ADHD Consultant Reveals Secrets To Manage Rejection Sensitivity (RSD) - Matt Gupwell
1Digest
Matt, a neurodiversity awareness consultant, discusses Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), a common experience for individuals with ADHD and autism. He describes RSD as an immediate, intense, visceral feeling of rejection that can be overwhelming and challenging to manage. Matt shares personal anecdotes about how RSD has affected his life, including his struggles with work relationships and social situations. He emphasizes that RSD is not a deliberate choice but a result of neurobiological differences. Matt provides practical advice for managing RSD, including the STOP acronym (Stop, Try to pay attention, Observe everything, Process), and the importance of finding a supportive tribe and understanding the root causes of RSD. He also discusses the role of psychological safety in the workplace and the challenges of navigating RSD in romantic relationships. Matt concludes by offering hope and encouragement to those struggling with RSD, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion, seeking support, and finding strategies that work for them.
Outlines
Introduction and RSD Explained
This Chapter introduces Matt, a neurodiversity awareness consultant, and the topic of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Matt defines RSD as an immediate, intense, visceral feeling of rejection that can be overwhelming and challenging to manage. He explains that RSD is often rooted in feelings and can make it difficult to function after experiencing it.
RSD vs. Emotional Dysregulation
This Chapter explores the difference between RSD and emotional dysregulation. Matt explains that while emotional dysregulation is a common experience for many, RSD is a more pervasive and destructive subset of emotional dysregulation, often associated with neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and autism. He highlights that RSD is characterized by the inability to recognize the feeling of rejection as it happens, making it distinct from other forms of emotional dysregulation.
Personal Experiences with RSD
This Chapter delves into Matt's personal experiences with RSD. He shares how RSD has affected his life, including his struggles with work relationships and social situations. He describes how RSD can trigger feelings of inadequacy and rejection, leading to anxiety and avoidance behaviors. Matt also shares a specific example of how RSD manifested during a holiday in Italy, highlighting the intensity and irrationality of the experience.
Managing RSD: Evidence vs. Feelings
This Chapter discusses the challenge of managing RSD, particularly the conflict between feelings and facts. Matt acknowledges that it can be difficult to contradict the feeling of rejection, even when presented with evidence to the contrary. He emphasizes the importance of recognizing that RSD is driven by feelings and not facts, and that it can be difficult to process facts rationally in the moment. He suggests that while it's challenging to manage RSD in the moment, it's possible to learn from the experience and develop strategies for coping.
Triggers and Coping Mechanisms
This Chapter explores the triggers and coping mechanisms for RSD. Matt identifies his biggest triggers as feelings of inadequacy and being caught out, which can lead to instant rejection responses. He shares his personal journey of managing RSD, highlighting the importance of practice and self-awareness. He also discusses the role of shame and embarrassment in managing RSD and the importance of acknowledging and communicating these feelings to partners and loved ones.
RSD and Working Relationships
This Chapter examines the impact of RSD on working relationships. Matt shares his experiences with job loss and the role RSD played in those situations. He emphasizes that RSD can be a significant factor in workplace conflicts and challenges, particularly when individuals are not aware of their own neurodiversity or how to manage their emotions. He highlights the importance of psychological safety in the workplace and the need for open communication about RSD to create a more supportive environment.
Intense Feelings and Coping Strategies
This Chapter delves into the intense feelings associated with RSD and explores coping strategies. Matt describes the range of emotions he has experienced, from rage and sadness to suicidal ideation. He also discusses the role of RSD in addiction and the tendency for individuals to use unhealthy coping mechanisms to manage the overwhelming feelings. He emphasizes the importance of seeking professional help and practicing mindfulness techniques to manage RSD.
Spotting and Defending Against RSD
This Chapter focuses on spotting and defending against RSD. Matt shares his personal journey of managing RSD, highlighting the importance of practice and self-awareness. He discusses the role of shame and embarrassment in managing RSD and the importance of acknowledging and communicating these feelings to partners and loved ones.
