was born with you.
00:05:43
You love her even when she is a traitor.
00:05:45
She's like, "How could they betray me?"
00:05:47
You're a traitor.
00:05:49
You're crying about.
00:05:50
Now, you know, the traitors is done for the season, which is very sad.
00:05:55
You know, one thing that's really fun about watching the traitors is that you get to watch people actively lying every single week on your TV.
00:06:04
And I was like, "What's going to fill that void?"
00:06:06
Well, ladies and gentlemen, Jack Taylor has a new podcast.
00:06:12
This fucking guy.
00:06:15
I was kind of hoping he'd keep the old one with Brittany, because I mean, I never listened to that, but when they put clips on the tiki-talkie, I always crack up because it's like, "Jack, you're a piece of shit!" I'm changing,
00:06:27
you know?
00:06:28
I'm changing.
00:06:31
Sorry, not texting.
00:06:33
I'm just looking for Jacks.
00:06:34
Okay, so this podcast is called "In the Mind of a Man."
00:06:39
You know, it's about time someone stops and asks men what's going on in their lives.
00:06:47
Unless the entire thing is this...
00:06:52
Then I don't want to fucking hear it.
00:06:54
What do you want to bet his first guest are the Tate Brothers?
00:06:59
I think they're both with James Kennedy.
00:07:03
Yeah, James Kennedy took a picture with the Tate Brothers, and then everyone's like, "James Kennedy, Jesus Christ, you're already in trouble for abusing your girlfriend, and now you're hanging out with the sex traffickers, you know?"
00:07:13
And he's like, "I didn't mean to."
00:07:16
"I didn't mean to."
00:07:17
"I just thought they were someone famous.
00:07:19
I don't know.
00:07:19
I saw them on a picture one time."
00:07:20
And then the next day the Tate Brothers posted, "That fucker begged us for hours for a picture."
00:07:26
He followed our plugs around that whole club.
00:07:29
There's probably someone very confused in the audience that's like, "The Tate Brothers, did they invent the Tate or Tate had this?"
00:07:37
In the Mind of a Man live, 2025, with Jack's Taylor, what do you think he's talking about?
00:07:46
Let's see, cocaine, yes.
00:07:50
Oh, he doesn't do that anymore.
00:07:52
Oh, and I can tell you right now, I'm not ready for this new season of, "Oh my God, Jack's hasn't done cocaine in a week.
00:07:57
We all have to be nice to him."
00:07:58
Fuck you.
00:08:00
I haven't done cocaine in five years, mine didn't get shit.
00:08:03
Another will you?
00:08:05
By the way, I feel like the first episode is going to be called "Work in Progress."
00:08:13
Guys, I'm just a work in progress.
00:08:15
You know, I make mistakes.
00:08:16
It's just what a guy is.
00:08:16
It's so hard, you know, the wind.
00:08:18
They want so much for me.
00:08:20
I'm just a guy, guys.
00:08:22
Just a guy.
00:08:23
And you know how on Fox News, they have that sound effect.
00:08:25
I know because my parents watch it, don't judge me.
00:08:28
They have that sound effect between stories, they go, "Whew!" And it's literally just like Megan Kelly in the back going, "Whew!" It's going to be like that on Jack's podcast.
00:08:40
And next, in the Mind of a Man.
00:08:43
But wait, there's more, because if that's not enough compulsive lying for you, great news.
00:08:52
Because also joining the podcast world this week, "Friend from Roni."
00:08:59
We're a new podcast called "Please see below."
00:09:07
Please see below, as if the world needs another fucking podcast.
00:09:15
It's about relationships and love and everything in between.
00:09:20
I'm a captain of industry.
00:09:27
So her poster is her sitting cross-legged and black tights and a white turtleneck going like this.
00:09:35
And then her podcast page is just filled with different weird pictures of her.
00:09:39
And one of them is literally this.
00:09:42
That's the name of the first episode.
00:09:52
That's just a crooking door opening.
00:09:57
Can't wait.
00:09:59
Can't wait.
00:10:00
So excited.
00:10:01
All right.
00:10:01
Well, today we're here to talk about...
00:10:05
Hopper.
00:10:06
Hopper, be nice to your brother.
00:10:11
Does anyone have a luresa pain?
00:10:14
Honey, scratch my arm.
00:10:17
You need your family.
00:10:20
That feels good.
00:10:21
Do you guys watch White Lotus?
00:10:24
Hopper, no.
00:10:29
Well, we're going to talk about some very decent people today, also from the south.
00:10:39
Southern charm.
00:10:42
Previously on Southern charm.
00:10:54
Osman Craig, we're still mad at Shit for getting kicked out of Bravo Comfort being a drunk idiot.
00:11:00
I can't be around that behavior.
00:11:03
I'm a leader of industry now.
00:11:06
Pillow industry.
00:11:09
Oh, come on, guys.
00:11:11
I'm different now.
00:11:13
I found out I can't be an alcoholic because I spent three days out of town doing ayahuasca.
00:11:21
And I found love with someone half my age.
00:11:24
I'm just a god little boy, girls!
00:11:28
Well, the Lord almost hit us a favor and killed off JT in a four-wheeler accident, but the little beta ended up living with the limp.
00:11:37
Miss Patricia, I've given all my friends a cane and I'd like you to have one also.
00:11:45
Why would I need another cane?
00:11:49
I've already got one with batteries in it to shock Randy.
00:11:55
Watch.
00:11:57
After pissing off Miss Patricia, JT pissed off the guys and one very born for corn girl when he talked trash at an indoor golf business for douchebags.
00:12:12
Miss Pat didn't like the cane and Madison's husband called me to make sure there was no hanky panky going on on our friend's trip.
00:12:21
Madison.
00:12:24
JT called Patricia, bitch, and said you were trying to have an affair with him.
00:12:31
JT, you're like a fairyt with hairplugs and the limp.
00:12:36
And what world would I have an affair with you?
00:12:40
I'd never say it there.
00:12:43
You said Miss Patricia was hooking on King Street, Madison was pregnant with Randy's baby.
00:12:49
You're a liar, Craig.
00:12:52
A liar.
00:12:53
I'm a lawyer.
00:12:56
I'm a lawyer and a storyteller.
00:13:03
And Chip pretended to find love with a young beauty queen that wasn't into him so we could try to make America think that he had a soul that felt something besides cirrhosis.
00:13:11
Unfortunately, every time she saw him, she looked like she smelled a fart.
00:13:18
I'm going to send a textual message, bloop.
00:13:23
Morning, Sienna.
00:13:26
I love seeing you and no one else.
00:13:27
But I'm not going to convince someone they love me for three days, especially when I know deep down they do.
00:13:35
I have Venetian blinds.
00:13:38
I'm here to for it, wherefore therefore shall you.
00:13:43
Ever since I saw the choppers land and Ken Dunn's pivotal documentary The Vietnam War, I knew my heart could land in your life just as easily.
00:13:55
My wooden teeth soften every time you walk into a room.
00:14:00
And I know you love me too because I can see it on your tiny fruckled little lips.
00:14:08
I hope you understand my feelings and exalt them.
00:14:13
And those around us can say they could say whatever they want.
00:14:17
They can take away my ayahuasca, but they can never take away my freedom.
00:14:24
I know that together forever we will have live, laugh, laugh.
00:14:34
Love, chef.
00:14:37
Okay, my TED talk is over.
00:14:42
I got the youth vote with that one.
00:14:48
Oh my gosh, it's a text from Sienna.
00:14:52
Did someone fart?
00:14:55
But I got to a Megalodon tube.
00:15:00
Oh, chef.
00:15:04
Amazing Megalodon teeth in the audience, everyone.
00:15:09
Okay, everyone.
00:15:12
Thank you, thank you for the Megalodon teeth.
00:15:15
All right.
00:15:18
Oh, beautiful.
00:15:24
We have many shark teeth.
00:15:27
That's huge.
00:15:31
Thank you, Roe H.
00:15:34
Darcy and Roe H.
00:15:34
I couldn't hear you very well, sorry.
00:15:36
Thank you.
00:15:39
I got my own Megalodon tube.
00:15:42
Well, chef wasn't the only one pretending to have a love interest.
00:15:45
Vanita got so desperate after pretending to drown in a two-foot deep pool that she'd fake the relationship with a two-foot tall man.
00:15:54
Hey, hey, I am sick of this group always leaning into slander and rumors.
00:16:02
By the way, Taylor, your boyfriend made out with about five different girls in this room.
00:16:06
Just so you know.
00:16:08
Oh yeah, and also new female victims were brought onto the show so we could all watch trash men ruin their lives.
00:16:16
Hi, I'm Molly.
00:16:19
Molly comes with her own music.
00:16:23
Oh, I didn't say it was good music.
00:16:29
Lying up, girl.
00:16:32
Also there's Sally who gives blow jobs and steakhouse parking lots.
00:16:36
I'm also a robot engineer who hates rim plans.
00:16:42
And in other news, Whitney's still a misogynistical purve.
00:16:46
A couple of the most boring gay guys ever born were brought to the show to do nothing.
