Fear of failure/public humiliation is the number one reason psychologists and therapists put off that big project they have been wanting to do. The good news is we can use the same skills we apply to clients to overcome this and do great things. This is the first in a series of mindset coaching episodes to get you off the starting blocks.

Links

To join the waiting list for the Do More Than Therapy membership visit https://psychologists.drrosie.co.uk/membership-waiting-list

To take my quiz to find out what is holding YOU back from being creative in your work visit

https://www.drrosie.co.uk/quiz

Russ Harris' FREE COVID 19 resources and meditation tracks

https://www.actmindfully.com.au/free-stuff/free-audio/?fbclid=IwAR3xexTBkUaVFECL2mTcskh_ghuSvfRcaAQW3wn3A0B0fcmCWodAEKNSuB8

Blog: How the fear of failure is killing your creativity as a psychologist or therapist and how to deal with it

My quiz is designed to help you figure out what is getting in the way of your creativity as a psychologist or therapist. A theme that has come out over and over again is the fear of failure. We often get stuck in our practice, knowing we want to do more but paralysed. Sometimes this is because we don't know WHAT to do, which is why the Do More Than Therapy membership, and this podcast, have practical topics like "how to publish a book" with Tim Lewis. But often, we do know what to do, we just can't seem to make ourselves do it. This is usually because we are paralysed by fear.

Most of us feel this fear when we are stepping outside of our comfort zones and doing something new to us. I certainly get it when I'm recording this podcast!

What is so scary about failure for psychologists and therapists?

I use a lot of ACT in my work and I find it helpful to think of the fear of failure as "fusion with the outcome" of our venture. By that I mean we have started to act as though several things are true:

1. That our thoughts are reality
2. We can predict the future
3. Whether the project succeeds or fails is entirely down to us
4. That success or failure of the project means something about us as a person.

People who have been successful in life often get away with this style of thinking as it makes us work very hard. The problem comes when we apply it to innovative projects because failure is an essential part of the process of creating something great and in order to be resilient enough to keep going we need to see the venture as separate to our self worth.

Why we need to fight the fear to be the best psychologists and therapists we can be

If we don't separate from the outcome of our venture we will be operating from a place of fear. This means our body and mind will switch off the capacities for creative problem solving, social connection, resolving conflict and resting and digesting. Basically we will be unable to do our best work.

Also, if we don't get instant success (which we probably won't) we will think it is because "I am a failure". The logical behaviour if we believe this is to give up and hide from others. This is the most harmful thing that could happen to your ability to make an impact on the mental heath landscape.

What needs to happen for your project to be a Success?

It may be helpful to consider all of the factors that must align for your project to succeed.

• Your intervention (book, course, podcast etc.) has to be what someone else needs at that moment.
• They need to understand how it helps them.
• They need to be able to afford it.
• They need to be able to prioritise the issue.
• They need to believe change is possible.
• They need to be willing to invest in themselves.
• They need to have 15 minutes of peace to make the transaction.
• They need to remember to click the button while the cart is open.

How many of these things can you influence?

There are things you can do to increase your chances of success. Getting to know your community properly as we discussed in the episode on social media, honing your writing skills or hiring someone with those skills and using testimonials can all help people.

But you can never influence whether someone can afford what you are offering (whether that is individuals or commissioners) and whether they are able to prioritise this issue. There are a whole host of societal and family reasons behind these factors.

You also cannot read minds. You will get things wrong and the only way of finding that out is to launch, fail and get feedback.

My failure and why I value it

I learned these lessons the hard way. A few years ago I launched an online course that was a flop by all measures. But I'm glad it happened. Feedback told me two things. Firstly that you need a massive audience to launch an online course, I did not have one! I've since learned that for every 100 people in your online audience (assuming they are all in need of your course) you are only likely to sell a course to one or two of them. So with an audience of 50 I was essentially stuffed.

But I also, painfully, learned from that and some other failed ventures at the time that my topic, although incredibly clinically important, wasn't something people were willing to invest in. My course was a CFT based approach to mental health in pregnancy. I suffered a lot in my pregnancy and knew that CFT could help prevent women like me from pathologising themselves and starting motherhood feeling like a "failure". I had all of the passion you need to get something like that off the ground and the lived experience to make it relatable.

What I did not realise is that we are not, as a society, yet able to priortise mental health in pregnancy. When I got feedback women told me that they "couldn't spend money on them when there was so much to buy for baby" (it was a very low cost course) and that "I should be grateful as we have wanted this baby for so long, I just need to snap out of it."

Heart sinking right?

The truth is you don't really know what people value until you ask them to part with money for it. This is true on an individual and a government level. For example I pitched to my local children's centres about providing low cost hypnobirthing workshops for "at risk" mothers as there is evidence (it is in the NICE guidance) that the principles of hypnobirthing can help prevent birth trauma and this was a stated priority in our area. They were very enthusiastic but ultimately were not willing to pay for it.

I was devastated and I needed to use a lot of compassion and ACT to get through it but I am so glad I learned these lessons.

Dealing with the fear of failure

Russ Harris has some great meditations for de-fusing from thoughts that are getting in your way. I have provided the link to these above.

Personally I use a journal to help me with this. If I am having a thought that makes it hard for me to move forward I write it down, look at it and evaluate whether it moves me forward or keeps me stuck. If it keeps me stuck I will literally close the book on it and every time it starts bothering me again I get the journal out (I have a tiny one for this) look at it and close it again. I find the phsyciality helps communicate to my mind that I created this thought myself but I know other people just do this mentally by labelling the thought and thanking the mind for it.

If fusing with the outcome is holding you back don't suffer in silence! Come an join us in the do more than therapy community and lets support each other through it. If you have found this episode helpful please rate, review and subscribe as it will help more people to find it.