Shame and Embarrassment in Managing RSD
This Chapter addresses the feelings of shame and embarrassment that can accompany managing RSD. Matt acknowledges that it can be embarrassing to have to implement coping strategies, especially as a grown adult. He emphasizes that RSD is not a deliberate choice and that it's important to communicate these feelings to partners and loved ones to create a supportive environment.
Short-Term Strategies for Managing RSD
This Chapter explores short-term strategies for managing RSD. Matt emphasizes the importance of practice and self-awareness in developing coping mechanisms. He suggests using the "Goodwill Hunting" approach, where individuals acknowledge that their reactions are not personal and that they are working on managing their emotions. He also discusses the importance of building a foundation of understanding with partners and loved ones to create a supportive environment.
Apologizing and Building Understanding
This Chapter examines the role of apologies in managing RSD. Matt cautions against apologizing too quickly, as it can create confusion and doubt for partners. He suggests that apologies should be accompanied by an explanation of the underlying feelings and the facts of the situation. He emphasizes the importance of open communication and building a foundation of understanding with partners to navigate RSD effectively.
Long-Term Strategies for Managing RSD
This Chapter explores long-term strategies for managing RSD. Matt emphasizes the importance of open communication and dialogue with partners and loved ones. He discusses the concept of psychological safety in the workplace and the need for open communication about RSD to create a more supportive environment. He also highlights the importance of understanding the impact of RSD on partners and the need for empathy and compassion in navigating these challenges.
Navigating RSD in Romantic Relationships
This Chapter focuses on navigating RSD in romantic relationships. Matt emphasizes the importance of open communication and dialogue with partners and loved ones. He discusses the concept of psychological safety in the workplace and the need for open communication about RSD to create a more supportive environment. He also highlights the importance of understanding the impact of RSD on partners and the need for empathy and compassion in navigating these challenges.
Understanding RSD from a Non-ADHD Perspective
This Chapter explores the challenges of understanding RSD from a non-ADHD perspective. Matt acknowledges that RSD can appear volatile and extreme to those who have never experienced it. He emphasizes the importance of open communication and sharing personal experiences to build understanding and empathy in relationships.
RSD in the Workplace: Feedback and Communication
This Chapter addresses the challenges of managing RSD in the workplace, particularly when receiving feedback. Matt suggests approaching the situation with open communication and a focus on facts rather than feelings. He emphasizes the importance of understanding the impact of communication styles on individuals with RSD and the need for psychological safety in the workplace.
Alexithymia: Understanding and Processing Emotions
This Chapter explores Alexithymia, a condition that affects the ability to recognize and process emotions. Matt explains that Alexithymia can make it difficult for individuals to understand their own emotions and respond appropriately in social situations. He highlights the importance of understanding Alexithymia and its impact on communication and relationships.
Alexithymia vs. Sociopathy
This Chapter clarifies the difference between Alexithymia and Sociopathy. Matt emphasizes that Alexithymia is not a choice but a neurobiological difference, while Sociopathy is a deliberate and calculated disregard for others' feelings. He highlights the importance of understanding these distinctions to avoid misinterpretations and promote empathy in relationships.
Communicating with Individuals with Alexithymia
This Chapter provides advice for communicating with individuals with Alexithymia. Matt suggests focusing on facts rather than feelings and using clear and concise language. He emphasizes the importance of patience and understanding, recognizing that individuals with Alexithymia may process information differently.
Theories of RSD Genesis
This Chapter explores the theories surrounding the genesis of RSD. Matt discusses various theories, including biological vulnerability, attachment theory, evolutionary perspective, and cognitive bias. He highlights the importance of understanding the potential root causes of RSD to develop effective coping strategies.
HALT Theory and STOP Acronym
This Chapter introduces the HALT theory and the STOP acronym, two strategies for managing RSD. Matt explains that while the HALT theory (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) can be helpful in identifying triggers, it may not be effective in the moment of an RSD flare-up. He introduces the STOP acronym (Stop, Try to pay attention, Observe everything, Process) as a more effective strategy for managing RSD in the moment.
RSD and Social Media
This Chapter examines the portrayal of RSD on social media platforms like TikTok. Matt expresses concern about the often comical or generic depictions of RSD, which he believes can be unhelpful and inaccurate. He emphasizes the importance of providing accurate and nuanced information about RSD to avoid misconceptions and promote understanding.
