Episode Summary

Thanksgiving with a narcissistic co-parent can feel like a minefield of last-minute schedule changes, emotional manipulation, and attempts to destabilize your peace. In this episode, Christy Jade breaks down exactly how to stay calm, stick to the plan, support your kids, and shut down the holiday chaos narcissists love to create. You’ll learn the top manipulation tactics used during Thanksgiving, how to respond without feeding the drama, and how to regulate your nervous system when the co-parent tries to throw you off balance.

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What You’ll Learn This Episode

• Why narcissistic co-parents create chaos around holidays

• The most common Thanksgiving manipulation tactics

• Scripts for shutting down last-minute changes and guilt trips

• How to keep the kids emotionally safe during the holiday

• A 60-second somatic grounding tool you can use anywhere

• How to stay centered even when the co-parent is unpredictable

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TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00 ):

If Thanksgiving with your narcissistic co-parent feels like waiting for a bomb to go off the last minute schedule changes, the guilt trips, just the chaos in general, this episode is your comb before the storm plan. I'm going to give you the exact tools to help you keep your peace, your power, and those little kiddos protected no matter what. They try this holiday, have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the  place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted.

(01:00 )

Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up. Hello, gorgeous. It's Christie. And today we are diving into the biggest stress point for so many of my listeners around this time of year Thanksgiving with a narcissistic. They come out when it is holiday season, so Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, all the major holidays around here. It'll be kind of relevant to all of them, but we'll definitely do another episode as Christmas and Hanukkah approach. But listen, the Turkey isn't the only thing that gets roasted this time of year. So do your nerves if you've got a narc in your life, am I ?

(02:01 )

Am I ? See what I did there? Al, so every November I get that he changed the pickup time again. He wants to switch days without asking. He's using the holiday to get to me. He's guilt tripping the kids about who they love more. This all comes up because it's holiday time, So if this is you, you are not alone, you're not crazy, and you are not powerless. Today we are going to break down how to handle the last minute chaos, the emotional manipulation, and the holiday drama that narcissistic co-parents love to create without sacrificing your mental health or your peace. So let's get into it. So why do narcissists love the holiday drama? If you've noticed that the narcissist to co-parent gets worse around Thanksgiving, you are not imagining that. See the holidays amplify the things narcissists crave most. Are you ready? What do we know They love Attention.

(03:07 )

Yes. Control power. Double up a stage to play the victim or the hero and opportunities to create conflict. Thanksgiving gives them the perfect setup for the manipulative behavior because it has all of these parts. It's got schedules, expectations, family dynamics, your kids' emotions, traditions, logistics and deadlines. So these are tools in their little crappy toolbox and they create chaos to throw you off those schedules, those expectations they know you lean on. Ooh, they want you to not have the power to throw you off. They love confusing you, same sort of thing. And they also want to test your boundaries. And they love nothing more than what Getting an emotional reaction. You guys know that. They also do it to feel important. They're like, Ooh, look at all the chaos. It just helps them feel better in a sick way and it keeps you in panic mode and they love all those things.

(04:25 )

So understanding this is that first step to taking your control back again. Okay, so what are three of the most common Thanksgiving manipulation tactics? The last minute schedule change. They'll say, I need an extra hour. I'm running late. Actually I want them in the morning. Instead, plans are changed. Just deal with it. This is not poor planning. This is power. It's always power, ? The second one is the guilt trip or hero complex combo. So they'll try, if you cared about the kids, you'd let me, blah, blah, blah. I'm just trying to make Thanksgiving special. Or you are being difficult. They love a good flip around translation. I need to be the hero. So let me control the day. And the third common Thanksgiving manipulation is the kids as messengers move, this one gets under my skin. You too. They'll send emotional bombs through the children.

(05:32 )

So something like daddy's so sad he can't see you all day, but mommy wouldn't let you stay or daddy wishes that he didn't have to share, ? If you're doing this, by the way at all, any of this, don't do it. Okay? I know we can have our moments as well. So make sure, and I know you're not a narcissist, but don't pick up. It's hard. I won't get into this in this episode, but it is a good episode. I should probably do about just almost like the getting back at or tit for tatting never fall into their trap, but any guilt trip to the kids, never, ever, ever do this. So something like daddy wishes he didn't have to share, but I do. Okay? It's not healthy, but they do it and they do it a lot. So this puts the kids in the emotional crossfire, which is not okay, but you can respond without adding fuel and we'll get there too.

(06:34 )

So then the calm confidence response plan. So we have some scripts included in this. You love a good script. I do. Good. Stick around. Stick with Christie here. Al, so boundary. Skip for a last minute schedule. Change something like this. Thanks for letting me know. We'll stick to the parenting agreement. I'll see you at 11 o'clock or whatever the scheduled time is. You can say the scheduled time. 11:00 AM ? Put it in writing. If you guys have not gotten this in your heads yet, put everything in writing. Everything in writing. Preferably use Family wizard or some third party app that your attorney or anyone else, the courts, if they need access, everything is recorded in one place. But anyway, keep it short, neutral, no emotions. If you get anything out of all my podcast, keep your emotions out of it and no openings for them to counter, ?

(07:35 )

It's just like, oh, thanks for letting me know, but we're going to stick to the plan, the parenting agreement. See you at 11, no opening. We're not negotiating. Not with the terrorist. Al? And a boundary script. If they push again, because we know our arcs, the pla