00:16:52
Hey, I'm still the alpha up in this bitch.
00:17:00
And see.
00:17:07
I don't even care if Madison stays on this show as long as she continually does the voiceover.
00:17:12
That's all I really need from this show.
00:17:14
You may think nothing happens on this show until you watch that.
00:17:17
Previously, this person was stupid, that person's disgusting, everybody but me smells like pickles.
00:17:25
By the way, we have to give a shout out before we start this recap.
00:17:28
We have some super premium sponsors here.
00:17:31
We have Jamie.
00:17:33
She has no last name.
00:17:37
Yes, girl.
00:17:39
And don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
00:17:45
We love you guys.
00:17:47
All right, let's get going.
00:17:49
So we start off with everybody unpacking after that tumultuous trip to the Bahamas.
00:17:55
Pepper, no.
00:17:59
It's literally always said to each other all day.
00:18:01
Yeah, that's been finally got caught up on white lettuce and we just gone.
00:18:05
Pepper, no.
00:18:07
I should brother make a protein shake.
00:18:11
So Austin is unpacking and he has a spot on his green sweater and he's like, "Jesus, who's clean right now?"
00:18:21
And then he smells it.
00:18:23
Imagine how everybody who's ever talked to Austin feels.
00:18:29
Yeah, if that stain appears after a night in Austin's room, you're not sniffing it.
00:18:35
Molly's unpacking with her dog Zoe, she's like, "Hey, Zoe, I feel so obese today.
00:18:41
So hard being a model who likes cookies on my ride."
00:18:49
And then we see Taylor.
00:18:51
Taylor's like carrying out quietly in her.
00:18:53
She's like, "Well, I cannot believe they were so rough with my luggage."
00:18:57
It's luggage!
00:18:59
It's supposed to be thrown around.
00:19:01
You dated Shep.
00:19:05
You stood up for that luggage more than I've ever heard you stand up for yourself.
00:19:09
Well, she literally loves a man with a baggage.
00:19:13
So Rodrigo finds a $500 poker chip in his luggage, which I genuinely felt bad about.
00:19:19
I was like, "I don't know for like one moment."
00:19:21
I was like, "Guys, we have to stop this show.
00:19:23
We have to figure out what to do with this chip."
00:19:27
There's such the gay couple on this show that I was like, "Honey, I found a $500 chip."
00:19:31
And his husband's with a bottle of wine.
00:19:33
[laughter]
00:19:35
It's like, "What the husband on it?
00:19:37
At least he tries to act alive."
00:19:39
I know.
00:19:40
Where Rodrigo's like, "You've got one of those lobotomy machines right here."
00:19:43
It's just like, "Guys, did anybody hear from JT?"
00:19:47
[laughter]
00:19:50
And then finally, we land over at Casa Craig.
00:19:55
Where is he in page?
00:19:57
Oh, I love the turn on Craig.
00:19:59
I just love it.
00:20:01
God, it's been like two years of every time you say Craig's name, everyone's like, "Oh!
00:20:05
He makes pillows.
00:20:07
He's in love with Paige."
00:20:09
We all bought it.
00:20:11
We all fucking bought it.
00:20:13
We should know better right now.
00:20:15
How many of us in here date men for Christ's sake?
00:20:17
There's a whole army of us in here.
00:20:19
You'd think at least one of us would turn to each other and go, "Let's just stop this."
00:20:23
But also, I know why there was a groan, too, because we all know what's coming in this scene.
00:20:29
It's the feet in the sink.
00:20:31
[laughter]
00:20:33
It's the feet in the sink.
00:20:35
So Craig and Paige, they get about of bed.
00:20:37
At 1.30 p.m.
00:20:39
The page influence.
00:20:41
They go down to the kitchen to make breakfast.
00:20:45
The first order of business is that Craig can't start his stove up.
00:20:50
And he blames that on his housekeeper.
00:20:52
He's like, "Oh, it's not starting because I think the housekeepers are in here."
00:20:56
And they were like messing with the burners.
00:21:00
[laughter]
00:21:01
Craig, we've seen you try to use a blender.
00:21:03
You know what I mean?
00:21:04
You stabbed a wall.
00:21:06
You know the housekeeper is at home just like, "Moddy Kong, mother fucker."
00:21:11
The things that housekeeper has to clean up and then you're still going to call her out on TV.
00:21:16
She only knives out of the fucking wall, walking around with Puddy to make the holes over every day.
00:21:22
And then he's going to pretend like he actually uses the stove top.
00:21:24
When there is a two full on books on the back splash.
00:21:28
The Snoop Dogg cookbook and then like the sewing down south catalog.
00:21:32
Those do not belong on the back splash.
00:21:35
That's where they look like grease or fall into a flame and start a house fire.
00:21:39
Some people like to do that.
00:21:40
My mom just put a piece of art she got at the thrift store.
00:21:43
It's very colorful.
00:21:44
She's like, "I'm putting art on my back splash now."
00:21:46
And I was like, "Oh, that's nice.
00:21:47
Thinking like she would hang it up."
00:21:49
I got it over there.
00:21:50
It's leaning on the fucking stove.
00:21:51
[laughter]
00:21:53
I was going to warn her, but then I was like, "You have a will, right?"
00:21:56
[laughter]
00:21:58
Would you make me some eggs?
00:22:00
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So he makes this dry ass eggs and then he sits.
00:24:25
They were dry.
00:24:26
You know they're dry.
00:24:28
They were dry.
00:24:29
I couldn't believe that Paige even said that.
00:24:31
She's like, make me backfist.
00:24:34
Do you have a death wish?
00:24:35
Why would you do that to yourself?
00:24:36
But she does love comedy, I think that's why.
00:24:39
So first of all, signs everywhere that they were going to break up.
00:24:42
First, as many people noticed, they each had their own jug of orange juice.
00:24:47
That's a bad sign.
00:24:49
Is it?
00:24:50
They're this long into a relationship and they can't share an orange juice together.
00:24:54
They can't bring their orange juice together.
00:24:56
I like those couples who have separate rooms.
00:24:58
I don't want like a separate room, a separate kitchen, a separate bathroom.
00:25:02
I'll just see you down the hall every once in a while.
00:25:04
Get a blowjob and go back to bed.
00:25:06
Get out of my room.
00:25:07
Don't put your fucking lips on my OJ.
00:25:10
They were on my dick.
00:25:12
But truly, like when Craig sat on that countertop, it was bad enough he was sitting on his countertop because people don't sit where you're preparing your food.
00:25:25
But then he swung around and put his foot in the sink.
00:25:29
And not just in this sink, he had like his big toe out of it.
00:25:33
And the rest of the toe is inside it.
00:25:36
And I was like, I couldn't tell what was grosser.
00:25:38
The fact that he was putting his foot juice on the dishes or putting the dish juice on his feet and on throughout the house.
00:25:45
And you just see Paige.
00:25:47
Paige is retreated as far away as possible in the kitchen.
00:25:50
She's just sitting behind like some desk and she just looked at him like, I can't do this anymore.
00:25:55
I know, like run.
00:25:56
If I wasn't so lazy, I would run right now.
00:25:59
You clearly don't have friends with babies because the kitchen sink is basically baby asshole.
00:26:04
And everybody knows it.
00:26:05
It's like the baby bathing thing.
00:26:07
Everyone's like, oh, it's my baby!
00:26:09
Put in the sink.
00:26:10
They're watching it while they're making your salad.
00:26:12
I'm like, next time we're going to a restaurant.
00:26:14
Also, you can tell that this couple has nothing going on or that Paige really hates him because they have nothing to shoot.
00:26:20
So we see them wake up.
00:26:21
They go downstairs.
00:26:22
And she's like, make eggs.
00:26:23
And the next thing you know, he's serving the eggs.
00:26:25
I wanted to see that whole 10 minute scene of Paige just being like...
00:26:29
She was absolutely disgusted this entire time.
00:26:34
As we all were.
00:26:35
As we all were.
00:26:36
So she's like, okay, well, I guess I'll ask what happened on the trip.
00:26:39
He's like, oh, where it is start.
00:26:42
I mean, there's me in Austin.
00:26:44
We had like a breakthrough because like I was trying to figure out what the issue was.
00:26:49
And so it turns out like...
00:26:51
Yeah, surely.
00:26:52
It's not that I like tried to steal our business that we've both built up for $5.
00:26:56
Certainly is nothing like that.
00:26:58
He's like, yeah.
00:27:00
He accused me of getting sober to keep up an image.
00:27:03
I was like, I don't think that Austin actually accused...
00:27:05
I am so mad that I have had to take Austin's side so many times this season.
00:27:09
It's weird.
00:27:10
It's a weird feeling.
00:27:11
It's unfortunate.
00:27:12
Yeah.
00:27:14
I don't think he said, you know, he didn't say like you're curating an image.
00:27:18
Yeah, he did say that.
00:27:19
No, he's...
00:27:20
Austin said, you're trying to act like you're this Martha Stewart person.
00:27:24
But he didn't say you got sober because of that.
00:27:26
He just said, you're trying to...
