Your sexual fantasies contain wisdom. Tune into this episode with Artemisia de Vine to learn about your sexual fantasies and how listening to their innate wisdom can help you change your life in ways you never imagined. 

Artemisia is a Certified somatic sexologist, BA in anthropology and former sex worker and professional dominatrix. She's also a sexual fantasy expert who teaches the world's leading sexperts the meaning of our sexual fantasies, and how to bring them out of our heads and into our beds. Understand how stories work and you understand why we have sexual fantasies - and how to create powerful, real-life transformative sexperiences that satisfy the real desire behind the story symbolism. Artemisia de Vine is the author of upcoming book: The Spirituality of Smut: The surprising wisdom of sexual fantasies. 

 

Learn more about Artemisia:

Website: https://www.artemisiadevine.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artemisiadevine/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ArtemisiadeVine

 

Learn more about Karin:

Website: https://www.drcalde.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theloveandconnectioncoach/

 

TRANSCRIPT

Intro:

Karin: This is Love Is Us, Exploring Relationships and How We Connect. I'm your host, Karin Calde. I'll talk with people about how we can strengthen our relationships, explore who we are in those relationships, and experience a greater sense of love and connection with those around us, including ourselves. I have a PhD in clinical Psychology, practiced as a psychologist resident, and after diving into my own healing work, I went back to school and became a coach, helping individuals and couples with their relationships and personal growth. If you want to experience more love in your life and contribute to healing the disconnect so prevalent in our world today, you're in the right place. Welcome to Love Is Us.

 

Episode:

Karin: Hello, everybody. As you begin to listen to today's episode, I want to urge you to put aside all your judgments and tap into your curiosity if at all possible. Now, if you struggle with that and you notice a critic or judgmental part of you popping up, just notice that and see if that part of you or those parts of you can make some room for you to listen to this episode with an open mind. Because my guest today, Artemisia divine, is onto something big here. And I think there's a good chance you're going to learn something today that, for some of you at least, could be life changing. I certainly learned something from talking to her. She is so smart and insightful. This is about way more than sex and sexual fantasies. But by tapping into them and really listening to them, you just might unlock something really important for yourself. I am grateful for her and the work that she's doing. I hope that you will let me know what you think of it by visiting me on Instagram where I'm the love and connection coach. Where you can leave me a message as well. And you can also let me know what relationships and self development topics you'd like me to cover in upcoming episodes. I would love to hear from you. So thanks for being here.

[02:11 ] Karin: Buckle up.

[02:11 ] Karin: And here we go. Welcome, Artemisia.

[02:16 ] Artemisia: I am delighted to be here with you.

[02:19 ] Karin: All right, people might have already guessed, but tell us where you are in the world.

[02:25 ] Artemisia: My accent gave me away. Did it? I am in Australia. I'm in rural Victoria, outside of Melbourne. So right down the bottom. And I live in the future because it's already tomorrow for me. The time's over. There you go.

[02:44 ] Karin: And have you always lived in that region of Australia?

[02:49 ] Artemisia: Oh, I've lived and worked all around Australia. But probably this has been one of my main homes. This and Sydney probably feel like my homes. Oh, my goodness. I've got a croaky throat. First thing in the morning, it is early because we have different time zones. Yeah.

[03:08 ] Karin: And what keeps you in, Victoria? What do you like about it?

[03:15 ] Artemisia: I'm in a beautiful space. This is. We're going in again on the flip side of the other side of the world. We're in the opposite seasons to you. So we're just entering into autumn right now. And this is one of the most beautiful magical places with so many autumn leaves and gorgeous mists that make you believe fantasies and an awful lot of interesting fungus that grows around here.

[03:39 ] Karin: So tell us what you do for work.

[03:42 ] Artemisia: So I am a sexual fantasy coach. I am an expert that teaches the sexperts in how to understand and engage sexual fantasies. Because really, if you want to have mind blowing sex, you have to understand the role the mind plays in sex. So I am somebody who has created an entire system around understanding and being able to bring fantasies out of your head and into your bed.

[04:13 ] Karin: So how did you come to do that work?

[04:16 ] Artemisia: It's not exactly typical work, is it? Being a sexual fantasy coach, how did ask that question? A lot. And it's a good reason, I think I actually. Well, initially I started because I was afraid of sex and I had my own sexual fantasies that seemed to go against the way that I wanted to be treated in real life and the way that I wanted to treat other people in real life. And I couldn't make sense of them. To be honest. When I very first became interested in fantasies, I was trying to solve the problem about what they were about. And I actually have spent over 30 years now delving into the erotic and trying to understand the erotic. Partly because I was confused about my own thoughts, but partly because I was experiencing desire as something that was taken from me for somebody else's benefit, not something that was for my benefit. And I was experiencing. I was hurt. I wanted to understand why on earth this was happening, why did we have this disconnect between what we were fantasizing about and the actual humanity relationship that was going on. And that took me on all sorts of adventures. And I worked in sex shops and became a certified somatic sexologist. And I learned from some of the most amazing sexperts from all around the world, read everything I could get my hands on, and had a lot of sex in my personal life. And eventually I decided to become a sex worker. And the most powerful, powerful time for me to understand the erotic psyche was the twelve years that I spent as a full time sex worker and as a professional dominatrix, where I was paid to live out the sexual fantasies of thousands of people, which gives you an entirely different perspective than learning about it at university. And what made me interested in it was my client's reactions when I actually trusted their fantasies the way that they are and created a really safe consensual container to live out the essence within them. Notice I said essence within them, not literally live them out. Notice that they would start to have these really powerful experiences that were far more profound than either of us expected. So, you know, it's not like you're expecting a smutty fantasy of using strap ons and threesomes and forced bisexuality to end up in a spiritual experience with your heart expanded and your mind expanded and feeling one with the universe. But it kept happening. And I was like, what is happening here? This is. What is this? And so I set out to try and understand what sexual fantasies were, and how could we actually harness them to get the most out of them.

[07:20 ] Karin: So maybe we can go there then, at this point. What is a sexual fantasy?

[07:26 ] Artemisia: Well, let's just start with what it is on a practical sense first. So a sexual fantasy is anything that you think about that gets you sexually aroused. So it can be a full blown story of thinking about, you know, you're threesome or you're having sex with a girl next door or whatever it is, somebody with a particular body type. Or it can be, you know, being rescued from, by a excellent fire person, you know, or a martial artist from some villain and being swept away. It can be all sorts of different things. It can be the whole story, but it could also just be you remembering having different kind of sex than you're currently having with the same person that you're having sex with right then. So you're same lover, but you're remembering what they did last Tuesday. And that was super exciting to you, and that gets you excited now. Or you could be imagining what you might be doing together this Friday night, on date night, and you're starting to imagine that and get yourself starting to get worked up. That's also part of being a sexu