Welcome to the You Look Nice Today® Scat Immersion Program™.

No dogs, babies, or squares allowed.

In preparation for your first day on campus, please learn these key phrases, as they represent your final connection with your native tongue:

SCAT: Gom zibby, glom zibby, bop zibby domp!

ENGLISH: Please, do not raise your voice; I have a terrific heroin headache.

SCAT: Bomp ZEE bop! Spoo-da-lee BEE zot?

ENGLISH: Has this pepper spray you’re selling me been “stepped on?”

SCAT: Babe sop potta womp, bum bop zee bop!

ENGLISH: Your newborn baby is as uninteresting to me as the baking soda pabulum that’s currently passing for heroin.

SCAT: Bomp…zeep…bomp.

ENGLISH: Ha! I’ve once again taken heroin and fallen asleep whilst driving!

SCAT: Stomp dee-domp, stomp dee-domp, squeep bomp—DEE bomp?

ENGLISH: Have you a spare behavior modification helmet and some heroin?

SCAT: Salt PEE nutz!

ENGLISH: This uncut heroin you’ve provided strikes me as both deadly and affordable.