00:27:27
No, it's ever accused Craig of being sober.
00:27:29
Yeah.
00:27:30
Even Craig.
00:27:31
Craig's like, guys, I'm an alcoholic.
00:27:36
Yeah, Craig's leaving out the part that this conversation about him being sober and an addict happened while he was fully drunk on a beach.
00:27:43
Holding an entire bottle of fucking champagne for himself.
00:27:48
And we see a flashback of Austin being like, go, Craig, this is the same right now!
00:27:53
Craig!
00:27:54
Craig!
00:27:55
I feel like you have this careful curated image and now like you have to pretend like you're that.
00:28:02
But I'm rich.
00:28:05
Just Craig's explanation for everything.
00:28:08
Wait, it worked because then the next day Austin was like, hey, do you want a soda water?
00:28:13
So we're best friends again.
00:28:17
So yeah, I was finally like, no, I'm getting sober kind of because I'm an addict.
00:28:21
Do you want a bloody married to talk this over?
00:28:26
So Paige is like, yeah, it's just so fucking weird.
00:28:28
Like if one of my friends was saying, like, I'm trying not to drink for a couple of months, I'd be like, clearly you're not dating Craig.
00:28:37
You're fried when I said addict.
00:28:44
He's really trying to have a moment right now.
00:28:47
He's like, hoping that I am.
00:28:48
So your call's a mop and it's like, tell me about being an addict.
00:28:52
I'm sorry, he's trying to pull a car all.
00:28:54
Even with his like, soft, I'm not taking it.
00:28:57
I'm sorry, I'm taking it.
00:28:59
You just, you feel, you feel paper thin and like, you feel powerful but like cold.
00:29:05
But like a piece of paper.
00:29:08
I've worked a long time to get paper thin and cold Craig.
00:29:14
Listen, you're a kind of lawyer, not a kind of judge.
00:29:17
Do not judge me, you motherfucker.
00:29:19
And he's like, yeah, like, I just really, like, I'd only talk to you and like my parents and I never said it to anyone, you know.
00:29:27
I come from a family of alcoholics and I bet you anywhere.
00:29:30
His mother was on that couch going, no, he doesn't.
00:29:33
I know.
00:29:34
Who in our family is not alcoholic any?
00:29:39
So then we go over to Austin's house where his sister Katie comes over and she's like, oh, I guess tell me about your stupid trip.
00:29:46
It's like, oh, thanks for asking.
00:29:48
Well, Craig and I talked and on the last night he like, opened up to me about his struggles with a dick.
00:29:53
She was insane.
00:29:54
And then I guess I should have known and seen that because like I knew that he was like addicted to Adderall.
00:29:59
But I, you know, knowing he was addicted to Adderall, I didn't think he was like an addict.
00:30:02
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:03
He's insane right now.
00:30:05
So we're still calling a Coke Adderall now that the sisters like are just trying to get the language down here.
00:30:14
She's like, yeah, sometimes you need the other person to say it for you to really understand it.
00:30:19
Or you can just watch with your eyes and listen to them.
00:30:22
Yeah.
00:30:23
Watch the Coke go up their nose.
00:30:24
That's a good clue.
00:30:25
Yeah.
00:30:26
He's like, you know, I just like, I've always started as an alcoholic.
00:30:28
It's like someone like who wakes up in the morning like pounds, pounds drinks, you know.
00:30:32
It's like, you do that.
00:30:34
No, but they have to do it, you know.
00:30:37
Or they like wake up on a beach after getting kicked out of a casino or something or like, have three sums, you know, and they magically forget about him the next day.
00:30:47
Grabbing their wiener is going, that's the same medicine.
00:30:51
Same right now.
00:30:55
So he's like, yeah.
00:30:57
Yeah.
00:30:58
It was just like, it wasn't the same.
00:30:59
We just were both crying, we're both like, cheerio.
00:31:02
And she's like, uh-huh.
00:31:03
Yeah.
00:31:04
And it was just like, we really buried the hatchet.
00:31:05
So we're going to close the chapter on this topic, right?
00:31:08
She's going to have to talk about this ever again, right?
00:31:11
She's like, yeah.
00:31:12
Addiction comes in all forms.
00:31:14
You can't stop cutting your hair like a Republican congressman.
00:31:17
I mean, we all have our things.
00:31:19
It was, it was like, honestly, like a great moment.
00:31:27
And like, we totally told her that we loved each other.
00:31:29
It was like, nice for like the first time in a long time.
00:31:31
I felt like I was having a best friend connection with Craig.
00:31:34
She's like, do we still get free pillows or not?
00:31:39
Last time we did lines together, we put them in the shape of the heart.
00:31:42
Like, we're really back.
00:31:43
We're back.
00:31:44
Uh, so then we go back to Craig and Paige and Craig's like, you know, sometimes I think like me getting better.
00:31:51
When?
00:31:53
I'm sorry.
00:31:54
You have not taken the journey, sir.
00:31:56
You don't get to just zip to the final location.
00:31:58
He's like, here's a bowl of chips.
00:32:00
I win.
00:32:01
No, you have to earn that shit.
00:32:03
So he's like, yeah, sometimes me getting better.
00:32:05
It holds a mirror up to Austin and he looks at himself.
00:32:08
And he's like, wow, I was way hotter before.
00:32:11
Being inspirational so hard.
00:32:15
Well, you know, like sometimes I feel like the generation that we grew up in, like hearing the word drug addict and alcoholic meant that you drank every single day all day.
00:32:23
Also, could you take your foot out of the drain, those sinkas overflowing?
00:32:27
Yeah, being an alcoholic means you drink in the morning.
00:32:33
Did my mother raise these people?
00:32:35
I swear to God, I've never heard such loose like you're only an alcoholic.
00:32:40
They all think that you're only an alcoholic if you drink in the morning.
00:32:43
Jesus Christ.
00:32:45
I also love Paige acting like she's like a wise older matron.
00:32:49
She's like, well, in my generation, we grew up knowing what an addict was.
00:32:53
You're 13 years old.
00:32:55
You were like caught drunk on TikTok.
00:32:59
That's how it happened when I was a kid.
00:33:01
And she's like, you know, like you hear words like drug addict and like alcoholic.
00:33:06
You know, it means you drink all day every day.
00:33:08
You know, or like you beat your wife up.
00:33:10
Or like you put your dog in a dress, you know?
00:33:13
Or like, I don't know, becoming a DJ in your mid-40s.
00:33:16
For me, it was cyclical.
00:33:23
Like, I would be good for a few months.
00:33:26
And then I would go too far and realize I was actually never good for a few months.
00:33:31
It's like, yeah, you're an alcoholic because your personality was totally different from one minute to the next.
00:33:37
Or it just means I'm dating you.
00:33:40
Because she's like, stop acting like that page or stop acting like that, Craig.
00:33:43
I think that's what it is.
00:33:44
That's the way it's changed.
00:33:45
I got to the bottom.
00:33:47
Well, I got to my bottom when I could just see it on Paige's face.
00:33:50
She just had this look on her face.
00:33:52
Like, I just wasn't the guy she had seen herself marrying.
00:33:55
But to be fair, that was all to the look after our first kiss.
00:33:58
Actually, now that I'm looking at her, that's the face she's making right now.
00:34:05
It's like stirring her dry eggs around, like.
00:34:10
Well, I got really lucky that you were still there, Paige, like when I made the decision to ask for help and you were like there and ready.
00:34:20
She was like, yeah, and I was really lucky that you gave me a stool next to a crooked machine.
00:34:25
So that's cool too.
00:34:28
So it's like, yeah, it wasn't until almost losing Paige for me to actually change my behavior.
00:34:34
She was like my rock that I crushed up in the tiny little powders.
00:34:39
Sorry, sorry, I'm better, I'm better.
00:34:42
You know, you do it for yourself.
00:34:44
But like, she's a first thing in my app.
00:34:47
I have an app.
00:34:48
It's like, what do you want to be so of her Paige?
00:34:51
So she's going to kill me if I have one more drink on television.
00:34:57
I'll always be grateful.
00:34:59
I didn't lose you when I hit my bottom and I don't plan on going back there.
00:35:03
She's like, and you...
00:35:06
It's just so fun to pretend things that Paige is going to say.
00:35:24
Okay, here's mine.
00:35:26
All right, if this makes you feel better, I'll hit my bottom.
00:35:30
Do you know when my bottom was Craig, when every time I get on the plane to Charleston?
00:35:43
She's like, now you can lose me, you know, listen, you're not going to lose me when you hit at rock bottom, okay?
00:35:50
You can lose me right now, right at mediocrity.
00:35:53
It's just right at mediocrity, okay?
00:35:56
No, that if I ever need to leave in the middle of the night with kids, they're probably not going to be your kids.
00:36:03
So, now we go over to Madison's house, where her mama's come over.
00:36:09
It's the, you okay there?
00:36:11
Yeah, I have to get this screenshot app of Madison's bookcase.
00:36:14
Oh, yeah, yeah, get that ready.
00:36:16
So Brett, someone says she can't read.
00:36:19
I think she can read.