The Positive Side of RSD
This Chapter explores the potential positive aspects of RSD. Matt discusses the concept of Received Reward Euphoria (RRE), which suggests that individuals with RSD experience heightened feelings of joy and euphoria when they receive praise or positive feedback. He also explores the evolutionary theory of RSD, suggesting that the heightened sensitivity to rejection may have evolved as a protective mechanism. He encourages individuals to focus on their strengths and positive experiences to counterbalance the negative effects of RSD.
Closing Advice for Those Struggling with RSD
This Chapter offers closing advice for individuals struggling with RSD. Matt emphasizes the importance of finding a supportive tribe, identifying their passions and purpose, and practicing coping strategies like the STOP acronym. He encourages individuals to challenge their shame and guilt, acknowledge their experiences, and seek professional help when needed.
Overcoming Shame and Guilt
This Chapter provides guidance on overcoming shame and guilt associated with RSD. Matt emphasizes that individuals are not alone in their experiences and that RSD is a common challenge for those with ADHD. He encourages individuals to acknowledge their feelings, explore the root causes of their shame and guilt, and continue seeking solutions.
Impulsive Acts and ADHD
This Chapter concludes with a lighthearted tradition of sharing impulsive acts. Matt shares a story about his impulsive fire-breathing act while working for British Airways, highlighting his lack of filter and disregard for safety. He also shares a story about a Ninja Warrior training injury, demonstrating his tendency to push boundaries and embrace challenges.
Keywords
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is a common experience for individuals with ADHD and autism, characterized by an immediate, intense, visceral feeling of rejection that can be overwhelming and challenging to manage. It is often rooted in feelings and can make it difficult to function after experiencing it. RSD is not a deliberate choice but a result of neurobiological differences. It can manifest in various ways, including feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, avoidance behaviors, and intense emotional reactions to perceived rejection. Managing RSD requires self-awareness, coping strategies, and a supportive environment.
ADHD
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder that affects attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Individuals with ADHD may experience challenges with focus, organization, time management, and emotional regulation. RSD is a common experience for individuals with ADHD, as their brains may be more sensitive to perceived rejection. Understanding ADHD and its impact on emotional regulation is crucial for managing RSD effectively.
Autism
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by challenges with social interaction, communication, and repetitive behaviors. Individuals with autism may experience sensory sensitivities, difficulty with social cues, and a heightened awareness of social situations. RSD is a common experience for individuals with autism, as their brains may be more sensitive to perceived rejection and social cues. Understanding autism and its impact on social interactions is crucial for managing RSD effectively.
Neurodiversity
Neurodiversity refers to the idea that variations in brain function and cognitive abilities are normal and should be celebrated. It challenges the traditional view of neurotypicality and emphasizes the importance of understanding and supporting individuals with neurodevelopmental differences. Neurodiversity awareness is crucial for creating inclusive and supportive environments for individuals with ADHD, autism, and other neurodevelopmental conditions.
Emotional Dysregulation
Emotional dysregulation refers to difficulty managing and regulating emotions. Individuals with emotional dysregulation may experience intense emotional reactions, difficulty controlling impulses, and challenges with emotional expression. RSD is a subset of emotional dysregulation, characterized by a heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection. Understanding emotional dysregulation and its impact on behavior is crucial for managing RSD effectively.
Psychological Safety
Psychological safety refers to a workplace environment where individuals feel comfortable expressing themselves, taking risks, and sharing their ideas without fear of negative consequences. It is essential for fostering creativity, innovation, and collaboration. Creating a psychologically safe environment is particularly important for individuals with RSD, as they may be more sensitive to criticism and rejection. Open communication about RSD and neurodiversity can contribute to building psychological safety in the workplace.
Alexithymia
Alexithymia is a condition that affects the ability to recognize and process emotions. Individuals with Alexithymia may have difficulty identifying their own emotions, understanding the emotions of others, and expressing their feelings. It can lead to challenges in communication and relationships. Understanding Alexithymia is crucial for navigating relationships with individuals who may have difficulty processing emotions.
