Is Marriage Outdated or Just Misunderstood?

Intro

What makes marriage different from just living together? Beyond saying it's "sacred before God," what's the real difference? This week at Crowd Church, Matt Edmundson shares his journey from broken thinking about marriage to discovering God's beautiful design for covenant commitment.

Growing up with divorced parents, Matt genuinely wondered if marriage was just an expensive party for something that wouldn't last. But through studying scripture on covenant for two years, everything changed. Discover why marriage isn't outdated - it's timeless, and why the problem isn't the institution but that we've forgotten what it actually is.

[03:00 ] What Makes Marriage Different?

The statistics tell a revealing story - in 1970, seven out of ten UK adults were married. Today it's four out of ten, predicted to drop to three out of ten by 2050. But we haven't stopped wanting committed relationships. We've just substituted marriage with cohabitation, which has increased 144% in the last 30 years.

"The problem isn't that marriage itself is broken. My thinking about marriage was what was actually broken."

What we discover:

• Why culture says marriage is outdated and unnecessary
• How living together has replaced marriage in many minds
• Why the "test drive before you buy" analogy misses the point
• What Matt's broken thinking about relationships looked like

Key takeaway: The problem isn't that marriage is broken - it's that we've forgotten what marriage actually is.

[08:00 ] God's Blueprint: Leave, Hold Fast, Become One

At the dawn of time, God gives the original blueprint for marriage in Genesis 2:24 . In this tiny verse, we discover three powerful truths about biblical marriage.

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Biblical marriage means:

• Leave - putting your spouse above all other human relationships, even parents
• Hold fast - bonding permanently like super glue, not "let's see how it goes"
• Become one flesh - two separate people becoming one unified whole

Key takeaway: Marriage requires leaving your old way of living and choosing to put your spouse first in everything.

[12:00 ] The Challenge of Biblical Sexuality

Matt shares honestly about his struggle with biblical teaching on sex. At 18, driven by testosterone and cultural messaging, the idea that sex before marriage was wrong seemed completely outdated.

"God, I can believe all this gospel stuff - just don't ask me to stop having sex before marriage, because I'm not going to do it."

What changed everything:

• Understanding that sex is the ultimate covenant act
• Recognising you make covenant promises with your body
• Seeing that casual sex is impossible when you understand covenant
• Coming to a place of surrender, knowing God had a better plan

Key takeaway: Sex isn't just physical pleasure - it's covenant-making that binds you to one person for life.

[15:00 ] For Those in Complicated Situations

Not everyone's situation is straightforward. Maybe you've recently come to faith and you're living with someone you love. Perhaps you've bought a house together. Maybe your partner isn't yet a Christian.

"When Jesus met people in complicated situations, he didn't condemn them. He showed them a better way and gave them grace for the journey."

Practical guidance:

• Don't hide it from God - He's not shocked by your circumstances
• Have honest conversations with someone you trust in the Lord
• Remember God's grace covers you whilst you're figuring this out
• Understand that repentance matters for Christians acting against known truth

Key takeaway: God's design isn't about limiting your life - it's about showing you something beautiful worth moving toward.

[19:00 ] Why This Actually Matters

Why should anyone care what an ancient book says about relationships? Because the principles actually work in measurable ways.

"You might dismiss the source, but you can't dismiss the outcomes. If you want a good marriage, God's way is definitely the best."

Research validates God's design:

• 2-3 times higher satisfaction for sexually exclusive couples
• 50% lower divorce rates for those who prioritise their relationships
• More marriages stay together when couples don't live together first
• Couples attending religious services regularly are 50% less likely to divorce

Key takeaway: God's principles for marriage aren't just spiritual - they create better outcomes in every measurable way.

[22:00 ] Covenant vs Contract

Matt spent two years studying covenant, wearing out tape series (ask your grandparents what tapes are) to get this truth from his head to his heart. This study completely changed how he approached marriage.

"When Sharon and I met, the question wasn't whether I could marry her - I knew pretty quickly I could. The question was whether I wanted to be in covenant with her. That's a different question entirely because a covenant is laying down your life for someone else."

Understanding covenant:

• Contract is legal agreement; covenant is sacred bond before God
• Contract has exit clauses; covenant is permanent commitment
• Contract protects your interests; covenant means laying down your life
• In covenant, God is witness and participant, not just the couple

Key takeaway: When you understand you're entering covenant, not contract, you're not looking for a way out - you're committed for life.

[27:00 ] How You See Marriage Changes Everything

After 27 years of marriage, Matt can tell you it's still a wonderful thing. Not many people can say that. It doesn't mean it's easy or perfect, but how you see marriage dictates how you approach it.

"How you see marriage, relationships, your spouse, and sex - all of that dictates how you approach it."

Cultural shifts:

• Gen Z want marriage more than millennials - 75% vs 43%
• The new generation isn't rejecting marriage but the broken version they've seen
• Practising Christians have 20-25% divorce rate, but active attendance halves this
• There's hope - when we recover what marriage actually is, people want it

Key takeaway: Marriage isn't outdated - we've just forgotten what it actually is, and people are hungry to rediscover it.

[30:00 ] Conversation Street: Real Questions

The community brought honest questions about marriage, faith, and relationships. Here are the highlights:

Are we differentiating between Christian marriage and civil marriage?

Absolutely. This talk focuses on Christian marriage - covenant marriage before God. But what about couples married civilly who then both become Christians? Dan suggests there might be a decision to make: "We didn't quite know what we were getting into then - this is what we're going to do now." It was legal then, but now it becomes covenant.

The importance of making a decision

With cohabitation, there's often not been a decision - just lots of little steps until suddenly you're together. Dan emphasises: "You might have kids, but you've never looked at each other and said, 'If we started this again, would I be with you? Would this decision be for life?'" When you come to Christ, it might be time to make that decision - not to break things, but to take it forward into something more.

How does upbringing affect our view of marriage?

Sharon shares that at 24, she was shocked to see a married couple her age who still liked each other - she hadn't realised her expectation was that couples gradually hate each other more each year. Matt connects this to the parable of the sower: there's a process to successful marriages and a process to failed ones - it's not instant. That's why Dan told his kids: "Marriages don't just fail. Something's got to happen for it to fail, and something's got to happen for it to succeed."

Advice for younger people considering marriage

Be aware of pressure to marry quickly in Christian circles. Matt shares that recently there's been a spate of divorces from couples who probably shouldn't have married but lacked courage to break it off. "Sometimes the hardest thing you can do is break off a relationship if it's not right before God. Once you're in, you're in - you make that marriage work. Your 40-year-old self will thank you."

What helps a Christian marriage thrive?

Forgiveness and communication top the list. Matt and Sharon learned to "translate" - when Sharon would say something, Matt would go quiet and she'd ask, "Are you translating right now?" He was taking what he heard and thinking, "This is actually what she meant." When you walk in forgiveness, believing your partner has your highest best at heart even if they didn't communicate well, it transforms everything.

[44:00 ] Marriage Isn't Outdated - It's Timeless

The question isn't whether marriage is outdated or worth saving. The question is: are we ready to discover what it was always meant to be?

"Marriage is not outdated. It's timeless. The prob