00:36:21
I think it's not that I think she can't read.
00:36:29
I just don't think she reads like books.
00:36:31
I certainly, like, I certainly don't think she reads a book called The Great Depression.
00:36:40
I mean girl, and I get it, you know, you have bookcases and you have to fill things.
00:36:45
Finally, I just started buying shit from home goods, you know, like it's a metal shark, you know?
00:36:50
It's a Buddha, the shark's coming at the Buddha.
00:36:53
And I have a sign that says 100% that bitch right in front of the Buddha, you know?
00:36:59
And then a couple Harry Potter bucks because, you know, I'm into literature.
00:37:04
But yeah, this is the best one.
00:37:06
The Great Depression, the search.
00:37:08
It's a little Tom Clancy.
00:37:10
She didn't read no Tom Clancy.
00:37:11
She's not really Tom Clancy.
00:37:13
She did not do it.
00:37:15
She has a book that just says The Caribbean.
00:37:21
Tater tots, the novel.
00:37:24
Nobody's believing you.
00:37:26
So yeah, her mom's there and they're talking about, you know, corn.
00:37:31
Yeah, her mom's like, oh, you've always had that little mouth on you.
00:37:35
I mean, do you remember that one time when you went into that restaurant and I couldn't find you?
00:37:39
And then there you were, we finally found you and you were ordering a three-course meal.
00:37:44
And every course was just corn.
00:37:46
So it was pretty easy, but there you were.
00:37:48
Then that waitress came over and you accused her of leaving off the sour cream and you called the manager over and got her fired.
00:37:54
Honey, we were so proud of you.
00:37:56
We were just so proud of you.
00:37:57
That's right.
00:37:57
That bitch never learned, did she?
00:38:00
My daddy used to say, don't kill her spirit.
00:38:03
Just let her be where she is.
00:38:07
Well, I got some good news.
00:38:08
Right, don't got cancer no more.
00:38:10
So that's good.
00:38:11
Unfortunately, he still don't have a personality either, but hey, can't fix everything at once.
00:38:17
So anyway, the test came back and they say that he is 86% born for corn.
00:38:22
So we're very happy here.
00:38:25
So they're talking about babies and the mom's like, what if you have twins and said, oh, hell no.
00:38:31
I wouldn't got that far, mama.
00:38:32
I'm going to ruin this body.
00:38:34
And she's like, yeah, honey, you worked hard for that body.
00:38:36
She says, not really.
00:38:38
This is 50/50 me.
00:38:41
Let's face the truth.
00:38:44
So now the thing that everyone loves is the big southern charm music while everyone does things around town.
00:38:51
So the old...
00:38:53
This is Charles being walked.
00:39:06
He's like...
00:39:08
Charles made it out of the backyard today, guys.
00:39:11
He got to walk down the sidewalk.
00:39:14
He's like, move a little slower, please.
00:39:15
Some of us are trying to enjoy a cigarette.
00:39:19
God damn it.
00:39:21
Charles walk along like he's a big dog and then he's a beetle and freaks out.
00:39:27
So yeah, so then she talks to JT on the phone.
00:39:33
By the way, so this Vanita saga just keeps on sagaying.
00:39:38
Sorry, whipping up my cell phone again.
00:39:41
I'm like a lawyer with only an iPhone.
00:39:43
And a storyteller.
00:39:48
So Vanita's latest...
00:39:51
Sorry, we all love Vanita.
00:39:53
I don't want to see Vanita turn into a villain because I actually like Vanita.
00:39:56
But she's kind of turning into a villain.
00:39:59
And it's hilarious.
00:40:00
She's doing it to herself because she just keeps telling lies.
00:40:02
This latest one is...
00:40:04
She went on a smagazine or in a...
00:40:06
how do you do it?
00:40:07
You went to a smagazine inside.
00:40:10
She went inside.
00:40:12
Inside a smagazine.
00:40:14
Okay, she told them, imagine having a girlfriend and then having your best friend spend $5,000 on you.
00:40:22
Because she's saying that they went to buy that jacket and she ended up paying for it.
00:40:26
And meanwhile, he's saying that he has some girlfriend.
00:40:29
And then why is he letting her spend $5,000 on the jacket this and that?
00:40:33
So he posted, "The jacket I wore to the episode one horse race, 5,000 filmed on camera, at the time it was funny, we laughed it off, and I pay paled in full.
00:40:45
And now it's another little lie I get to deal with almost over, oh, dad."
00:40:51
No, dad means.
00:40:53
But he posted the PayPal receipt, so she got caught again.
00:40:56
Yeah, I'm surprised he called it a little lie.
00:40:58
I thought everything was sort of like a big lie to him.
00:41:00
He's like, "Um, we all slash were best friends."
00:41:03
And I forgot my credit card in her call by accident.
00:41:06
I was hobbling with a cane a few days later.
00:41:09
After Patricia kicked me in my nuts and told me to get out of this town before she burnt my house down.
00:41:16
And I pay paled her back in full after she insisted I slash we.
00:41:20
What is with the ice slash we in our slash they?
00:41:23
Get out of here.
00:41:24
You don't get part of our movement, sir.
00:41:28
And not hobble me back to the car to get the car and hobble back.
00:41:33
This is fun.
00:41:35
Da, da, da.
00:41:38
Okay, so Vanita, back when it was all okay.
00:41:40
Vanita was talking to JT.
00:41:42
She got an invite to Madison and Ryan's summer swaror.
00:41:46
She's like, "How do you say that word?"
00:41:49
So Vanita invites JT because it's just real slim pickens down there in Charleston,
00:42:00
I guess.
00:42:01
Is that where the whole friend group be there?
00:42:04
Craig, Austin, Sally.
00:42:09
She's like, "Yeah, we're shooting a TV show.
00:42:12
It's the season finale.
00:42:14
Are you going to be there?
00:42:15
Will you please go with me?
00:42:16
I've got no one left."
00:42:17
Yeah, listen, I talked to Madison about it.
00:42:20
She really wants you to be there because she's been wanting to have a party with a piñata.
00:42:24
So, I'm bringing the bats.
00:42:27
Just please come, please, do it for me.
00:42:30
So she's like, "Yeah, JT can be just really wishy-washy."
00:42:34
But like, you know, he kind of puts me in this head space of like, "Maybe there's a possibility of a shot between the two of us."
00:42:40
Vanita, we just want so much more for you.
00:42:43
Please stop doing this to yourself.
00:42:45
Please stop doing it to me.
00:42:48
Think about how this affects me.
00:42:51
So then we see Molly and Taylor who are going for ice cream.
00:42:56
And they go in and get some little pup cups for their dogs.
00:43:00
That sounds like a gay kink.
00:43:02
I'm just going to say that right now.
00:43:05
I was low-key stressed during this scene because they got, "Okay, who else was stressed about this?"
00:43:12
I know you guys know what I'm going to say.
00:43:14
They got pup cups.
00:43:16
They got ice cream scoops.
00:43:18
They got lattes, which by the way, lattes and ice cream sort of, okay, and then they had dog leash.
00:43:23
They had so many things for their hands.
00:43:26
Pace it out.
00:43:29
Have the lattes after the ice cream.
00:43:32
No, you can't pace it out its counter service.
00:43:34
The minute you sit down at your table, there's 15 other fucking people there.
00:43:37
You just got off the bus and you just sit there.
00:43:39
But then they're walking across the street with their pup cups and they're ice cream and they're lattes melting in their hands while they're balancing.
00:43:45
The dog's going crazy.
00:43:46
I was like, "Put something down.
00:43:48
Don't order so much."
00:43:49
I'm losing my mind right now.
00:43:52
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I liked when they went up to order and Molly was like, "Oh, hi.
00:45:12
I'm a depressed model, so..."
00:45:16
I'm going to go ahead.
00:45:17
I'm going to get a coffee and a gelato, okay?
00:45:21
And then Taylor was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, girl."
00:45:27
It's the first time we've ever seen Taylor's face move in the entire run of...
00:45:31
She was like...
00:45:33
She learned how to move it in the Bahamas, 'cause they showed that clip of her.
00:45:38
They were like playing some game at night and it's like, "Oh my God, Taylor has a personality again."
00:45:42
Or for the first time.
00:45:43
I don't remember that.
00:45:44
Yeah, they showed it to me.
00:45:45
They were like in a bed, right?
00:45:47
And she was like, "Ha, ha, ha, ha."
00:45:49
They're like, "Look, she left."
00:45:52
She was like, "They're like, they're playing around and she's being funny."
00:45:56
And they're all like, "She was laughing and they were laughing with her for once."
00:46:00
It was weird.
00:46:02
So, yeah, they're spilling shit everywhere.
00:46:06
And so they're talking about boys, you know?
00:46:09
And Molly's like, "Yeah, I slept through therapy, so..."
00:46:14
I feel like Molly sleeps through therapy a lot.
00:46:17
Just don't call the therapist.
00:46:18
Just save yourself the time.
00:46:20
Save yourself the guilt.
00:46:21
I sleep through not going to therapy, you know?
00:46:24
And I wake up and I say, "Fuck, that was better than fucking therapy."
