<div data-type="rootblock" data-pm-slice= "2 2 ["aiblock",{"prompt":"","preview":false,"block":{"id":"blk_01JHRE3R0BF41N3T4162KHMTJD","status":"succeeded","type":"detailed_synopsis","selected_variation":0,"variations":["The word \"should\" carries significant weight in our lives, often representing obligation and criticism. In this podcast episode, Tanya Lee explores the profound impact that this single word can have on our mental and emotional well-being. When we use \"should,\" it typically conveys a sense of duty or correctness, suggesting that there is a right way to do things. This inherent judgment can lead to feelings of shame and guilt, ultimately hindering our personal growth and fulfillment.\n\n### The Burden of Obligation\n\nWhen we say we \"should\" do something, we often impose an obligation upon ourselves. This obligation can stem from societal expectations, familial pressures, or even self-imposed standards. For instance, Tanya mentions how people frequently feel they \"should be further along\" in their lives or careers. This mindset creates a heavy emotional burden, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism. Instead of focusing on what we genuinely desire, we become trapped in a cycle of obligation, measuring our worth against impossible standards.\n\n### The Cycle of Shame and Guilt\n\nThe episode highlights how the word \"should\" can trigger shame and guilt. When we internalize these feelings, they become our compass, guiding our decisions based on what we believe we ought to do rather than what we truly want. Tanya shares her personal experience of feeling shame when someone suggested she \"should be further along\" in her business. This moment of criticism caused her to question her journey, despite her pride in her accomplishments. Such experiences illustrate how external judgments can seep into our self-perception, leading to a negative internal dialogue.\n\n### The Impact on Personal Growth\n\nLiving in a \"should season\" can stifle personal growth. Tanya emphasizes that when our actions are driven by obligation rather than desire, we often find ourselves in a state of preparation rather than presence. This mindset can prevent us from taking meaningful steps toward our goals and aspirations. Instead of exploring our true desires, we become fixated on meeting expectations, which can lead to stagnation and dissatisfaction.\n\n### Reframing the Narrative\n\nTo break free from the constraints of \"should,\" Tanya encourages listeners to reframe their internal dialogue. Instead of saying, \"I should be a better mom,\" she suggests shifting to \"I want to be a better mom.\" This subtle change in language transforms the focus from obligation to genuine desire, fostering a more positive and empowering mindset. By recognizing the difference between external \"shoulds\" and our true desires, we can begin to align our actions with what truly lights us up.\n\n### Conclusion\n\nIn conclusion, the word \"should\" often represents a barrier to personal growth and fulfillment. It embodies obligation and criticism, leading to feelings of shame and guilt that can hinder our progress. By becoming aware of the impact of \"should\" in our lives and reframing our internal narratives, we can cultivate a more authentic and fulfilling path forward. Embracing our true desires and letting go of the weight of obligation allows us to live more freely and joyfully, ultimately guiding us toward a life that resonates with who we truly are.\n\n## Breaking Free from the \"Should\" Mentality\n\nIn the latest episode of the podcast, Tanya Lee delves into the pervasive influence of the word \"should\" in our lives and how it can act as a significant barrier to achieving our true desires. The discussion highlights the emotional weight that comes with \"shoulds,\" which often stem from societal expectations, personal judgments, and external pressures.\n\n### Understanding \"Should Season\"\n\nTanya introduces the concept of \"should season,\" a time when our actions are dictated by obligation rather than genuine desire. This season is characterized by feelings of guilt, shame, and self-criticism, where individuals measure their lives against unrealistic standards. The episode emphasizes that this mindset can lead to a cycle of negative emotions, ultimately hindering personal growth and fulfillment.\n\n### The Definition of \"Should\"\n\nAccording to the Oxford English Dictionary, \"should\" indicates obligation, duty, or correctness, often used in a critical context. This definition reveals why the word feels heavy and triggers feelings of shame. Tanya points out that even well-meaning advice can carry an underlying message of judgment, reinforcing the idea that we are not doing things \"right.\"\n\n### External vs. Internal Shoulds\n\nTanya distinguishes between external and internal \"shoulds.