If you really want to be successful, you need to learn how to be coached.

On this episode Russell speaks directly to those of us who were a little hurt by his last episode about extreme ownership. He tells us why we feel the way we do, and what we need to do in order to become coachable. Here are some of the insightful things to listen for in this episode:

• Why Russell thinks if you were hurt by the previous episode, you need to hear this message most.
• How Russell learned to be coachable.
• And why you need to become coachable in order to be successful.

So listen here to find out if you are coachable, and what you need to do to become that way.

---Transcript---

Hey everybody, this is Russell Brunson. Welcome back to the Marketing Secrets podcast. Today this is going to be kind of a continuation of last episode. I did a little bit of a rant, but today I want to talk about how to be coached.

Alright so, I know that when I stepped into this role of marketing nerd, I don’t know, chief marketing nerd at Clickfunnels, the person who is coaching other entrepreneurs in how to market, I forget sometimes that I grew up being coached a lot like in wrestling and other sports, and so many aspects of my life. When I got in this business and started hiring coaches, I hired relationship coaches for Collette and I, I hired business coaches, I hired personality coaches, personal development coaches. I’m just a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to hiring coaches, because I’ve seen the value of having a coach.

And I forgot about the pattern that most people go through. I’m sure I went through it as well, but what happens is, and again, because I think we come in this world sometimes and I try to coach people and it’s interesting because they’ve never been coached before, or not to the level where they thrive off it, and obsess about it, and desire. Most of the people that I know that are really, really successful, have coaches and they love it, and they thrive off of the feedback, and they get some feedback and they’re like, “Yes!”  and they just run with it because they’re so excited that, “I paid for this feedback, I got it from this person I trust and I just run with it.”

I think a lot of times people that haven’t been obsessed about it, or they haven’t been in a super high level coaching before, they kind of go through a pattern. So I’m going to talk about that pattern because I think a lot of people get this, and I saw just over the last couple of days from the podcast that I did put out. And first off, I just want to say with any podcast I’m putting out, the only reason why I publish something, it’s because I know it’s not one person struggling with it, because there’s a lot of people struggling. If it was one person I wouldn’t publish a whole episode about it. When it’s a pattern that a lot of people are struggling with, that’s when I make an episode. I don’t want to just serve one person, I want to serve a thousand or 5 thousand, or ten thousand, however many I can reach with my voice.

So you know, the lesson from the last podcast episode about extreme ownership, and about publishing and being consistent, it wasn’t advice for one person, that was advice for thousands of people who are struggling. So I want to kind of put that out there. Number two, same thing with this. This is specifically because I saw the reaction from one person, but this coaching for everybody, otherwise I wouldn’t put it out there. I wouldn’t waste my time, or your time, or anybody’s time.

Anyway, so what typically happens when somebody is newer to being coached or whatever, the first thing the coach says, “Hey you need to change this.” The first, what do they call that? I know with, what is it? First there’s denial, and grief, and like grief suffering, or whatever, there’s the different layers of what happens. First you grieve and then you get angry, there’s this whole process. It’s kind of the same thing with coaching, I’ve noticed.

When I first start working with entrepreneurs, or somebody I’m like, ‘This is what you gotta do.” And I give them harsh feedback, like it’s not working right, this is how to change. The very first thing is people get their feelings hurt. “Oh you’re attacking me.” Like, “No, no, no you don’t understand. You hired me to be your coach. This is, literally you paid me to do this thing for you. There’s nothing personal here. There’s no personal. You paid me to look at you, find the flaws, and try to fix them. I’m doing that.” I think the first phase of someone who’s knew to coaching, “Oh my gosh, you’re attacking me.” No, no, no I’m not attacking. You paid me for this. You asked me to look at your problems and to fix them. That’s at the first phase and I think a lot of people go through that, where they’re like, “Oh my gosh you kind of personally attacked me.”