00:46:27
Thank you.
00:46:28
I'm imagining what her voicemail was for her therapist.
00:46:32
Like, "How you've reached Molly, I'm out getting a pub cup.
00:46:36
Leave a message after the beep."
00:46:40
Sorry, I'm not going to meet.
00:46:42
I'm not going to be able to meet for therapy today, but I do have goals.
00:46:45
I'm going to carry a latte, a pop cup, a gelato, and a fucking dog at the same time.
00:46:52
So they're basically, they sit down and they're like talking about the vacation.
00:46:57
And like, "Have you recovered and everything?"
00:46:59
And she's left through therapy.
00:47:01
And then they start talking shit about Shep, which is kind of fun.
00:47:04
Because Molly, I mean, it's not like high-level shit talk, but it was like a good try.
00:47:09
And I supported it because Molly's like, "Shep was probably crying in the ocean about Sienna."
00:47:14
"Oh my god."
00:47:15
And then Taylor's like, "Yeah, he probably added like five feet of to the ocean because his tears..."
00:47:22
Yeah, so many tears.
00:47:26
It's like an audition reel.
00:47:29
And she's like, "Yeah, everyone's really trying to get me to get with Shep."
00:47:33
It's like so embarrassing.
00:47:35
And it sounds like two actors sitting at a commercial audition.
00:47:38
And they're like, "Oh my god, I heard this audition shoot snap, or this commercial shoot snap Afghanistan.
00:47:44
What are you going to do if you get it?"
00:47:46
Well, I guess I'm going to fucking go to Afghanistan.
00:47:48
That's how she's talking about dating Shep.
00:47:51
Every time they show, we're talking about dating Shep.
00:47:54
She's like, "Yeah, Shep's really cute."
00:47:59
And I think she's really sad about his girlfriend, so that's something.
00:48:06
It's like, "Girl, just don't take the job.
00:48:08
Wait tables for a while.
00:48:09
You know what I mean?
00:48:10
Sometimes it's not worth it."
00:48:12
And then they're going, "No, yes, yes."
00:48:15
That's how it is on this show.
00:48:16
That's the audition process.
00:48:17
They make you bang one of these people on the show.
00:48:19
Nobody needs that in their life.
00:48:21
It's over.
00:48:22
Walk away from these men.
00:48:23
I want a whole season of these men having to masturbate and get turned down by everybody.
00:48:29
Do you guys remember when they went to LA on a guy's trip?
00:48:32
How the women reacted to them?
00:48:34
I need a season of that.
00:48:36
They were just like, "Whoa."
00:48:41
So speaking of these handsome devils, we then go over to Shep's house where he walks in with his bag.
00:48:47
And he, like, unpacks a bunch of seashells, which...
00:48:53
Try to continue yourself, ladies.
00:48:56
I know.
00:48:57
Stop throwing the panties at the stage.
00:48:59
I know that got you so excited right now.
00:49:01
I'm going to file these down and call 'em shark teeth.
00:49:05
I've got so much ass in this suitcase.
00:49:09
Garsh, usually I get what I want.
00:49:12
Yada, yada, yada.
00:49:13
I'm a spoiled brat.
00:49:17
Just kidding.
00:49:17
I'm a little boy.
00:49:17
Anyway, all the thing was the end of her.
00:49:21
But I'm just trying to let the heart win these days.
00:49:25
And then I'll get Shep face tonight and wake up on the side of the road somewhere.
00:49:29
And I'll be great.
00:49:33
I'm going to call my dad, Rip.
00:49:37
I first when I read this back, I was like, "His dad died?"
00:49:40
Like, I didn't remember his dad dying.
00:49:42
His dad is named Rip.
00:49:45
So, and I love every time he talks to his dad.
00:49:48
The dads on the show are so universally disappointed.
00:49:51
It's so fucking funny.
00:49:53
Austin's dad is just shit-faced at this point every time.
00:49:56
And he's like, "Welcome home, son."
00:49:58
His mom's like, "Oh, God, Austin.
00:50:00
What you do now?"
00:50:02
Then we've got Thomas Ravennell's dad.
00:50:04
He's like, "You stupid son of a bitch.
00:50:08
I gave you everything."
00:50:09
Everything.
00:50:10
Everything.
00:50:12
So, now Shep is telling his dad, "Rip."
00:50:15
He's like, "Gosh, I just got back from Cuba."
00:50:19
So, did you guys see in the news today that Cuba suffered like a nationwide blackout, the entire power grid?
00:50:25
That was not, the power grid did not fail.
00:50:27
That was like, "Oh, God, we think Shep is going back."
00:50:29
And we're turning off the lights.
00:50:31
It was like, "Oh, God, he's coming back."
00:50:34
Don't we have an embargo on these people?
00:50:36
The nation has suffered an outage of "Welcome Max."
00:50:39
There's just no "Welcome Max" left on any doors.
00:50:41
Please go, Shep, go home.
00:50:44
So, his dad's like, "How did the Bahamas go?"
00:50:48
And he's like, "Well, I sort of felt like a lame dog president."
00:50:58
I felt like Chester Arthur in the last two months have his presidential term, "Gosh."
00:51:05
I knew something was a mess.
00:51:07
And it just got worse.
00:51:11
Well, you know, some things happen and you just have no control over it.
00:51:15
It just wasn't meant to be.
00:51:17
You just got to move on, kind of like my hopes and dreams for you, son.
00:51:22
Looking back, I just, I think it's going to get your heart broken.
00:51:27
It feels good.
00:51:28
You know, that's what life's just about.
00:51:30
It's about bumps.
00:51:32
All right, son, we've talked about that.
00:51:34
Not that kind.
00:51:36
Bumps and bruises, you know?
00:51:38
And like, it's your story.
00:51:40
It's a tapestry.
00:51:46
It's like if a failure made a tapestry.
00:51:50
That's what life is like.
00:51:52
A lame dog's tapestry.
00:51:56
I'm going to look fondly at this one day.
00:51:59
You know, but at the moment, it's not so nostalgic.
00:52:06
Have you ever given a shark tooth to a tapestry before?
00:52:13
Well, you've got a full summer ahead of you.
00:52:16
I would suggest going back to Cuba and saying something anti-presidentate.
00:52:20
Dad, you're not going to get me without one again.
00:52:24
So back in the bench of melting ice cream cones, it's Molly and Taylor.
00:52:30
And Molly is like, I mean, this whole chef and see anything.
00:52:33
Like, I'm not like in love with a chef or anything.
00:52:35
But I've been told if I want to stand this show, I should be.
00:52:38
So, yay.
00:52:40
He's hot, sort of, right?
00:52:42
I'm just like, I know I cried that day that he cried about that girl, but I got my period.
00:52:46
So I like literally would cry about anything.
00:52:51
You know, not that chef's done anything to make me feel stupid.
00:52:54
It's just everyone else in the group.
00:52:56
Listen, hanging out with this group should make you feel intelligent.
00:52:59
I think if you're hanging around with people, these people, the best thing that could happen is just feeling like, I know words.
00:53:08
My favorite is when they talk shit about chef right in front of Taylor, because Molly's like, I mean, it's chef.
00:53:13
He's a disaster.
00:53:14
Everyone comes easy to disaster.
00:53:15
No one would date him in the first place.
00:53:16
It's disgusting.
00:53:17
I mean, I don't respect for anyone who's spent any more than 10 minutes with him.
00:53:20
Am I right?
00:53:21
And Taylor's like, yeah.
00:53:25
I mean, I asked Taylor about it in her confessional and she's like, I mean, I hope that they date because I don't know.
00:53:39
They could date.
00:53:49
Well, was I saying something?
00:53:53
Molly says that regarding chef, she's not going to put any eggs in that basket.
00:53:58
I'm like, you better not because he has very violent reaction to eggs.
00:54:03
You better put those eggs in the freezer and don't let them out until you change cities.
00:54:07
That's what I'd suggest.
00:54:09
So she's, sorry, I got lost.
00:54:12
So Taylor's like, yeah, you know what?
00:54:14
Like, meet someone organically.
00:54:17
Like Gaston.
00:54:24
Molly's like, fuck all of you.
00:54:26
Just go somewhere where there's TV cameras, organic TV cameras, and find out who's single.
00:54:32
Boom.
00:54:33
Or not.
00:54:34
So Sally, now we go to Sally.
00:54:36
Sally's kind of my new favorite.
00:54:38
And I don't really know why because she really doesn't do much except like, I don't know, admit to blowing people and stuff.
00:54:43
But that's my kind of girl.
00:54:44
What could I say?
00:54:45
I really like her.
00:54:46
I love Sally.
00:54:47
I like that.
00:54:48
She's like, I'm a robot surgeon.
00:54:49
And people are like, she checks the robots.
00:54:51
She's like, make sure the robots are working.
00:54:53
I'm like, that counts.
00:54:54
Leave her fucking alone.
00:54:56
Stop diminishing her accomplishments.
00:54:58
Yeah.
00:54:59
And I like that her mom is like, what's her name?
00:55:01
Julie Haggerty from Airplane, you know?
