Losing a Child: Always Andy's Mom: Episode 280: Felicity's Mom
Description
"Medicine has reached the end of what it can do for your daughter. Our suggestion is that you take her home on hospice and enjoy her."
These are the words that were spoken to today's guest, Nikki, on September 30, 2020. Before that day, Nikki and her family had been searching unrelentingly for someone who could diagnose and treat their young daughter, Felicity. Although they took her to various physicians and hospitals, they were never able to get a diagnosis. At the time of her death at 21 months of age, Felicity was a sassy thing who still weighed less than 9 pounds. For the next weeks, they enjoyed Felicity as much as possible. They loved her every single day. Nikki said that on the day Felicity died, Felicity's suffering ended, but her own truly began.
Child loss of any type is devasting, but it is especially complicated when there is no answer as to why the child died. When someone asks what happened to Felicity, Nikki has to answer, "I don't know." For years, Nikki lived with so much guilt, thinking that there must be something she could have done differently. There should have been a way to get more help. Nikki desperately wanted to find out what happened to Felicity. Eventually, though, Nikki realized that she had done the best she could with the information she had at the time. If hundreds of experts could not diagnose Felicity, Nikki could not either.
Although geneticists are still looking for a diagnosis for Felicity, Nikki has turned her immediate focus on her living children. She says that while her grief has felt crushing, watching her children grieve Felicity has been even worse. The family talks about Felicity constantly. They do not hide from their grief. They acknowledge it and have learned from it. When Nikki's oldest son learned that his best friend's baby brother had died (Episode 271: AJ's Mom & Dad), he asked if they could bring him to see his friend, saying, "Mom, DI just needs a hug."
Maybe Nikki and her family will never learn exactly what happened to Felicity, but they have learned one important life lesson. Sometimes, you don't need an answer - you just need a hug.
Episode: https://andysmom.libsyn.com/episode-280-felicitys-mom
Podcast: http://andysmom.com
United States
