In this episode, I answer a question from Gaer in the UK about her two adopted sons, ages 3 and 9, who are both starting play therapy to help with anxiety and emotional dysregulation. Gaer's youngest in particular has been acting out physically when upset. 

I explain that it's common for siblings, especially of the same sex, to take on "internalizer" and "externalizer" roles when it comes to expressing emotions. The older son is likely internalizing his feelings while the younger is externalizing through aggressive behaviors. Neither is healthy, as both boys lack the emotional vocabulary and coping skills to handle their big feelings.

To address this, I recommend Gaer start using my "four pillars" of play therapy parenting, beginning with reflecting the boys' feelings to build their emotional intelligence. Setting limits is also key for the 3-year-old's aggressive behaviors. Consequences should be consistently enforced. Throughout this process, Gaer needs to be a "thermostat" - staying calm and regulated herself in order to model emotional control for her sons.

I'm so glad Gaer's family is embarking on a play therapy journey. With commitment and the right tools, I believe they will see hugely positive impacts. I'm grateful to Gaer for her question and willingness to share her story.

Ask Me Questions:  Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com
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References:
Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge.
Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.