Sociopathy
Sociopathy, also known as Antisocial Personality Disorder, is a mental health condition characterized by a disregard for social norms, a lack of empathy, and a tendency to manipulate and exploit others. It is important to distinguish Sociopathy from Alexithymia, as they are distinct conditions with different causes and manifestations. Understanding these differences is crucial for promoting empathy and avoiding misinterpretations in relationships.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory is a psychological theory that explores the development of emotional bonds between individuals, particularly between children and caregivers. It suggests that early attachment experiences can influence an individual's emotional development and relationships throughout life. Attachment theory is relevant to understanding RSD, as insecure attachment styles may contribute to a heightened sensitivity to rejection.
Cognitive Bias
Cognitive bias refers to systematic errors in thinking that can influence our perceptions, judgments, and decisions. It can lead to distorted interpretations of events and situations. Cognitive bias is relevant to understanding RSD, as individuals with RSD may be prone to negative biases that amplify feelings of rejection.
Q&A
What is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and how does it affect individuals with ADHD and autism?
RSD is an intense feeling of rejection that can be overwhelming for individuals with ADHD and autism. It's not a deliberate choice but a result of how their brains process information. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and avoidance behaviors, making it difficult to function after experiencing it.
What are some key differences between RSD and emotional dysregulation?
While emotional dysregulation is common for many, RSD is a more pervasive and destructive subset. It's often associated with neurodivergent conditions like ADHD and autism. The key difference is that RSD makes it difficult to recognize the feeling of rejection as it happens, unlike other forms of emotional dysregulation.
How can I manage RSD in the moment?
Matt suggests the STOP acronym: Stop, Try to pay attention, Observe everything, Process. This helps you pause, focus on your surroundings, and analyze the situation before reacting impulsively.
What are some long-term strategies for managing RSD?
Open communication with partners and loved ones is crucial. Building a foundation of understanding and psychological safety in relationships can help. It's also important to identify your passions and purpose, as this can help reduce the frequency and intensity of RSD.
How can I overcome the shame and guilt associated with RSD?
Remember that you're not alone. RSD is a common experience for those with ADHD. Acknowledge your feelings, explore the root causes of your shame and guilt, and continue seeking solutions. It's a process, and the first strategy you try might not be the right one.
What is Alexithymia and how does it differ from Sociopathy?
Alexithymia is the inability to recognize and process emotions. It's not a choice but a neurobiological difference. Sociopathy, on the other hand, is a deliberate disregard for others' feelings. It's important to understand these distinctions to avoid misinterpretations and promote empathy in relationships.
How can I communicate with someone who has Alexithymia?
Focus on facts rather than feelings. Use clear and concise language. Be patient and understanding, recognizing that they may process information differently.
What are some theories about the genesis of RSD?
Theories include biological vulnerability, attachment theory, evolutionary perspective, and cognitive bias. Understanding these potential root causes can help develop effective coping strategies.
What are some tips for navigating RSD in romantic relationships?
Open communication and dialogue are essential. Building a foundation of understanding and psychological safety is crucial. Remember that RSD is not a reflection of your partner's love or care.
What are some common misconceptions about RSD on social media?
RSD is often portrayed in a comical or generic way, which can be unhelpful and inaccurate. It's important to provide accurate and nuanced information to avoid misconceptions and promote understanding.
Show Notes
Alex sits down with Neurodiversity Consultant, Matt Gupwell, to discuss Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
Topics:
00:00 Trailer
01:34 RSD Explained
03:32 The difference between RSD and Emotional Dysregulation
10:38 What are your biggest triggers?
11:59 Has RSD interfered with your working relationships?
15:35 RSD in relationships
26:46 Long term strategies
32:04 Is it hard for Neurotypicals to understand RSD?
33:40 Washing machine of woes
37:46 What is Alexithymia?
43:25 Theories as to the genesis of RSD
45:43 The HALT Theory
51:09 Your ADHD item (juggling balls)
56:33 How RSD is depicted on social media
59:18 The positive side of RSD
01:02:24 Closing advice
01:08:46 Your most impulsive thing
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This episode has been produced for entertainment purposes only and is in no way meant to be taken as medical advice or advice in any way.
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