8 Ways to Cope with Guilt & Grief

LISTEN TO A GRIEF OBSERVED (Song by Paul Cardall)

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ABOUT EPISODE 86

8 Ways to Cope With Guilt & Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. People experience grief uniquely, and normalizing that guilt is often a  component of grief is important. Self-reflection is a normal reaction to the death of a loved one, but these self-messages of  “I should have done this differently” are not helpful. It is important to learn how to deal with grief healthily to begin the healing process. Fortunately, there are actions you can take to come to terms with your guilt.

Here are eight tips for how to cope with guilt and grief:

1. Journaling

Journaling is a powerful tool when experiencing grief. Putting your thoughts and memories to paper is a great way to clarify and self-reflect on your feelings and thoughts. It also helps to decrease the intensity of these emotions. Journaling also helps to chart your grief process by reviewing journal entries over time. Journaling can initially feel awkward if you have never tried it before and you are not certain about how to begin, so grief journaling prompts are a great tool to use to help get started.

 2. Prioritize Self-Care

It is common to forget about self-care when people are in the midst of grief.

This is especially true when guilt is experienced as a part of the grief process. Just getting out of bed can feel like a challenge. People forget to eat, exercise and can self-isolate. Guilt is a burden, and the message that comes with it is, “I don’t deserve to treat myself well.” Self-care includes taking care of your physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. You cannot begin to heal and work through grief until you engage in self-care behaviors.

Mental Self-Care Examples:

• Practice mindfulness.
• Take a break.
• Play video games.
• Listen to music.
• Read a book.
• Listen to a podcast.
• Reflect on things you are grateful for.

3. Channel Your Guilt Into Something Positive

It doesn’t really matter if your guilt is rational or irrational. It is important to channel

guilt in productive ways to begin to alleviate it. For example, if you have lost

someone to suicide, work with suicide prevention programs. It will help give you insights about yourself, and learning from others that have had shared experiences can be enormously helpful. It also can offer some comfort in doing something that honors the memory of the person who has died.

1. Apologizing.
2. Making amends.
3. Changing your behavior.
4. Accepting your faults and moving on.

4. Acknowledge Your Feelings of Guilt

You need to be able to give yourself permission to feel whatever comes with the loss of a loved one. If guilt is one of those feelings, explore its roots and what it is really about. Are you being fair to yourself? Is your guilt based on reality, or is something else causing it? You are human, and remember that guilt often arises with grief. Show yourself compassion and learn how to forgive yourself as you explore your guilt and its source.
 

Consider trying some of these strategies.

1. Acknowledge it exists. ...
2. Eliminate negative self-talk. ...
3. Find out if there's a reason to feel guilty. ...
4. Remind yourself of all that you do. ...
5. Realize it's OK to have needs. ...
6. Establish boundaries. ...
7. Make amends. ...
8. Understand what you can control.

5. Join a Grief Support Group

Grief support groups can be a wonderful way to learn how to cope with grief and guilt. It helps to hear that other people are experiencing similar thoughts and feelings. It is also a place where you can get support from others who have been through a loss. Grief support groups are places of support, education, and resources. You can find them online or locally by checking with local mental health centers, hospitals, or organizations associated with the cause of the death of a loved one.

• Google
• Talk to your pastor or bishop

6. Find Positive Thoughts

Thought stopping is the practice of shifting your focus from the guilty thoughts you are having to more positive thoughts. This technique can be taught through behavior modification which involves reshaping negative thoughts into positive thoughts producing healthier behavioral patterns. It involves training yourself using different skills to stop thinking about thoughts that can be harmful to you.

1. Identify areas to change. ...
2. Check yourself. ...
3. Be open to humor. ...
4. Follow a healthy lifestyle. ...
5. Surround yourself with positive people. ...
6. Practice positive self-talk.
    

7. Share Your Feelings With Others

If you have trusted close friends and family, you can talk with them and make opportunities to talk with them about what you are feeling. It is important not to keep your guilt feelings bottled up. It also can be helpful to talk with people who know the person who has died. Their insights may help ground your memories and feelings into a more realistic perspective.

1. Take a deep breath. There are many benefits to deep breathing. ...
2. Practice. Constructively sharing your feelings is a skill. ...
3. Identify and accept your emotions. A big part of effectively sharing emotions is correctly identifying your feelings. ...
4. Choose the right listener and the right time.

8. Consider Reaching Out to a Therapist

Grief and guilt can be an enormous burden. They can evolve into depression. When this occurs, it may be difficult to manage and cope with grief without outside mental health professionals intervening. Healing cannot begin unless these issues are addressed. A therapist can help to unpack why someone is experiencing guilt surrounding their grief and process the emotions so they begin to ease.

Signs you may need private therapy

1. Feeling anxious.
2. Generally feeling overwhelmed with everything.
3. Overthinking and feeling as though you're unable to 'switch off' from your thoughts.
4. Feeling low and more tearful than usual.
5. Getting angry more easily or struggling to regulate your emotions.
6. Sleeping more or less than usual.

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ABOUT OUR HOST

Paul Cardall, an acclaimed Dove Award-winning musician, composer, and producer, is renowned for his music that acts as a conduit to tranquility and spiritual introspection. Boasting over 3 billion lifetime streams, 11 No. 1 Billboard albums, and recognition as one of the world's premier pianists by Steinway & Sons, Paul's diverse repertoire spans Classical, Christian, and New Age genres. His extraordinary journey includes overcoming health challenges, notably being born with half a heart and undergoing a life-saving heart transplant in 2009.

Inspired by his experiences, Paul has dedicated his life's mission to crafting healing piano music that resonates physically and emotionally. Beyond his musical accomplishments, he actively engages in philanthropy, collaborating with organizations such as The Ryan Seacrest Foundation and supporting causes like the fight against human trafficking.

His album, "Return Home," showcases 13 improvisational piano pieces, a departure from his usual compositional approach. It invites listeners on a cinematic voyage through the landscapes of his European heritage. The album, inspired by his deep connection with his wife Tina and their journey through her family's homeland in Slovenia, underscores the power of music to connect us to our past. It serves as a testament to Paul Cardall's enduring impact as an artist and empathetic soul.

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