In today’s episode of The Noon Hour of Madness & Mayhem, Peaches and Viktor begin their morning far too early, with Peaches announcing that he’s broke, unprepared, and absolutely not buying a $70 ugly Christmas sweater when he already owns a white one with his face on it—because nothing says festive like narcissism on knitwear. From there, the guys spiral into a confessional about the White Elephant gift exchange, where Peaches openly strategizes how to pawn off his unwanted Funko Pops and Viktor admits he once re-gifted a terrible item to his own daughter, who immediately called him out for giving her garbage. The decluttering continues as Peaches describes purging his apartment of Legos, books he’ll never read, and childhood knick-knacks—except, of course, the sacred Hulk Hogan statue.

Then the show takes a hard left turn as Peaches reveals that one of his favorite creators might’ve posted a video of an opossum being launched from a slingshot, prompting Viktor to experience a full moral meltdown on-air. The two spend several minutes arguing whether the opossum clip is real, AI, or the world’s worst attempt at comedy before Viktor tries to recover the tone by saying, “Well, since we’re keeping things light… let’s talk about mega quakes in Japan.” From there, they plunge into natural disasters, tsunamis, West Coast annihilation scenarios, and Peaches reminding everyone that people who dream about living in Japan forget it’s basically Earthquake Disneyland.

The show closes with Peaches ranting about holiday small talk, weathermen being strangely excited about the lack of snow, relatives who demand he “do the radio voice,” and the collective brain melt that occurs inside local Facebook groups the moment anyone types “Where’s the snow???” Viktor tries to steer things toward Christmas cheer, but Peaches instead offers up another roast of the Life in Idaho Falls admins before the guys mercifully land the plane.

If you're into White Elephant warfare, bizarre internet scandals, mockery of extended family, deep geological dread, or Peaches airing out Idaho Falls Facebook stupidity, this episode is your new religion.