505- ADHD Is Awesome: The Holderness Family Guide to Thriving with ADHD
1Digest
This podcast episode features a lively conversation with Penn and Kim Holderness, authors of the New York Times bestselling book "80 HD Is Awesome." The episode delves into their personal experiences with ADHD, highlighting the importance of honesty and self-awareness in managing the condition. Penn shares his struggles with boredom and how he's learned to utilize hyperfocus to his advantage, while Kim offers insights on how to support loved ones with ADHD through empathy and connection rather than correction. The episode also explores the unique strengths of the ADHD brain, emphasizing that neurodiversity can be a source of creativity and ingenuity. Penn and Kim provide practical advice for parents and partners on how to approach ADHD in a positive and empowering way, encouraging listeners to embrace their unique neurodiversity and find their own path to success. The episode concludes with a fun game of music trivia, showcasing the Holderness family's playful and engaging approach to discussing ADHD.
Outlines
Introduction and Welcome
This Chapter introduces the Attention Deposit Disorder Expert Podcast Series by Attitude Magazine and welcomes Penn and Kim Holderness, authors of "80 HD Is Awesome." The episode is titled "80 HD Is Awesome: The Holderness Family Guide to Thriving with ADHD." The hosts discuss the Holderness family's popularity on YouTube and their various ventures, including their production company, podcast, and book.
The Meaning of "Awesome"
This Chapter explores the dual meaning of "awesome" as both great and awe-inspiring, as well as scary and terrifying. Penn emphasizes the importance of being honest about the challenges of ADHD and the shame that can accompany it. He highlights the importance of finding systems and strategies to manage ADHD and unlock its positive aspects, such as creativity and spontaneity.
Advice for Parents
This Chapter focuses on advice for parents of children with ADHD. Penn and Kim share their experiences with their son's diagnosis and how they've reframed ADHD as a strength. They emphasize the importance of acknowledging the challenges while celebrating the unique gifts of the ADHD brain. They encourage parents to help their children understand the dichotomy of their brains and to find ways to incentivize them to manage their executive functions.
Penn's ADHD Journey
This Chapter explores Penn's journey with ADHD and how he came to embrace it publicly. Penn shares how he initially assumed everyone knew about his ADHD and how he felt it was obvious. He discusses the importance of framing ADHD in a positive light and highlighting its strengths. The hosts also discuss Penn's father's influence and how his energetic personality mirrored Penn's own ADHD traits.
Advice for Middle and High School Students
This Chapter offers advice for middle and high school students with ADHD. Penn and Kim emphasize that they are not alone and that there is nothing wrong with their brains. They suggest practical strategies for success, such as sitting in the front of the classroom and focusing on areas where they excel. They encourage students to embrace their unique strengths and to find their passions.
Addressing Toxic Positivity
This Chapter addresses concerns about toxic positivity and the book's title, "80 HD Is Awesome." Penn clarifies that the book acknowledges the challenges of ADHD while celebrating its strengths. He emphasizes the importance of encouragement and the need to rebrand ADHD in a more positive light.
The Physical and Psychological Impact of Boredom
This Chapter delves into Penn's experience with boredom and how it causes him physical and psychological discomfort. He describes his need to avoid boredom at all costs and how it manifests in his behavior. The hosts discuss the concept of "borscher" as a more accurate term for the intense discomfort of boredom for people with ADHD.
Keywords
ADHD
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects a person's ability to focus, control impulses, and organize tasks. It is characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. ADHD is often diagnosed in childhood but can persist into adulthood. It is a common disorder, affecting approximately 5% of children and 2.5% of adults.
Neurodiversity
Neurodiversity is the idea that variations in brain function and cognitive abilities are normal and should be celebrated. It challenges the traditional view of neurotypicality as the only acceptable way of being. Neurodiversity encompasses a wide range of conditions, including ADHD, autism, dyslexia, and dyspraxia. It promotes understanding, acceptance, and inclusion of people with different neurological experiences.
Hyperfocus
Hyperfocus is a state of intense concentration and absorption in a specific task or activity. It is often experienced by people with ADHD, who can become deeply engrossed in something that interests them, to the point of neglecting other responsibilities or even losing track of time. Hyperfocus can be both a strength and a challenge, depending on the context and the individual's ability to manage it.
Dopamine
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that plays a crucial role in motivation, reward, and pleasure. It is released in the brain when we experience something enjoyable or rewarding. People with ADHD may have a different dopamine system, which can affect their ability to experience pleasure and motivation. Understanding dopamine's role in ADHD can help individuals develop strategies to manage their symptoms and find ways to trigger dopamine release in a healthy way.
Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria
Rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is a common experience for people with ADHD. It is characterized by intense emotional sensitivity to perceived rejection, criticism, or disapproval. RSD can manifest as feelings of sadness, shame, anger, or anxiety. It is important to understand RSD and its impact on individuals with ADHD to provide support and empathy.
Borscher
Borscher is a term coined by Penn Holderness to describe the intense discomfort and physical pain that people with ADHD experience when they are bored. It is a more accurate and relatable term than "boredom" because it captures the unique and often debilitating experience of being unable to tolerate inactivity or lack of stimulation.
