Digest

This episode of the Afford Anything podcast dives into the psychology of stubbornness, exploring why people resist change and how to effectively persuade them to adopt new perspectives. Michael McQueen, a communication expert who has worked with Fortune 500 companies, shares valuable insights from his decades of experience. He emphasizes that stubbornness is a common human trait, often stemming from a fear of loss, particularly the loss of certainty, power, or dignity. McQueen highlights the importance of understanding the instinctive mind, which is responsible for our emotional responses and often drives our resistance to change. He contrasts this with the inquiry mind, which is more logical and rational but often plays a smaller role in our decision-making. To effectively persuade others, McQueen suggests building trust and affinity, getting in sync with their body language, and acknowledging weaknesses in your own arguments. He also emphasizes the power of vulnerability and self-deprecation, which can disarm the other person and make them more receptive to your ideas. The episode concludes with practical tips for navigating difficult conversations, including the importance of timing, framing, and using language that resonates with the other person's values. The episode also includes a reminder that the course "Your First Rental Property" is closing enrollment on Friday, May 31st at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Outlines

00:00:00

Course Enrollment Deadline

This Chapter announces the final day to enroll in the "Your First Rental Property" course, which is Friday, May 31st at 11:59 PM Pacific. The course will not be offered again until the winter.

00:00:44

Persuading Others: Understanding Stubbornness

This Chapter explores the psychology of stubbornness, recognizing that it's a common human trait often stemming from a fear of loss. Michael McQueen discusses how our instinctive mind, driven by emotions and tribalism, often leads to resistance to change, while our inquiry mind, which is more logical and rational, plays a smaller role in decision-making.

00:19:31

Tools and Techniques for Persuasion

This Chapter delves into practical tools and techniques for persuading others to change their minds. Michael McQueen emphasizes the importance of building trust and affinity, getting in sync with the other person's body language, and acknowledging weaknesses in your own arguments. He also highlights the power of vulnerability and self-deprecation, which can disarm the other person and make them more receptive to your ideas.

00:41:13

Disagreements and Difficult Conversations

This Chapter provides guidance on how to disagree with someone without sounding disagreeable, particularly in close relationships. Michael McQueen suggests acknowledging the awkwardness of the conversation, framing your perspective as your own view, and being mindful of timing. He emphasizes the importance of pressing pause when conversations become tense and focusing on sharing your own experiences and feelings rather than relying solely on logical arguments.

00:43:48

Persuasion in a Work Context

This Chapter explores how to apply the principles of persuasion in a work context, particularly when communicating remotely. Michael McQueen emphasizes the importance of building social capital and understanding the other person's values. He suggests writing positive messages and speaking negative ones, and prioritizing face-to-face or video calls over written communication to build trust and rapport.

00:46:30

Addressing the Fear of Loss

This Chapter addresses the common fear of loss that often drives resistance to change. Michael McQueen explains that people are not afraid of change itself, but rather the potential loss of certainty, power, or dignity. He encourages listeners to address these perceived losses rather than simply focusing on the benefits of change.

00:47:57

Key Takeaways

This Chapter summarizes the key takeaways from the episode, including the importance of recognizing stubbornness in ourselves, building trust and affinity with others, and using honesty and humility to disarm and persuade. The episode concludes with a reminder about the course enrollment deadline for "Your First Rental Property".

Keywords

Q&A

• Why are people often stubborn, and what can we do to understand this phenomenon?

  People are often stubborn because they fear loss, particularly the loss of certainty, power, or dignity. To understand this, we need to recognize that our instinctive mind, driven by emotions and tribalism, often leads to resistance to change, while our inquiry mind, which is more logical and rational, plays a smaller role in decision-making.

• What are some practical tools and techniques for persuading others to change their minds?

  Some practical tools and techniques include building trust and affinity, getting in sync with the other person's body language, acknowledging weaknesses in your own arguments, and using vulnerability and self-deprecation to disarm them. It's also important to be mindful of timing, framing, and using language that resonates with their values.

• How can we disagree with someone without sounding disagreeable, especially in close relationships?

  Acknowledge the awkwardness of the conversation, frame your perspective as your own view, and be mindful of timing. When conversations become tense, press pause and focus on sharing your own experiences and feelings rather than relying solely on logical arguments.

• How do we apply the principles of persuasion in a work context, particularly when communicating remotely?

  Build social capital, understand the other person's values, write positive messages and speak negative ones, and prioritize face-to-face or video calls over written communication to build trust and rapport.

• What is the most common reason people resist change, and how can we address it?

  People are not afraid of change itself, but rather the potential loss of certainty, power, or dignity. To effectively persuade them, address these perceived losses rather than simply focusing on the benefits of change.

• What are three key takeaways from this episode?

  The three key takeaways are: 1) Recognize stubbornness in ourselves by observing our reactions to new ideas and challenges. 2) Build trust and affinity with others by getting in sync with their body language and creating a sense of connection. 3) Use honesty and humility to disarm others and make them more receptive to your ideas.

Show Notes