Planning a visit to Montecito—or just dying to know what really goes on behind those wrought-iron gates and hedges? In this week's episode, etiquette maven and nouveau pauvre insider Kiki Astor shares the ultimate Montecito travel guide: one part luxury lifestyle handbook, one part whispered society scandal sheet. This week, Kiki Astor is celebrating the publication of her steamy romance novel, Service Entrance, ste in Montecito, and believe us when we say she has done her research.

From where old money and new money brunch, to the best ocean views and cultural landmarks, to secret hideaways where the truly rich go to disappear—this is your invitation inside Montecito's most rarefied addresses. Expect cheeky commentary, high society etiquette tips, and very specific advice on how not to get mistaken for staff (unless you are the staff, in which case… good luck).

Whether you're heading to Montecito, California for a glamorous weekend getaway, considering a move to the Santa Barbara coast, or simply craving the inside scoop on status symbols, social codes, and the old money aesthetic—this episode is your passport to privilege.

Highlights include:

• Where real Montecito locals eat, shop, hike, and hide from houseguests

• The difference between tourist traps and truly chic spots

• What to pack to look rich, relaxed, and unbothered (even if you're none of those things)

• Travel etiquette for blending in with the old guard

• How to signal you belong—without saying a word

From the Rosewood Miramar to Coast Village Road, Kiki's giving you the real story on where to go, what to wear, and what not to do if you want to pass the invisible Montecito social test.

Bookmark this one before you so much as whisper "Miramar." Your summer status depends on it.