“I cried throughout the entire thing. It made me want to be a better man.” 

We’re at the end of an era, folks. The Nicolas Cage season of Because You Watched Starcrash draws to a close with our obligatory holiday movie and a spectacular piece of metafiction. Your Distinguished Professors and salute the man of the hour. Topics discussed include our latest accompanying whiskey, yet another manifestation of the Magical Negro, movies that get dads to cry, Cash’s alignment is called into question, nostalgia for pre-9/11 airport security, the apparent intense bone-ability of Jack, the lack of clear thinking at the airport, Téa Leoni’s shower scene, the relative lack of crazy-Cage in FM, comparison with The Good Place (with light spoilers), Jack’s life is actually pretty good prior to the glimpse, speculation about the dimensional or time-travel issues involved with the glimpse, Cage’s bad Boston accent, Nicky’s outfit and hairstyle as a callback to Cage’s infamous 1990 talk show appearance, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, some obligatory ribbing of M. Night Shyamalan, a nihilistic callback to Pig, speculation about drinking a beer underwater, parallel with Ex Machina, amazing Cage/ Pascal chemistry, Cage making out with Nicky, our three favorite movies, always trusting our shamanic instincts as thespians, the cruel end of the glimpse, the absurdity of being “trapped” in marriage to a Hollywood actress, parallels between FM and a Hallmark movie, a bleak interpretation of the end of FM, a quick PKD reference, being haunted by a lost alternate past, not one but TWO Nick Cage Queries, and our future date with Paddington 2.