Advice for Songwriters

You can't write a song
In a comfortable, air-conditioned room
With plenty of time on your hands

You can't write a song
In a happy relationship
Or in a rainforest,
with friends you love

Because you can't write a song
When you're happy, and everything is going your way
Or when you've just won an award... 
Even if it's an award for songwriting

By the way I just bought a vinyl record 
of Beethoven, 
played by the Berlin Philharmonic
for one dollar
That's what you're up against

You can't write a song
Sucking on a menthol
Or chewing gum
Or if you just brushed your teeth

You can't write a song
At your parents house
Unless they abused you
And they're not there
And you still hate them for it

You can't write a song
When you're getting paid good money
Or when you've just bought a new car 
Or after listening
To an inspiring Ted talk

You can't write a song
At a music festival
Or on a holiday
Or in a swimming pool

You can't even write a song
When you paid for your own whiskey
Or if it's your birthday
Or if there's a rainbow in the sky

Strangely,  you can write a song
When you've given up on writing songs
Or when you're meant to be doing something else
Or when you walked home from the party because you were too stoned
and you got bitten by a dog

You can write a song
in the in-between spaces
Like when you've run out of time
because you need to be somewhere else
Or when you're just jealous as fuck
Because someone did it better than you

With that in mind
Take no notice of these instructions
They are a ruse 
Because the world doesn't need any more songs
We have enough already

Thank you.