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Welcome to the first episode of "How to Fail," where we explore the trials and tribulations of life, and the lessons we can learn from them. I'm your host, Jonathan Boone, a 40-year-old African American man, father of two, and someone who's walked the fine line between life and despair. Today's episode is deeply personal and, I hope, profoundly impactful. We're diving into a topic that's often shrouded in silence and stigma: suicide.

My Story

There was a time in my life when the weight of my world felt unbearable. I was consumed by a darkness that I couldn't see a way out of. The thought of ending it all seemed like the only solution to escape the pain. But here I am, sharing my story, because I found a way through that darkness. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't quick, but it was possible. I want to talk about what led me to that point, the thoughts that circled my mind, and the moment I decided that my story wasn't going to end there.

The Build-Up

Life has a way of piling on pressures, both seen and unseen. For me, it was a combination of personal and professional struggles. I felt the weight of providing for and taking care of my family and friends . As a man, I grappled with societal expectations and the silent battle of maintaining a facade of strength. And as an African American, I faced the systemic challenges that come with the color of my skin. All these factors created a storm within me, a storm I felt I was facing alone.

The Turning Point

The journey from that dark place to where I am now was not a straight line. It was filled with ups and downs, successes and setbacks. But there were key moments and tools that helped me find my way. I want to share these with you, not as a prescription, but as a source of hope. From therapy and meditation to open conversations with loved ones and the power of vulnerability, these tools were my lifeline.

Ongoing Challenges

Recovery is not a destination; it's a continuous journey. I still have days when the shadows of my past loom large. But I've learned to recognize the signs and reach out for support when needed. I've also learned the importance of self-care and setting boundaries. My experience with suicidal thoughts has taught me to be more compassionate towards myself and others.

A Message of Hope

If you're listening to this and you're in a dark place, I want you to know that you're not alone. There is a way out, and it's okay to ask for help. If you know someone who's struggling, reach out to them. Sometimes, a simple conversation can be a lifeline.

Resources

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text "HELLO" to 741741. There are also numerous online resources and support groups that can provide guidance and support.

Conclusion

Today's episode was not an easy one, but it's a conversation that needs to be had. By sharing my story, I hope to break the silence around suicide and offer a beacon of hope to those who are struggling. Remember, it's okay to fail, it's okay to fall, but it's never okay to give up on yourself.

Thank you for listening to "How to Fail." If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need to hear it. And as always, remember to embrace your failures, for they are the stepping stones to success.

Can I say turn up here? Is that appropriate... Well turn up!