Today, Shannon and Spencer dig deep into the question, how do we learn and grow to love ourselves?







In the pursuit of learning to love ourselves, we may have faced emotional challenges and societal pressures that obscure our self-worth. We might begin by reflecting on childhood experiences that shaped our perceptions and beliefs about ourselves. Shannon recalled a memory from her childhood when a family member sang a birthday song with words meant in jest but felt as though they were aimed at her self-esteem. Such incidents, impressionable in our formative years, can anchor us into feelings of inadequacy.







One of the fundamental lessons in recovery is differentiating between self-care and self-love. Self-care is often trivialized by social media trends that emphasize superficial activities rather than deeper self-respect and acceptance. Sometimes, achieving self-love feels like an impossible task, one that is too intimate and personal to tackle. We learn that self-love is not a natural consequence of self-care methods and that confidence in oneself does not always equate to positive self-dialogue.







We realized that loving ourselves often contradicts our past behaviors of prioritizing others’ needs over our own. We have been conditioned to fix, to manage, and to nurture everyone around us, neglecting our own needs in the process. Transformative moments can come from simple realizations, like deciding to enjoy activities alone and finding contentment in moments without societal validation. This was a mind-blowing insight: we can embrace personal joys independent of others’ preferences, discovering joy in solitude.







In recovery, embracing spirituality can also be an alien concept. The challenge is in handing over worries to a higher power—one that may not be tangible or understandable. Nevertheless, a breakthrough can come from surprising places, such as a yoga session where Shannon saw herself literally reaching out to herself. In that moment, she realized she could trust herself as a source of strength and guidance.







Self-reflection is crucial in moments of doubt or negative self-talk. With support from understanding friends, family, or fellow program members, we can replace unkind thoughts with encouraging affirmations. This requires a conscious effort to listen to positivity and to absorb love and kindness directed toward us. It helps to recognize that anticipated catastrophes never manifested, showing us that fears are often unjustified.







Through meditation and focusing on gratitude, we are guided to appreciate our circumstances. Shifting focus from potential problems to tangible comforts serves as an effective strategy to combat anxious spirals, especially during sleepless nights.







Newcomers to recovery might find themselves overwhelmed by the structure and vocabulary of program meetings. It's important for us to remember that universally shared experiences and expressions, although initially intimidating, are part of the collective healing journey.







Adopting the recovery program as a template for life underscores self-love as its heart. By maintaining commitments to meetings, readings, and step work, we gradually reveal the power of these teachings. Declaring and truly believing that we are worth it—worthy of love, forgiveness, and kindness—is perhaps the most revolutionary step toward self-acceptance.







Ultimately, coming into a recovery program like Al-Anon introduces us to an invaluable community of understanding and compassion. The path to self-love is intricate, interwoven with our experiences, but its realization is deeply therapeutic, teaching us that this love is our inherent right.







Readings and Links