Introduction

Welcome to Mindset Money Success. Host Loraine Marshall speaks with Tina Woods, a coach dedicated to helping individuals recover from narcissistic abuse and unlock trapped trauma. Tina recounts her entry into this field after leaving a 24-year advertising career and navigating her own journey through complex trauma (CPTSD), addictions, burnout, and a highly abusive relationship with a covert narcissist. She now works in her purpose of empath empowerment, assisting women to transform lessons learned and move from victim mode into their highest frequency. This episode delves into the deep psychological trap of the trauma bond, the strategic nature of narcissistic abuse, and practical self-help steps for recovery.

3 Best Moments

Understanding the Trauma Bond: Tina explains that the trauma bond is a "serious, serious addiction" and is fundamentally a "spiritual, a physical, a mental, psychological trap" that is extremely difficult to break.

Abuse Starts with Love Bombing: It is crucial to understand that the manipulation and abuse cycle begins not with the devaluation or discard, but with the love bomb phase. Narcissists are highly strategic; they plot their victims and look for supply by weighing up their wounds, such as isolation or self-love issues, making the love bombing the beginning of the abuse.

Harnessing Anger for Healing: Tina advocates for releasing anger, describing it as her "kill Bill stage," rather than repressing or suppressing it, which can cause sickness. Techniques she used for release included joining kickboxing and self-defence, as well as bouncing on a mini trampoline, shaking, and dancing.

4 Key Takeaways

Embrace Deep Honesty and the 'Ik-List': To begin breaking the trauma bond, the first step is to come into deep, painful honesty about both the abuser's behaviours and your own attachment patterns. Tina suggests creating an 'ik-list' (a tip she borrowed from Dr Ramani) detailing all the awful things the abuser said and did, so you can clearly see the truth when they attempt to 'hoover' you back in.

De-centre the Abuser and Reclaim Self-Love: Recovery requires understanding your codependency and recognising that seeking validation from a toxic person reflects a lack of self-love and self-worth. You must de-centre the narcissist and the relationship story to go on a deep journey of reclamation, which often involves reviewing childhood patterns and behaviours.

Implement the 360 Approach for Complex Trauma: When dealing with complex trauma (CPTSD), a self-help strategy should address the mind, body, and soul. For the soul, focus on raising your frequency through faith, prayer, cord cutting, or walking in nature. For the body, prioritise nervous system safety through somatic exercises, yoga, breathwork, and nourishing food.

Listen to Your Intuition: Your intuition is activated when you start spotting the abuser's patterns of behaviour. When you find yourself having the same conversation multiple times or noticing flare-ups around certain times, this may lead to the realisation: "maybe it's not all me," which is a powerful starting point for moving forward.

Contact Talia Coaching https://www.taliacoaching.co.uk/

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