The Truth Therapists Don’t Tell You: How to Protect Your Kids From a Narcissistic Parent (Without Fueling More Drama)

Episode Summary

You’ve been told to “keep the peace for the kids.”

But what if that advice — the one therapists and co-parenting experts keep repeating — is actually teaching your child to ignore their own intuition?

In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down the truth most professionals avoid: you cannot co-parent with a narcissist. You’ll learn how to stop over-accommodating, document every interaction, and teach your child emotional safety without turning them into your confidant. It’s time to protect both your peace and your child’s nervous system while modeling real, grounded strength.

If you’ve ever felt stuck trying to “stay civil” while your ex keeps creating chaos, this episode will help you see what real peace looks like — and how to hold it.

What You’ll Learn

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  Why traditional co-parenting advice doesn’t work with narcissists

  
  


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  How old conditioning keeps you accommodating — and how to stop

  
  


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  The importance of documenting every interaction and using third-party apps

  
  


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  How to model calm authority and emotional safety for your kids

  
  

Your Next Step in Healing

Empowered Boundaries Course — 10 video modules, meditation bundle, and lifetime access

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Work 1:1 with Christy — Coaching and Somatic Healing

Choose your transformation level:

• 
  

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• 
  

   (3-Month Deep-Dive Coaching Journey): https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly

  
  

Free Resource: Boundaries Pocket Guide

https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Join the Free Facebook Community

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TRANSCRIPT:

Speaker 1 (00:00 ):

Queens. I am so excited for this episode. This actually was created because a client of mine and I were talking about this topic and she said, you need to make this an episode. So when y'all speak, I listen. Alright, so you've been told to keep the peace for the kids, right? I'm sure many of you have heard that, but what if that very advice, the ones, many therapists and co-parenting experts keep repeating, is actually quietly teaching your child to ignore their own intuition. So today I'm going to break down the real truth about how to protect your kids from a narc co-parent without losing your sanity or ending up back in court. So let's talk about the advice. Most professionals are too afraid to give you.

(00:54 )

Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice and how to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:52 )

All right, it's Christie Jade. Today's episode might ruffle a few feathers. We're talking about something I see every single week with my clients, the pressure to keep things smooth with a narcissistic co-parent, even when it's slowly destroying your peace and your child's sense of safety. So yes, obviously we don't want to trigger narcissists into pop-off mode, okay? That's not my point here. But here's the hard truth. Most parenting advice out there does not apply when the other parent is a narcissist. You cannot co-parent with someone who loves chaos, control and manipulation. You can parallel parent, and even then you need to do it with strong ass boundaries and rock solid documentation, which I've talked about on this podcast, right? But today we're going to cut through the guilt, the conditioning, and the miss, okay? You're going to walk away knowing what it looks like to protect your child and yourself legally, emotionally, and energetically without ending up back in court.

(03:02 )

But no guarantees. I'm not a lawyer, okay? I am just your favorite little truth telling queen with a mic. But we're going to do our best here together. Okay? So first of all, the lie you've been sold, you've been told that kids need both parents equally. You've been told to be flexible. Take the high road, keep communication fully open. But when one parent is toxic or narcissistic in our cases, the advice is actually dangerous because flexibility becomes a weapon. So keeping the peace becomes another way of saying keep walking on eggshells, and you'll see what I'm saying here. But yes, we want to keep the peace in the way of, we want our peace to be protected, but keeping the peace in the general way that many experts will tell you how to do will not work in our situation. Okay? So the truth is, you were conditioned to accommodate the narcissist.

(04:08 )

They conditioned you to accommodate them, right? Even after court orders are in place, you may still feel that conditioning. You may still have it even after the chaos nearly broke you. You were trained to minimize their reactions, but that conditioning doesn't just affect you. Your kids feel it and then suffer from it. So your kids are learning from your energy. Kids are intuitive, right? They feel what's happening in the room before they can fully grasp it, even the younger ones. So when you tense up every time a message comes through from your ex, when you overexplain or give in just to keep the peace, they learn that love or relationship means shrinking yourself to stay safe. They don't know the complexities of your relationship with this person. So they're watching you shrink to stay safe, but you were given that mama energy, that protective mama bear energy for a reason. You were chosen to break this pattern, right? Your kids do not need a perfect parent. They need a calm, grounded one who teaches them what real safety feels like because they're not going to get that from little narky narc. Okay? So that starts with one powerful shift. Are you ready? Write it down. Write on your forehead. Stop accommodating dysfunction in the name of peace.

(05:53 )

Okay? Stop accommodating dysfunction in the name of peace. True peace is not built on fear. That's performative peace. Okay? We want true peace for you and your child. So you've got to cut these cords that are still attached to your ex. Okay? I'm going to say this with a little love and a little holy fire. You need to hear it straight. And you know I'm a straight shooter. The narcissist conditioned you to accommodate, right? They trained you to make yourself small, to over explain, to be nice, to keep them calm, maybe even when it was costing you your sanity. And here's the truth, you might've left the relationship, but the programming, it's still running the show. You broke free physically, you're out of the home with them, but emotionally, you're still doing the dance. So let me ask you, why are you still accommodating them?

(07:00 )

Why are you bending, explaining, overthinking every reply like you owe them something you don't. You owe you something. You owe your child something. You owe them the version of you that doesn't flinch at chaos anymore. You've done the hardest part, you got out. Now it's time to cut the final chords. So stop letting their energy dictate your piece. Stop modeling compliance as cooperation, okay? When you keep accommodating the narcissist, all of their little, even if you have the legal papers and they add this and that into it and make you go a little above or you feel a little bad, oh, it's their father, it's this. You're teaching your child the same survival pattern you are trying to unlearn.

(07:53 )

Okay? So here's the mic drop moment here for you, okay? Do not condition your child to do what you did. You got out for a reason. Do not condition your child to do what you did. They deserve to see what calm power