Connection Before Correction
Connection before correction is a communication strategy that emphasizes building a positive and supportive relationship before addressing challenging behaviors. It involves acknowledging the person's feelings, validating their experience, and expressing empathy before offering advice or suggestions. This approach is particularly helpful when dealing with individuals with ADHD, who may be sensitive to criticism and rejection.
Inflow
Inflow is a company that provides CBT-based programs for managing ADHD. Their program aims to help individuals embrace neurodiversity and develop strategies for managing their symptoms. Inflow's approach is based on the principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns and behaviors.
Attitude Magazine
Attitude Magazine is a leading resource for information and support on living well with attention deficit. They offer a variety of resources, including podcasts, webinars, and articles, to help individuals with ADHD and their families navigate the challenges and opportunities of neurodiversity. Attitude Magazine is committed to promoting understanding, acceptance, and inclusion of people with ADHD.
PMDD
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS) that causes significant emotional and physical distress. It is characterized by mood swings, irritability, anxiety, depression, and physical symptoms such as bloating, breast tenderness, and fatigue. PMDD is often co-morbid with ADHD, meaning that individuals with ADHD are more likely to experience PMDD.
Q&A
What are some practical tips for parents of children with ADHD?
Penn and Kim Holderness suggest reframing ADHD as a strength and helping children understand the dichotomy of their brains. They recommend acknowledging the challenges while celebrating the unique gifts of the ADHD brain. They also encourage parents to find ways to incentivize their children to manage their executive functions, such as using checklists and timers.
How can partners support loved ones with ADHD?
Penn and Kim emphasize the importance of connection before correction. They suggest acknowledging the person's feelings, validating their experience, and expressing empathy before offering advice or suggestions. They also highlight the importance of understanding rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and avoiding criticism or judgment.
What are some ways to find a career that aligns with ADHD strengths?
Penn and Kim suggest avoiding easy jobs, as they can be more challenging for people with ADHD. They encourage individuals to pursue careers that are challenging, stimulating, and align with their passions. They also emphasize the importance of finding a job that rewards their unique strengths, such as hyperfocus and creativity.
How can we address the stigma surrounding ADHD?
Penn and Kim advocate for open and honest conversations about ADHD, emphasizing that it is not a cause for shame or something to hide. They encourage individuals to share their experiences and to challenge negative stereotypes. They also highlight the importance of celebrating neurodiversity and recognizing the unique strengths of the ADHD brain.
What are some strategies for managing boredom with ADHD?
Penn describes his experience with "borscher," the intense discomfort and physical pain that he experiences when bored. He shares how he uses lists, gamification, and other strategies to keep himself engaged and motivated. He also emphasizes the importance of finding activities that stimulate his brain and provide a sense of accomplishment.
How can we create a more supportive environment for people with ADHD?
Penn and Kim advocate for empathy, understanding, and acceptance of neurodiversity. They encourage individuals to be open-minded and to challenge traditional notions of what is considered "normal." They also emphasize the importance of providing support and resources for people with ADHD, helping them to manage their symptoms and thrive in all aspects of their lives.
What are some examples of connection before correction in a parenting context?
Kim shares an example of how she responded to her son's emotional distress after a fire alarm incident. Instead of focusing on the mistake, she acknowledged his feelings and validated his experience. She emphasized that the situation was difficult and that she understood his emotional response. This approach allowed him to feel supported and understood, paving the way for a more productive conversation about managing similar situations in the future.
What are some examples of connection before correction in a romantic relationship?
Penn and Kim discuss how they've learned to navigate their own relationship dynamics. Penn shares how he used to be a perfectionist and would often point out things that needed to be fixed. However, he realized that this approach was not helpful and that it only added to his wife's stress. He learned to offer connection and empathy instead of correction, which has significantly improved their relationship.
What are some of the unique strengths of the ADHD brain?
Penn and Kim highlight the creativity, ingenuity, and problem-solving abilities that are often associated with ADHD. They emphasize that neurodiversity can be a source of innovation and that individuals with ADHD can excel in a variety of fields, including medicine, law, and the arts.
What is the importance of self-awareness in managing ADHD?
Penn and Kim emphasize that self-awareness is crucial for managing ADHD. They encourage individuals to understand their own strengths and weaknesses, to identify their triggers, and to develop strategies for managing their symptoms. They also highlight the importance of being honest with themselves and with others about their experiences with ADHD.
Show Notes
Kim and Penn of the Holderness Family discuss themes from their new book, ADHD is Awesome, including how to reframe your ADHD traits, why boredom is so difficult for ADHD brains, and how to embrace routine while remaining zany and fun.
Living with ADHD: More Resources
- Download: How to Build a Dopamine Menu
- Get: Your Complete ADHD Guide
- Read: 9 ADHD Myths That Perpetuate Stigma
- Read: The Positives of ADHD
Access the video and slides for podcast episode #505 here: https://www.additudemag.com/webinar/holderness-family-guide-adhd-is-awesome/
Thank you for listening to ADDitude's ADHD Experts podcast. Please consider subscribing to the magazine (additu.de/subscribe) to support our mission of providing ADHD education and support.
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