Smack-talking with a hot babe gamer.

Based on a post  by a u guy86, in 3 parts. Listen to the ► Podcast at My First Time.

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“Dude, you won’t believe what happened today,” Michael called out as he arrived back at his apartment.

“What’s up?” Antonio asked from the sofa.

“You know the girl from the basketball games?”

“That hot little trainer? Yeah?”

“She’s a member of the A U Pokémon League!”

“Are you serious?! Wha… what happened? Did you talk to her?” he asked.

“Yeah, we played a couple of games. She’s good; maybe the best I’ve ever played against,” Michael replied.

“That’s all? You just… played video games?” Antonio wondered, cocking his eyebrow.

“I, uh, might have also gotten her to agree to come to the Valentine’s Day dance with me,” Michael admitted.

“That’s what I’m talking’ about!” Antonio cheered, fist-bumping Michael. “You got a big day tomorrow. You ready for this?”

“To be honest… no, I’m not.”

“Whatchya mean?”

“Dude,
I’ve never been on a real date before, let alone had an actual
girlfriend!” Michael replied. “I don’t know the first thing about
women!”

Grinning, Antonio said, “Don’t you worry; I got your back.”

“Yeah, says my gay roommate,” Michael teased.

“Not
cool, dude. Here I am, trying to help you out, and you gotta go and
question my sexuality!” Antonio fired back with a laugh. “But in all
seriousness, if you doubt which way I swing… you could always ask
Allison Smallwood.”

“You and Allison Smallwood?”

“You bet your ass! We’ll be at the dance tomorrow.”

“Lucky bastard…” Michael grumbled.

“Hey, I’ve seen that trainer you’ve been pining over. You ain’t got nothing’ to be jealous of! Her name’s Ashley, right?”

“Yeah, but how’d you know?”

“Allison told me,” Antonio said. “I was trying’ to gather information in case you needed a stronger shove to chat her up.”

“I take it back. You’re not a lucky bastard, you’re a sneaky bastard!”

“Damn
straight! Now, let’s get you ready for your big date. Take a seat, my
man.” As Michael plopped down in the chair across from him, Antonio
continued, “Now, the first rule to remember is that she’s in charge.
Anything she says ‘no’ to or isn’t comfortable with, that’s what goes.
Understand?”

“Easy enough.”

“Good.
But remember, even though she’s in charge, she’ll still want you to
take the lead sometimes. The most attractive thing to most women is
confidence. Not cockiness, but confidence.”

“Knew there was a catch,” Michael sighed.

“Don’t
do that, man. That’s exactly what I’m talking’ about. The minute you
get down on yourself just ‘cause you think you’re not good enough,
that’s when the girl will pick up on it. As cliché as it sounds, you
have to just be you. You don’t want to go too over the top with your
personality, or she’ll think you’re compensating for something, but you
don’t wanna stifle your personality either, or she won’t get to know the
real you. Worst case, she’ll think you don’t like her. But if you just
act like you and be confident in that, everything else will fall into
place. Trust me.”

“I’m assuming I need to open doors and everything like that?”

“Definitely
start out that way, yeah,” Antonio answered. “Now, it’s entirely
possible she may not like that, particularly if she’s strong and
independent. If she reacts negatively, don’t panic. Just explain that
you were taught to do those things as a sign of respect and good
manners. That ought to be enough, but if she’s still not keen on it,
don’t force the issue.”

“Ok, but… what if she wants me to hold her hand or… kiss her? How am I supposed to know and not fuck it up?”

“As
far as holding her hand, it’s a dance. That means you two will be in
close proximity all night; handholding is gonna happen on its own, so
don’t stress over it. Now, as for kissing, you have to read the signs.”

“The signs?” Michael asked.

“Damn, ain’t you ever seen Hitch? Will Smith wrote the book on reading signs!”

“Dude, you know I can’t stand romantic comedies!” Michael laughed.

