In this episode, Betsy hosts a Q&A session based on questions from her Instagram followers. She addresses topics like divorce’s impact on children, rebuilding a sense of thriving within a marriage, transitioning identity in midlife, and the importance of a flexible morning routine. Many of these questions are most likely ones that you have asked yourself, so tune in and prioritize your personal alignment so you can live your best life.

Transcript

 Welcome to The Art of Living Big, where we explore how to live intentionally and with more joy. I’m Betsy Pake, your host, master, coach, and creator of the Navigate Method. Here to help you listen in to your true desires, elevate your standards, and live life to the fullest. Now, let’s go live big.

Hi everybody. Welcome. Welcome to The Art of Living Big. I’m happy you’re here. Today we’re going to do a q and a. You know, maybe a week or so ago I asked, I put a little thing on my Instagram stories, asking if people had questions, and I got a couple, but I get questions quite often, so I’ve just been screenshotting those.

And I thought today we could dive in to that. If you missed our fireside chat on this past Sunday night. It was so, fun. We had a big group there and we just talked about all the things. Midlife, it was really great. We didn’t record of course, because , things come up that we don’t want to have recorded and shared with people who weren’t there.

But we’re gonna be doing it again. I’m not totally sure if I’m gonna do one in December. I’m traveling and I’ve got some things going on, and so it may be easier to start after the new year and that might also be like a fresh start to get going on those. But I really would like to do them every month.

So if you didn’t make it to this one, come to the next one. And if you did come to the last one, I’d love to see you at the future ones too. I really feel like. We are beginning to build community there, and who knows what that will lead to. I always think like live events, it’s gonna, we’re all gonna get together.

I’m gonna get to hug you, so be sure to be on my email list or be checking on Instagram and I’ll be sure to post when we have the date for that one. And that way you can sign up and you’ll get a reminder and all that good stuff and the zoom link and all that. So that was great. I am heading outta town this weekend.

I’m going down to Florida for, , my group with the people , that I am a coachee of. So I’m meeting up with all these people. You’ve probably heard me talk about that before if you’ve been here for a while, but I have been in this coaching. , Since 2018. So a really long time, and really steadily over the past two years.

So we get together about three times a year live, and then we meet every week. So it’s so fun ’cause you form relationships with people. Online, and then you get to see ’em in real life, which is just really, really such a treat. So it’s right before Thanksgiving, but I am so excited about the holidays. This, season.

, There’s nothing that could throw me off at this point. , I’m just so excited to be able to plan things and figure out what feels the best to me. Get the things I wanna get to eat and visit with the people I wanna visit with. It’s just gonna be really, really great. So I’m excited to kinda have that event to like kick off my holiday season.

So I’m not sure if you’ve got something coming up where you’re gonna kick off your holiday season, but , I am really looking forward to that and I’m gonna miss my kitty. We’re gonna do it. I tell ’em I’m only gone a few times a year, , and then next year I’m planning already, , so I’m excited for that.

I’ve got some big trips planned for next year and some really fun things coming. And so, yeah, there’s just a lot to look forward to. So let’s dive in today. I’ve got some questions and we’ll kind of go through, , some of these have thought through and, to be honest, some of them I haven’t, which it, kind of leads to.

I think a good outcome. So we don’t always have to have everything totally planned. , And , with this podcast I tend to get an idea and then just kind of talk. So let me grab the first question that I got. Okay. So the first question that I got was, , how much do you consider the effect of divorce on your children when considering your own needs?

, This is. Such a universal question and this phrase of question. , And I will say this, if you’re listening and you’re like, I’m not on the verge of getting divorced, it’s okay. I have a wide range of questions here. We, run the gamut. But this one in particular, I think is really important because it is something that I get asked in a number of different ways almost every day.

And I think that, , it’s a really, really important question and. I think it’s one of those questions that sort of, the answer for it lives in the space between logic and your brain and your heart, , because as mothers our, nervous systems are really wired to prioritize our, children’s safety and, their happiness really.

Right. And sometimes we do that even at the risk of our own. And so when the idea of divorce starts coming up between you and your partner, it’s, rarely just a practical decision, right? It, puts you into a existential crisis as you really think through what’s the right road. And, you know, you’ve probably heard me say before, , with so many things, there’s no right and no wrong. Any road that you take. Is gonna have pluses and minuses. But here’s what I believe. I believe that you don’t stop considering your children when you start considering yourself. Like those two things aren’t opposite. They’re intertwined because what our kids ultimately learn from us isn’t , how well did you sacrifice?

It’s really. How, honestly, did you live? They’re watching. They’re watching what we tolerate. Oh my gosh. I’ve had so many conversations like this with my daughter, but they’re watching how, we love how we stay. They’re watching how we leave. , I always say to the women in the Navigate method, if they make the choice to leave, to do it with bravery and integrity.

Right. Don’t say you’re gonna do something, don’t agree to something, and then change your mind. Like especially if you’ve, had , somebody asked you a question and then you said yes, or you signed something saying yes, , be in integrity. That’s, something nobody can take from you. Be brave and make the decisions from a place of bravery because kids are learning, , whether peace is something that we’re just performing or that we’re really embodying.

Right? And when you live with integrity and bravery, , all of those things matter when you’re looking at this. And , I think that every mother considers their kids. And I know when I went through my divorce, I considered my daughter, but I also had to ask what does she learn If I model a life that looks good, maybe on the outside, but she knows it’s slowly draining me on the inside, right?

Because kids don’t need perfection, but , they need honesty. They need to see what repair looks like, what boundaries sound like, what really thriving looks like. And the truth is, sometimes the most loving thing that you can do for your kid is to choose a life that’s really true to you, because that’s how they learn to choose themselves too.

So. This is such a hard question, and it’s something everybody has to come to terms with on their own, but I think the real question shouldn’t be like, how much should I consider them? It should be, what am I teaching them through what I’m choosing? And I think when you start to look at it that way, it stops feeling selfish and your decision starts to feel sacred because not all.

Pain, and I’ve, said this in a, number of different ways on Instagram and, , in my posts or even in newsletters. But marriage can be an incredibly spiritually uplifting and growing process, but not all pain is holy. If the other person is just allowing you to just fight for your damn life and struggle, and that’s what your children are seeing, then maybe there’s another way to look at this, where you can show them what it looks like to be brave and to be an integrity, and to choose yourself, right, and to choose what’s honest.

So I would just offer that as your thought, as your guidepost, as you think through this. All right. My next question that I got is, can you rebuild a sense of thriving when you’re still in the marriage, or do you have to leave to really find that in yourself again? And I think this is such a good question and one that I think.

So many people ask like in secret, , I think that there’s a belief that you can only come alive once you’ve really burned it all to the ground and that. To really reclaim a feeling of thriving you, you’ve gotta get out of the situation , that you’re in. And , it doesn’t mean that that’s not it.

It may be that’s it, but I think that feeling like you’re thriving or feeling like you’re alive begins way before any of that. I think it starts when you start having. Little moments of being honest with yourself. When you stop saying that you’re fine. When you’re not fine. You know when something happens and you say That doesn’t feel good, even if it doesn’t make sense to you.

I had somebody say to me the other day, , if my husband, if I’m washing the dishes and my husband , who hasn’t hardly talked to me in days, sees me. Leaning over the sink and comes over to grind himself into the back of me while I’m trying to clean up after dinner all by myself. , I’m going to lose my mind.

Right. And I hear that version. It, comes in different formats, but it’s that same kind of feeling. And I think when , , this person that messaged me this, I think was trying to. Figure out why that didn’