Episode Summary

If the narcissist is gone but your thoughts are still stuck on replay, you are not alone. After narcissistic abuse, your nervous system can stay stuck in hypervigilance, intrusive thoughts, and mental loops — even long after the relationship ends.

In this Thrive in 5, Christy Jade guides you through a fast, somatic reset you can use any time those obsessive thoughts flare up. You'll learn how to interrupt the loop, ground your nervous system, and bring your mind back into the present moment where you are safe. These tools take less than a minute and help retrain your brain to stop reacting as if the narcissist is still in your life.

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:03 ):

Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath Queen. This one's for you, you guys. I'm in my basement, I'm in my pajamas, no makeup, hair, freshly washed and air dried, and we're ready to go. Hopefully you can hear me okay. So yes, we're doing a little video today. I'm proud. I'm trying out my old way where I used to do video too with my fuzzy pink mike. Ooh, matches my outfit. I feel like I'm like a candy cane over here if you can see me and that's something special. If not, it's something special. All right, so today we are doing a Thrive in five related to Tuesday's episode, which is why you're still thinking about the narcissist 24 7. If you have not watched that episode, go check it out.

(01:08 )

Today we're doing a somatic reset for when you can't stop thinking about them. So first of all, you are not broken if you're still thinking about them. I know it's not fun, but even when narcissists are outside of our life or if we're no contact or we've pulled back, whatever, if your co-parenting, your nervous system is still unwinding from the chaos, the intensity and the constant emotional curve balls, right? So today I'm going to give you five somatic tools that you can use in the moment your mind starts looping. Okay? Alright. Number one, the thought to body check-in. So when a thought pops up, one of those, questioning yourself, questioning why something happened. Just agitation, anything that puts your nervous system into that like not okay mode. Notice where specifically am I feeling this in my body? Is it tension in the chest? Is it a knot in your throat?

(02:23 )

Is it a sick stomach, butterfly? Kind of not in a good way. Feeling in the stomach, locating the sensation shifts you out of the story and into the present moment into reality. And the first step is breaking that loop. The second we're going to talk about a jaw and tongue release, and this is like an instant deescalation. So drop your tongue from the roof of your mouth. A lot of times it's held up there, you don't even notice, right? Drop it all the way down. Don't even let the tip, the tip off and we'll try to hang onto to the back of your teeth. That's called trauma, baby. You got trauma mouth. Alright, we're going to release the tongue all the way. Unc unclench your jaw. Let it relax. Look, I'm doing it now. You can't understand me. Then gently open and close it two to three times. Then let out a verbal sigh. Okay? So open, I'm going to do it and if you can see, it's going to be the best thing you ever saw today. All right, gently open and close three times. So go.

(03:49 )

I know that was not my best look, it's not going to be yours either, but here we are. Okay. This though tells your brain the danger is not here anymore. You're out of danger and your thoughts soften almost immediately. If you got to go for a round two, do it. But one round of that, you should notice an immediate difference. Okay? Number three, the squeeze and melt pattern. Interrupt. If you've been in any of my yoga classes, anything like that, I love a good melt session. So make gentle fists. Squeeze your hands, your arms or your legs. I generally like to do hands and arms and you squeeze them for five seconds, like Mississippi seconds, not 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, like one Mississippi, two, right? You're tensing as best as you can release.

(04:54 )

Repeat this twice, three times if you're feeling edgy. Okay? This is, it completes the stress response cycle and gives your nervous system a nice clean grounding reset. Number four, orienting, which we've done a lot of on this podcast, it's good, it's good, easy, simple work. You can teach it to your kindergartner, right? They can do it, you can do it and it works. My daughter just said she used it like two days ago. She said she was getting a little stressed out about something. It happens. We're tweeting now. And she said, and I did that thing you do. She didn't remember the name, but here's an example of it. Pick a color, blue, green, yellow, whatever. I'm going to go purple and find five things in your space that match the color. So I'd say purple. Of course I have barely anything purple here. It's going to take a while.

(05:58 )

I'm really going to have to get present there. I found one. There's a stripe on the clock that's purple. There's a little ball that's purple. There's a basket that's purple. So this pulls your brain out of the trauma time and it's pulling it into the present, into the right now where you are safe. So it's pulling your body back from the unsafe place where your body still thinks it is clearly and it's saying, Hey, you're here with all this purple shit and you're safe, right? Number five, which you can do this one alone at any time, it's an easy one. But paired all of these paired together are a swell team. All right, number five, the I'm here. They're not breath. So you inhale through your nose in this is called a halo breath in through the nose, we're going to do four seconds. So in 4, 3, 2, 1, exhale, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

(07:17 )

And on that exhale, you're going to say internally or out loud, if you're a loud ass like me and you're going to say, I'm here. It's kind of hard to, I'm here as you're exhaling, but it's possible. Now you can say, breathe, exhale out and then say, I'm here. So through the nose, four out through the mouth, six internally saying, I'm here. Pause. Then there not, okay, obviously if they're right there, this isn't going to work. This is one of those, they can't be right next to you. This anchors your system though into the truth. The narcissist is no longer the context you're living in. Technically they could be right next to you. You can still do it not as effective, but as a representation of they're no longer if you're out of the situation, but you're still not there in the way they used to be where you lived under the same roof and you had to be on eggshells 24 7.

(08:32 )

You're not in that situation anymore. But this is more effective if they're not sitting right next to, it's a good reminder. You're in a safe space. You're away from them. They are not here. I'm not under their thumb. Namaste, mofo. Okay? So use any and all of these tools. Anytime you start the loop, the spiral, okay? You're not obsessing, you are healing. If you were still in the same situation, you, you wouldn't be able to do this even this much. So I want you to remember that. Give yourself grace. I have a lot of clients currently having a theme I've noticed of beating themselves up and saying questioning, why am I like this when it's even some of my clients are pretty fresh out of these situations and they're asking, w