A star is born. Not because a mommy star and a daddy star loved each other very much, or even because a clump of matter and gas collapsed under its own gravity (I think), but because a person has a talent for singing which they perform for a wide listening audience. What transpires across the lifespan of our newborn star has historically varied, but common themes include substance abuse, fraught relationships, and, if they're very lucky, Oscars. I'm talking, of course, about the 2018 musical romance A Star is Born, directed by Bradley Cooper. This melodic melodrama was favored by critics and audiences alike, who swooned for its hot stars and earworm-packed soundtrack, but Magellans at the Movies are made of sterner stuff. Will they be won over by all the kissing and the crooning, or will their review be a song of only sour notes? Maybe it's time to find out!

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