00:55:03
Because they're riding along.
00:55:05
She's like, well, Tom, for me to get the implants out.
00:55:07
She's like, oh, honey, I always thought your implants were really pretty.
00:55:11
But they were pretty before all so.
00:55:13
She's like, thanks, mom.
00:55:15
Anytime we hurt, we all make mistakes.
00:55:17
Well, that's how you read it.
00:55:18
Because I read it like her mom's like super pissed.
00:55:20
Because she's like, oh, mom, I can't wait to get my implants out.
00:55:23
And her mom's like, God, they were so pretty.
00:55:25
Like her boobs before.
00:55:26
She was mad that she got implants.
00:55:28
And so she's like, well, I'm going to get it back.
00:55:30
Well, good luck with that.
00:55:32
Can you go back to heaven?
00:55:34
God, what a pair of cans you had.
00:55:37
And then look what you did.
00:55:39
You just threw them down the drain.
00:55:41
Sorry, mom.
00:55:43
So Sally tells a whole story about how she got these implants to please her ex fiance.
00:55:48
And at first, she liked them.
00:55:49
But then, you know, she didn't like them anymore.
00:55:52
So now she wants them out.
00:55:53
So she goes to this plastic surgeon.
00:55:55
And he is like, you know, he does his examination.
00:55:58
So she opens up her shirt.
00:56:00
And he's looking at them and he goes, wow, your breasts are crouched.
00:56:03
Damn it, you've got nice cans.
00:56:06
He's like, Jesus Christ.
00:56:09
[silly singing]
00:56:12
[silly singing]
00:56:15
[silly singing]
00:56:18
And he's like, God damn, normally I sail across the channel.
00:56:21
But this time I want a motorboat.
00:56:25
[silly singing]
00:56:28
The weirdest part was when Lexi from Summer House showed up.
00:56:30
And was like, guys, this is like my biggest insecurity.
00:56:35
[silly singing]
00:56:38
I'm nervous.
00:56:40
And all the time that we have seen these exams on Bravo, because Lord knows they happen every other week.
00:56:45
We have never seen a plastic surgeon get such an obvious on-screen boner.
00:56:50
He did.
00:56:51
I know.
00:56:52
I was like, wow, he's like, God damn it, your tits are nice.
00:56:56
I mean, this is like taking an after a Picasso.
00:57:00
They always said, do what you love and the money will follow.
00:57:03
Am I right, Tuts?
00:57:05
So she opens her blouse or whatever, and her boobs are out.
00:57:09
And I learned so much about boobs.
00:57:11
And so she's like, I mean, you wouldn't think I ate there for the first six years of my life, am I right?
00:57:17
[laughter]
00:57:20
It's not weird.
00:57:22
[laughter]
00:57:25
J.K.J.K.
00:57:27
But she opens her blouse, and she's like, I just don't like that they're always looking in different directions, you know, because they're like that.
00:57:34
They're not supposed to face forward, honey.
00:57:37
No man wants a pair of eyes staring at him.
00:57:40
[laughter]
00:57:43
Check, please.
00:57:45
So she's like, you know, I never should have gotten these implants, but I made a mistake, and her mom goes, we all make mistakes.
00:57:53
[laughter]
00:57:57
Speaking of mistakes, we now go to Craig and Paige.
00:58:02
And he has given her a beverage in a can that's in a koozy, and she's like, wow, a koozy.
00:58:11
You know, I never even heard of these before I met you, and now they're all over my apartment.
00:58:15
He's like, I know, pretty cool, right?
00:58:17
That wasn't a positive thing.
00:58:20
[laughter]
00:58:22
They're only in my apartment because the trashman refuses to pick this trash up.
00:58:26
So he's like grilling hot dogs.
00:58:29
And she's like, so when is Austin coming?
00:58:31
I'm about to die of boredom.
00:58:33
And he's like, he's on his way.
00:58:34
We haven't hung out since becoming friends again into Bahamas.
00:58:37
So he comes over and she goes, I'm just going to ask, what does quality time mean?
00:58:42
Because normally when men get together for quality time, wars ensue.
00:58:47
[laughter]
00:58:50
So she's like, oh wow, you guys are matching in stupidity.
00:58:54
[laughter]
00:58:56
So they're all saying hi and everything.
00:58:58
Wow, this is insane.
00:59:01
I haven't seen this backyard.
00:59:01
And forever since I was here three weeks ago to tell you you never invited me over to your backyard.
00:59:05
[laughter]
00:59:07
I was like, oh, you don't even love me Paige.
00:59:09
You haven't seen me for 10 weeks.
00:59:11
And she's like, I don't date you.
00:59:13
It's bad enough hanging out with one moron that I actually date, okay?
00:59:17
So she's like, do you want to see our bees?
00:59:19
Otherwise, no one is a weapon.
00:59:21
Hold on.
00:59:22
Put some of this honey on your face.
00:59:24
[laughter]
00:59:27
You can see Paige is so horrified that Craig actually went through with this beekeeping situation.
00:59:32
She's like, I am not going to take care of those bees for the rest of my life.
00:59:35
It's bad enough that I have coosies.
00:59:36
I don't need bees.
00:59:38
So Craig's like, the reason I got these bees is just to show Paige what a real woman is like.
00:59:43
She's really goal-oriented.
00:59:45
All she cares about is family.
00:59:47
They just aren't, oh my god.
00:59:49
Fucking kill me right now.
00:59:52
Yeah, well, then she flies off and she rips their dicks off their body.
00:59:55
I can't even implement that into our culture.
00:59:58
[laughter]
01:00:00
So then, Craig's like, welcome back to the yard.
01:00:03
Have you seen me turn on fireplaces with my phone?
01:00:05
I saw a crab, Jesus!
01:00:08
[laughter]
01:00:10
It's a thin page.
01:00:11
I just haven't talked to him forever.
01:00:12
It's like, I hear you're coming to town.
01:00:13
And I'm just like, sit here.
01:00:14
I don't get to see you.
01:00:15
And she's like, well, my loyalty is to Craig for now.
01:00:19
[laughter]
01:00:21
He put his foot in the sink.
01:00:22
He's about 10 minutes left in this relationship.
01:00:25
So I heard you and Craig made up and acted like Pussy's together.
01:00:29
How was that?
01:00:30
He's like, God!
01:00:31
God!
01:00:32
Jesus Christ, Paige!
01:00:33
And Craig's like, uh, no, I guess that was funny.
01:00:35
He's like, yeah, she's like, yeah, Craig's doing well.
01:00:37
Pussy, huh?
01:00:38
He's like, and they're like, uh-huh.
01:00:39
Craig, Craig.
01:00:40
He's like, everything.
01:00:41
Austin and Paige realize they really do like each other because they both hate Craig.
01:00:45
[laughter]
01:00:48
So then Austin shares that he almost wore linen pants today, but he didn't.
01:00:55
He's like, I asked Audrey, I was like, I'm going to Craig's house.
01:00:58
She'll wear linen pants.
01:00:59
Paige is like, how old is she again?
01:01:02
26!
01:01:03
How old are you again?
01:01:04
36!
01:01:06
Does anyone have a towel?
01:01:07
I have a lot of saliva on my face now.
01:01:09
[laughter]
01:01:10
I'm never going to ask them a questions again.
01:01:13
Have you asked her how she feels about standing inside a car wash every time you say a sentence?
01:01:18
[laughter]
01:01:20
Question.
01:01:21
Is she trying to like, progress within this relationship?
01:01:24
She is.
01:01:25
Oh, that's so sad.
01:01:27
Well, we didn't say the L word.
01:01:29
Well, to be fair, lesbianism would be more attractive to her after a couple of months with you.
01:01:34
Was the L word "licel" because...
01:01:37
[laughter]
01:01:39
So she's like, yeah, okay, well, you don't have to do that.
01:01:43
It's amazing.
01:01:44
Like, you guys have been together six months, and you don't have to do that disgusting thing.
01:01:48
We're like, oh, let's come into each other.
01:01:50
Let's have babies.
01:01:51
Let's have a family.
01:01:52
Let's move in together.
01:01:53
[humming]
01:01:54
Cooking hot dogs on a grill.
01:01:56
Look at me.
01:01:57
Oh, fireplace.
01:01:58
I can do it with my farm.
01:01:59
[humming]
01:02:01
[laughter]
01:02:04
What?
01:02:08
It's like, what's wrong with my dreams?
01:02:12
[laughter]
01:02:15
Oh, he's like, yeah, I'm not even thinking about that until the two-year mark, you know?
01:02:19
I'm not gonna even be like, hey, hey, wait, wait, think I'm moving here.
01:02:23
I mean, the best thing is having a girlfriend who's not even here.
01:02:25
She can't save me.
01:02:26
[laughter]
01:02:29
Oh, my God.
01:02:30
Craig and I have been dating for like two and a half years.
01:02:32
And like, so like, when did we start dating?
01:02:33
He was like, are you gonna move?
01:02:34
And I'm like, I've known this man for six months, it's ridiculous.
01:02:37
And the answer isn't always will be no.
