This week my guest is Dr Orinayo Onabanjo, a chartered counselling psychologist with a passion for perinatal mental health. Orin's skills include helping mums cultivate stronger attachments with their babies and addressing the impact unresolved childhood trauma can have on the journey of motherhood. We chat everything from mum guilt to the racist inequalities faced by black and brown parents in the UK maternity system.

*TRIGGER WARNING: Birth Trauma and PTSD*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:



[00:00 ] Teaser quote.

[01:46 ] Introducing Orin.

[04:12 ] How Orin helps new parents.

[04:45 ] The identity change and adjustment that occurs when you become a parent.

[13:03 ] The relationship of unresolved childhood trauma and becoming a parent.

[15:23 ] High expectations and the pressure to be 'super mum' or 'super dad'. The need to be more self compassionate.

[16:51 ] Reflecting on perfectionism and the drive to be the 'perfect' parent. The importance of self compassionate action.

[19:49 ] 'Good enough' parenting and mum guilt.

[23:17 ] Black and minority mums are 4x more likely to die in childbirth. The urgent need to look into this and better understand the black experience.

[28:05 ] Orin's work with healthcare providers, increasing their understanding of perinatal mental health.

[34:26 ] Early intervention is key.

[36:30 ] If you feel trauma from your birth, you have birth trauma. You don't need a formal diagnosis of it.

[37:01 ] The impact of being emotionally invalidated during your labour.

[39:30 ] How to get in touch with Orin.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. The phrase 'perinatal' refers to the period before and after having your baby.
2. It can be difficult to adjust to your new identity, and it's okay for you to 'grieve' for the person you were before. It's a huge transition - allow yourself to time to adjust.
3. Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)
4. You can listen to our special episode on Birth Trauma with Dr Becca Moore of Make Birth Better here.
5. Unresolved emotional wounds from childhood trauma can reappear when you become a parent.
6. Self care and self compassion is really important when you become a parent - it's not selfish and it helps the entire family.
7. Listen to our special episodes on Self Compassion Part 1 and Self Compassion Part 2 with Poonam Dhuffer of YSM8.
8. The 15 minute Loving Kindness Meditation will help you relax, reset and recharge any time you need it. You don't need to meditate - just close your eyes and listen to Poonam's words.
9. It's not realistic to be 'perfect' - there is no such thing!
10. Don't compare yourself to people's social media feeds - it's not a true reflection of what's really going on for them.
11. The MBBRACE-UK Report 2020 into maternal deaths showed that black mums in the UK have 4x the risk of dying in pregnancy in comparison to a white woman.
12. Black and minority mums are more like to have or develop mental health problems during the perinatal period and are less likely to get help.
13. FiveXMore is dedicated to supporting mothers with its campaigning work and recommendations. It focuses on empowering Black women to make informed choices and advocate for themselves throughout their pregnancies and after childbirth.
14. Tokophobia is the extreme fear of giving birth.
15. Early intervention is hugely important in terms of getting help.
16. Feeling emotionally invalidated during your labour is highly traumatising.
17. Get in touch with Orin here

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

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Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT EPISODE:

Our special Christmas episode is with Sandra Igwe, maternal health advocate, TEDx speaker and founder of the Motherhood Group. Sandra talks to me about her work raising awareness of the disparities of black women's maternal mental health outcomes and issues. She also bravely shares her own personal experience of birth trauma and motherhood.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

ADDA - the Attention Deficit Disorder Association

National Resource Center (NRC)/ADHD Helpline Health Information Specialists

866-200-8098, Monday-Friday, 1 p.m. — 5 p.m. ET

ADHD UK - peer support, created by people with ADHD for those with ADHD

The ADHD Foundation - the neurodiversity charity

Call us - 0151 541 9020

Email - info@adhdfoundation.org.uk

AIMS for better birthing.

Email: helpline@aims.org.uk

This email will go to a group of AIMS volunteers and someone will respond as soon as possible.

Telephone: +44 (0) 300 365 0663

You will be able to leave a voicemail message which will be sent to all our Helpline Volunteers. Please include your name, phone number and brief details of your enquiry. A Volunteer will try to call you back as soon as possible.

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Email: info@apni.org

Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering

evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy

and early stages of parenting.

App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides

24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK

email: info@bipolaruk.org

Birth Trauma Association

Email: <a href="mailto:support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk" rel="noopener noreferrer" targ