\" External \"shoulds\" come from societal expectations or the opinions of others, while internal \"shoulds\" are self-imposed beliefs about what we ought to be doing. Both types can create a sense of obligation that detracts from our authentic desires.\n\n### The Impact of \"Shoulds\" on Self-Image\n\nThe episode discusses how internal \"shoulds\" can lead to a negative self-image. For instance, thoughts like \"I should be further along in my career\" or \"I should be a better parent\" can create feelings of inadequacy. Tanya encourages listeners to reframe these thoughts into positive affirmations, such as \"I want to grow in my career\" or \"I aspire to be a more present parent.\" This shift in language can foster a more empowering mindset.\n\n### Identifying True Desires\n\nTanya offers practical exercises to help listeners differentiate between true desires and \"shoulds.\" One method is the **body test**, where individuals assess how a potential desire feels in their body—whether it feels expansive or contracting. Another technique is the **source test**, which prompts individuals to consider if they would still want something if no one else knew about it. This helps uncover desires that are genuinely personal rather than influenced by external expectations.\n\n### The Language of Desire\n\nThe episode also highlights the importance of language in shaping our mindset. True desires are often expressed through phrases like \"I want to explore\" or \"I'm excited about,\" while \"shoulds\" are framed in terms of obligation and fear. By paying attention to our inner dialogue, we can better align our actions with our authentic selves.\n\n### Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity\n\nTanya concludes the episode by encouraging listeners to shed the heavy backpack of \"shoulds\" and embrace their true desires. She emphasizes that life should be about what lights us up and feels expansive, rather than what we think we ought to do. By recognizing and releasing the grip of \"shoulds,\" individuals can step into a new season of authenticity, where they define success on their own terms.\n\nIn summary, breaking free from the \"should\" mentality is essential for personal growth and fulfillment. By understanding the impact of \"shoulds,\" identifying true desires, and shifting our language, we can create a life that resonates with our authentic selves.\n\n## Distinguishing True Desires from Expectations\n\nIn our journey of personal development, one of the most crucial skills we can cultivate is the ability to differentiate between our true desires and the expectations imposed by society or ourselves. This distinction is vital because pursuing goals that stem from external pressures can lead to feelings of heaviness, dissatisfaction, and a sense of obligation rather than joy and fulfillment. To navigate this complex landscape, we can employ several techniques: the body test, the source test, and the language test.\n\n### The Body Test\n\nThe body test involves tuning into our physical sensations when we contemplate a potential desire or goal. By holding the thought of a desire in our minds and observing how it feels in our bodies, we can gain insight into whether it is truly aligned with our authentic selves.\n\n- **Expansive vs. Contracting**: When we think about a true desire, it often feels expansive and uplifting, filling us with excitement and energy. Conversely, if the thought of a goal feels contracting or heavy, it may indicate that it is rooted in obligation or societal expectation rather than genuine desire.\n\nFor example, if someone considers losing weight but feels a sense of dread or pressure when thinking about it, this could signal that the motivation is not coming from a place of self-love or health, but rather from societal standards or self-criticism.\n\n### The Source Test\n\nThe source test encourages us to reflect on the origins of our desires. We can ask ourselves: \"If no one knew about this choice, or if I couldn't share it with anyone, would I still want it?\"\n\n- **Authenticity Check**: This test helps us identify whether our motivations are influenced by external validation or societal norms. If the answer is yes, and we still desire it regardless of others' opinions, it is likely a true desire. For instance, someone might feel pressured to buy a house because it's what society expects, but upon reflection, they might realize they would prefer to rent and travel instead.\n\n### The Language Test\n\nThe language test focuses on the internal dialogue we use when considering our goals. By paying attention to the words we choose, we can discern whether our motivations stem from true desire or from fear and obligation.\n\n- **Desire vs. Obligation**: True desires are often expressed in positive, exploratory language, such as \"I want to explore,\" \"I'm curious about,\" or \"I'd love to try.\" In contrast, self-imposed expectations often manifest as \"I need to prove,\" \"I have to show them,\" or \"What will they think if I don't?\"\n\nFor example, if someone thinks, \"I should lose weight,\" this language in