Episode 30: The Pain of the Anxious Preoccupied

In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley takes listeners inside the inner world of the Anxious Preoccupied attachment style—an attachment style marked by a profound longing and need for love, reassurance, and an almost constant subconscious fear of being left. At the core of the anxious preoccupied is the wound of abandonment. Dr. Hensley explains how individuals with this attachment style often grow up receiving intermittent reinforcement of love—care that is inconsistent, unpredictable, and emotionally unreliable. The brain adapts by becoming overly attuned to signs of connection or disconnection, wiring the nervous system for anxiety, rumination, and emotional pain when the closeness to the one they love feels threatened. This early conditioning is why many anxious preoccupied individuals later experience love as addictive, consuming, and essential for emotional survival rather than a place of co-regulation.

Dr. Hensley goes on to unpack how this attachment style often expresses itself through chronic people-pleasing and self-abandonment. In an effort to prevent loss, anxious preoccupied individuals frequently minimize their own needs, over-function in relationships, and prioritize others’ comfort at the expense of their own emotional well-being. Drawing from attachment research, neuroscience, and clinical insight, this episode explores how the nervous system equates separation with danger—and why even subtle relational cues can trigger intense distress. Most importantly, Dr. Hensley offers validation and hope, emphasizing that this pain is not a character flaw, but an adaptive response to early relational wounds—and that with awareness, nervous system healing, and earned security, the anxious preoccupied can learn to experience love without losing themselves in the process.

Tune in to The Love Doc Podcast every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert insights, and the guidance you need to navigate love and relationships in today’s world. For more information on Dr. Hensley’s offerings, explore the links below and connect with her on social media.

Patreons link: patreon.com/TheLoveDocPodcast

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc

Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Disclaimer: The content shared on this podcast reflects personal experiences, opinions, and perspectives. The stories told are based on real-life events as remembered and interpreted by the hosts and guests. While we may discuss past relationships, custody matters, or personal dynamics, we do so from our point of view and with the intention of healing, education, and advocacy.

Identities are not disclosed unless already publicly known or permitted, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental unless explicitly stated. The information provided is not intended to defame, malign, or harm any individual or entity.

We do not offer legal advice or psychological diagnosis. Listeners are encouraged to consult with professionals regarding their specific circumstances.

By listening to this podcast, you agree that the hosts are not liable for any losses, damages, or misunderstandings arising from its content.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.