In the latest episode of The Recovery Show, host Spencer and guest Patrick B delve into the question, “Is Al-Anon really for men?” Both men are Al-Anon members, yet they wonder why the program largely features a predominantly female membership. The episode was recorded aboard a cruise ship following the AA International Convention, where Spencer and Patrick had a candid conversation about their experiences and observations.







Understanding Men's Involvement in Al-Anon







Patrick opens the discussion by expressing his curiosity about why only about 15% of Al-Anon members are men, despite men being equally affected by alcoholism, either as family members or friends of alcoholics. Through personal anecdotes, Patrick and Spencer highlight their encounters with male participation in Al-Anon meetings. They share that despite the visible male attendance at some meetings, women continue to constitute the majority. 







Spencer recalls attending meetings where the presence of men contributed to a healthy group dynamic. Patrick observed that meetings with a higher percentage of men often provide enriching sessions filled with experience, strength, and hope. Yet, he also notes that entering a predominantly female setting can make men feel uncomfortable due to stereotypes and traditional gender roles.







Challenges and Cultural Norms







The pair examines societal expectations, where men have historically been taught to be strong, self-reliant, and the primary problem-solvers—a notion that can deter men from joining groups like Al-Anon where sharing feelings is encouraged. Patrick reflects on his own hesitance to join until he reached a point of desperation. Spencer, too, shares his struggles in breaking away from societal norms of masculinity to embrace the supportive environment offered by Al-Anon.







Exploring Solutions and Acceptance







To address the imbalance, Spencer and Patrick consider how Al-Anon meetings can be more welcoming to men. They question if the structure or content within the program might unintentionally cater more to women, thus alienating male members. They discuss the existence of male-focused literature within Al-Anon, citing the men's newcomer packet (K-23), which includes brochures that address men's unique challenges.







Patrick, reflecting on his recent experiences with meetings, has found Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) gatherings more balanced in gender representation. This observation provokes further consideration into how different recovery programs might naturally attract diverse demographics.







Conclusion







Spencer and Patrick conclude by emphasizing Al-Anon’s valuable impact on their lives and encouraging other men to genuinely explore what the program can offer. Spencer advocates for meetings to maintain resources like the men's newcomer packet and to foster an environment that is welcoming to all. Both men echo the sentiment not to leave before witnessing the personal miracles recovery can bring.







Links







Patrick had a copy of the Men's Newcomer Packet from Al-Anon. We spent a little time looking through it.







The 2024 Al-Anon Membership Survey results are also available on the al-anon.org website.







Upcoming topics







Coming are episodes on Steps 11 and 12. Please email feedback@therecovery.