How to Master the Psychology of Persuasion, with Michael McQueen
Digest
This episode of the Afford Anything podcast dives into the psychology of stubbornness, exploring why people resist change and how to effectively persuade them to adopt new perspectives. Michael McQueen, a communication expert who has worked with Fortune 500 companies, shares valuable insights from his decades of experience. He emphasizes that stubbornness is a common human trait, often stemming from a fear of loss, particularly the loss of certainty, power, or dignity. McQueen highlights the importance of understanding the instinctive mind, which is responsible for our emotional responses and often drives our resistance to change. He contrasts this with the inquiry mind, which is more logical and rational but often plays a smaller role in our decision-making. To effectively persuade others, McQueen suggests building trust and affinity, getting in sync with their body language, and acknowledging weaknesses in your own arguments. He also emphasizes the power of vulnerability and self-deprecation, which can disarm the other person and make them more receptive to your ideas. The episode concludes with practical tips for navigating difficult conversations, including the importance of timing, framing, and using language that resonates with the other person's values. The episode also includes a reminder that the course "Your First Rental Property" is closing enrollment on Friday, May 31st at 11:59 PM Pacific.
Outlines
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Course Enrollment Deadline
This Chapter announces the final day to enroll in the "Your First Rental Property" course, which is Friday, May 31st at 11:59 PM Pacific. The course will not be offered again until the winter.
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Persuading Others: Understanding Stubbornness
This Chapter explores the psychology of stubbornness, recognizing that it's a common human trait often stemming from a fear of loss. Michael McQueen discusses how our instinctive mind, driven by emotions and tribalism, often leads to resistance to change, while our inquiry mind, which is more logical and rational, plays a smaller role in decision-making.
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Tools and Techniques for Persuasion
This Chapter delves into practical tools and techniques for persuading others to change their minds. Michael McQueen emphasizes the importance of building trust and affinity, getting in sync with the other person's body language, and acknowledging weaknesses in your own arguments. He also highlights the power of vulnerability and self-deprecation, which can disarm the other person and make them more receptive to your ideas.
![](https://s3.castbox.fm/webstatic/images/book.5d108c35.png)
Disagreements and Difficult Conversations
This Chapter provides guidance on how to disagree with someone without sounding disagreeable, particularly in close relationships. Michael McQueen suggests acknowledging the awkwardness of the conversation, framing your perspective as your own view, and being mindful of timing. He emphasizes the importance of pressing pause when conversations become tense and focusing on sharing your own experiences and feelings rather than relying solely on logical arguments.
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Persuasion in a Work Context
This Chapter explores how to apply the principles of persuasion in a work context, particularly when communicating remotely. Michael McQueen emphasizes the importance of building social capital and understanding the other person's values. He suggests writing positive messages and speaking negative ones, and prioritizing face-to-face or video calls over written communication to build trust and rapport.
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Addressing the Fear of Loss
This Chapter addresses the common fear of loss that often drives resistance to change. Michael McQueen explains that people are not afraid of change itself, but rather the potential loss of certainty, power, or dignity. He encourages listeners to address these perceived losses rather than simply focusing on the benefits of change.
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Key Takeaways
This Chapter summarizes the key takeaways from the episode, including the importance of recognizing stubbornness in ourselves, building trust and affinity with others, and using honesty and humility to disarm and persuade. The episode concludes with a reminder about the course enrollment deadline for "Your First Rental Property".
Keywords
Stubbornness
The tendency to resist change or new ideas, often rooted in a fear of loss or a strong attachment to existing beliefs. It can manifest in various ways, such as clinging to outdated information, refusing to consider alternative perspectives, or becoming defensive when challenged.
Instinctive Mind
The part of the brain responsible for our emotional responses, quick reactions, and intuitive judgments. It is often associated with the limbic system and is highly influenced by our emotions, tribalism, and past experiences. It can lead to impulsive decisions and resistance to change.
Inquiry Mind
The part of the brain responsible for logical reasoning, critical thinking, and deliberate decision-making. It is often associated with the prefrontal cortex and is more analytical and rational in its approach. It is often less influential than the instinctive mind, especially when dealing with unfamiliar or emotionally charged situations.
Persuasion
The act of influencing someone to change their mind or adopt a new belief or behavior. It involves understanding the other person's perspective, building trust and rapport, and using effective communication strategies to present your ideas in a compelling and persuasive manner.