“With
your luck, Ashley will feel the same way,” Antonio chuckled. “Anyway,
the signs. If she’s smiling and maybe laughing at everything you two do
together, that’s a sign she’s into you. If she finds any excuse in the
world to touch you or take your arm, that’s a sign she’s into you. If
you two find yourselves alone and she’s in no hurry to go back to where
there’s more people, that’s a sign she’s into you. If you’re at her door
and she fumbling with her keys, in no hurry to let the date end, that’s
a sign she’s into you. And finally, if there’s a long silence where she
maintains eye contact with you the whole time, that’s a full on signal
she probably wants you to kiss her.”

“Probably?”

“Yeah,
probably. There’s never any guarantee, especially when it comes to the
fairer sex. The first kiss is always built on taking a chance. Keep in
mind, the chance may not come tomorrow night, and that’s ok. That
doesn’t mean she’s not into you, it may just mean she plays things close
to the vest.”

“Fair enough. But what do I do if I get the signal? Just kiss her?”

“Naw, dude. You gotta use the 90/10 rule.”

“90/10 rule?”

Antonio sighed. “Man, this would be so much easier if you had seen Hitch.
The 90/10 rule is simple: you have to go 90% of the way towards your
first kiss with her, but make her come the last 10%. For example,
imagine that long silence where she maintains eye contact the whole
time. You maintain eye contact, too. That’s 20%. You smile, maybe laugh.
That’s 20%. You put your hand on her arm. That’s 20%. You start to lean
in closer. That’s 20%. Your faces are almost touching, and you stop.
That’s 10%. She’s got to come the last 10%. The point of all that is to
make your intentions clear while still giving her plenty of opportunity
to pull back if she wants, and if she does, that’s ok.”

“Easy for you to say…”

“Again,
stop that. Some gals play things conservatively to start with on
account of being burned in the past. Nothing’ wrong with that, you just
have to show that you’re trustworthy before she starts to open up. It
certainly doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you if that were to
happen.”

“Guess that’s true.”

“Now, for the final piece of the puzzle. Whatchya gonna wear tomorrow?”

Michael’s face twisted in panic. “I have no fucking clue!” he realized.

“No sweat! You’re looking at a master of the threads,” Antonio boasted. “You got a suit?”

“Just a black one I use for interviews and presentations.”

“Lemme see.”

Dressed to kill.

Michael
led the way into his closet and pulled out his black suit and white
dress shirt. Antonio looked them over for a moment before tossing them
on the bed.

“This’ll work. Got a tie?” he asked Michael.

“Yeah,” Michael replied, pulling out a striped red and white tie.

Antonio snorted a bit. “Good enough for a job interview, but not even close for a Valentine’s Day date.”

“Ok, what about a black tie?”

“A
black tie with a black suit?! You gonna look like a damn Mormon, man!
Put the suit on; I’ll be right back.” Antonio returned a couple minutes
later with a few of his own neckties in hand. “The black suit and white
shirt is a staple of any man’s wardrobe because of its incredible
versatility. The tie is the most crucial aspect of this versatility.
It’s the accent that allows the suit to send any message you want it
to.”

“You are so obsessed,” Michael chuckled.

“I’ll choose
to ignore your continued condescension,” Antonio shot back. Holding up a
pale orange tie to Michael’s neck, he shook his head, saying, “Nah,
you’re definitely not a pastels kind of guy. Whatchya think of this
one?”

Examining the wine colored tie with a starburst pattern, Michael replied, “Too loud for my tastes.”

“No problem. Let’s see… ah ha! This is it!” Antonio held up a solid royal blue tie to Michael’s neck.

“Hmm… not bad,” Michael admitted.

“Not
bad? Dude, this one is perfect for you! Goes great with your skin tone
and the suit color, plus it sends the right message: confidence. It’s a
strong color, but the lack of pattern makes sure it’s not too loud or
trendy. It’s classic, just like you, my man. Here, put it on.”

As Michael fumbled a bit in front of his floor mirror, he asked, “What knot do you think I should use? Half Windsor?”

“Nah,
a full Windsor is almost always best,” Antonio replied. “Symmetrical
and confident, but not too over the top. A half Windsor can come off as