Romantic relationships are sacred, powerful, and life-giving. But I don’t have to tell you how difficult it is to love and let yourself be loved.

Marriage and family therapist Dr. Terry Hargrave has been helping couples in crisis restore broken relationships for decades, teaching them how to get unstuck, improve communication, and move beyond destructive coping mechanisms—to find reciprocity, self-affirming confidence, emotional regulation, and a joyful, lasting love.

In this conversation with Terry Hargrave, we discuss:

• How to turn around a relationship in crisis and get off the emotional rollercoaster


• How to build security and trust in order to improve or repair a marriage or long-term relationship


• Coping mechanisms of blame, shame, control, and escape


• Practical steps to learn emotional self-regulation


• What to do when only one partner is working on a relationship


• The role of the brain and neuroplasticity in relational repair


• And the spiritual underpinnings of Terry’s approach to restoration therapy

Helpful Links and Resources

• Restoration Therapy Training Resources


• The Mindful Marriage by Ron Deal and Nan Deal (with Terry and Sharon Hargrave)


• Five Days to a New Self by Terry Hargrave


• Emotionally Focused Therapy and Sue Johnson's Legacy

About Terry Hargrave

Dr. Terry Hargrave. Until he retired recently, he was the Evelyn and Frank Freed Professor of Marriage and Family Therapy at Fuller Seminary, and a nationally recognized therapist known for his pioneering work with intergenerational families.

He’s most well known as the founder of Restoration Therapy, which combines advantages of Attachment Theory, Emotional Regulation, and Mindfulness—all in an efficient and organized format that allows both the therapist and client to understand old habits and destructive patterns of behavior and promote change in both individual mental and spiritual health, in order to transform our most intimate relationships.

Terry has authored or co-authored over 35 professional articles and fifteen books including Restoration Therapy: Understanding and Guiding Healing in Marriage and Family Therapy and Families and Forgiveness: Healing Wounds in the Intergenerational Family.

In his latest book project, he worked with his wife Sharon, also a licensed marriage and family therapist. It’s called The Mindful Marriage: Create Your Best Relationship Through Understanding and Managing Yourself, and it’s a practical manual co-written with Ron and Nan Deal about how they healed their relationship after almost losing it.

He’s presented internationally on relationship dynamics, family and marriage restoration, the complexities of intergenerational families, healing and reconciliation, and the process of aging.

His work has been featured on ABC News, 20/20, Good Morning America, and CBS This Morning as well as several national magazines and newspapers.

You can learn more about Terry Hargrave and his work—and find books, practical resources, and professional training materials at: restorationtherapytraining.com.

About the Thrive Center

• Learn more at thethrivecenter.org.


• Follow us on Instagram @thrivecenter
  


• Follow us on X @thrivecenter
  


• Follow us on LinkedIn @thethrivecenter
  

About Dr. Pam King

Dr. Pam King is Executive Director the Thrive Center and is Peter L. Benson Professor of Applied Developmental Science at Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.  Follow her @drpamking.

About With & For

• Host: Pam King


• Senior Director and Producer: Jill Westbrook


• Operations Manager: Lauren Kim


• Social Media Graphic Designer: Wren Juergensen

Special thanks to the team at Fuller Studio and the Fuller School of Psychology & Marriage and Family Therapy.