Fear of Loss
A powerful motivator that can drive resistance to change. People often fear losing certainty, power, or dignity when considering new ideas or adopting different perspectives. Addressing these fears is crucial for effectively persuading others.
Oxytocin
A hormone produced in the brain that plays a crucial role in social bonding, trust, and empathy. It is often released during physical touch, social interaction, and acts of kindness. It can help to create a sense of connection and rapport, making people more receptive to persuasion.
Mind Stuck
The title of Michael McQueen's book, which explores the psychology of stubbornness and provides practical strategies for changing minds. It emphasizes the importance of understanding the cognitive biases and emotional factors that contribute to resistance to change.
Your First Rental Property
A course offered by the Afford Anything podcast that teaches individuals how to invest in rental properties. It covers topics such as finding deals, financing, property management, and building a successful real estate portfolio.
Afford Anything
A podcast hosted by Paula Pant that focuses on personal finance, investing, and building wealth. It provides practical advice and insights on topics such as budgeting, saving, investing, real estate, and entrepreneurship.
Michael McQueen
A communication expert and author who has worked with Fortune 500 companies to help them solve communication challenges. He is known for his insights on persuasion, influence, and changing minds.
Q&A
Why are people often stubborn, and what can we do to understand this phenomenon?
People are often stubborn because they fear loss, particularly the loss of certainty, power, or dignity. To understand this, we need to recognize that our instinctive mind, driven by emotions and tribalism, often leads to resistance to change, while our inquiry mind, which is more logical and rational, plays a smaller role in decision-making.
What are some practical tools and techniques for persuading others to change their minds?
Some practical tools and techniques include building trust and affinity, getting in sync with the other person's body language, acknowledging weaknesses in your own arguments, and using vulnerability and self-deprecation to disarm them. It's also important to be mindful of timing, framing, and using language that resonates with their values.
How can we disagree with someone without sounding disagreeable, especially in close relationships?
Acknowledge the awkwardness of the conversation, frame your perspective as your own view, and be mindful of timing. When conversations become tense, press pause and focus on sharing your own experiences and feelings rather than relying solely on logical arguments.
How do we apply the principles of persuasion in a work context, particularly when communicating remotely?
Build social capital, understand the other person's values, write positive messages and speak negative ones, and prioritize face-to-face or video calls over written communication to build trust and rapport.
What is the most common reason people resist change, and how can we address it?
People are not afraid of change itself, but rather the potential loss of certainty, power, or dignity. To effectively persuade them, address these perceived losses rather than simply focusing on the benefits of change.
What are three key takeaways from this episode?
The three key takeaways are: 1) Recognize stubbornness in ourselves by observing our reactions to new ideas and challenges. 2) Build trust and affinity with others by getting in sync with their body language and creating a sense of connection. 3) Use honesty and humility to disarm others and make them more receptive to your ideas.
Show Notes
#510: Maybe you’re trying to convince:
– Your spouse | to embrace the FIRE movement.
– Your teenage kids | to invest some of their summer job money in stocks.
– Your neighbor | to sell you their house in a private, off-market deal.
– Your boss | to give you more vacation time.
– Your client | to pay you more.
Today’s episode is about how to change minds, build trust, navigate conversations, and influence and persuade others.
We chat with Michael McQueen, a social researcher, strategist, and the author of 10 books.
He’s spoken alongside Bill Gates, Apple co-founder Steve Woznick and Dr. John C. Maxwell, and was named Australia’s Keynote Speaker of the Year. His latest book, Mindstuck, focuses on how to be more persuasive.
Here are some of the ideas we cover:
Stubbornness: We tend to be stubborn because of our inherent desire to protect our existing beliefs and identities. This is partly due to the fact that the human mind has a tendency to make quick judgments and resist challenges.
Logical Fallacy: People often rely on confirmation bias and tribalism when evaluating information. We tend to favor information that aligns with our existing beliefs and groups we identify with.
Complexity over Extremes: When presented with opposing viewpoints, exposure to extreme viewpoints can – counterintuitively – make people more entrenched in their own beliefs. Introducing complexity and nuance can foster a more open-minded approach.
Here are some of his tips:
- Uncover the Hidden Fear
- Address the Loss Aversion
- Use "Right and Reflect" to Get People Talking
- Build Rapport and Choose the Right Moment
- Frame Your Message for Impact
- Move Beyond Persuasion and Focus on Progress
McQueen elaborates on these tips in today’s podcast episode. Enjoy!
For more information, visit the show notes at https://affordanything.com/episode510
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