01:02:39
I will not.
01:02:40
[laughter]
01:02:41
But is it so weird to talk about your dream of children like six months?
01:02:45
And he's like, yeah, we talked about that.
01:02:47
She wants four to four.
01:02:49
[laughter]
01:02:52
Wow.
01:02:53
Page.
01:02:54
Page wants three kids.
01:02:56
No, I don't want three kids.
01:02:57
I want to go to three Zara sales by the end of the year.
01:03:01
I want to, Craig, you don't listen to me.
01:03:04
And he's like, but you said if we don't have one of each, though you'll keep having a good, you'll keep trying until we have a girl.
01:03:10
That's why I only froze my boy sperm.
01:03:12
[laughter]
01:03:15
You know, when I'm with him, I've like noticed that like things are like not as common as cool as he makes it seem.
01:03:20
Like, did she just like snap it in a bit, or is he just like annoyed with her?
01:03:24
Like, I'm gonna be honest.
01:03:25
They're like so on opposite sides of the spectrum of life.
01:03:28
Wow, congratulations, Austin.
01:03:31
You looked at Craig.
01:03:32
You looked at Page.
01:03:33
And I took you three years to realize that.
01:03:36
Welcome to the rest of America.
01:03:38
Page is improvising, hanging herself in a news.
01:03:41
And Austin's like, I don't think she liked him.
01:03:43
[laughter]
01:03:48
You know, my favorite thing to do with Page is to make fun of Craig in my right page.
01:03:52
And she's like, yeah, we're so good at it.
01:03:54
But best of all, it's just so easy.
01:03:55
You know, they just roll off your tongue.
01:03:57
Have you ever tried to throw a hammer at his head?
01:03:59
It's so fun.
01:04:00
[laughter]
01:04:01
You know, you guys are the only ones who think that funny, okay?
01:04:04
It's not funny.
01:04:05
It's not that easy, okay?
01:04:07
She goes, um, not easy.
01:04:08
I'm sorry.
01:04:09
Are you trying to remember what a spatula does again?
01:04:12
[laughter]
01:04:15
And now, guys, out of nowhere, a serious racial storyline.
01:04:19
[laughter]
01:04:22
Here we go.
01:04:23
Yeah, the episode just sort of got along like, oh, we're having some ice cream.
01:04:27
So there's some-- The most racist shit I've ever seen on TV.
01:04:31
[laughter]
01:04:32
Coming home to teach me about race.
01:04:34
Can't wait!
01:04:35
I don't know where.
01:04:36
I was like, just like the episodes go, like, wait.
01:04:38
What's happening now on the episode?
01:04:39
I know.
01:04:40
I was like, nothing's happening in this show.
01:04:41
I do like the implant storyline that-- Wait!
01:04:44
What?
01:04:45
[laughter]
01:04:46
So Leva calls up Vanita.
01:04:48
Ronnie.
01:04:50
[snort]
01:04:51
How are you?
01:04:52
Well, really busy, but I decided to check in.
01:04:55
So how are you doing?
01:04:57
[laughter]
01:04:58
So, uh, Vanita's like, oh, my God.
01:05:03
I am distraught.
01:05:05
I almost just drowned again, but that's besides the point.
01:05:08
Ryan called me.
01:05:10
I know that is really crazy.
01:05:12
Why would he do that?
01:05:13
Why would he call you?
01:05:14
Okay.
01:05:15
He said, I'd need to tell you something as a friend.
01:05:19
And I was like, he said, I was getting my hair cut.
01:05:22
And my barber was telling me-- It's a cookie dough.
01:05:24
Don't eat the cookie dough with your bare hands.
01:05:26
That could poison you.
01:05:27
Your dad's going to kill you.
01:05:29
Leva, this is serious.
01:05:30
Okay.
01:05:31
A barber was talking.
01:05:33
Okay.
01:05:34
Don't you cook at work, please.
01:05:36
Do that at home.
01:05:37
There's no cook at work.
01:05:40
And then-- So apparently, the barber said that JT-- Okay, this is what the barber said verbatim.
01:05:46
And then we see a flashback to Ryan on the phone saying, okay, okay.
01:05:49
So J-- Oh, oh, oh, oh, God.
01:05:52
JT.
01:05:53
JT told him that there's some black girl who has been coming onto him and his girlfriend is going to be so busy.
01:05:59
Oh, my God, this is too much.
01:06:01
I love it.
01:06:02
Like, wait a minute.
01:06:04
Lamar, take the kids.
01:06:05
This is serious.
01:06:06
He said some black girl.
01:06:08
Are you sure that that's what he said?
01:06:10
Some black girl?
01:06:11
Is that what he said?
01:06:13
Yes.
01:06:14
And also said that the name of the barber was Zachary Dackery.
01:06:19
The story was really strange.
01:06:21
It's a weird story.
01:06:24
I mean, that doesn't sound like JT.
01:06:26
I know his mother.
01:06:28
Normally, racists don't have mothers.
01:06:30
So this is-- I don't know.
01:06:32
It's strange.
01:06:33
I mean, a very polite white woman from the South saying something racist.
01:06:37
I don't know.
01:06:38
Insane.
01:06:39
I mean, you know, I don't believe that.
01:06:41
I know JT.
01:06:44
Like, I don't believe he speaks that way.
01:06:46
Like, I've never heard about that.
01:06:47
You know what?
01:06:48
There's been so much challenge against JT.
01:06:51
But are we wrong about JT?
01:06:53
Would he say some black girl?
01:06:54
Would he say it?
01:06:55
Call the barber.
01:06:56
Do you have the barber's number?
01:06:57
Call that motherfucker.
01:06:58
Call him right now.
01:06:59
Call him.
01:07:00
Lamar, call the barber.
01:07:02
We're going to put you on group chat.
01:07:04
Lamar won't do it.
01:07:05
Hold on.
01:07:06
We do have a witness to what happened.
01:07:09
Local Charleston resident.
01:07:12
Emmy Jarrett.
01:07:13
Ah!
01:07:15
Guys, we'll didn't say it.
01:07:17
How many times the barber was bullied at law school?
01:07:22
Well, you have to do this to me on camera every single time.
01:07:26
This is what I think.
01:07:28
This is what I never try to make a person.
01:07:30
[LAUGHTER]
01:07:35
So, Leba's like, yeah, I mean, maybe I don't know this guy at all.
01:07:38
Like, I mean, I've hung out with him like seven minutes total.
01:07:41
That's a season we've all seen at.
01:07:43
So, but you know what?
01:07:44
Like, I don't know Ryan at all either.
01:07:45
So, like, I don't know.
01:07:46
Like, maybe I need to call with JT.
01:07:47
I'm not good with a game of telephone.
01:07:49
So, what I'm going to do, I'm going to get JT.
01:07:51
We're going to go to some restaurant this outdoor so I can escape quickly.
01:07:54
And then I'm going to kind of say what you said, but I'm going to make it sound a lot worse.
01:07:59
Which is nothing like the game of telephone, which I absolutely fucking hate.
01:08:03
So, then it's like, don, don, don, 30 minutes later.
01:08:05
I'm like, why does this episode so serious?
01:08:07
All of a sudden.
01:08:09
And why does nobody on this show have anything to do?
01:08:13
It's like, meet me for toast.
01:08:16
I've got some tea.
01:08:17
I'll be right there.
01:08:18
All right, sit down.
01:08:23
Did you get your waffle tauts?
01:08:24
Sure did.
01:08:25
So, JT has no idea what it's about to come this way.
01:08:29
Which is funny because he thinks he's going to do a happy, go lucky JT.
01:08:32
He's seen his got all his banjo ready.
01:08:33
He's like, well, I think I still have PTSD from the Bahamas.
01:08:38
You heard what I left early, right?
01:08:39
Should we make that a thing?
01:08:40
Make it a storyline, right?
01:08:41
But what do you think?
01:08:42
Bunny picked out a new coyote.
01:08:44
Want to talk about it?
01:08:45
It's like sitting out stupid.
01:08:46
So, how have you been?
01:08:49
Oh, you know, hey, did you hear about what happened to hotel room Vanita?
01:08:55
You want to talk about that?
01:08:56
That was awesome, right?
01:08:57
Well, I mean, I did hear a little like, Vanita gave me a kind of lowdown about the Bahamas.
01:09:02
She told you about what happened in the room, right?
01:09:04
The hotel room?
01:09:05
She goes, yeah, I assumed it wasn't the fucking conference room with the hotel JT.
01:09:09
Yes.
01:09:10
It's like, well, there's definitely chemistry and attraction.
01:09:13
And she's like, JT, I'm not trying to prolong this storyline.
01:09:16
We have something else to talk about.
01:09:17
He's like, no, no, let's talk about Vanita some more.
01:09:20
Okay, here's the thing.
01:09:21
I didn't know you had a full-fledged girlfriend, JT.
01:09:24
He's like, well, you know, I mean, there were definitely flirtatious bobs out there.
01:09:28
I was probably a mess up by them.
01:09:30
And maybe I shouldn't have beaten her brand Zeno.
