If your child understands the home language but rarely speaks it, you're not alone—and you're definitely not failing. In this episode, we move beyond the common advice of “just add more exposure” and explore what really drives language use in bilingual kids: motivation and connection.

We dive into the emotional and psychological layers that shape your child’s willingness to speak, backed by research from Döpke and others. From the importance of emotionally attuned interactions to practical ways to create low-pressure, meaningful moments for language use, this episode is a must-listen for parents raising bilingual children. Because sometimes, it’s not about more input—it’s about deeper connection.

What the Research Tells Us (feat. Döpke and more)

Research by Döpke (1986) found that children are more likely to actively use their home language when parents follow a more child-centered form of interaction. This aligns with what we know from Piaget’s model: in the early years (pre-operational stage), children are naturally egocentric - they see the world from their own perspective and have a hard time understanding things from someone else’s point of view. So it’s no surprise that they respond best when communication revolves around their interests, ideas and experiences, rather than adult priorities.

And newer studies back it up:

It happens very often that a child might prefer one home language over the other, but as a matter of fact - a child’s environment shapes language use. If one language is used more often, in more emotionally engaging contexts, that’s the one they’ll likely prefer.

Just hearing a language isn’t enough. Kids need a reason to speak it. Otherwise, they stay passive - understanding but not using.