Are you already dreading stepping on the scale after the holidays? Looking to get your routine back on track?

Real, lasting change is possible. Next year’s holiday season can feel lighter, calmer, and more joyful — and it starts with understanding the mindful way to initiate change.

Thanks for reading The Midlife Reset - Sleep, Strength and Joy for Women 50+! This post is public so feel free to share it.

Stay tuned as I share the three phases of change and provide solid support on how to implement them. I’ve helped hundreds of women, including me!, get their lives back on track after the shock of midlife weight gain, sleeplessness and stress.

I also want to offer you a spot in my “5 Steps to a Midlife Reset” Masterclass. It’s a free webinar where I’ll provide a deeper dive into this science… giving you a workable framework to tackle your new year’s goals.

Welcome to the Midlife Reset podcast, episode #41. I’m your host Cheryl Gordon, yoga therapist and mindfulness coach. Let’s dive in.

Does this resonate?

You worked your ass off to create a magical holiday for everyone. Shopped. Cooked. Smiled. Invited your sister in law to keep the peace. Skipped your workouts in order to get it all done. Now, your house is trashed. The scale is mocking you. No one has a clue how tired you are. And there is a nagging thought rumbling around in your heart. Maybe all those loved ones don’t care how hard you worked.

When this used to happen to me, my husband would say “then don’t do it next year!”. He was bewildered as to why making those special pressed cookies were absolutely pivotal to the happy holiday memories of my entire extended family. He was oblivious to how I stayed awake nights, wracking my brain for the perfect gift for my father in law, that if I didn’t nail it = it would mean my inlaws would think I was selfish. Ugh!!!

So now that we’ve acknowledged the post-holiday stress and disappointment (you’re normal!), let’s talk about why I didn’t just follow my husband’s advice. Why don’t we just change…. Like now?

Because change feels so hard. We are not wired for it. One of the biggest mistakes we make is expecting ourselves to flip a switch overnight.

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To understand the depth of resistance to change, we need to appreciate our habit brains. About 90%, or more, of the decisions, behaviours, likes and dislikes, all are organized by our habit brains.

This is a primal part of our brain that has evolved very little in the last million or so years. Why? Because it works very well and has kept humans alive and evolving quite nicely thank you. In fact, I share this wiring with my dog and most other creatures on the planet.

Rather humbling I know.

Humans do have an amazing higher level of brain power. But it is tremendously energy hungry. So as much of daily life as we can manage is shunted to the habit side.

Mindfulness is the process of pulling life out of automatic pilot and into conscious awareness. It is work. I know. But you have the world’s most sophisticated and powerful computer in your head. And yet most of us don’t even unpack the box.

Today, I want to detail for you how to seduce that habit brain into doing what you want.

This is how to initiate change on purpose and stick to it.

There are three Phases of Change.

The first phase I call The Status Quo. This is where most of us start. We know what to do — whether it’s getting back to healthy eating, moving our bodies, or managing stress — but finding motivation feels impossible. We research, we think, we wish… we blame ourselves or others, procrastinate, and sometimes even shame ourselves for not doing better. Sound familiar? It’s exhausting, and yet it’s completely normal.

You may have to stay in this phase for awhile… even years. But at some point, you’ll find the drive to commit to doing something different.

Now is when most of us jump to what I call The Overwhelm Zone. This is when we try to do a 180-degree pivot. We go all in: strict rules, rigid diets, punishments, maybe even those dreaded group weigh-ins. The intention is good — we want change! — but the nervous system gets overwhelmed, and this approach is rarely sustainable. Most of us burn out or fall back into old habits quickly.

Let’s touch back on that habit brain. It has three goals: seek pleasure, avoid pain and keep things the same. Remember… this is old, primal wiring. If you did something different, back in the day, you might get eaten by a sabre toothed tiger. You could be mocked, ejected from the tribe, which meant certain death. Better to stay in the cave. Do what you’ve always done. The habit brain knows the outcome. Risk is a survival threat.

So when you do that 180 degree pivot, the habit brain will fight back. Willpower alone will not carry you through. Survival instincts are too strong.

You’re going to need another level of understanding and strategy.

That’s why I encourage moving into the third phase: The Fluidity Space. Here, change is broken into small, digestible steps. We give ourselves time to reason things out before making a shift, consult our brain on each step, and allow our nervous system to adjust. We ask ourselves, ‘Can we just try…?’ instead of expecting perfection. We practice self-compassion, notice the pressure to be perfect, and gradually introduce new habits in a way that feels doable and sustainable.

When first initiating change, we might only be able to follow new behaviours 20% of the time and still fall back 80%. This is normal. Over time, we slowly shift to 40% change, then 60% and finally, after months maybe, the behaviour is habitual to the point we can expect to maintain the new habit 80% of the time. Notice we never expect 100% perfection.

In the past, I’ve put my foot down. That’s it… I’m not eating any sugar! Or, I’m walking 10 km a day! It lasts for a couple days and then the excuses start. I hear a podcast that says sugar isn’t so bad. Or I feel my knee isn’t happy with all these extra steps. And I fall away from that declaration.

We’ve all done it. Now you know it’s that habit brain trying to pull you back into familiarity. Your higher dreams and goals do not have a home in your habit brain.

So to recap…

Aim to stay in the Fluidity Zone when you want to make change. Don’t expect perfection. Give yourself lots of time to make little steps rather than one grand gesture.

And here’s another important piece… remember that habit brain? Loves pleasure? Work with that. What can you do to celebrate those tiny wins? Just like kids love things like stickers, getting an extra bedtime story or family game night, the little kid inside of us treasures those too. I use stickers (don’t judge), congratulations banners in the kitchen or permission to settle in with a good old fashioned magazine without guilt. You’ll have your own unique rewards that fit with your habit brain.

Don’t forget. All this information and more steps to a midlife reset are in my free masterclass.

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