01:09:32
But, you know, it was a real comfy couch.
01:09:35
Listen, I'm not trying to demonize you, okay?
01:09:39
You're enough of a gargoyle as it is.
01:09:41
You don't need my help.
01:09:42
What I'm trying to say is, well, she called me yesterday and said, do you want me to come to the swarer?
01:09:49
And I was like, what the fuck is the swarer?
01:09:51
You know, I just have to process things after the Bahamas.
01:09:57
I was maligned.
01:09:58
I was maliciously maligned, it did.
01:10:01
Okay, that's nice.
01:10:04
There's more stuff.
01:10:06
There's more information that you should know about.
01:10:09
I don't want to perpetuate something if you didn't say it, but I also want you to know, like what's being said, and what's being said, is that Republic?
01:10:17
Is the best fucking bar in the South?
01:10:20
It's not my fault that it's such a fucking good bar and club.
01:10:23
To like, look, I mean, look, the gay guy Ryan goes to the same barber as you.
01:10:28
He does?
01:10:31
He's the only guy who deals with plugs that well.
01:10:33
So, yeah, he goes to the bar and he said that you said verbatim, verbatim.
01:10:40
There's some black girl trying to get me to break up with my girlfriend and Vanita's like to straw, okay?
01:10:46
And she's to straw.
01:10:48
And you know, like verbatim, you said some brown girl or some black girl or something.
01:10:52
He's like, what?
01:10:54
No, no, that sounds racist.
01:10:56
It's like, yeah, that's why it's being brought to your attention.
01:10:59
That's why we're talking about it.
01:11:00
You think Levin does toast with everybody?
01:11:04
And, yeah, I mean, she was just like, I thought we were real friends.
01:11:07
He's like, yeah, I mean, we are real friends.
01:11:10
God, I'm sorry that she thinks that like, this is yet another time where words are being put in my mouth and I have nothing but respect for what was her name again.
01:11:19
Vanita.
01:11:21
The fact that Ryan has told me is extremely offensive.
01:11:26
You're gonna call me a racist behind my back to someone I actually care about on top of that.
01:11:32
That is so ugly.
01:11:33
It's so sinister.
01:11:35
It makes my blood boil.
01:11:39
Damn, JT.
01:11:42
He's like, I will never see that barber again.
01:11:45
I'll say, I'll say, I'll say.
01:11:48
A line cut from Gone With The Wind.
01:11:50
I'll never see that barber again.
01:11:55
And I will never see Ryan again until he walks that shit back because this is absolute bullshit.
01:12:03
This is not how I roll, especially because I got that limp and stuff.
01:12:08
Who's the barber?
01:12:09
Call the barber.
01:12:10
Do you have this plug?
01:12:11
Call him.
01:12:12
Call him right now.
01:12:13
Just do it.
01:12:14
Just do it.
01:12:15
It'll be fine.
01:12:16
It's gonna be amazing.
01:12:17
It's like, how do you do the welcome to the barber salon?
01:12:21
How can I help you?
01:12:23
Peter's plaid.
01:12:24
What's going on?
01:12:26
Welcome to shoulders and heads.
01:12:34
I can't call it head and shoulders because that's copyright.
01:12:37
How can I help you?
01:12:40
Checky special will make you look like a fucking doll for 50 bucks.
01:12:44
Come on in, last film on day.
01:12:47
Welcome to mediocre Sam's.
01:12:51
[laughter]
01:12:56
Hey, I need you to do me a monumental favor.
01:13:00
More than the beaver working at a bank look, you requested because that was a weird cut to ask for, honey.
01:13:09
So your other client, Ryan, says this barber said that JT said that some black girl on the show is making me sound like a racist.
01:13:19
Can I just ask?
01:13:20
And it's trying to ruin your relationship, say that part.
01:13:22
I mean, come on, don't make me call.
01:13:23
Yeah, all that.
01:13:25
Can I just ask, did I ever use the word black or some sequence of words like some black girl or girl black sum or girl?
01:13:35
Girl black sum, girl black.
01:13:36
Did I recite the lyrics to black old son?
01:13:40
Did I ever talk about ourselves hit movie, black girl missing?
01:13:45
Number 36 is on its way out.
01:13:50
On small screen soon.
01:13:53
So he's like, "Uh, no.
01:13:55
When you were getting your haircut from me, I said, how does it look?"
01:13:58
You said, "Make it look dumber."
01:13:59
I said, "Okay."
01:14:01
I'll just start a stapling away.
01:14:04
I said, "What's going on with that TV show?
01:14:06
I can absolutely not believe that they would cast a two-foot tall person to be young."
01:14:13
And you said, "There's a love interest with the cute little black girl on the show.
01:14:16
Name was Vanita."
01:14:17
And that's the gist of it, huh?
01:14:19
That's all I said.
01:14:20
I mean, there wasn't really much context sales around that now.
01:14:23
You know, I might have fucked that up because I am an articulator.
01:14:28
It was a mess.
01:14:29
It was a mess.
01:14:30
I'm so sorry.
01:14:31
Maybe I said it wrong.
01:14:32
It's not articulate.
01:14:34
It was a messy barber.
01:14:36
Let's be honest.
01:14:37
So if it was off or something, if I were laid it wrong, just blame Chelsea.
01:14:42
Okay, she's the messy one here.
01:14:44
Chelsea.
01:14:45
Are you on the phone with those sudden charm people?
01:14:48
Tell them something for me.
01:14:50
You're all pussies.
01:14:52
I miss her, Chelsea.
01:14:55
So JT, after making that proclamation of, "I will never, ever go back to that barber."
01:15:04
Now he says, "Well, you and I are good."
01:15:08
Keep that glue gun warmed up because I'll be there soon.
01:15:12
So he's like, "All right, and then pop and talk soon."
01:15:17
So that was like, "Oh my God, I'm so glad you did that quickly because it was a lot and I really want to go."
01:15:24
So JT's like, "But he does not some girl.
01:15:27
She is someone that matters to me deeply."
01:15:29
I mean, not enough to fuck, but enough to pretend to fuck.
01:15:32
Well, I have a girlfriend on the side.
01:15:34
You know what I'm talking about.
01:15:36
So what do you think happened with this JT and the barber thing?
01:15:41
I don't know.
01:15:43
I think there were just messy people and, you know, what goes on in barbershops and Charleston.
01:15:49
I'm just going to, I'm going to let that stay there.
01:15:52
You don't know what happened.
01:15:54
I think he probably said, "Oh, there's this real cute black girl on the show.
01:15:56
There's a love interest there.
01:15:57
My girlfriend's going to kill me."
01:15:59
And then Ryan heard it was like, "He said some back."
01:16:04
Yeah.
01:16:06
No.
01:16:07
Here's the thing.
01:16:10
To me, it does sound like it probably was telephone that, like, JT said one thing.
01:16:14
The barber then relayed one thing.
01:16:16
Then Ryan heard another thing.
01:16:17
And then it just was.
01:16:18
He gave a telephone.
01:16:19
Also, it's Southern Terbs.
01:16:21
I have no idea what's going on.
01:16:23
So I'm just going to be like, "Well, we'll just see.
01:16:25
We'll have to see how that one works."
01:16:26
You'll have to wait because the next week we see in the previous Ryan's like, "I'm telling my side of the story."
01:16:35
It's Ryan's big moments.
01:16:39
Freaking out.
01:16:41
So we see Vanita in bed.
01:16:43
And JT calls her.
01:16:44
He's like, "Hey, now listen.
01:16:46
I met with Leva and I am still shaken."
01:16:51
And I don't know if you've talked or not, but I'm upset.
01:16:53
You know?
01:16:54
It's horrible.
01:16:56
And I'm upset that you got hurt.
01:16:59
And it's in you way.
01:17:00
I mean, what's going on?
01:17:01
And let us hurt because her husband's black.
01:17:03
And you know?
01:17:04
I go like, "I'm going like, this hurts.
01:17:06
And you're hurting.
01:17:07
And you're black.
01:17:08
And he's black.
01:17:09
There's just so many black people around here."
01:17:12
She's like, "What am I supposed to do?"
01:17:15
She's like, "Okay.
01:17:16
Just stop saying black."
01:17:18
Because you were just lit off the hook.
01:17:21
And I feel like you're about to fall on the hook again.
01:17:24
He's like, "I know.
01:17:25
This is sick, man.
01:17:26
This motherfucker just called me in his husband is also black.
01:17:30
And this has all the looks of a fucking target job by a psychopath."
01:17:34
Ron made me out to be a racist.
01:17:37
Well, you're over.
01:17:40
And seen.
01:17:42
That brings us to the end of Southern time.
01:17:47
Thank you, Minneapolis.
01:17:48
We're coming out to not be lovesing you.
01:17:50
I'll be listening to the next show.
01:17:51
Good night, everybody.
01:17:52
Thank you, everybody.
01:17:53
We love you guys.
01:17:54
Yeah.
01:17:55
So fast out of this chair.
01:17:57
Bye, girls.
01:17:58
Bye, girls.
01:18:00
Bye, girls.
01:18:05
Watch what crap ends.
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