In fact, my guess is for any of you guys who listened to this podcast or any of mine when I say something that kind of irks you, where you’re just like, ugh, and you get angry or frustrated or whatever, that’s why. It’s because you’re out of alignment with what you’re supposed to be doing. And you hear it, it’s like, “Oh.” I’ve said that before on other episodes, like, “If you’re upset with this episode, it’s probably for you.” Because that’s the first phase of it, that.

So that’s the first phase, then the second phase is people come back and start trying to rationalize what they did, “No, no, no, I kind of did it. I’m doing this.” Then they come back with this rationalization of, “I’m doing, it’s just not working.” And come back to that, trying to again, take the blame off of them, which comes back to the whole extreme ownership thing I talked about in the last podcast episode. They’re trying to take the blame off themselves because it doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel good when someone’s coaching you and telling you, and pointing out, “You did this wrong. This is the step, this is where you need to tweak, and where you need to change.” So they try to take the ownership off themselves and come back and be like, “No, I did that, there’s just some other external thing besides me that’s causing this problem. So that’s the second phase of this, of people being coached.

And then from there it usually splits off in one or two directions. One direction is that people end up saying, “Screw you, coach.” And then they just walk away and that’s where the relationship ends. And the second side is they humble themselves and be like, “Oh my gosh, I did pay you for this advice. You are my coach, I do trust you, therefore I will succumb to your ideas and do what you said. And that’s kind of the other tier.

So that’s kind of the process I see people as they go through coaching. Number one, it’s embarrassing for them, so they take it personal. Number two, then they get defensive, “No, no I am doing it kind of, just not right. I’m doing my best.” And then number three is one of two directions, one is “Screw you coach, I hope you die.” Or number two, succumbing to the advice and saying, “You know what, I did pay you for this, you’re probably right, let me just go and do it.” And that’s when they take extreme ownership and actually do the thing.

So that’s kind of the path, and I forget because, you know, right now I’m coaching my boys on the wrestling team and I see it right now with the kids. Where they come out there and do a move and I’m like, “Uh, you did it wrong.” And they’re like, “Coach, why…you told me I did it wrong in front of everybody.” I’m like, “Yeah, because I’m not trying to just teach you, I’m trying to teach everyone on the team, because you weren’t the only person that was wrong, I just spotted you and I pointed it out. I’m showing it so the entire team can learn this process together.” So that’s the first thing.

Then we come back and the second phase from the kids is like, “No, I did do it coach. I did it right here. Here’s the move. I did it.” I’m like, “Technically you did it, but you did it wrong. That’s why I’m pointing this out. Your elbows were in the wrong position, your footwork was off. You did the move, you just did it wrong. You didn’t pay attention. That’s why we’re breaking it down.”

Then the third phase is like, “Screw you coach. I’m going to do it this way because that’s the way I did.” Or “Okay coach, how did that work? Walk me through it again, so my elbow was up? My feet were in the wrong position, right?” and that person is coachable, that’s a person that takes extreme ownership and they’re coachable. And I can help them, they become a better wrestler, right. And the same thing is true in business, the same process.

So as I posted that episode a couple of days ago, I saw the pattern. They came back and said, you know, feelings were hurt, then defensive, and then now that person who is listening is probably at the crossroads of “Screw you, Russell. I hope you die.” Or “Oh my gosh, I’m going to take extreme ownership and figure out how to listen with 100% accuracy.” And it’s up to that person to decide what they want to do, and it’s up to you, honestly.

Like I said, the more you get coached, and the more you’re open to it, and the more willing you are, the faster you skip through the other phases. I’m at a spot now when I hire someone to coach me, I want that pain. I’m paying for this pain. I’m not going to get defensive, I’m not trying to show, “I did do that.” I’m just going to stop, shut up, and listen and be like, “Okay, how can I be coached? What did I do wrong? This person obviously knows something different, they’re looking at it from an outside perspective, they care about me, I put their, I put my trust in them, therefore I’m going to trust them, and I’m going to listen.”

So for you the faster you can get to that point and skip the other ones, the faster you